| | Posted by Thenotsobeautfulone at May 14, 2012 |
I'm reading all these other posts and all of a sudden feel selfish. I hate my life, but I haven't been abuse, my parents are great and I live in a happy environment, but I'm not happy. I'm a15 year old girl, I feel as if I should be happy and carefree, but I'm not. It all started in grade seven when girls started bullying me. They called me worthless and made me feel terrible and completely alone. The worst thing was, these girls bullying me were my "friends". I did what they tell you to do in elementary school, I told my mom and everything got dealt with, but the wounds were too deep, and it still hurts today. After that, my family went bankrupt and we lost pretty much everything. We
Ost our car and my dad lost s job, we almost lost our house too. The next year I worked really hard to make new friends and we eventually overcome the money problems. But this year, it seems things are going down hill again. I play basketball and suck.at least I feel like I do. I played on the high school team this year and my coach was constintly putting me down and making me feel bad. I also didn't make the summer team I tried out for and the camp I tried out for. I see other people around me succeeding and I want to and try so hard, but can't. Another thing is my sister was recently diagnosed with depression. It's really hard. I hate seeing her suffer. Because of her problems, I feel like I can't tell anyone about mine because I don't want to be a bother. I hate it. I started cutting myself too. I'm scared I'll do something more sometime. Like kill myself. I just want to disappear. I'm embarrassed by the lack of amazing things I've done with myself. Why am I so unhappy? I'm so young, I should be happy, why aren't I happy? |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 14, 2012 |
Why am i always crying on my bed? When i come home upset, with awful thoughts in my head, we just leave wiv a goodbye, theres no love, no warmth inside, just pure hatred. u look at me with disgust as u turn ur back an walk away slowly, my eyes fill up with tears as I feel so lonley, I gasp to say a single word, it hurts to even speak, Whats left of me tries to stay strong but I fail because my heart is so weak, I dont know where i belong, the only place I know, is in your arms. I just want to be loved, accepted, cared for, appreciated, put me first above everything an everyone, be the most beautiful girl u ever seen, be proud of me. But u don’t see me like that at all, u see me as one big failure, sorry im not perfect. |
| | Posted by aNon 23/f at May 13, 2012 |
I could write out everything that's wrong but I've already done that so many times. I'm tired now. It doesn't matter anymore. I have chronic, debilitating health issues on top of being mentally pathetic and emotionally weak. Apparently I have sh*tty character too or else I wouldn't be such a self absorbed train wreck. I'm 23 years old and I live alone on social security because I'm so terrified, disgusted, and confused by the entire world and myself. I rarely leave the house unless I'm going to steal food from the grocery store in attempt to cure my aliments which never works. Everyone I've ever met thinks I'm insane because of a few episodes of expressing my frustrations in less than eloquent ways ...What's worse is I could care less about their judgment because I'm so unimpressed by their perceptions anyways. The reason it's a problem is because I'm all alone. My best friends are animals and I've gained 30 pounds in the past year from becoming sober to hate myself more. People keep dying that enjoy their lives. People that were surrounded by loved ones...I don't understand why their party gets cut short when my misery continues to be stretched out. |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 13, 2012 |
I had a hard life growing up, constant verbal and physical abuse growing up at the hands of my siblings. over summer when we went to stay with our dad he was a dysfunctional predatory person who is pretty much batshit crazy, he devoted much of his energy to terrorizing us. I'm a complete social failure.. I am afraid to go outside, afraid to be around the general public, in my mind im just a piece of shit to them, whenever i walk close to people talking i huff and puff and breath really loudly just in case they are talking shit about me i hope by doing this i can muffle the sound, I have lost grip with reality at times in my life, and now the shame and humiliation is to much for me to cope with. between the abuse and lonliness i am emotionally devastated and its been that way since my early childhood memories. Its shocking to me how quickly time is passing me by virtually unchanged, im 21 now and i just sit alone at home year after year with no hope of a better life. I have mental problems that wont go away. |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 13, 2012 |
I am 27 years old female who is tired of adjusting, crying, tolerating and above all living! Had a terrible childhood as my Parents relation didn't work well. Saw my dad beating my mom hundreds of time. Still those memories get me unstoppable tears. Regret that why didn't I do anything ???? Now they have taken divorce and are better off. Still things are very chaotic :( Lost love of my life because my dad did second marriage and my lovers family wasn't fine with it. My husband ditched me ....... don't feel like living,nothing makes me happy despite my 8 months old son !!!! have to live for him !!!! Thanks god for giving me him
Its tough getting over things which happened with me....completely shattered,hapless and hopeless......
but will keep trying to bounce back! |
| | Posted by Barbara at May 13, 2012 |
I can't believe that there are so many people out there who feel like I do. I have never googled anything about hating life before and when I did I found all of this, which in some strange way has been of comfort. I really do hate myself and feel a total waste of space on this earth. I have eyed off the rafter in my shed and the rope and in some weird way feel comforted that it's there when things get too much. Today it feels too much but I am so tired that I can't be bothered going outside. I don't know whether that is a cop out or not, but that's how it is. I only ever try to help people or do someone a good turn yet I seem to get abused all of the time. My pot is empty and I have nothing to give anymore, so no point being here really. I have a couple of pets and they are both 15 years old, so as soon as they have gone, I am out of here. I am have held a management job and worked in Govt for nearly 40 years, was sexually assaulted by my boss over a long period of time, felt dirty and worthless. I have no family and my mother died 2 years ago, so hung around for her. I spent my whole life caring for my parents, being criticised by my siblins who have all cut me out of their lives due to me protecting assests after our father died. I had to do that as Executor and I had the responsibility to realise my mother's assests. Not according to them. I no longer work due to having a heart attack about 4 years ago, which was due to my high pressure job and no support to do a 4FTE position, then I became depressed and had a breakdown I guess. I couldn't work again, so here I sit in total misery, not knowing where to from here. I spend my life in bed hoping that I don't wake up. |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 13, 2012 |
Two years ago I lost my fiance to some two-bit whore he met at a restaurant. We were living together at the time, and he decided to break up with me slowly, first starting with the "we should take a break" speech, then the "we should start seeing other people" speech, and finally "I'm breaking up with you." He was cheating on me with two of my friends most of the time we were together; I don't count it because he had asked and received my permission to screw around with both of them, though one he asked be about after the fact and I didn't find out until later. He justified breaking up with me as "I don't want to use you and walk all over you, and I don't see myself improving any time soon." This story has changed each and every time it's mentioned, by the way. Stupidly, I'm still in love with him, and he is a great guy. He's improved a great deal since I met him--since he broke up with me, even! We're best friends now, and while that relationship is wonderful in and of itself, I want so much more out of it that I know I'm never going to get. So that's the suck.
Anyway, I was living on my own in the one-bedroom apartment we used to share working a shitty job as a customer service agent for a major telephone company. Every day was hell. I was screamed at by people because policies that I have no control over changed, I was called a fucking idiot for doing my job, a worthless cunt for reporting fraud (the guy doing the fraud called me a cunt, not the person I report... |
| | Posted by boredandlonely at May 12, 2012 |
Im overweight, I have no self esteem, I have raised two teenage boys by myself with no child support, I work my ass off to make ends meet. I have no life. I have 3 cats who are the only things that are every happy to see me. I have no friends or family that are worth a damn. No adult conversation unless at work with my clients discussing technical issues.So lonely. Tired of being told how beautiful I am BUT I would be stunning if I only would lose some weight. Nobody would even care or notice for days on end if I never made it home and drove my car off a cliff. Can't stand watching "happy" movies, hate seeing people in love. So sad and empty inside. There has to be more to life than this. I do community service for an animal rescue to refrain from laying on the couch on my little time off. I'm a friggin old cat lady at 39 years old. Scared of relationships been burned to many times. Molested as a child by several of my mom's friends/boyfriends. What the hell. It's Saturday night I'm laying in my bed watching COPS with 3 cats and have to wake up at 3am to work 13 hours on Mother's Day...nothing ever to look forward to.There has to be more to life then this... |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 12, 2012 |
I have paranoid personality disorder. Wherever I go, people seem to look at me with contempt and arrogance. I just can't stand when they're laughin, feels like it's about me and I just can't do anything about it. I can't react cause this will make em laughe even more. People always manage to have the last word, and that pisses me off. They dare talk to me sometimes and I think it's rude. They treat me the exact way they don't to be treated. Sounds like they figure out my weakness just by looking at me and they use it against me. Maybe it's my imagination, but I just can't help thinkg it's the truth. All my conversations go about my insecurity, I just can't think of anything else to say. I'm constanly needing to be reassured, and I'm afraid to show who I am, fearing that it can be used against me. I don't know what to do. I need help. How can I look stronger, or how can I get rid of this thinking ? My life's become a living nightmare. I'm all the time running scenarios of persecution in my head, everyone can harm, everyone can hurt, and I know nobody cares. People have the right to do whatever they want, but I don't, cause they decided so. SHIIIIIT ! |
| | Posted by I´m done at May 12, 2012 |
It´s simple: I´m too good and golden hearted to fit this world. I´m done with men playing with my feelings when all I do is just open my heart to them and treat them right. Done with hypocrits and with all the superficial things people always appreciate. I´m done with it and even though I even tried to be more religious I realized things wotn change just because I am, so fuck life!!! |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 11, 2012 |
So to start things off, I'm feeling really bad right now. I never really had a "great" childhood, although my mother did everything she could for me and my brother. My dad who had weekend custody would often leave us waiting to be picked up. I'm not sure how this has subconsciously effected me as i was young. As I grew up through middle school I was a loner, outcast, weirdo, etc. I never really had many friends. I did what I could to get by though and stayed with the neighborhood kids who all hung out together.
In high school I was still a loner, I pretty much was known as my brothers little brother. So everyone knew me from him. I knew nobody really cared about me or wanted to talk to me I was just sortve there. But in high school I got into drugs and feel out of touch with most of my friends as I had to repeat my junior year, to this year I rarely talk to my "friends" from high school.
Lately, I feel like such a loser, like nobody wants anything to do with me. I'm not good enough for anyone. I never kissed a girl before in my 22 years of life. And about 2 years ago I finally found a girl that gave me the attention I finally felt truly happy. I loved her but she turned out to be a phony and walked away due to the distance, found a new boyfriend and wants basically nothing to do with me. I was honestly happy all through my younger years without knowing love and what not. Now I just feel so lonely, no real friends, all i do is drink, the girl i love wan... |
| | Posted by Lexie at May 11, 2012 |
So I'm not quite sure what's wrong with me but maybe someone can help me out. It would appear that I am incapable of feeling happiness. I recently got in a car accident and messed up my shoulder and thought I was going to need surgery. I just found out I wont need surgery and my shoulder is healing just fine which is great news. I'm 20 years old, taking six classes in college and working 40 hours a week plus doing physical therapy for my car accident injuries, and I still managed to get my grades on the Dean's List at my college. I recently went on a couple of dates, and I had fun but I don't see them going anywhere, which is ok because I don't have time for a gf anyway. All of this is good news or fun stuff but I am so indifferent to all of it.
When I found out I was on the Dean's List, I told my grandmother (whom I live with) and she was so proud and happy. And I was just so...not...I didn't care at all. And that's how everything in my life has become. If bad things happen I'm like, "Well I knew this would happen." And when good things happen, I don't feel anything. And I know that's wrong, so if anyone has any suggestions besides therapy (which I cant afford) I would greatly appreciate it. |
| | Posted by j at May 11, 2012 |
My name is John and this is my story
I am 27 years old never had a girlfriend never had a good job never had much money. I never really had much of a life i would say that i have been depressed since i was around 15 years old. Had friends at different points in my life but no longer have any friends anymore. I have numerous health problems and issues with anxiety. i have had what i would call extreme anxiety for as long as i can remember. I would never speak much in school thus people must have assumed that i didnt like them when it was actually because of my extreme anxiety that I didn't talk much. I got made fun of alot in life and as a result i started thinking lesser of myself as a human being I went through a disease at 15 years old that horribly scarred my face and thus took away any looks that i might have had in this life. I would have liked to have had a family or wife some day but i know that i have already lost that part and i have no hope ever achieving that so decided not to care anymore about that. I am very lonely and sad indivdual and i know that i will remain this way until i die.
Never been laid and got addicted to pornography at an early age. I don't wish my life on any person who has ever existed or will ever exist after i am gone. I've been suicidal at many times in life but i realised that i was too much of a coward to do it. I live with my parents one of which is my mom who is bipolar she is a very difficult person but i still lov... |
| | Posted by thatoneguy at May 10, 2012 |
I have done nothing all of my life but try. I try to do better, tried to please people, tried to please myself, and tried to excel. Over the years, the bitch we call life has informed me that life, in fact, will never get better and I will always be the fat, lonely kid at school. I am constantly trying to get people to like me, but who would like a maniacal depressed person? Everyone has it easy in their lives, but I'm the one who always has to carry his shit on his shoulders and work my ass off to try to measure up to people's expectations. Does it all pay off? Do I get my satisfaction? Pssh... Anything anybody told you about being something better or something different and stand out to everyone is a pack of shit. Nothing will ever get better. You will always be miserable. The human race should just do itself a favor and die off. Apathetic bloody planet... |
| | Posted by RCY at May 10, 2012 |
I hate my fucking life, been married for 5 years, 2nd time with the same woman, we were married in 1999 divorced 2001 then remarried 2007.. I have anger issues which she does seem to understand that her kids SUCK.. They don't give a fuck about me, her or the house.. They treat my and the wife like fucking slaves. So last week I lost it just lost it and then we seem to put eventhing back together I apologized again for my outburst but it doesn't matter. I told her how i felt like an outsider - nothing.. Now the 2 little fucks are graduating college and we're having a party for them and I don't want to be here.. This weekend I am meeting with some friends to watch hockey, drink beer and eat burgers just before the party on Saturday night.. I plan on riding my HOG to meet the boys, can't promise I will come back at all. If the opportunity presents itself I am going to look for a way out of this measible rotton life. Yeh I know ge thelp, so fucking what. Even if I get help I am on double secret probation and cant even get the least bit ticked off or it's fucking divorce.. I am so fucking tired of all this stress and not feeling like I matter to this woman.. No matter what I do how well I overcome this obstacle I still end up a looser.. WORD to all of you DON'T FUCKING GET MARRIED.. It's not worth.. I am sure this bitch of mine has already talked to a lawyer. So if I self terminate like I plan she get's nothing - slit the wrist, take some pills, blow my head off - she gets 0.. Perhaps that's the way out. |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 10, 2012 |
why is it everything i do is wrong it just seems like every 1 hates and is having ago at me. i am 22 male i dont speek 2 any 1 in my family and i only have a few ppl who i can call friends. i have tryed 2 kill my self several times but i carnt even do that rite |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 9, 2012 |
Hi, I'm 29, work as a construction worker, my job required me to work 6 days a week, 9 hours a day. I had a beautiful girlfriend, who left me 3 months ago, left me for my brother. 8 months ago was all good, until I let my brother moved in with me and my girl. It all start with both of them having strong conversations while I'm out the room and when I returns they both goes in silent mode. One night we was watching a movie together, the 3 of us, I got tired close to the middle of the movie so I went to bed and left them up. Half way into sleep, I hear moans, laughter and other weird noises in the living room, and it didn't sounded like it was coming from the T.V, it sound very real, like my girlfriends voice. I walked in there, and they both jumped as if I almost caught them doing something, so I asked what's going on my brother say....nothing, you scared the shit out of us man, you know were watching this horror movies. So after that, my girlfriend finally came to bed. The next day I got ready for work, I find them both again in each others faces, didn't think nothing but told them both that I'm off to work and see them later. Lunch break, my nightmare begins. I came home on lunch break, which something I normally don't do. Had my house keys, unlock door and headed straight to my room, only to find my brother and girlfriend both sleep, nakedness, and on top of covers. I woke the both of them up, my brother and I both fighting, I went to closet for my gun and put it to his head and told him to get the fuck out my house. I told my girlfriend that I will kill her and then take myself out, she left as well. I did attempt suicide but couldnt do it. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to actually pulled that trigger. |
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| Posted by anonymous at May 9, 2012 |
people are only friends with me when they want something from me, or because they find my other friends attractive. people don't seem to want me for me, and i dont want to be anything else. my mom is really worried about me and its upsetting me thats she's worried, after she saw the cuts on my arm. i talked with a close family member in confidence, to find they went and talk about me behind my back. i have the lowest self esteem ever, and its got the point were i cant go to my local indoor shopping centre because there are too many mirrors and my own image upsets me. im not fat, but i just dont feel as pretty as everyone else. i shouldn't compare and i shouldn't care ... but i do, i just cant help it. i also feel like that person that is going to be " forever alone" haha that sounds so pathetic saying it. i just cant see my life going anywhere that i want it too. i want to do something "big" or relevant to me in life but im not sure i can or i will. i suppose i have a habit of over thinking things and that doesn't help, when i do something embarrassing or something i regret i tend to think over it more than i probably should and that leads to a build up of stress. also my inability to fit into a box, as much as people say its a quality i feel like the only one who doesn't quite belong, if you know what i mean, you probably dont, haha, but not everything in life is bad and i think that instead of focusing on all the bad things in life ( like the fact i have no friends that... |
| | Posted by givemehope at May 9, 2012 |
ever since I was 13 I dated men online and one in particular was simply the love of my life.. he turned out to be a liar, stood me up many occasions and I was never able to meet him, and yet it didn't bother me even after dating for 3 years. why you ask? because my parents marriage was nothing better. I mimmicked their marriage into my life without ever realizing it. I stopped talking to him for 3 years during college..
but after my father died in a 4 wheeler accident with just me there giving him useless CPR.. and then later an ambulance, I began to reach out to my internet liar. he has never been good for me.. and I have had counseling but not very long. even while I talked to this man, I was dating other men but nothing ever serious.. I have never had a serious relationship and Im 23. how pathetic is that?! everyone I know has had at least one. I used to be obese all throughout school up to my sophomore year in college.. but after I moved back home 2 years ago I gained it all back and now my confidence is at an all time low once again. now after a year I have been trying to get a job but it requires me to pass one or two exams. I have failed twice... and now my loans are after me with a minimum payment of $800 a month.
how do I live? why do I want to live? no one will hire me, Im fat AGAIN, I have no significant other.. my father is gone, my mom works in an entire different city 5 hours away so I live by myself barely supporting myself. now my mothe... |
| | Posted by NGAF at May 8, 2012 |
I'm single, the place I live is a complete shit hole. The people I've been close with died or moved on. everybody seems the same to me. I have no job,no car and no money. I have a low self esteem. I don't like anything about myself. I have no life. I can't go anywhere. I seriously can't lol. I dream too much and i think about death alot. |
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