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It wasn't really me, it was them

Posted by anonymous at April 14, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Loneliness

Even as a small child I was unconfident, my mum told me I never made any effort to play with other kids, I just played by myself. I used to make people up, a lot of kids do, but it took me a long time to grow out of it and I was bullied terribly for it, I was also living in poverty, so all of my clothes were old and I was really small and skinny, which made the bullying much worse, and i never had friends to stick up for me.
For a long time I just took it. I didn't fight back, I didn't show that I was bothered, I didn't hurt anyone, but eventually I just got fed up with it. I just changed, I started doing strange things, bashing my head really hard on surfaces, screaming at people randomly in the corridors, breaking down for no reason in class, people thought I was attention seeking - I was crying for help.
I tried to talk to someone, anyone, but because I was always so quiet about all that had been going on no-one believed me; my parents didn't, the teachers didn't, everyone was treating me like I was the problem, like I was wrong to be me. Eventually I believed them and I did terrible things to myself, physically and mentally, because I felt like I should be punished for existing, I realise that it wasn't that I was wrong, it's just that no-one understood me. I've never spoken to anyone of it, not even my mum, I can't talk to anyone, I can't let anyone close.
I know I will be alone forever, I've accepted that, I've never been in love or had a best friend. Listening to music makes me feel a little better and not quite so singled out, but I'm always, always alone.


New Comment

By anonymous at 15,Apr,12 02:49

We're all alone.Not lonely but alone.Try enjoy being alone,doing the things you like to do.By being alone you get to yourself better and know who really are.eventually that confidence attracts others to you.
By anonymous at 15,Apr,12 21:07

hey how old are you?

By anonymous at 15,Apr,12 05:05

Hi I came on this site as I was thinking how much life sucks. And reading your comments reminded me that their is always someone more unhappy. I understand about getting bullied. I think back to my self when we were kids taking the Micky of less fourtunate people. I to just wanted to fit in but I didn't like it. I remember everything in life that I have said wrong to people, people that didn't do anything but I feel that it's As you grow up you can hopefully change and help someone else. Unfortunately we live in an un happy time with lots of pressure. All I can say to you is think of the good things that you can do. You might say what but just by commenting on this site has made me understand what I need to do . It isn't always about us look around at all the others everyone has problems. As for friends or partners you haven't looked in the right places I feel this will come when u didn't expect it. Helping others if from your own experiences good luck and think of the good things you can do. Take care

By anonymous at 15,Apr,12 06:32

life sucks, its true..

whether you're rich or poor

whether you're beautiful or ugly

I know you won't believe this, but its true, because every situation is followed by a particular set of problems that won't easily go away.

What you can do? u can just make the best of it. it's the only option.

If you feel despair, I suggest you study Vipassana Buddhism. it's not a religion, just study the wisdom behind it, you will feel a lot better.

By anonymous at 15,Apr,12 06:35

Bud, I sympathize with you. I know what it's like
to be alone. You just have to keep trying to make
the best of things. Focus on hobby's that you like,
such as music, etc.. So, keep your head up, and
remember that there is alot of other people who
are also alone in the world.

By anonymous at 15,Apr,12 20:22

Hmmm...seems you are pushing people away rather than trying to make friends. You got quite a wall up there. Head banging, screaming at strangers randomly...what I wonder is why? Why do things to purposely push people away when you are already so lonely? There are so many lonely people out here just google it, like I did.

By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 18:34

You are not alone. God loves you. Stop pushing people away.

By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 15:41

You can encounter Christ in a very powerful way, in the midst of feelings of isolation or loneliness. Looking at the crowds of people around you doesn't help, when you feel that no one truly cares for you.

The Psalmist cried out, "No man cares for my soul." [Psalm 142:4]. He was experiencing the loneliness of isolation from other people, and the feeling that those around him were pursuing their own interests rather than showing genuine concern for his soul.

People are often pursuing their own interests and desires, but the lesson we must learn is that people are not our source. In the midst of your isolation, you can turn to Christ and discover that His love truly does satisfy. Jesus understands loneliness and rejection. He experienced isolation from people. Because he understands, he is able to bring acceptance and love.

Christ brings you love, acceptance, and intimate communion with the God of love. With Christ, you are not alone. He conquers your loneliness by coming to dwell within you. Loneliness is removed by the presence of the indwelling Christ.

There is precious communion with Christ, when a lonely person discovers that the love of Christ is real and satisfying. There is an old saying, "Blessed are the homesick, for they shall come home." Loneliness and isolation are signs of homesickness, which can only be healed by coming home to Christ.

Christ makes us whole. His love makes us whole, and out of the overflow of Christ's love within us we can then show love and compassion for those around us. Out of the overflow of His love and acceptance for you, which heals your loneliness, you can show love and caring towards those around you.

He knocks at the door of your heart; the presence of Christ is real. But He must be invited into your heart, into the center of your being.

Receive Him; receive His cleansing and forgiveness and love. Allow Him to have the control of your life in a genuine surrender, and His loving presence will fill you, removing loneliness and unrest. May the peace of Christ fill you now!

A Prayer of Surrender:

Dear Lord Jesus, please fill me with your love, and wash away all my sins. I surrender my heart and life to you. I ask you to receive me and make me whole.

Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, to cleanse me and forgive me. Thank you for dying on the cross for me, to make me a child of God. I turn away from all my sins, with all my heart.

I receive you, Lord Jesus, as the Lord and Savior of my life. I ask you to rule in my heart and life from now on. I ask you to fill me with your loving presence, and guard me with your divine protection.

I ask you to strengthen me and help me, to live for you from now on. I ask you to fill me with love so that I can love other people with a pure love. Fill me with love so that I can love you with all of my heart.


By at 19,Apr,12 05:31

can v be frns

By Grillo at 10,Dec,15 17:26

Hugo: ps. Bummer. Your question is case seiintsvee2€a6 finicky! (Done2€™t you want to add lower case as well as a valid answer?) I assume you were talking to me, but I'm not quite sure what you were referring to. Can you give me a pointer?Also, you make an interesting point about space-time as a concept only emerging with relativity. In that case, one wonders whether anyone had thoughts about going back in time before that- I would assume so, though. Note that there are a few references in the bible to God's supremacy over time: the sun standing still when the Israelites attack Jericho (I think). And some miracle about making a shadow on a staircase go backwards. In any case, I think you're probably right that people didn't see God as transcending beyond time, although he was not necessarily bound by it. So the question is how acceptably my God outside space-time concept is to the church.Serdyn: I can see the 7 days thing in Genesis as simply being a way of trying to fit something beyond human comprehension into their natural causal framework, though (so that our heads won't explode ;)As for Serdyn's point about people not asking themselves: What would a disciple of God do : I think it's important to remember that generally many peoples proclaimed beliefs and actions don't match up. This is usually due to either (a) people not realizing/thinking that what they're doing runs counter to their beliefs, or (b) people being afraid of punishment/peer pressure/shame. In case (b) this usually points to their proclaimed beliefs not being firmly held.Agnosticism as a consistent framework: depends on what you mean by agnosticism. There are a number of types, depending on how strict one wants to be. (Note that agnosticism is, as far as I know, a general philosophical position, although it's commonly used to refer to the application of that position to religious questions.I'm working on it at the moment, but I've only really just gotten started. By it's nature, I add and change it regularly. If you want to see or comment on it, it's at .Speaking of my wiki, Hugo, we can always put your ideas on the wiki, instead of in these comments, and you can then edit and polish them there as you go along, rather than committing to writing a full blog article. Laterr you can post it to your blog. And we can of course give input as you construct it ;)Oh, Hugo suggested book, mentioned in Josh McDowell's book: CS Lewis Miracles. His perspective seems interesting from the quotes I've seen. Haven't read it myself yet.Back to Serdyn's last post: there there IS an indication that god is constrainted by time : or that God decided to use the first 7 days by choice. After all, creating man on day 475668882, before the animals, fish and trees, might just not have been so cool. Or Good. Atheist is someone who is anti theism : is that really your take on it? You've described yourself as an atheist, but I don't find you anti theism. You may not believe in it, but you acknowledge it may have some value. Even Richard Dawkins is not entirely anti theism (is he?). He's more anti-fundamentalism. My take on atheism is that an atheist is someone who does not believe in any god, for most generally accepted concepts of god, from the omnipotent type, through to the all-is-one-and-I-am-divine-too pantheism type.OK, that's my 2 cents for today

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