| | Posted by anonymous at December 31, 2011 |
Well my story is diffrent from alot. I lived in Florida got my degree and moved to Mississippi to start a TV carrer. I loved TV was so happy, making and saving money. A couple of years ago I got offered my TV dream job in Colorado, I quit my job in MS and flew to CO, when I got to my new employer I was only to pass a drug test to start work, I was clean then. When I arrived I found the young guy at the TV station who told me I had a job informed me he gave the job to a young hot girl with big boobs. I flew back to MS to try to get my old job back, but I was too late. Its been 3.5 years since then. I look for work all day and all night, but the little town in MS I'm in is dying. No new jobs just places closing its doors. The money I saved for retirement is almost gone. With no insurance I lost my ability to go to the doctor for my scoliosis so I had to get medication from other than legal ways. The meds I used to take where non addictive, but you can't find those on the street, so pain killers it was. Then I got so board my house became a prison to me, so I started taking them to pass the time. Now Im hopelessly addicted. I even went to school and became an EMT because the hospital here had 16 job openings, when I became and EMT they had none. I still look for work, but know spend about 18 hours a day in bed. Sometimes I think life just is not worth living. All I have is my cat he has been my savior. He is 13 and I know he won't be around much longer. I don't know what I will do when he is gone. Well thats my story not as bad as some but its my personal hell. I'm stuck in a dying town with no work and one friend who is also a hopeless addict. |
| | Posted by Omega9 at December 18, 2011 |
I'm a gambler.
Last night I lost everything.
4 days ago I promised a beautiful girl it took me 3 months to talk to, on a date and Christmas shopping this coming Monday. She seemed excited.
Now I can't even do that now I have no money.
Today I stayed at home miserably feeling hopeless and afraid of the future now that I've been stripped to nothing.
Back story
I know there's no sympathy for gamblers but I've suffered severe depression 10 yrs ago when I was involved in a car accident that killed a girl. I was in college and gambling became the only way to feel happiness. Since then I've been gambling and now I've lost it all and i feel so alone again.
What can I do to start my life again? |
| | Posted by TheSister at November 20, 2011 |
My twin sister was addicted to heroin for 3 years. Her boyfriend helped her detox and quit. She was clean for 2 years, but still smoked weed and drank and had her xanex for anxiety. She saw a therapist for a while. I love her. I would do anything for her.
I found out she relapsed last night. She invited me over to smoke a blunt. We had a good talk until she told me she was using again. I didn't know how to handle it. I tried not to make her mad. But then her other 2 friends got back and she disappeared for a while with one of them. I'm 99% sure she was snorting dope in the bedroom with that girl.
I cut myself sometimes and I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it has something to do with emotional release and the guilt I carry around with me. I have this huge secret and I don't know what to do with it. I don't know who to tell, or if I should tell. I feel disconnected from the rest of the world. I can't function sober. I need to smoke weed to feel even remotely normal or distracted from all this shit.
My sister and I are both seniors in college. She's going to be an engineer. I want to be a writer someday. She wants to start a family. She wanted 8 kids. All I can think about are the kids she wants to have and if they'll ever be able to live. |
| | Posted by WTF at November 16, 2011 |
I'm 26, divorced, just lost my job and was denied unemployment benifits. I lost my truck to impound when I was caught driving with out a licence, I currently have 3 warrents for my arrest and have 1 case in another state I've been trying to fight for the last 8 months. Due to my increasingly expensive drug and alcohol addiction and no longer having a job, I can't afford to pay rent and have to find somewhere else to go by the end of the month. To top it all off the only calls I get each day are from creditors harassing me about the bad debts my ex-wife and I accumulated over the past 5 years..........I'm realizing I have failed miserably in life.... |
| | Posted by anonymous at August 29, 2011 |
I hate myself. My self esteem is medium but I simply just hate me. My parents are strict abusive Russian Orthodox but I live in Washington state. I'm moved to America when I was 10, I'm 14 and I'm an alcoholic and crackhead, and so are my parents. I have unlimited access to alcohol, money, and I always spend it on crack or meth, and my parents always have Everclear or vodka at the homes. I make my family cry and don't know why. I have only love 1 girl in the world, emotionally, and realized she was a manipulative and bad. She has a long history of sex/physical abuse, drug abuse and crime in her life and I loved her dearly but when she tell me her stories I realize that all people are scum including her and myself. Nobody cares about anyone in this world and all are secretly backstabbers and bad. I've lost 45 kilograms from the meth and my teachers see it and threaten me to tell rehab. I get in fights with people and I got stabbed last week. I will never have a wife or girl because I don't trust peoples. My principal says I'm so smart for any college but too lazy to do homework and my grades are bad and I will not graduate school. I don't know how life will be after this. I am horrible. |
| | Posted by Roman at August 10, 2011 |
Hello
I am a nobody. I feel like my life has come to an end. You can call me an idiot looking for attention, but I feel like writing this down. I need to tell someone how I feel.
I'm currently studying (third year) and I'm almost to be a policy licentiate (don't know if it's called that way - a guy who analyses and specializes in politics). My further plans are to do a university degree of any available faculty cause in Poland to be a translator all you need is to get a university degree. Of course I'm planning on being an English translator, cause this is the only language I know other than my own. When I'll become a translator then... then what? And here is where everything collapses and kills me mentally.
What am I going to do? My face sucks, my social life sucks - have two friends, no friends of the opposite sex, had gallstones which I had removed along with my gall bladder, that causes diarrhea almost everyday. My eyesight sucks, my spine is distorted, I have strange nipples (maybe because of lack of training) which are baggy-like even though I'm slim.
The main problem is the face, but if you want the details, type in Google 'life sucks big constant pain'.
Even though it's vacations I feel awful. Cause I don't feel like it's vacations. To me everyday day is the same. If it's something like Christmas or Saturday or Sunday or something national, I just simply don't feel the difference. Everyday is like a boring routine. I know it's because I'm... |
| | Posted by pothead dave at August 4, 2011 |
i am over thirty years old and am adicted to cocaine an weed. i got layed off from the first good job i ever had ( i cried on that day) and have started a job that my friend from work told me about. i had to use fake piss for a drug test because i cant stop doin drugs. my first day was the most horrifying experience in my life, i got stuck in picky bushes for 5 hours and had to wait for somebody to come find me . i thought i was goin to die.Why wud my friend do this to me? he said that it was the easiest job he ever had. This was worse than the time that clown molested me as a child. Since then, i go into massive panic attacks evry time i see a clown and get extremely nervous wen they are mentioned. Recently i was exited, because o thought o was going to be a father,but it turns out the child wasnt even mine.i stayed with her anyway, because i love her but i made her get an abortion. I suspect that she has cheated on me multible times, beacause the other night when we went to dinner with ma friend and his family, she kept mentioning having other men sleep over our house. if you have any advice it would be deeply appreciated, though i might forget when i get high |
| | Posted by over it at July 30, 2011 |
Well what can I say, I'm 19, I've abused drugs since I was 14 mainly weed, alcohol, mdma, meth and few others here and there. I recently quit and am trying to live sober but it's hard cause when i stopped i started suffering from anxiety and depression. I have few friends but the ones i do have don't give a fuck cause there still crack heads.
I've completely fucked my body and mind, I don't want to be like this forever, but i don't think ill ever recover. The doctors want me on meds but I don't want to pile more cocktails of drugs in my body.
Soldier on I guess.. |
| | Posted by anonymous at July 20, 2011 |
when i was 18 i started shooting heroin. at 19 i slowed my addiction to painkillers, and met a girl 27 who i fell in love with and moved in together with. i worked sporadically and in 05 katrina destroyed our hometown and everything we ever knew. we lived out in the sticks 4 a while and eventually found our way back home, shortly thereafter breaking up. it ripped a hole in my heart & i started shooting dope again. then i wound up in jail a few years, got out and got back with her, because i love her. a few years went by with me on suboxone to mantain my addiction, all was well, & in 2010 we had a baby boy who is my everything, my love. 4 months later she went nuts, screamed & argued with me everyday till she moved out (with my kid) i started fucking up & a few days later went back to jail for another 6 months. got out in Dec.2010 with no money, no car, no job, no apartment, no baby, no babys momma, no hope, no help. i lived on the streets of new orleans for a few months, stealing to survive, shooting dope cause i stopped giving a fuck, and 3 months ago got back on a suboxone clinic, got a job, moved in with some friends n got my shit somewhat together. then guess what 2 months ago i get laid off. i spend my days trying to hustle change to afford my meds(habit), My son and his mom were the only family ive ever had, theyre gone now she moved 2 hours away, i have no way to get to her and the bitch refuses to answer the phone. ive applied at every fuckin place in the town i live in and there are no fuckin jobs. im so broke i dont even eat somedays. im 27 now, my son is one and a half, i havent even seen him in 7 months, and it hurts so bad im thinking about killing myself. i have no hope, if God's listening i guess he just doesnt care. |
| | Posted by anonymous at July 10, 2011 |
My life sucks!. I was a gambling player. I lost thousand of bucks in it. Its like I was always being absorb by such institution whenever I have my money. Now all of my money is in it I only have so much debts that I cant hardly pay. Money left is none. Having a lot more debts to live everyday life. Everyday recovering is such a kaos and depressing. I cant hardly wake up in the morning wishing that everyday I am a sleep until I pay all my debts. Working hard to pay all the bills brought up by the casino. My life sucks giving everything in the casino. I am addicted to it and the false hopes that it gives. |
| | Posted by anonymous at July 2, 2011 |
I am a 23 year old failure. Ever since the age of 16, I have been addicted to MMORPGS. I have shunned all my real life friends and dreams for some stupid video games. Now that I've finally realized that I've been throwing my life away, I don't know what to do. I'm a virgin. I've never even gone on a date. I've totally missed out on that period of life when everyone is starting things out, going out with girls for the first time...you know, the teen age years. I feel like everyone is out of my league now. I have zero life experience, and I don't even know where to start. I wish there was a way to mend my life, and make things right again. I want to be normal again. I want to feel normal. I want to socialize with people, I just don't know how. I feel like I have forgotten how to even talk to people in the real world.
It seems like socializing with women, and making friends is easy for everyone around me. But for me it is a horror story. I just don't know how and its embarrassing. I don't know what to say, or how to say it. |
| | Posted by kaitlyn at July 2, 2011 |
i had a good life, a great life..until I turned 21.
My dad died and I watched every single second of it. He was healthy and out of complete nowhere he died on Christmas morning.
My dad's death has completely ruined my life. People my age lose their grandparents and then they like to compare that to losing a parent. Um, nope. Losing a granparent can be emotionally upsetting but that's about it. Losing my dad impacted my life SO incredibly much. I now have to take care of my mom because she is severely depressed and since my dad did EVERYTHING, now everything is up to my mom and I.
I have a wide variety of very serious health issues, all for NO REASON. I have at least one doctor appointment a week. I could barely walk after my dad died for about 2 years. I have kidney disease (for no reason) have been in the emergency room countless times. I have high blood pressure...most likely from the grief of losing my dad since I am not overweight. I am in constant pain 24 hours a day.
I'm heavily addicted to narcotics and have been since my dad died, I am now 25 and take 85-100 mg of oxycodone a day plus hydromorphone. I have been on every single pain killer but a lot of them didn't help me. I'm about to lose my insurance, I can't imagine life without narcotics.
...I could go on and on and on. I lost my life when I lost my dad. I will never be married or have kids and that's all I want. Now all I am concerned about is getting through the day because of my horrible pain |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 10, 2011 |
My life sucks!. I was a gambling player. I lost thousand of bucks in it. Its like I was always being absorb by such institution whenever I have my money. Now all of my money is in it I only have so much debts that I cant hardly pay. Money left is none. Having a lot more debts to live everyday life. Everyday recovering is such a kaos and depressing. I cant hardly wake up in the morning wishing that everyday I am a sleep until I pay all my debts. Working hard to pay all the bills brought up by the casino. My life sucks giving everything in the casino. I am addicted to it and the false hopes that it gives.
Remembering such losing events makes it worst. I wish it all be erased and send to the recycle bin together with the credit card bills.
I wish I can be better with this, its just such ashame to tell it to anyone of my friends because I will look idiot to them doing it. My life sucks because I always wish I am the best.
Another sucking moment ios that I always have an idea to do business but none is successful being made. It is depressing to be a human being that is such a mess. Society does not help. Everyone live their own lives and does nt care.
Why am i alive???? People: "You are alive to serve us" fucking shit. what a life. No one ever care for someone. They care if they will have benefits. life sucks and why dont we end it. My life sucks and so others to. It is fortunate that we suck and others dont. Fuck them. Living is like losing everyday.
Everyone needs someone but everyone just fuck someone and leave them These are the person we always wanted to be the person that is very popular and influential that does everything but is still the best. Fuck! that is only one in a million and the 999 thousand have a sucking life. What a life being given to us.
It really is! Life is just fucking sucks! |
| | Posted by Jodie at May 13, 2011 |
Life for me has become unbearable. From the day I was born I was destined to be in pain. While my mom was pregnant with me my biological father died in a freak accident. My mom, who had many demons, became a very bad alcoholic. My life was one crisis after another. By the time I was 10 I developed severe anxiety disorder. It would continue to haunt me for years along with severe depression.
There was a time I thought I had hope for a decent future. Despite living a life of abuse, chaos, tragedy and lonliness I managed to graduate with honours. I got a great job. But no matter how hard I tried to be "normal" I could not run from myself. I could not run from the horrors that plagued my life. Then the final blow - my mother died 5 years ago. She was just 47 years old. Despite the way I grew up, my mother and I were very very close and losing her killed me. Soon after I found myself addicted to oxycontin. What started off as the means to end the painful back problems I had quickly developed into an addiction from hell. I found oxy to relieve not just my physical pain but my mental pain and anxiety. Since then I have gone from bad to worse. I've isolated myself to the point where the phone NEVER rings for me. No friends, no nothing. The only thing that keeps me going are my kids. Thank God for them. Nothing else matters but them.
I live in poverty, am trying to straighten my trashed life out but honestly I just want to die. I don't want to wake up every day... |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 29, 2011 |
shit, ive wasted all my good young years. Doing drugs(all kinds crack,coke,pills etc) going in and out of jail, wasting good opportunities (could have had a hot Girlfriend twice, but me and fuckin dumb ass head) fuck now that i realize it, its not like i can go back in the past and start over. I just keep getting drunk/using drugs and i still like crap, FUCK LIFE |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 12, 2011 |
I know there's something wrong with me. I must be retarded or autistic or borderline or something because I feel so different from everyone else. Life sucks and god and everyone else in the world most certainly hate me with a fiery passion. Had a horrible childhood with a pedophile for a father and developed depression at a young age, which led to the chronic use of marijuana, alcohol and sex by age 16. A few years later when I was 19 there was a short period when I involuntarily went sober from all substances and this is when I underwent a brief psychotic episode where I ended up slitting my wrists and scarring myself for life. Afterward I was so ashamed that I felt I didn't deserve to live, and so I bought a gun thinking I'd blow my brains out, but at the last second realized I still had a small amount of money left so I thought I'd gamble what little I had left playing poker so I could have the luxury of dying penniless.
Sadly my initial plan was thwarted as I won back to back to back tournaments and now I've never been richer and have all the weed and alcohol I could ask for. I'm still miserable and depressed and incapable of developing a meaningful relationship with anyone, but at the same time I don't know what it is that I need to make things better. I would ask for help but lets face it... Friends, family and professionals are all so fucking useless! The only person you can depend on is you. |
| | Posted by porky al at April 11, 2011 |
i will start of sayin i am 45 yrs old unemployed 380lbs ex addict who still needs percozets whenever i can get to feel ok oh yea take antidepressants.i was born into a blue collar family full of mental and other addications.i am the youngest of 4 only male of the sibs my father bein this strong hard workin police man and cons worker wanted nothin more than to have a son.he finally got his wish although my parents hated each other by this point but they had to have me.of course i thought as a child i had a great family until the age of 8 they divorced with my mom bein so weak and unable to stand up to my domineering father ps guess who i took after.life really began to suck my interest in schooland activieties started to lack this is where i first found the comfort of food.so fast foward to age 13 peer preesure no confidence in self came drugs by the time i was 18th i had been in and out of rehabs oh yea i managed to lose weight though lol so that was kool.i had finally found the drug that got me away from drugs for a while crack which now added the stealin of my familys mney and jewels.with my mom bein german she had moved back there so i was sent there at 19 which was great i started havin sex with a cousin my first real relationship 2 months later i was home free of drugs and measnin back in america with some confidence. i now was in shape from gym lookin real good was meeting and datin girls and had good ppl in my life.i finally subcumbed back into drugs and alcohol ... |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 31, 2011 |
I am a 36yo guy. I come from a good family, never abused, no fkd up childhood or anything. But i ended up partying alot as a kid and by the time i was 18 i was trying heroin and within a short period of time i was a junkie. I managed to support my habit for 10 years or so by stealing from my family mostly after i had lost everything i had. They were amazingly understanding and just wanted to see me get better as anyone would. Eventually they had no choice but to press charges because it was the only way to protect themselves. I spent 5 years in prison and it was the best thing that could have happened to me.I never touched it again after in was released in 2006. I was extremely excited about my future at this point...
Unfortunately i began drinking heavily and drank between a pint and a 5th of bourbon every night for the first year and a half i was out. But i was doing great, i had a good job, and apt and a g/f. But i had contracted hep-c as a result of my drug use and alcohol is like pouring gas on a fire when you have a liver disease. So eventually i was able to get off the booze...anyway, fast forward to now..
I am not a 36 yo man that is unemployed bc i got injured and could no longer work at construction. I don't know exactly how bad my heath really is, although considering ive had hep-c for about 10 years now and 3 of those years were literally spent drinking heavily and daily. So i imagine not good, i see physical signs of liver problems, but i ... |
| | Posted by anonymous at February 24, 2011 |
Im 27, I have a 1 yr old with a girl i love & fucked it up with, and my life is fucked. i got addicted to heroin when i was about 17, stayed addicted, went to prison, got out got back addicted, and finally a few years ago kicked with the help of suboxone. i was able to hold down a functioning life and had a son. I was supporting babys mamma/son when a crooked cop pulled me over and threw some dope on me. I had to sit 6mos. in jail but eventually got found not guilty. she & the baby had to move to her moms house 2 hours away. so because of being in jail 6 mos. i've lost my apartment, job, car, girlfriend, and what hurts most my son. also the doctor i was on (who was free) stopped writing subox and now i cant afford to get back on it, so im shooting dope and going through withdraws again. Im broke so im staying with family who dont like me bcause of my past (cant blame em) and they made it clear i cant stay long so the next step is homeless in new orleans. im depressed im a nervouse wreck, i miss my life, i miss my family. i cant even support them i cant even support myself, & now im considering eating a bottle of sleeping pills. |
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| Posted by js at February 9, 2011 |
I am a drug addict, an alcoholic and a crimmianl. I'm in a Clinic now, trying to get better but its hell in here and I'm sure I will never get better, I will kill myself soon with the stuff I can't stop taking. I've done glue, cocaine, drank daily, day and night, can never seem to be seeing straigt, half of my life is spent in bathroom throwing my stomach out, hurt everyone who's ever bothered to care about me: my parents, brother, guys who used to be close friends.. I've hurt them all and lost them all, I don't deserve to hurt them any more and I just need to get the fuck out of this place. I'm going to die by my sickness anyway. I can never stop my addiction. I'm already too damaged, irreparable. I might soon be kicked out of the Clinic because I trashed this guy who pissed me. |
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