LIFE SUCKS : Sexuality

What's wrong with me

I'm a divorced man with two kids. My ex is tries to do everything to make my life hell. She does everything to have my kids not want to be in my life. It was a marriage of her yelling and living in hell everyday. I am a gay man. I met a man 3 years ago and fell in love. He was so wonderful in the beginning, but then he treated me terribly. He would cut me down all the time. He would never want to try to please me in anyway. He started to never want to have sex. He would get drunk and abuse me. I finally ended it with him. I recently met a guy that says he is totally in love with me, but he has a partner and in an open relationship. He keeps on saying that he is going to end it with him, but there is always a reason not to. I keep having to be alone and waiting. All this while, I try to be a great friend and reach out to people. I never have anyone that seems to want to be a true friend to me. I don't have any friends. My kids wouldn't care if I'm not around, and the man that I'm falling in love with has another. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of always getting the shaft. I'm tired of being treated like shit and not being treated the way I treat others.

Gotta get better.

I also struggle with the feeling of loneliness, and find it to be worse in the winter. I live in a small city in wisconsin and find it very hard to be myself here. I am gay and still in high school. I am the only one "out" at my school and am tormented daily. My father and I never had a good relationship growing up and as for my mother, she sat and watched me as I was raped by two of my babysitters since I was age 4. I turned to drinking and smoking and had alcohol poisoning in 9th grade. I focus all my attention on looking "good" that I realize now how messed up it has made me. Being gay, and living in a small town has only created more and more problems. I started sleeping around with guys as old as twice my age (34) and now more than ever I feel alone. I was dating a boy and it first I was happy but after a month of dating I dumped him. I know that another person cannot make me love myself but what can ? I have been on a few different meds and I am really trying to become natural as it is my new year's resolution because I am addicted to tanning and on a larger scale, just my looks in general... I hear I look good but it's never good enough for me. Can anyone relate to this feeling? So I try and hang out with friends but all of my girlfriends have boyfriends, so I become very jealous. and all the guys just want to fool around. I have debated suicide but the one thing that keeps me alive is the fact that when I turn 18 I am going to cosmetology school and want to become very famous for my skill with hair. I pray these feelings change.- Caleb Y.

Cop's son

My life sucks so bad. My father is head of police of( Not telling) But let's skip to the important part. My dad is a fucking douche bag. He sucks incredibly bad. First off he doesn't let me do anything. I mean ANYTHING. I can't date who I want and I'm 18. I am gay he found out the hard way.. ( me and my lover at that moment played around with his handcuffs.lol) So anyway.. He goes on a bitch fit and says I can't date him and shit. Oh yeah, he has also grounded me from my own brother before. Who does that!? Who??? I'm concentrating on not cussing him out and all. But just here letting y'all know that my life sucks ass.

disowned

I am a lesbian, and i met the most wonderful girl who i love more than anything in the world. My family does not approve of my lifestyle but that is not something i can change. I spent so long hiding who I was that I tried to kill myself. they would like me to leave the woman I love and hide myself again. I tried to kill myself when I wasn't faced with losing the one person who showed any reciprocation to my love. That was not an option. so.. my family disowned me, kicked me out. Told me a was not their daughter. Later my mother tried to kill herself and wrote a suicide note telling the world that it was my fault. that my lifestyle drove her to take her own life.she was unsuccessful because i called the police and my father. he did not answer the phone but i left a message which he received and went to his house where he found my mother unconscious. the police arrived minutes later. He drove her to the hospital in time.My whole family blames me for this now, and it is my fault. But it was her or me, and I could not leave the woman i love by herself.

Tired of struggling

I struggled my entire life. I am an openly gay man who came out to himself at 13, pushed it aside until I could no longer lie to myself at 19. I grew up in New Orleans, had positive and negative role models to choose from in the gay community there. I dove into relationship after relationship, meeting one bad partner choice after another (notice I am avoiding using the term "loser" as I could fit into that category right now) until I fell in love and formed a permanent relationship with my (now ex-) partner, let's call him Kale. He was 21 years older than me when we met. I was 29 and he turned 50 a few months later. I loved him with all of my heart. We were together 12 years. He could not drive, could not swim and smokes, drinks, and curses like the proverbial sailor, yet is the most senstive man I know. We "broke up" in January 2011, yet knew we couldn't say goodbye. The answer to that? We stayed living together. He co-habitate the way we always have yet live in separate bedrooms and have never had sex since. In fact, his lack of sex drive at all is partly responsible for breaking us up (at least for me). First he lost interest. Consequently I gained an enormous amount of weight. He refused to set boudaries with his friends and me, many of whom took extreme advantage of me, us, him, and our life together. Then, he lost the ability to maintain or even get an erection. We tried every pill on the market and while they work great on me (in fact after all this "I" now need Vi...

My life

I'm 25, and I'm still a virgin. Everyone I know tries to convince me that I'm gay but I'm not attracted to men at all, I'm just scared to talk to girls. I felt so bad this past summer I wanted to end my life and I overdrew and maxed everything but I'm too chicken to go through with it. My family disowned me and I'm alone in NYC with a few friends that never ever call but they are always hanging out. I'm poor and three months behind on rent and hungry :)

whats my problem

I am obsessed with sex.A 57 year old man I cant get over it.It had always been like this since I could remember.I used to have sexual relations from a very young age onwards.I remember,when most of my friends used to dream wistfully about these acts,I was regularly getting it.But,now it is taking unprecedented turns.Highly dangerous in every sense.I dont want this to continue.I would welcome it if I could lose my sex urge altogether.Till date,I got off without much damage.But if it continues like this I will end up being a fool.
Anyone got any ideas to lose this urge forever.

my life.

I am so lost. So incredibly lost. With no one to take my hand and help me along the way. My friends are all leaving me behind, and will likely never look back. Friends I spent many a sleepless night comforting while their tears soaked my sleeve. I have been used by many, loved by few. I have had my heart ripped, shredded, shattered and torn more times than I can count, and therefore I cannot form any sort of romantic relationships whatsoever.

I am gay, and have been ostracized by many whom I had once considered my dearest friends. I have been told I am evil, filthy, worthless, and that I deserve to die a slow painful death because of who I am. I was shunned by my church. At one point the only living thing I could turn to was my dog. I poured my soul out to him, sobs and all, and he never judged me once. My family believes me to be an abomination. They express their grief and misery over the struggles they face daily because of having a gay son. I do not live with them anymore, and I do not see them often. No one knows I am their son unless I say otherwise. They have faced nothing. They do not know the meaning of misery.

I was beaten and tortured within an inch of my life during middle school by a group of boys I went to school with. They tried to force me to perform oral sex on them all one day while I was sitting in the park. Alone.

I am in college. It took me two months to work up the courage to attend a Gay-Straight Alli...

I'll be honest for once.

I lie. I lie every single day of my life because I have to and I hate it. I won't beat around the bush, I'm just going to say it. I'm a pre-transition transsexual and every day is a living hell.

I don't feel like a woman trapped in a man's body, I feel like a little girl in the body of some horrifying monster, every time I catch a glimpse of my jaw, my arms, my nose or any of that fucking disgusting hair on my arms and face it's like finding some revolting infected boil, I'm my own personal horror film and it never ends. Every day I do my best to be happy and pretend that nothing's wrong but that means tuning out. It means forgetting who I am, what I look like, what other people see but every time I see myself in the mirror, every time I'm called a boy or a young man I remember.

I wear long sleeves and pants all the time so that I see as little of myself as possible. I remember a few months ago when I saw myself in a towel. I just stopped, sat down, put my arms around my knees and cried. It was physically painful, like being stabbed in the gut.

I'm anorexic, I don't eat so that I don't gain muscle and I don't get taller but I do anyways. Every day I'm a bit more masculine, every day 'm a bit taller. Every day I'm a bit more of a freak.

Apparently I'm attractive, I don't really give a damn. Being called an attractive male is like being given a bar of gold in the middle of a desert, I appreciate the sentiment but it's useless. Worse t...

idk

i stumbled onto this sight idk where to start or wht to even say

i guess it starts with me falling in love with my best friend who is a lesbian(im a straight guy) we both used to be really close and then one day got real drunk and had sex, she said pretty much it was a mistake and she was super gay so we continue to be friends and maybe i have lost some of wht i felt for her but i still love her still care about her so much now on a side note my best friend of my 3 yrs outa high school im 20 is no longer my best friend i try to help him out by getting us this sick deal on a place and we could both better ourselves but he lost his job and i spent 2 mnths providing for him and his gf well one night we were all drunk and i relized all this and basically blew up on him and we were never right after tht, he jst barley moved out and tried to burn my house down a farewell gift, idk im in huge debt cause of him and now i have no best friend i try nd read and do hobbies bt i cant focus, i have had thoughts of suicide bt jst thoughts im a huge pot head so usually in a ok mood, but lately i feel like everyone is breaking off me all my frienmds i feel so alone and i havnt ever been in a "serious relation ship" ive been with chicks here and there have had sex with a total of 4 girls bt none of which i am currently with, i just really want and need a life partner someone who i can rely on i want it to be my lesbian friend bt tht will never be :( i feel so alone so depressed and feel my life is jst getting worse nd worse, and im a very good person id say i have real good karma bt idk shit aint workin out

thanks for leting me vent

good vibes and
good times

I've got you all beat!

I'll admit I've only read a few of your stories, just to get the general vibe of the site. However, I can bet money my life sucks more than yours.

I am a 52 year old man who must register as a sex offender for the rest of my life. Because of that, I can not get a job. I can not find a decent place to live. I can not make friends with or date anyone respectable. I'm likely to die penniless and alone, and possibly homeless.

Oh, but it gets worse. I'm about as ordinary, normal and boring of a guy that you'll ever meet. I don't drink. I don't abuse drugs. I don't even smoke. I've never harmed, harassed, threatened nor been inappropriate with anyone - man, woman or child - ever in my entire life.

If that's not bad enough, read on.

I was living a pretty good life before all of this happened. I worked as an Excel developer for a great company where I'd been for over ten years. I lived in an upscale neighborhood. I drove a nice car. I did not associate with criminals or crack heads. My friends were law-abiding, reputable members of the community. There was nothing about my life, nothing about what I said or did or the way I acted, that would make you think that I was anything more than just a regular guy. It never occurred to me for a second that my life crumble like it has.

A few years ago I developed an obsession with online porn. I started spending so much time looking at porn I would even make excuses to not go to work or be wi...

Life really sucks now.

So I'm a male 22 years old, and have been really depress lately. My story is, as a kid I was in special ed classes which ruined my life, my mom ruined my life. I have trouble speaking, which caused me to be odd when approaching people cause I lose confidence causing me too fear people. I tried getting distracted from the real would by playing video games but I just can't do that anymore. Plus I'm gay, so one I started High School I told my mom to take me off from S.E cause I didn't need it, she did. But then what? I had a big fear talking to anyone cause of my whole speech/gay problem. Once I was about 16 I started ditching school to go to the library cause thats how afraid I was of people. When I turned 17 I started working and going to college, but I still was the same person. At 18 I stop going to college cause I couldn't afford it anymore and started working in a fast food restaurant. There again being quiet most of the time, there I meet a guy and which he moved in with my family. My family were my only friends. From there I worked about a year counting different jobs, untill now I'm with my hubby and his family which sucks cause all I do everyday is be on the computer!!! Help!!!!

I suck

I am 29 years GAY , i considered to be a good looking guy ,never was popular at middle-high school , or even at college , i had only one boyfriend and it lasted for one year only , it took my 2 years to get over him, it was hurtful , i had different jobs , all of them suck , i lived in different countries as well to find the ideal city , all of them suck .i came out to my best friend and told him that i am gay , it was awful, he treated me like a second class citizen , he is not my friend any more
I work as lecturer in the University, so i had to move away from my town , i am away from friends and family , just i wanted this job badly because i wanted to be a popular , i wanted to get people`s attention, i wanted to be loved but people don't love me (i guess), they love the AAA`s and the high marks ,i love my job but i am having crush on many of my students , sometimes i feel myself slave to the cute students , just i want any chance to create a connections with them but i know its not going to work anyway , i cant find an ideal partner , imagine i go home and wank on my students? is not awful, how it would be like if they knew! i wish to have one of them as a partner.......
i am trying all sort of dating but cant find him. what`s wrong with me! i am not ugly or bad , even i am so cheerful , respectful , know how to talk , i have interesting lifestyle , music , theatre , food !!! but i suck
I am so lonely , no friends , no dates , no partner, no family ,
just me alone , is this life!

acceptance

i was still young when my older brother told me to play a game...i only realized it was sexual abuse when i turned 13. it happened around 10-15 times from what i remember. once, his friend also "played a game" with me. there was also this physically abusive dad, not only to me but also to my brother and mother. i couldn't complain...because i was just adopted. i felt so rejected, because of my real parents abandoning me. my brother wasn't adopted. my mom can't bear any more children after him. i love my mom. she was so kind and caring, and the reason i didn't leave was because of her.

i became a closet gay. i pretended to be straight, because i was traumatized by rejection. there were also the bullies at school and the sexists. i've even pretended to fall in love with women, but in fact i fell in love with some of my straight friends. i can't express my love to them, since they were straight and they'll become awkward and possibly not talk to me ever again. so, i hid all my feelings to myself. it was really painful, but it's my way of dealing with it. i just wish that i could meet someone out there who can be my special someone, the person who i will love and love me back.

When will the pain end???

Where to start... I'm 39 yrs old, gay and widower. I had a partner for over 18 years and he passed away last year. Ever since, life has been a constant struggle; it hurts even to wake up and get up. I don't have that many friends, mainly because while I had my partner we were everything to each other and we felt we just didn't make that many friends. I can't really make friends at work, because I work from home. So, the days are hopelessly empty and long. At least during the day I get distracted with work-related stuff. When the evening approaches, I start to panic because I have no one to talk to and I can only watch so much TV. I tried making new friends online, but they must sense my desperation and run away as soon as I meet them - maybe it's my physical appearance, I guess I'll never know. I joined a gym to work out my anxiety, it helps for a little while.

I have a severe problem meeting people, I guess they call it social phobia. In short, I freeze and don't know what to say whenever I'm in a situation where people are speaking to me. Because I freeze and don't say a thing, people just walk away or don't bother to reach out and get a conversation going. There are nights when I just take sleep medicine to stop the pain of being aware and awake. In my sleep I am happier, my partner is there, I can make friends and have a normal life. I wish my dreaming life were my real life. Sometimes I feel like taking the whole bottle and just keep on dreaming... but I hav...

Just another typical emo teen...

Just another unimportant person telling a crappy story on a minor website. I know this peobably wont get accepted, but im typing this for my benefit. Not for your "entertainment". Anyway, I never had real friends. I wanted them, but could never get them. People just seem to dislike me. A doctor once told me I had aspergers because I was so quiet and antisocial. He was probably wrong. I realized I was gay, and had a crush on this gay guy. I asked him out and was rejected. This crushed me pretty badly. My coming out on facebook only got a few likes. I was addicted to cutting 2 months ago. Now I cant take off my shirt because I have so many scars. This is for the rest of my life. Im thinking of starting cutting again, because its the only thing that makes me feel happy anymore. I am ugly and fat, even though im not overweight. I tried to kill myself a couple months ago, but failed badly. It was a serious attempt. Now my parents wont let me do anything and I have to go to doctors and take meds. This is my fault. I just wish I could restart my life, or maybe begin life as a new person. I know that I will grow up to be a lonely loser, and I do not regret trying to kill myself. I know im not as bad as other people on this site, but I need to vent. Sorry for wasting your time.

Stuck in Hell

I read through the topics here and I'm sorry but most of you are just whining about minor crap thinking you have it bad, I would trade places with any of you any day...

I am a disabled guy with a severe health condition that has left me relying on my parents to take care of me. I have lost my independence, all my friends, my job and I have no social life because i can no longer get outside to do things by myself.

The worst part is I caused my own disability by doing something really stupid which I don't want to say here because there may be people out there who could recognize me from my story. I did something harmful to myself because I was so upset about being gay and attracted to younger boys.

Life is so horrible and cruel for some of us because you don't get to choose who you feel attracted to and for me I turned out to be a god dam monster because I find little boys attractive and that makes me a fucking pedophile. Its heartbreaking and a nightmare of a situation to be in, I would do anything to be normal but I'm not and every day I just wish I could die.

Love is such a precious gift and I have been denied something so precious and meaningful because I can never be in a relationship, I can never be loved or be with anyone because my attraction is wrong and inappropriate. I have to spend my entire fucking life alone and isolated never knowing or feeling love because I just don't have any feelings for adults.

On top of all that crap I also have this disability and I feel totally damaged both emotionally and physically. I spend everyday by myself, my bedroom has become like my prison cell and when I look outside it makes me cry because I see a world I can never be part of, I am missing out on life and there is no cure both for my disability and for being a pedophile, the only cure for me is death but because of my parents I have to put up with this shit life just so they don't get hurt by my suicide.

l

im in love with a boy. he canīt love me back.

same old story eh? been in love with him for 6 years now.

he loves me like in a brotherly way, but of course, that
is just not enough, never.

today i almost ended both our lives in a big sudden depression.

call me selfish if u like. dont care anymore what others think.
i just want what everyone seems to have at
some point. love. i dont love anybody but him, he saved my
life once and since then i canīt seem to be able to just leave
him the fuck alone.

im crying right now and i dont know what ill do with myself right
now but dying seems like a way out.

i understand his position as well as the grotesque nature of my
feelings but canīt live with it happily. I thought iīd stop liking him once
he hit puberty but now i dont even like him, i just love him madly.
Wish some idiotic bastard could just track me from here and shoot me
on the fucking head.

i have almost everything, but without knowing someone loves you back, life is worthless.

hes 13, im 24. weīre both males. everybody go ahead and bash me. i dont care.

i do hope i disgust some people. im sick of changing myself to be "likable" or "friendly". The boy didnt let me cut myself, he wants me to stay.

Venting

Ok so I've been physically and emotionally abused by my parents, as far as I can remember the first time was when I was 3 or 4 & stabbed with a fork. Molested and raped by my family growing up and by a guy who I thought was my friend. Never had any friends in school, always was made fun of because I was quiet. My parents never let me out of the house anyway as a teenager. Then finally got someone who I thought was nice to me and listened and protected me, my father's friend who is 32 years older then me. Fell in love, had to hide it until I was 18. Little did I know he took complete advantage of me, cheating the whole time, didn't know until I got pregnant with his kid at almost 19. Gave birth to my son and at 2 days old, he almost died in my arms. Turns out he has a very rare disease that effects 1 in 50,000 people. Now the most I can go is 4 hours without him eating or his blood sugar drops to dangerously low levels and could die. He needs to take very expensive medicine to stay alive and I'm getting very tired after 3 years of waking up every 3-4 hours but it has to be done. Shortly after I had my son I gained 70 lbs because of hypothyroidism and the weight just won't come off. I've discovered I have a breast deformity also. I've always had low self esteem and body image problems and now it's worse then ever. Guys always told me I was pretty but that was a big lie, never was pretty, never will be. Now I'm in college, trying to get in the dental hygiene program & having...

Everything

My name is Trevor I'm 14, and my life sucks balls..
i have been molested, im gay, and both my parents died after being divorced since i was three.
When i was born i had a family. my older brother and my parents. when i was three my father left because him and my mom had fights. after he left my mom started dating women not because she was lesbian but because she felt more in control. she was an alcoholic and barely let my dad visit. She was a great mother and loved me and my brother very much. Her and her girlfriends she brought home would always fight at night and sometimes even fist fought. When i was six i was molested by my pre-school janitor. i told my mom and she told the police and they put him in jail. That's when i got my first therapist. then when i was nine i was struggling with my sexuality and i didn't know what i was. soon after there was a fire im my house,me and my brother made it out and ran across the street to our neighbors. they called the fire department and we waited. my grandma arrived with the police and they sat down next to us. they told me and my brother that our mom tried to get to me and my brother instead of going to the backyard she ran into her closet which was right next to the door leading to us and got trapped she suffocated to death. My brother and I moved in with my grandma who takes care of me to this day. My brother and i went to group therapy and he got very angry over a few years. He would always yell and break things, so ...