LIFE SUCKS

acceptance

i was still young when my older brother told me to play a game...i only realized it was sexual abuse when i turned 13. it happened around 10-15 times from what i remember. once, his friend also "played a game" with me. there was also this physically abusive dad, not only to me but also to my brother and mother. i couldn't complain...because i was just adopted. i felt so rejected, because of my real parents abandoning me. my brother wasn't adopted. my mom can't bear any more children after him. i love my mom. she was so kind and caring, and the reason i didn't leave was because of her.

i became a closet gay. i pretended to be straight, because i was traumatized by rejection. there were also the bullies at school and the sexists. i've even pretended to fall in love with women, but in fact i fell in love with some of my straight friends. i can't express my love to them, since they were straight and they'll become awkward and possibly not talk to me ever again. so, i hid all my feelings to myself. it was really painful, but it's my way of dealing with it. i just wish that i could meet someone out there who can be my special someone, the person who i will love and love me back.