LIFE SUCKS : November 2008

Don't Know How to Care Anymore

Every day I wake up to the same monotony. I am still a single mom, dying of a horrible disease and have really no reason to fight it. My kids are 19 and 16... I refuse to allow them to take the burden of "mom is living for you." What if I die anyway, are they supposed to go through life with a guilt trip of "what did I do wrong, my mom died"?

It is so depressing. I go to the "support" meetings... everyone there has a spouse, a huge bank account and about a million reasons to keep getting up and fighting. I keep thinking... why do I keep doing this?

I am so alone... I have no one to talke to. My family (meaning siblings and parents) just want to take over my life telling me what to do and what not to do. Their form of help is always more stress than it is worth. Because then, after they "help" me they feel they have the right to treat me however they want... after all I should be grateful.

Oh well, no one will ever read this. What is the point?

UGH

Well this week i found out that my best friends cut his rist and that reallllly sucked then he got mad at me for accusing him of something and now we are not friends all my teachers hate me mo other best friend is mad at me for say at the dance she was dancing like a slut whick she was. She was already acting like a bitch and ignoring be fore that for her new friend Kate. My Parents are constantly annoying me and im so tired all the time i've thought of sucide but thats really not the right thing to do. Oh yea and i just got a hair cut which nobody but me likes. HELP!