|Posted by anonymous at June 12, 2012|
I am suffering from some anxiety that I may be fired from my job. I think I will get fired from my job because I put very little effort into it. I procrastinate on projects. I usually hand it in late and when the boss is not around I just slack off completely not even considering the fact that I am expected to work and show some results regardless of the fact that she may or may not be there. My boss still likes me for a reason and doesn't really expect too much of me (thank god! otherwise I would have gotten fired months ago). The thing is that I "have" to work and when there is no one around to enforce it, I rebel by not working at all, sort of like a silent protest. I know it may be childish but I think this is the reason why I don't work as much as I should, I don't like being forced to do anything I don't want to do or is not pleasurable in some way.
As for my personal life, I dislike socializing to the core. I hate being considered part of a group, I hate small talk, and I hate seeing people pretending and putting up a fake front whenever the group size increases more than 4 people. So my PR is almost non-existent. I even dislike socializing through FB. I wouldn't mind closing the door of the room and not getting out for a month. Actually I think I would quite enjoy it.
I would like to have my own business (I have a couple of ideas, well mainly two which I will not disclose here as they are irrelevant to the post) but I would not start the business...
|Posted by anonymous at June 6, 2012|
My name is Jacinta and I am 18.
Early this year I had a very nasty cancer scare. The doctor noticed that my thyroid was swollen and everyone thought it was normal. I didn't even notice it was swollen. A month of multiple tests later my doctors discovered that it was not cancerous. (Thank god)
Shortly after this my life went down hill. I found a lump in my breast and the doctor tested it which turned out to be non cancerous. After this I have belived that I have a brain tumor, skin cancer, colon cancer, and all sorts of other horrific things. This has gotten to the point where I cry every night and I don't want to leave the house in fear that I will break down in public. I had a break down at work but after it happened I told my managers that it just randomly happens. They don't know the real reason why I keep breaking down and I don't want them to know. I feel like a crazy person. My sister tries to talk to me about it but I don't like talking about my feelings. Growing up I was always the strong one who never had problems, i would be the one that everyone would confide in and I was always the one that got along with my parents when my brother and sister got into continuous fights with them. I have an autistic sister so her needs come before mine. I understand that. Im the only one out of all my friends who hasn't had a boyfriend because I dont want to put all my troubles on some poor guy. I've had guys ask me out and i would just stop talking to them. So I deci...
|Posted by Nick at June 3, 2012|
well I started drinking and got into a verbal altercation with my brother in front of a family of 4 who were our guests at the time. i screamed at some guy across the street "what the fuck are you looking at bitch" from inside my living room he could hear me yelling. it's going to make it harder to go outside, just another mess up I can add onto laying in my own vomite while drunk, and being absolutely stark raving mad and behaving like a manisac for YEARS. I screamed at my mom about "THE HELL YOU GAVE ME" referring to my life and I left and hitchicked just to have to call mommy and ask her to pick me up the next day (today). now I'm going to quit the paper route. I finally agreed to try SSRI's. I'm stuck, I am a freak and a village idiot and I have severe depression and social anxiety. O and what started my anger build up this week was my brother who has nothing better to do than verbally abuse me whenever he feels like calling me a few choice words a few times each in the span of like 30 seconds.
|Posted by Bobby at June 2, 2012|
i have had depression/anxiety for about the past 8 years. im 24 now and have tried almost every medication under the sun for depression, anxiety, even bi-polar disorder. the doctors never really could figure out why i am this way or how to treat it but have told me its so bad that i may never be able to work a steady job or go back to school for the rest of my life. i stayed at a few psychiatric hospitals which didnt help. the worst part is i have the greatest family who i love more than anything and who have tried to help me every step of the way and are still trying to find a doctor or medication to get me better. but for the past 9 months i have barely spoken to them which upsets them very much but i cant help it. i feel no happiness. i have a few good days maybe every 3 weeks or so but then im right back to severely depressed. it hurts me so much to know they are hurting. i wish i had a family that didnt care. i stay locked in my room for most of the day because im too depressed to be around them. i put on a lot of weight which is what depresses me the most now. i was always in top shape. now im not at all so i lost my confidence, my self esteem, and refuse to even leave the house. i think i went further than a block from my house twice in the past 9 months because im so embarassed of what i look like now. i have suicidal thoughts all the time and the only reason i havent killed myself is because i know it would destroy my family. it sucks. i want to just end it but i cant. i dont see things ever getting better. i dont see the point in living anymore.
|Posted by anonymous at May 26, 2012|
My life sucks because I spend 99% of my time in this tiny room sitting behind a computer, every day is the same routine, check out drudgereport, ebaumsworld, theync.com, fap, find some movie to watch @ 1channel.ch, log on to pokerstars and splash some fake play chips around for a few hours, play online games like sugar and pirates of the stupid seas, im a sensitive person so i dont like being sworn at which happens a lot when i talk to my brother, my mom thinks i need to go on SSRI's which is rediculous like shes a fucking docor or something, perscribing something she knows nothing about, so at least once a week she tells me to get on drugs. lately i go on long walkls but only at night because I cant function outside during the day with so many people out because the anxiety is overwhelming, so i walk alone at night and come back and have horrible sleep in a tiny bed and i have to listen to my brother shouting and cursing while im trying to sleep and i dont have good hygeine or cleanliness my life is at a roadblock abd I hate it all the time and i suffer all the time from emotional pain and if you knew me you would understand just how bad i've made things for myself by saying litterally whatever sordid depraved shit came to mind i'd just blurt it out so im a freakshow...
|Posted by anonymous at May 24, 2012|
This is my first time on here, so i'm not sure what i'm doing. I just need to vent and understand if no one reads, as it is long....
I am a 23 year old female that has been struggling with anxiety and depression since a young age. My childhood was rough, parents separated at the age of 6. My dad and I weren't very close but he was the stable parent. My mother got addicted to meth shortly after my parents divorced. The time I would spend with my mom was always so hectic. She would move from place to place, all of which were dirty and never had food. She always had several men from local gangs staying with us as she was always in trouble with someone. I remember having one bed in the house and having to curl up with random men at night. She had been robbed several times, and by the age of 10 I have had a gun in my face on more then one occasion. She met a guy that seemed nice, but we found him overdosed on heroin. She left for a couple years shortly after my 13th birthday. I thought she had died. She later came back and asked for me to support her in treatment. Which I did.
She did good for a few years. At the age of 19 I became pregnant with my son. I wasn't prepared but I was very much in love with his father (who i had dated for 4 years). I had my son and shortly after my sons dad had revealed he has slept with a large portion of my girlfriends, soon after I left him. I was living with him and his grandma, as we were her caregiver. Me and my son at that po...
|Posted by anonymous at May 18, 2012|
I'm trying to find a job. I have anxiety and I really am trying hard to get over that. But I'm afraid and my stomach hurts so much after every interview. And I need the money for college. PS I'm not from America. I feel lonely, I have friends, but none of them really get me...my being...the passion I have for life..the emotions..everything. Shit happens but you get over it. So as the time goes by, you are left with yourself to rely upon, on everything. So I sit inside and read books, watch studio ghibli movies, read more books. When the weather is nice I sometimes go out by myself. I have friends, well, 3 friends and the rest are acquaintances. One "friend" is an asshole and abusive. The other is full of drama. The third one is good, but still doesn't get me. I know others don't have even one and would wish what I have, I'm just not contempt with this. Should I accept these dysfunctional relationships or should I say I want something better? When something bad happens to me I get over it. And then..I'm left with nothing. All those feelings, you know, those meaningful things, things so important you could die for them. I don't think they exist. It's just imagination. That doesn't even bother me. Before I had hope. And no, this isn't something out of the blue, I've been feeling like this for a looong time. But what can I do? Except complain? Can I change this? I've met new people, everybody I've met is superficial. So I'm alone inside again, I'll just go and read...There ar...
|Posted by Aris at May 13, 2012|
Been raped, abused, assaulted physically as a child and more and more as I was growing up. I am fragmented in so many pieces, I don't know what to do with myself. I can't go down the street of my house without getting flashbacks. I don't get sleep, because my nightmares jolt me up. I've attempted more than my share been brought back to life once. I been to mental institutions where they should have had a law suit, the way I was treated.
I am not asking for a pity party. I just want the shit to stop. I want all the panic attacks, anxious, hyper-vigilance, "every time I hear a fucking fire-engine I go bat shit crazy" to stop.
I want the constant switching of these other people to stop happening. It's affecting my job. It's affecting my relationships not only with my boyfriend. I can't even believe I have one. It's affecting my relationships with my friends. I could say I am more stable now than I was five years ago, but frankly I'm a just barely keeping myself together by a hair.
And then of course there is the pain and other illnesses to deal with and I'm just sick of it. I feel I'm a leach, and I self injure. And for all you internet guys who go online and get your rocks off on reading this stuff, and making fun, go stick your baccullum or clitorum in a bear trap.
|Posted by anonymous at May 12, 2012|
I can't live with this anxiety any more. Everyday I feel the pressure and I can't function. There are good days when I get motivation(the longest period it lasted was about half a day) where I live in an illusion that everything will be okay. Everything will not be okay since just thinking it will and not doing anything will not make things better. I feel life is slowly letting go of me. And maybe one day I will snap and and it all. This society and everything. How can I function? I won't be telling you the story of my life. It's not even worth it. I am not worth it. And this anxiety will be the end of me. Why can't I just be normal? Function normal? Why am I like this? Nobody can love me because I don't love myself. I just feel lifeless and numb but at the same time my legs shake and I worry and everything is confusing. I don't think I'm crazy. I can't even get help. I hate this society and myself for not being strong.
|Posted by Useless Man at April 25, 2012|
I have always been a good student but a patient of anxiety and social phobia since childhood.
When I was small I didn't think about it because I didn't know what anxiety is.
In all my engineering time, I kept of studying...day and night.
In my 3 year, I got anxiety period, I felt horrified even to go to groceries store.
That continued till the end of college.
How I managed to pass the exams, I cant explain anyone.
After I completed my engineering, my anxiety got a bit low. I kept on studying.
Coz of fear and anxiety, I took a local job instead of good ones coz of anxiety.
I kept on studying.
After 2 years I decided to go to big city for a job, but when I left my current job, I got sad and anxious again and had to take medication !
After getting numb by these medicines, I went to a big city with my mom !
Lol, can u imagine ! I went with my 60+ years old mom while I was a 25 years old young man!
anyways my anxiety got worse and finally after 5 months I gave up the job. In all those 5 months I kept on studying and finally thought that my hard work is paying me.
But unfortunately after 5 months I had to come back to my home.
Now for the last 1 year, I am jobless but still I am studying ! lol
Dont know if I will just keep on studying only in my life and will ever earn a penny out of it.
When my friends are earning 10's of thousand rupees, I am just sitting at my home and eating the food earned by hard work of my bro.
I am dying everyday. Dont know what to do now.
God is unfair with me.
|Posted by anonymous6 at April 23, 2012|
I am 24 years old. I had an amazing childhood, my family was wealthy, I went to a good school, had a mother and siblings that would do anything for me and vice versa. In my teenage years my father (who I had always viewed as such an amazing, strong and honest man) attempted suicide. Thankfully, he failed. After this incident it came to light that he was not so honest, my family and I where forced into witness protection as he had wronged alot of people (financially and through countless affairs, despite being married to my mother) and my father went to jail. My mother was left with 4 children on her own. She did an amazing job caring for us with what little we where left with. For years I thought I was fine and my fathers wrongs didnt effect me. As I get older I am starting to realise that since I never dealt with any of my emotions back then, they are taking their toll now. As I said I am 24, I have never been in a relationship with a man. I have had very fleeting flings but never even been on a date. Over the last 12 months I have developed an anxiety disorder and some days even going to the supermarket physically makes me nauseous. I used to be such a friendly and carefree person and now since I am so shut off I am unable to form any new friendships and my existing relationships are suffering. I am becoming obsesed with my appearance, agonising over every calorie consumed, consistently checking myself out in the mirror and forever wondering what people are thinking about me. Although I am aware of my increasing psychological issues, I am powerless to stop them.
|Posted by anonymous at April 23, 2012|
No career, not married yet and I got one more year off the calendar, no friends not by choice, and all I had was my ex bf who knows How my life is and yet always emotionally torment me first before he ignore and abandons me...
why doesnt he feel sympathy for me and seems he really enjoys tormenting me and i have anxiety and panic attacks and he would emotionally torment me more when it happens and will take pleasure of me chasing after him and keep calling him and texting and he tells me if I were to kill myself oh well thats on me... all i want is to be his friend cause he is all i have but he would emotionally torment me and im sooo stupid i cant help but chase and chase him... i chase cause i dont have nobody else... but why does he not feel any sympathy for me and never will he sat sorry and he would tell me its my fault and i have to say sorry and he always yell and get mad for the smallest things... yet im the dumbest girl on earth cause i cant control it and keep chasing him and i hate it. he is like the devil..
I know I am to blame cause I am letting him do this to me but I dont want to be all alone and he is the only one who I go out with and escape me from personal problems...
I know I have God and Idk why I still feel alone and keep chasing an ex who clearly takes pleasure in emotionally tormenting me... But why cant I just leave him aloneee... No I dont love him or want him anymore after all that torment heckk no but Idk why I just cant leave him alone..
|Posted by Bap at April 22, 2012|
I don't usually do things like this, but today has been a bad day.
I know there are people out there who have harder/worse lives than me.
Do I care? At this point in my life no, no I don't. I used to.
Here it goes I guess.
I tried to kill myself when I was 15. I still want to die, I think about it daily. I'm 26 and my life is just shit.
I suffer from panic/anxiety, depression, poly-cystic ovaries, type 2 diabetes and a few other things. I'm overweight - tried dieting, just doesn't work for me. I'll lose 20 lbs and gain 40 back. I disgust myself. I'm not an ugly girl but I'm not drop dead gorgeous - guess plain Jane-ish. I have no self confidence.
I've been seeing a therapist,shit doesn't help. Been on and off of meds they don't do anything for me except zombify me.
I'm stuck living with/caring for my mother, sister, and nephew (he suffers from mild autism) I don't know what the deal is, it's like everyone here is helpless and can't do shit for themselves.
It's hard. Most of the time I have the patience to deal with him. But over the last 2-3 months its been harder. I've been getting irritated/angrier at/with him faster. And that makes me feel so horrible. I know he's only 4 and he can't help being the way he is.
He was extremely agitated tonight. If any of you know anyone with autism you may know how they can get when they're like that.
And tonight I just blew up. I have this fan in my room and every time he comes in he just will not leave the fan alone. I ask him to stop and he won't so tonight he was over there cramming stuff inside it and I lost it. I just jumped up grabbed the fan and bashed the shit out of it on my dresser. *sigh* I....
So I cried and cut myself and ended up here.
I have no one to talk to. I have one friend,and she only uses me.
So this is how life sucks for me, atm.
|Posted by Rae at April 21, 2012|
I'm 22 years old. I graduated from college a year ago and just got a great new job which I'll be starting next week. I have a boyfriend and a few close friends and on the outside, things seem to be mostly okay.
I have always struggled with depression and anxiety. I've had problems with both my entire life. My mother is bi-polar (as was my grandmother, when she was still cognizant of things) and would become manic and have psychotic breakdowns requiring hospitalization every few years throughout my childhood. I have never seen my mother hold a job. She is financially supported by my 96 year old grandmother who has advanced dementia and doesn't know who any of her family members are anymore. My father is terminally ill with emphysema and has been hospitalized four times in the past two years (three of those four in a span of about six months). We all live in my grandmother's house. Up until pretty recently, my father worked a regular job every day, but since his illness has gotten worse, he stays home and works part time from the living room couch and naps most of the rest of the day. My mother's entire side of the family suffers from mental illness and are difficult people to deal with. A lot of fighting, miscommunication, jealousy, shaming, and blaming goes on here. If that were all it was, it'd be easier to just hate everyone and not feel so emotionally attached, but there is a also a deep love and family structure underneath it all, despite how dysfunctional everyth...
|Posted by belli at April 20, 2012|
well..im 19 & just now about to be out of high school. not goin to my graduation( becuause i dont have really anyone who's gonna cheer me on & otha ppl from my school are bringing like their whole family & i dont want to look unknown & retarted when they call my name & no one clap i also dont have any money for a dress). Not going to my prom becuase i have no date & no friends..theres no reason for me to go & look like a complete dumb ass and spend my night in the bathroom crying my eyes out. my dad died when i was 10 and my mom is disabled and not able to drive. we have no car, no money no anything..i really has been attempting to look for a job but no luck yet..even if i find a job i have no way to get there. i cant ride the bus becuase i have BADD anxiety and very much afraid of people and fear ill be ran over or raped. ive been trying to get into better shape so maybe i can be a stripper...but im ugly so no one would even pay me to strip..my aunt use to drive me places but now for some reason she hates me & let that be pretty much known..my hopes foe college are pretty much on hold for now..im in need of money bad..thinking bout joining the military...maybe they will send me to iraq & my horrible life will end..suicide is something i think about daily..but iam afraid to kill my self. and i dont wanna leave my mom..people talk crap about me daily and just dont understand what i'am going threw and how much i'am hurting..well..i guess god will direct my life the way he want it to go...i dont even know if this will make it on the site but if it do..always remember no matter how bad ur life is..someones wayyyy worse..OHH & ON TOP OF ALL DAT.. I HAVE BAD ASS ACNE & ME STRESSING IS MAKEING IT WORSE...FML
|Posted by jj at April 20, 2012|
I live in a fantasy world. My life currently involves sleeping and playing video games. I developed severe social anxiety when I was 13 (now mid 20's) and effectively have lost the will to live at this point. I live with my mother, no job, no friends, not even a license. I am chronically ashamed of my life and do everything I can to hide it. My biggest fear is being unoccupied; to let my mind remain idle is the scariest experience relative to the world I live in (let alone the real world, outside, that is something I haven't experienced in years). I have a deep inferiority complex that's hidden beneath a superiority complex that I can barley maintain. My personality is defined by my pathologies; my own identity alludes me; I disassociate from myself due to this crippling guilt that pervades every aspect of my pathetic little life. I cry myself to sleep every night. I am sadistic towards myself and hate myself at so many levels; I hate myself for hating myself because the reasons for hating myself are values that I cannot seem to shake which produces this cognitive dissonance which just causes even further frustration. Denial is my best friend. I don't even know who I am anymore, I feel like I live in a dream and would dearly like this dream to end but I'm too much of a coward go do it myself.
|Posted by anonymous at April 17, 2012|
Im in 9th grade. I feel i should be enjoying myself and all but this weird feeling is popping up more and more. I keep feeling more sad and angry. I cant go to sleep at night because I am too busy crying and resenting my past. I know I should look in the future but the stuff I did in the past are the cause for my future. I screwed up in Geometry, so I think my dreams of majoring in science at columbia is tarnished. I really like this girl and she even talks to me ( I do not have much friends who are girls) I dont think she likes me though, she is just too nice. I feel I am getting more dumb as well, I am barely sticking in there in school and put in twice the effort. Everyone looks so happy around me but it just makes me feel worse. All of the crap Im babbling about may sound petty, but if you really know how depressed I always felt through my entire life for no reason, you should understand that it feels ten times worse when there are actually situations to be depressed about. I want to live like an ordinary kid and feel happy but I always come out short and feel more depressed. Is this highshcool I am experiencing. If you couldnt guess by now I am one of those shy kids in public, loud around my firends ( and when I try to impress this girl I like). I would call my self a nerd, but I have decent not the best grades. THis is the first time I spoke my feelings so I am sorry if it is hard to understand
|Posted by Jennifer at April 14, 2012|
I have really bad anxiety and used to b really shy to the point people thought I had no personallity n was boring. Im 25 now and over being shy anf im a really friendly girl however I have no friends only aquaintances idesperately want friends but ive accepted im gba b a,loner. I have a bf but he makes my life rally stressfull and I feel trapped. I want to just run Away fron my life. I have 3 kids so thats not really possible. All I ever do is work takibf care of people in rgeir homes and cook n clean. I cone home to a dirty house everyday even tho my bf is home alll dau long. He recently lost his job so now I have to worry about,paying all the bills.i have no money for anything I want now. I just want to be able to have sun fun in life but its all the same and,when im not working im home w the kids. My bf hardly ever wants me to go anywhere and last time I went out he told my 7 yr old that I was out drinkin n driving!im constantly accused of talking to my ex and deleting it, I get attitude from,him when my kods dad calls to talk to the kids, I gta always hear him put my ex diwn and if I say anything thats bc I want him still.i just am very stressed out right now and feel like everyday nothing good will happen, theres no me time, no excitement at all and im to the point where I dont wana b around my bf bv I fed up w his inmaturity and im tired of him taking ec
Verything out on me. Im really tired of having no friends too.
|Posted by Scared at April 9, 2012|
I have Social Anxiety and Depression. I've been battling it for many years. I still have thoughts of suicide no matter how many times i try to block it out of my mind. My father is in jail and my mom hates me. I'm the black sheep of my family. I have never gotten anything right no matter how much I try, I have the worst luck known to man, I am litterly a waste of space. i act like I don't give a fuck about a lot of things but I actually do. I care too much about what people think and that's what stops me from doing the things I want to do. I am a coward and I am nothing. I don't even think I will even pass my senior year because my anxiety is so bad that i'm failing. I wish I didn't have so many problems and will make my family proud and myself. I don't want to be a loser. That's all I'm asking for.
|Posted by alin at April 9, 2012|
I am easily depressed. I get stressed when I am put under pressure which is most of the time. I feel like I am just a tool to everybody because i have a problem of saying no to people. I have been under tremendous pressure this past couple of months. Sometimes and most of the time i feel like i just want to give up on life and believe that what i had done is enough but i never can. I still push myself to try and be better and in doing so i push myself to the edge. I've been feeling suicidal again this past few weeks. I keep thinking that i want to die and that i just don't have to worry about anything anymore when I am dead. I don't like feeling like this. i hate it. The last time i feel like this i actually tried to slit my wrist. I want to enjoy life. I want to worry a bit less. I just want to stop feeling that life is meaningless and actually have fun.