LIFE SUCKS : Anxiety

Why do I have to stay here?

I suffer from depression and anxiety, and there's no telling when my head is going to start screwing around with me and making me miserable on any given day. I lost my religion nine years ago, and life has been meaningless ever since. Don't tell me to get God back into my life, because I don't and can't believe in God. I just have to face the fact that life, in general, is completely pointless. As such, I don't understand why I am expected to tough it up and stick around when I don't feel like fighting misery anymore. Why can't I end it if I so choose? Why is that seen as such a selfish abomination? None of this, my life, my actions, anything that anyone ever does, none of it means anything or persists in the long run (and I mean LONG run). I'm just killing time, trying to outlast the bad times, until my day comes. I just hope I don't have to wait 60 years to see that day.

Hmm

My grandfather has recently been diagnosed with alzhimers and my mother recently said she was glad to accept that he had 'died' in soul. I had never thought of it like that, so now i'm thinking about my reality. I keep wondering what the point of it all is, we lose our minds to ourselves, over thinking or otherwise. I mean the man has had 5 diffferent types of cancer, makes it through that and now he has a slow and painful death ahead of him where he will lose all his bodily functions and probably die confused like a child, after thinking hes being kept in a prison for months on end.

Also, nobody seems to understand that this is hard, and keeps shouting at me for trying to talk to them about it, when they are busy reading about the latest celebrity problem or sex problem.

Also, I have spots all over my face, an anxiety disorder and no money. having no money is a problem for me, but when it comes to my father not working or my younger sister that is okay. I think i get it from everyone about their emotional issues, they take it out on me without asking how I might be feeling.

Also, when I say this to anyone close they proceed to announce that their relative not only had cancer, but a leg missing and were blind too (okay, not quite but you get the point). My councilor is more interested in telling me other people's problems and ways to ignore my anxieties but the truth is, I CAN'T BE BOTHERED. What is the point when life picks off all the best ones either too young, or drags out a painful death for the old.

Also, there is a murder trial currently happening in which a person close to me was stabbed by another close to me. Reading the disgusting details in the news daily is not adding to my sense of well being in the world.

Thinking about the future

I came across this site online and im so glad to know that im not the only one it hates my life or life in general.

Okay so why does my life suck here it goes:
No Job
No G/F
No friends
No house of my own.
I have a learning disability it interfers with learning a job or going to school.

Im 32yrs old now with no money and living in my parents basement lol. I dont see a
future for myself. Everything I do seems to be complicated for me, and I always have the worst of luck usally.

In my 29th year of my life, I started Having Anxiety attacks, in which I would get the dry heaves or puke when ever i felt nervous, i couldnt eat or leave my room
until I got on some Meds, and im still on these meds, and i like having energy but i feel so tired all the time.

If anyone can relate to me, leave a short msg.

Sometimes I just think some people were born into the world to suffer until they
die. I just hope Heaven is a better place then this, or else we are all screwed.

Wtf is the point?

28 years old.
Molested at a young age.
Never cared for by my mother, she cares only for herself due to having NPD and being bipolar.
Misunderstood by everyone in my entire family so I try to hide my life from them just to avoid being hassled with their assumptions about me.
Stricken with severe Social Anxiety that keeps me from relating to others.
Unemployed.
Unable to connect with a woman, always ends the same way due to my insecurity.
Addicted to drugs, mostly opiate pain killers.
Live at home with my Dad who disrespects me daily.
Only "serious" relationship was with a schizo that ended up fucking my friends.
No possessions of value, all money goes to drugs despite my attempts to remain clean.

Yeah, it sucks. But one day I'll recover and all these bad experiences will have taught me some lessons that I can hopefully share with those worthy of my knowledge. Or y'know, /suicide.

Life is hard but you can get through it.

Happiness does not come easily. I suffer from Anxiety attacks. I had them since I was 13 and they still come back from time to time. You know the feeling when your heart starts pounding, you start shaking, and the sweating and the short of breathe. Yes, it sucks and it’s so hard to control them. I can get one at any minute of any day. Avoiding it is a choice you can choose but it can make you so withdrawn from life. Anxiety can later turn into depression, which is something I’m currently trying to avoid. I love life, but the anxiety takes away half of it. I wish I never got Anxiety attacks. I wish it could just disappear. But it’s too late and I know that. The best thing I can do is control it and avoid the things that make my Anxiety grow. Everything is alright. This is my story.

anxiety consumes me

My head always feels like its about to crack open, my heart might stop my jaw muscles spasm and then I can't stop clenching all muscles medicine dosent help and my parents think its all in my head. Ya I hate feeling like a freak but my anxiety has Me by the neck.

duno wat to do

hi im stuck hard! well i was in a serious relationship for bout 6 months i started to settle down because she had a kid an things were starting to go good for me until i joined fb and it all went wrong.after we broke up things just kept goin wrong so called friends started lieing to me and i started becoming paranoid.i started using drugz heavily again and now become insocialable and paranoid all the time iv lost all my so called friends iv found out my x has been sleeping around the group and has now destroyied everything for me. i suffer from social axiety so meeting new people has always been dificult i duno wat to do im stuck an feeling xtremely depressed and i now cant trust no 1 plz help!

All consuming guilt

I'm sure it comes as no surprise when I say this is the loneliest I have ever felt.

I'm a 20-year-old college student who should be having the time of her life. Instead I spend most of my days alone in my bedroom staring blankly at the wall, my computer screen, or the TV. Every time I think about what I'm missing out on I cry.
My friends all left for college and I stayed home to attend a local community college. I never hear from them. My parents and siblings ignore me even though I practically beg for attention. My father is a drunk and hasn't said more than one word to me each day for months. My siblings never notice the pain I am going through each day.
I have serious anxiety and worry constantly. I am a perfectionist and I am never good enough. I push people away when all I really want is for someone to hold me, to touch me, to tell me it'll be okay. I've never felt any support from anyone in my life, and I don't know how to ask for it.
I am constantly overwhelmed by feelings of guilt. I feel guilty for even writing this because I know there are people out there who are worse off than I am.
I am afraid to be close to anyone. I'm afraid no one will ever love me.
I don't know how to change my negative thinking, but I know if I don't I will never be happy. I feel completely alone.

Anxious and Alone

I'm 24 years old and my problems make my life hell. I have a mild form of Autism known as Asperger's Syndrome. I have a few friends but most weekends go by and I'm hanging with my parents because I'm SO lonely and no one calls! I'm way overweight. I have no job. I take one class at a time at a Community College and I see a therapist and one day a week I volunteer. Other than that I do NOTHING all day. My anxiety makes it hard for me to leave my apartment so I never go anywhere without my boyfriend who's sick of me bitching at him all the time because I need more meds or maybe less meds, who knows? My brain is so fucked up I can't do anything normal people do everything I do feels so hard to do. I'm tired of shoving pills down my throat every day knowing that my anxiety is still a ten and the only thing I can do really well in this world is eat and eat and eat. I don't sleep at night I can't calm my anxiety down enough to fall asleep and my schedule is ass backwards. I am so bored and lonely. It's not the disability that keeps me from getting a job, it's the anxiety it creates. I am so desperate for someone to help me.

there is no cure

i have had anxiety and deppresion all my life and no one understands me because they werent born with a chemical embalence in the brain. i have tried so many differant types of medication but they always give negative side effects and i have to get off them. if that seems like it cant get any worse i am also an ugly fat guy who is a complete turn off to every woman in the world. i dont think there is a woman in the world that finds me attractive. i will never get a girlfriend. even if i was good looking and had girls all over me. it would still not work out do to my anxiety and deppresion like i already mentioned. i am pretty much afraid of everything and because of this i dont drive or go to college because im to timid. i have a boring job at my dads factory that he owns. but maybe one day i can take over. it would probably make me a little more succesful with women but i strongly dought it. any ways i hope there is a cure for all of my horrific problems that have plagued me all my life. im afraid that my only cure is shock therepy to my brain at a mental institution. life really does suck big time.

I am totally fed up work all the hours but just live to survive paying bills etc never any left to save, health is not to good recetly my fam was in a car crash leaving them depressed and now sufferin gwith anxiety. my child is now ill aswell I just fight a never losing battle of shit and get nowhere

I Dumb Life Dumb

I hate everything,I'm ugly and I have paranoid schizophrenia my life has always sucked I recall no pleasant memories i had a terrible childhood my father smoked crack and would leave for extended periods when he was home he would beat the shit out of me as did my mother she was also so very cold and emotionless. I've never had friend in my life.I never get to leave my house because my dad won't let me,this has resulted in major social anxiety a trip to the doctor or grocery store or whatever almost always results in a panic attack and I have no education I admit that is my fault for dropping out of school due to anxiety and depression I could have stuck it out .I'm such a loser I have no goals or anything to look forward to, I am always completely alone but that's fine I hate everyone any way I've spent the last 4 years laying in my bed & crying I should be in college or working but here I am: 19 in my parents house wishing I had the balls to kill myself. I used to collect vinyl records to pass the time and give me something to do but I don't care anymore it was just a waste of money,And I'm very embarrased I cared so much about a first press KING TUFF LP or whatever the fuck none of it matters life is so pointless,stupid and gross I'm a loser cry baby

shit happend

So why does my life suck, im bout to be 22 pretty much had to raise my self growing up I was abused by my step father cause I wasnt his son.. I grew up in disfunctional family always had money problems my father was addicted to alcohol and cocaine always beat for no reason my would try and protect me but would never could... When I was 6 I had to watch my mother beat like a man cause she didn't have money for beer I remember sitting there crying as she mopped up her own puddle of blood.. Going to school never had money for clothes anythin tht but hey no one said life would be fair butt yet didn't think out was this hard, use to sit and wish someone would Judd take me away... Whn I in my teens I stated having panac attacks had so my stress and nerves didn't know wht to do, poetry much my life has sucked, butt for some reason I feel I have to bottle it all in and it hurts cause no one knows the pain behind the mask they just see me i'm always laughing trying put my front on I live a lonely life but try and never show out..i'm a real deterring person always hoeing for the best but expecting the worst...

When will I ever be happy.

My life was always pretty lonely. I didn't have many friend my mom would always cry because everytime she picked me up from school I was hanging out alone. That situation sort of improved as I got older, I was still sort of a loner but I hung out with people more. At 16 I started developing depression but I wasn't aware of what was going on. I made friends with this girl who had schizoaffective disorder, and we remained friends until my first year of college. Right around the time of graduation I started developing hypochondria. It started getting really really bad I had to go to the hospital for a panic attack I went to many doctors who all said I was perfectly healthy even though I felt like I was dying. Everytime I get sick now I start panicking that I have a really terrible disease. Anyway back to the friend,she and I became really close but then I started seeing her true colors. At the time she was suicidal and very emotional and she used to drive me crazy. She would text me call me and I would spend hours everyday trying to console her on the phone. It was so exhausting and it really worsened my stress. After my first year of college we fought constantly and never talked since. Throughout college I was depressed and tired because I was lonely and stressed. These days my hypochondria is still really bad, and my depression has gotten worse. I'm lonely, I have great friends and great family, but I feel so lonely. I've never had a boyfriend/no first kiss, never done much because I live at home. I feel so pathetic.

trying to keep it together

well im not sure were to start, but i have being suffering from ocd depression anxiety since i was a kid, it all started when i was 6, i grew up in a shit hole of a town i had a fight with dis kid then after that i was bullied daily for 4 years till we moved i was afraid to leave the house or go to school with out getting beat up or tormented even when i did fight back it continued and i just rember thinkin how can dis happin to a six or 7 years old how couldnt the parents stop it,i couldnt sleep at night or be left in the dark u realise now 20 years later that was the first start of my general anxietythen we finally moved house it was the happiest day of my life it was ok for a few months then my ocd kicked in,i still remember the i got a disturbing tought in my head that if i sold my soul to the devil in my mind it would happen i stared to do rituals to distract my self i couldnt get the thought of my head i finally told my parents after months of mental tourture and panic and they never brought me to see a doctor, i was only 10 years old after that i just pretending it wasnt happening even though dis thought were tearing me apart night and day,a 10 year old dosent know wtf ocd is they just think i better not tell anybody even though it was affecting me, and then the bulligg stared again nearly i dentical to what happened years before but now 10 times worse they guy that was bully mestared hanging out with my fdriends turned them against me i was beated up on the way t...

life seems impossible

I feel like giving up, it doesn't matter no one cares about me, they all hate me, they would all watch me die and do nothing.I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for the most part of my life and I now know that i'll never be accepted in society because I'm gay, the worse part is that everyone wonders why I have social anxiety and critise and judge me constantly. I can never have friends be around people they dont want to be around me, I'm just so tired, it's no one's fault just my destiny, maybe I am suppose to commit suicide. I cant go to school or work because of my social anxiety, am I suppose to live off my hard working parents? I admit defeat life is for the living, I have been dead a long time ago. I feel like I have to do the honourable thing there is just no point anymore. I will try goin to therapy and not give up.

Alone...

I used to have a lot of friends more than I could count 6 months ago, then after graduation and going to college I don't see my friends. My best friend and I got in a fight because his girlfriend hated me for no reason. He just chose her over me (his best friend for 4 years), and he's barely know her for a year.

I have no contact with any friends, no one talks calls or texts me anymore. I've had depression, but it's gotten a lot worse. I don't have anyone to talk to my problems with, my brother causes me stress and acne, I have no girlfriend, I have social anxiety, and college is kicking my butt because no one can get their $#!t straight except for me. My parents think I'm evil because I like anime and am depressed.

I am alone, my ex-friends took me to a strip club last week (I didn't want to go, I thought it was a dance club.), and I became more depressed as my money got wasted on crap.

i just hate my fucking life!

hi, my name is marie.

im 16 and i used to have a perfect life. im an illegitimate child but that doesnt stop me from having the fullest of life. i was popular at school, i have an amazing talent and i really have a high god damn grades. i had so many friends and i had the most gorgeous boyfriend. i felt like i was on the top of the world that time until one day my friends strted talking wrong shits about me all over the school. students then would discriminate me and all that shits. my bestfriend since preschool wouldnt talk to me and my teachers too have that grudge to me for no apparent reason makes me really wanna kill them. what makes it worse is that my father who hadnt showed up since i was born came back. i thoght it was gonna be okay but then it turn out that he was.only asking my mum for money.

i then had an anxiety disorder. im scared of all the people around me. im terrified of the thoughts of having gossips about me. damn! im afraid of everything. now, i stop going to school. and this anxiety also stopped me from dancing. and now i turn out to be pregnant. shit! shit! shit! i wanna kill myself. im afraid to tell this to my mum. i dont have any friends. me and my boyfriend got into a huge fight. and im stuck in this fucking situation.

damaged goods

Every time I get close to happiness or success something happens to screw it up. I have had severe depression and anxiety and had to drop out of college. I got breast cancer and now have fake, scarred boobs. I have severe social, dating anxiety. I finally found a guy that I like and feel safe with. I turned him down initially but one day I prayed that god would guide me and soften my heart. I saw him not an hour later and he invited me to a faith renewal seminar. My eyes were opened. I realized how much I liked him then 2 days ago I get a possible herpes diagnosis. Which by the way, I've only ever been with one person over ten years ago. That is the extent of my sexual experience. I know women who contstantly sleep around with many partners and have nothing!! It not fair!!! He's currently "reflecting" on it but I know it's over. He's germophobe. I know hes disgusted by me.
GOd, I asked you to soften my heart not break it!!!
To me you are colder and colder everytime. I hate my self. I hate my scars, I hate my social anxiety, I HATE hepes. I hate depression. Today, I hate You too.
It was so hard to date him. I had to push through so much anxiety, it was so hard but I did it becuase I like him so much I thought I might be falling in love. Now??? Hell no I am NEVER coming out of my shell. I am never taking a chance again!! Everyone can go to hell, fuck you all. Fuck God! This isn't fucking fair!!!
What the hell am I supposed to get out of this other than DETESTING myself!
Destesting scars, herpes, social anxiey, I don't like my home or my jobs very much, cant think of any good.

alone, broke, depressed

I am survivor of repeated childhood molestation along with physical and mental abuse, I was told my father was dead until I was 18 so that my mother could keep me there to releive some of the abuse my step father did to her. I was sold for drugs, made to solicit money, raised my siblings, went days without food, and seen my little sister murdered because i told about the sexual abuse. I was finally put in a foster fmaily only to be bullied and threatened at school, I cut school and was raped at gun point. I moved away for high school and my high school boyrfriend hung himself. I then somehow managed to get married to a man who thought it was a great idea to wake me up with his hand between my legs even though he knew about the abuse. When he wasnt terrorizing me at night he was running around with half the town or on the phone with phone sex operators at 9.99 a minute. Anyway ten years and three beautiful children later, and more affairs than I could keep track of I finally left. I moved home to be with family and I dont fit in in either side, to good for my moms side, not good enough for my dad's. My children dont listen. I was working and the guy who raped me in high school showed up and I had a panic attack and ended up losing the job, havent been able to keep a job since. I just started on medication for anxiety and depression, I am months behind on all my bills and will probably get evicted soon. I also have no way to provide christmas for my three children and the one thing they really wanted thier dad has promised and lied about for over a year. I feel like a failure to my children, to myself, and just in general. I cant seem to get ahead, I have had three knee injuries/surgeries in two years, I am morbidly obese, and I feel worhtless. If it were not for my children I would have found a way to end it all by now.