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Life is too hard

Posted by peter at April 30, 2011
Tags: Anxiety  2011 April  Attitude

I suffer from anxiety which makes every social situation painful for me. Anything that requires me to think on the spot usually causes me to stress out, unless I know the subject material really well.

I can come across as really normal when people first get to know me because I have pre learnt all the social cues necessary to appear normal. I am lucky that I speak rather articulately, so at first impressions people would probably think I'm rather intelligent but I'm sure that once they got to know me properly, they'de probably change their mind.

I am 25 years old and feel that my life is wasting away. I am well educated, having completed both and Engineering and a Commerce degree. However I felt that I worked very hard to get these qualifications and my marks were good. However it was at the expense of a near zilch social life. In terms of relationships I've only really ever had one which didn't last that long because I broke it off due to my insecurity of the whole affair. (I thought she was too good for me, not physically, but mentally I felt I was way less mature).

Many people around me think I'm really smart. Yet I put it down to really hard work. I feel the reason why I worked so hard was to cover up all my weaknesses such as anxiety and severe lack of a social life.

So I managed to get a job in my field that pays good money but I don't know if I'm happy there, nor do I know whether I'll be good at my job as its not just book smarts that allows you to succeed in the real world, which I'm starting to learn. I also don't even know if I want to be spending the rest of my life working now. I feel I've already missed out so much on the social scene and I'm only getting older.

I know on the outset people will look at me and go 'wow, he's worked hard, now hes got a good job bla bla' and think I must be happy but I'm not..


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Similar Entries:
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