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Life is too hard

Posted by peter at April 30, 2011
Tags: Anxiety  2011 April  Attitude

I suffer from anxiety which makes every social situation painful for me. Anything that requires me to think on the spot usually causes me to stress out, unless I know the subject material really well.

I can come across as really normal when people first get to know me because I have pre learnt all the social cues necessary to appear normal. I am lucky that I speak rather articulately, so at first impressions people would probably think I'm rather intelligent but I'm sure that once they got to know me properly, they'de probably change their mind.

I am 25 years old and feel that my life is wasting away. I am well educated, having completed both and Engineering and a Commerce degree. However I felt that I worked very hard to get these qualifications and my marks were good. However it was at the expense of a near zilch social life. In terms of relationships I've only really ever had one which didn't last that long because I broke it off due to my insecurity of the whole affair. (I thought she was too good for me, not physically, but mentally I felt I was way less mature).

Many people around me think I'm really smart. Yet I put it down to really hard work. I feel the reason why I worked so hard was to cover up all my weaknesses such as anxiety and severe lack of a social life.

So I managed to get a job in my field that pays good money but I don't know if I'm happy there, nor do I know whether I'll be good at my job as its not just book smarts that allows you to succeed in the real world, which I'm starting to learn. I also don't even know if I want to be spending the rest of my life working now. I feel I've already missed out so much on the social scene and I'm only getting older.

I know on the outset people will look at me and go 'wow, he's worked hard, now hes got a good job bla bla' and think I must be happy but I'm not..


Similar Entries:
life sucks when your smart and dont give a fuck October 27, 2010
You Dont Have To Be Alone May 3, 2011
Life is hard January 18, 2012
I try so hard August 18, 2011
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New Comment

By anonymous at 09,May,11 16:52

You need to stop being so hard on yourself. Relax and be proud now that you have reached your goals! And instead of thinking of a relationship as work (as college goals were)....just sit back and let fun happen naturally. Don't worry about creating a relationship. Go out, have fun, and see which people are meant to enter your life, and which take different paths. Keep the seriousness for wage earning, fun for the weekends.

By DanLONER at 10,May,11 02:07

So? Nothing much. Compare my life with yours.

By anonymous at 26,Oct,11 14:36

Your life is not wasting away. Your are just starting out. Don't stop yourself from socializing just because you feel like a fish out of water. Just remember that lots of people feel uncomfortable socially. We are all uncomfortable meeting new people socially. Remember, everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time. My father use to say that, and then he would add, nobody is any better than you.

Being smart is just one aspect of your personality. You've got that under control, now work on the other aspects of your personality.

Your life will suck if you don't work on being more social. If you have a friend or relative you can go with, try finding some "Meet Ups" in your area at, and join groups that center around your interests.

I am not suggesting online dating sites, because they suck. Joining groups of like minded people is better than online dating or going out to bars.

Don't worry about a relationship now, just find some groups and start meeting people who have the same interests as you. You will be surprised at how many "Meets Ups" are out there and near you.

Hang in there! You are young and have a lot of life ahead of you.
Good Luck!

By anonymous at 29,Oct,11 17:51

When I read your comments, it pretty much described what I am as well. I'd like to say itís good to know I'm not alone, but that doesn't make it any better. I'm 52 and Iím lived my entire life this way and I honestly don't think I can go on with it anymore. I thought it would change but it doesn't. I can't offer the same advice as the others had by telling you not to worry about it, the true fact of it is that this is difficult to live with.
It doesn't get better for people like you and I. I'm not sure how many more of us there are but if we were to meet each other, it would take a while to recognize each other for what we really are.
I also just go through the motions of social conversation by saying things I know people want to hear to make the conversation go smooth and most of the people are so impressed they end up liking me. They all want to be my friends which I donít want. I can only do people is small doses.
I believe I am a misanthrope by nature and like to keep to myself. Like you, I work so much to keep my mind occupied but really hated my last job. I have made huge money and bought all kinds of nice things. People think Iím rich and successful, the fact it that I work so much I have no other life.
2 weeks ago I made a big mistake. I was so upset at my workplace because I was mislead and lied to that I walked off my job. Now I canít find work and the odds of me finding a job that matches the pay and what I did for the past 23 years is slim to none.
Iím seriously considering checking out as I donít feel like struggling through it anymore. Like you, I was this way when I was 25 so Iím not going to sugar coat it. Just keep working your ass off, buy lots of nice things to make yourself feel good and make others envious.
It feels good when people look at you and say, ďwish I had his/her lifeĒ
By anonymous at 07,Nov,11 06:20

woah pls don't check out. You have a lot to offer this world, mentor somebody and make his/her life better!

By anonymous at 07,Nov,11 06:19


By anonymous at 12,Nov,11 14:37

are you serious?

Look, you need perspective but I don't suggest finding it the hard way, ie throwing where you are now and realizing later what a huge mistake that was. Maybe just volunteer somewhere where people are struggling to put a roof over their heads.

Also, nearly everyone does the same thing socially speaking, we are all taught these preliminary responses which tend to glorify our personalities. I do the same thing, and almost everyone I have ever met as well.

You are not going to have trouble finding a girl with 2 degrees and a good job. Buy yourself a nice car and take a course at a local University. Maybe something you are comfortable with and can show off your knowledge in. Maybe offer to tutor a girl you are interested in. Maybe ask her to have lunch before class. Then maybe dinner after?

By anonymous at 23,Jan,12 19:06

I respect what some of the people are saying as far as "do this, do that" to feel better but they don't really understand what depression and anxiety are like to live with. The smallest things are so overwhelming. I am relatively normal looking I think...part of my brain knows this and yet I spend hours looking at my flaws and hating myself to the point that I hide out. It doesn't matter if everyone in the world thought I was gorgeous, it's what I think of myself and I don't know how to change that. I can understand how those people feel when they can't seem to find happiness in life. Everyone should feel lucky to be alive and want to try to improve things in tehir life but I'm not sure it's possible so I guess my only advice is to try and make it to tomorrow and hope that something happens tomorrow that makes life worth living. Good luck.
By anonymous at 25,Mar,12 20:36

Depression makes change impossible on your own. Therapy helps as well as anti depressants. Doing nothing will make it worst. Doing something, anything, helps.

By anonymous at 14,Aug,12 00:38

Please listen to the comments about depression, it screws up how you see things. Please trust me this can change in a few months if you give it a chance it WILL change. I know from personal experience just like you.

By nike free 3.0 at 30,Mar,15 23:32

The CBC News audience has had a huge reaction to

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