LIFE SUCKS : Loneliness

lonely

i just dont know who should i turn to. my parents getting divorce and my sister x love me at all. my family was never happy all this while. well honestly, i gv up with them few years ago. i hate my dad, for some reasons. my mum never understands me. they controlled everyting, including my future. now that im bigger, i stands for myself n nvr let them take in charge of my life. i think i kinda hurt them n i feel bad about it.

i have bf, he loves me 2 years ago, but now it seems like he dun love me at all. he has lots of pretty girl- friends and i know he never cheated on me. i love him so much and becoz of his support, i able to stand up and fight. but, one of his girl- friend fell in love with him, even she denies it, but i know. i know the way she looked at him, the way she put her status everytime he was with me. she spreads rumours about me to his family, until they all hate me- even they never meet me before! i told him dat if he loves her, he can just leave me coz i dun want to argue about it. but he refuses to let me go. she also spread rumours about me in college, and everyone looked at me like i owe them, like i don't deserve to exist in the world. i dont hv any friends that i can trust, coz they tends to tell others about my story and talks behind my back. i only had him, but now, he seems so far away from me. how i wish i can tell him how i feel, coz each time i told him to, he never listen to me and said that i x trust him. i feel bad now. i am very lonely. i cry almost everyday. i also diagnosed with depression 2 years ago. suicide? definately crossed my mind thousands of time.

i just wanna share this, as i keep it in my heart for so long. i have no one to turn to..

i hate my life

i really really hate my life because i look around at other people are so fkn happy have ppl have their back very few downfalls but always overcome and here i am by myself no family no one who really gives a shit no spouse just me and my kids so i refuse to not provide but the quality of life sucks that i can give and at the end of the day i dont do shit for myself. i start diets never finish them i hate my body now so i dont get dressed up dont look in the mirror and always revert back to the same attitude and same lifestyle cuz im tired of shit not working out for me no results no big changes im scared to take on more responsiblity to live better because im scared of failing an getting back at point one so all this makes me miserable i go eat, lock my self in my room, cry and get angry and do it allllllll the fuck over again. this is my life. woooooopty fkn do!

sad

I'm 33, ever since i was 15 i alienated all friends because i didnt want to associate with anyone who used any kind of drugs. None were left. I decided that i would just be alone for this life and hope for a next one to do things a little different, even though i dont really believe it. I became very lonely at 29, so lonely that i would be with anyone and accept any flaw, no matter what happened i wouldnt regret it because i wouldnt be alone anymore. I was with her for 3 years, it was a nightmare, and now i am alone again. I thought i would like being alone again but i am dying inside, i am completely non-emotional anymore and basically a dead version of myself. I left my job, have no money, wrecked my car and didnt even care, drove the wreck thinking i could just bungee everything, because who cares? no one.
I'm thinking of becoming an alcoholic and masturbate every day until i die, getting a worthless job and not even trying to get educated in any profession. I dont ever want kids because i know i wouldnt be a good father. I dont think i could commit suicide, but im beginning to understand it, and if i attempt it, i wont need a 2nd time. What is there worth living for, when you have nothing and no one, and unsure of what to do with yourself for however many days you have left?
I'm so insignificant, i feel like a mouse in a corner or lint under a couch cushion. Knowing that you all are also insignificant doesnt help my outlook, i know people been through very hard times, some didnt live through them, and even so, i feel like the saddest person on earth.

Same....

Cant help but feel like the last loner on earth. I'm twenty, blew every chance i had for a relationship, and feel like complete shit. I usually question my existence and wish to just disappear. I can never commit suicide for personal reasons, so i feel trapped and doomed to a depressing life. Hate that my not virgin friends tell me its all about confidence and self esteem, none which i have and will never understand cuz I'm a virgin and they're not. Only person i can completely open up to is my therapist but i wish i knew somebody outside the counseling center. My trust issues prevent me from opening up with friends. Throw social anxiety, paranoia, and extreme sexual frustration and you get me. Fuck love everything about it.......

My Life seems like nothing

I'm always unhappy, lonely and bored. And I have no idea why. I'm a shy person with few friends and high school feels like hell to me. I do have a best friend but even around her I still feel like crap. I'm fifteen, I'm not supposed to feel this way. I should be out having fun but instead I just sit in my room all day. I really don't understand what's wrong with me and I'm kind of worried because I have felt like this for years. Plus I also sorta have an eating disorder which maybe have something to do with how I feel. But I'm skinny and I do think I'm pretty. But for some reason I still feel like nothing.

widowed twice

I'm 45 and have already lost two husbands. My first husband died 6 yrs. ago at the age of 38. He was the LOVE of my life. We were together for over 20 yrs. and have 2 kids. Then I tried love again 3 yrs. ago and he died in June of 2011 at the age of 47. What is wrong with me? I can't keep a husband alive. I outlive all of them. I'm terrified to ever marry again, but I don't like screwing around either. I HATE being alone. All the widows I know can't relate to me because I'm much, much younger than them. I'm truly alone in every sense. Nobody understands.

I'm so tired.

You know what hurts?
When everyone you care about leaves you. I am constantly fighting to have my friends stick around because it kills me to know that without them i have nothing while if they lose me it's like losing a leaf from a fully healthy tree. So unneccesary. I find myself crying because i wish i had the social skills of other people. I wish i was more outgoing. I wish i could make others laugh. I wish i was atleast decently good looking so people can atleast want me around for that.

Sadly i'm none of the above. I don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't do drugs, and i don't party. I spend the most time in my bedroom writing poetry and stories to lament for my lack of friends. And family? Even worse. They never come looking for me when i constantly call them trying to achieve some kinda bond. But it never happens. They never care. If i had just one person i know i could turn to when i feel like this would i be here now? Absolutely not.
My life sucks because i have nobody and i have to fight to make bonds with people. I'm awkward, i'm shy, and i don't have a backbone.
I'm lonely, i'm tired, and i only have the company of myself.

Lonely midlife

I really don't know how to start to tell my story. I just feel sad, lonely and wonder whether there is any one person who really cares about me. I am not young and many times I think I probably will die alone. My body starts to deteriorate, my emotion has been very negative since my beloved dog died 3 months ago. She was my true friend, I never felt lonely with her. People told me to get a new pup, but I am physically not able to take care of it any more. And it is very sad to see my true friend dying before me, i can't take that any more. I just want to go with her. I don't have any one who cares. My hobby now is crying. But I can't cry in front of poeple at work. So, people think I am okay. But I am not. I wish that when I come home, I will have joy and peace at home. Now home is so empty....

Feeling alone

I am a 24 year old white male 6ft tall. I was born in a house with a psychopathic mother who left my family in chaos with my sister becoming trailer trash, and my brother ending up in a mental institution I don't feel like much is expected of me in this life. I was raised with a single father and my brother, so just 3 men in a small apartment was my whole childhood. I don't suffer any mental illness though both my siblings do. I feel like I was in the middle of a very crazy family, but nobody noticed me. I observed lots of mental and physical abuse, though I never received it. I am told by many people I know and meet, that I am very intelligent, yet I dropped out of high school due to poor grades, and have been failing at community college ever since. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, nor been on a date. I am not gay and very attracted to women, but I still end up pushing them away.

So I am now 24 and live in an apartment with a roommate and hold a dead end job. I spend 95% of my free time just sitting in my bedroom watching tv or playing a video game, and even though my life is so boring and pointless, for whatever reason I go to golds gym and lift heavy weight 3 times per week, that being the other 5% of my free time. On the outside I appear as an attractive, clean cut tall white man. Yet on the inside I feel like a fat little kid that wants to hide in a room all day and talk to nobody.

The few times a woman has been brave enough to approach me, with my permanent scowl on my face, and go as far as to touch me in anyway, I would freak out and pull away as if I had just been stuck with a cattle prod. Even when someone tries to get inside, I just push away and go back to my cave. I don't know if this life sucks exactly, since i have no responsibilities other than myself, but this life feels very pointless, and I have dreams about dying in a hospital without ever being visited once.

allways alone

So I am married for 21 years raised her child from a previouse marriage and have one of our own.
relationship has been going downhill since before our child was born. Our sex life is non existent, before she got pregnant with our child it had been over a year of no sex. Now 15 years later havent made love since she got pregnant. I had an apendix burst all she was worried about was if I had sick leave time so I wouldnt lose any pay, not that I could actually die but whether the dollars were gonna keep coming. I have stayed for the sake of our child. I come from a broken home and refuse to put my child through that but I am dying inside. I have lost all control over my life. I am treated like a live in maintenance man. it is my responsibility to keep the cars running and all of the housold stuff repaired as well as yard work and the garden I give her my pay checks and have only 50.00 a month to spend for myself then she complains because I cannot buy her gifts. Because of her having all the money my child thinks that I am a deadbeat that wont buy any needed items so in turn has developed resentment towards me. her child that I raised for 17 years seems to think I am crazy and a lazy SOB because of they way she makes herself seem infalible. I never knew someone could feel so lonely and be surrounded by people. I have a job that pays ok but the bosses treat everyone with contempt, and their employees live in constant fear of loosing their job. I cannot quit because my chi...

so lonely

I'm an eighteen year old guy, I should be happy and energetic but everything I do is Shit. I have no friends no girls are ever interested I am so alone. All I want is someone to talk to. I think about everyone I went to school with and how they are so happy and never seem to have anything go wrong. I don't think I have ever really felt happy. My parents screamed at each other my whole childhood and when they finally split my mum became depressed. Why can't I be happy. On the odd occasion something goes my way I still feel as though that just means something bad wil happen to me.later. I honestly don't see the point in living.

Lonely

I'm 20 . I live with my mom . the friends I've had has never been true . the only man I loved cheated on me and got another girl pregnant . now he's locked away . every since he left I've been diagnosed with anxiety , depression , and has always been bipolar . all I want is to have someone love me and hold me every night how I had for 5 years . I like other boys from time to time . They just don't seem to like me . I've tried so hard to prove I can be a wonderful girlfriend or possibly a wife to someone out there . I'm tired of waiting patiently tho I do have time . I just want someone to be mine and to belong to someone . Tired of being lonely and depressed . being suicidal is not good at all . I hate feeling like suicide is the best way out . in high school ppl called me weird everyday . I feel that I'm a food person just different from literally everyone . nobody accepts me for me . I feel like a disappointment to me family because I haven't don't anything with my life . ): it seems like my life got way worse when I graduated . never thought I would have graduated . Mom or nobody had faith that I would . that's the only thing I have to be proud of . So many bills already & those are so serious they cause I big part of my suicide thoughts . it seems so easy to end it & have no worries ever again . But my mom says after death we live eternity . I don't want to spend forever in hell shit I'm already here and want to end this pain why make it worse .

Unrequited love again and again

I know there are stories that are far worse in this archive, but I'm just so tired and don't know what else I'm to do. At this time I'm 18 years old. I wish I'd never had a boyfriend because, you can't really miss what you've never had. And I almost feel like I've ruined something. The only boyfriend I ever had was when I was 14. He was really nice, attractive and we did some sexual things, but we weren't really clicking so I broke it off. I thought after this time, (realizing that someone out there could like me) that, like most people, someone else would come along. Never happened.

I've been single since and I think I'm a stepping stone. 1. Guy I had a huge crush on - we were friends, and it seemed like something was about to happen - he fell in love with my friend, I think it's their 2 year anniversary now. 2. Guy I kissed. Two weeks later he found a girlfriend and never spoke to me again. 3. Another guy I made out with. Asked out my friend out the next day. 6 month anniversary. 4. Guy I had a crush on - girlfriend, still going out, you know the drill.

The point is that I feel so alone, deprived, all of my friends speak of love, and I feel like people skip over me to get where they need to be. Oh and that first boyfriend went out with a girl a week after we broke up, they're still going out. Now I'm afraid of developing feelings for anyone, ever, because they'll find someone else. I'm getting used to it. But it's still pretty upsetting. I'm tired of crying over these people that I still have to see everyday because they date my friends. It's shit.

A loser life

All I ever wanted was a "normal" life with a family and friends who cared about me and someone who could love me. It seems that no one can love me and I don't know why. I've been to 3 different therapists, but none of them helped - they don't see what the problem is, and I can't explain it.

I'm a scientist, developing drugs to treat cancer. It's the only thing I've ever been good at. So I try to focus on that, that maybe this is my purpose in life. But it can really hard when everyone I work with is married and has a family - they all leave early on Fridays to go home to their families, and on Mondays they all about the fun stuff they did over the weekend with their family or friends. And I feel so stupid, like such a loser, sitting there, not able to contribute because I don't have anything to add to the conversation. I feel like such a loser. I've felt like that my whole life.

I was the fat kid growing up, the one no one wanted to be friends with. I thought it would get better when I became an adult, when I lost weight. But it hasn’t. I try so hard to be nice to other people. They think I’m “nice”, but they don’t want to be my friend because they already have friends. I feel like I have a big “L” on my forehead that everyone can see but me.

I was married for a while, but it turned out I couldn't have kids, and my ex-husband ended up cheating on me. So we divorced 7 years ago; I dated someone for a year, then he killed himself. It turns out ...

It Hurts.

It hurts to feel so alone.

I moved to America 3 years ago, I was sure my life are going to be amazing. I have the skills and the motivation to be a good worker and so, I found a job pretty fast and got settled and content within a few months.

And then..I looked around.

Im 23 and I work with 40+ people due to the nature of my profession, it's uncommon to find people my age in what I do. My only friend is my roommate and you know how that is.

2 years in my very young hip town and I'm lonely. Weekends are always at home, haven't seen a movie in years, I read book mostly and parties...yeah...right.

I was never shy, never! But when I came here...gosh..everyone look different from me, and my accent..is different (Middle eastern) I just lost al, my confidence! And I was a bartender, a model and a dancer back home, I'm a fitness freak and to be honest I look darn good. It's not the attention I'm lacking...it's the friends and a partner. Someone who will get to know more then just a beer.

Im frustrated, my roommate says I'm a powerful woman and I'm intimidating and I say wtf ok? I'm 5'9 fine, I get it that I'm tall, but why do I always feel stupid when open my mouth! Like I got nothing useful to say. Better be quiet if you got nothing wise to add right?

I'm alone, lonely and...Im sad.
This is not the life I imagined to myself. This can't be a phase. It's been 3 years, I'm tired of talking to my snickers when I run, and tired of talking to my pc at work. Done. But as hard as I try..I come back home alone, I'm the genius who can solve a puzzle in a day but just cant stop making a fool out of herself.

Is this it?
This is life?

I just want to be loved.

I'm a 21-year-old female. I'm confident a lot of the time. I'm rather talented and outgoing, and I have some good friends. However, I've never been in a relationship...not even an innocent first grade boyfriend. The clock is ticking, and every day, I panic just a little more because it feels like no one will ever love me. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I've come very close to suicide a few times because the loneliness just keeps eating away at me. I just want someone, anyone, to love me.

how do i title this

well first i spent the first 20 years of my life as a loner, i never had any childhood friends not that it would matter because now that i am 23 and never worked a day in my life (that i got paid for) and i am hopelessly addicted to Klonopin of which doctors wont fucking help i cant afford and the ER is shit i have blacked out countless times i have had seizures nothig helps like i said i have worked with my dad to pay the rent a lot i am a slave how about that for a thumbs up or thumbs it down be an ass i guess?, also recently got a girlfriend (dont fucking ask how) she is down on herself trying to be skinny for me she's 200lbs and she's not that great looking but at least shee is nice so give me some not that bad on this i guess for that simple reason, i firmly expect my life to be pure shit before i reach 30, and possibly after, if i make it to the after with all the fucking med problems and shit i get pains constantly unless it take opiates with my meds.... i cant touch alcohol its happened ive done a lot of things ive exercised and passed out they told me to eat pizza i eat pizza i throw up i cant get off my meds cause cant afford a doctors visit and please dont get me started on how bad i hate people in my life at this point. i wish i had stayed away from people like i used to , eating my lunch in the bathroom stalls.. my sister fucked my uncle at 13 (longer story but too longto tell) basically he coulda cut my throat when i was 8 and that caused my parents divorce...

So damn lonely

Well, where to begin. I am 31 years old and feel like I don't know what to do with my life. I am depressed a lot and really lonely. I can barely even face the world, I feel like I don't know how, I never knew how. When I was a kid and teen, I had friends, I was fun-loving, liked going out, had a decent/normal childhood I guess.

But ever since I became an adult my life has gone downhill. All my friends moved on, my family moved on etc. I often feel like the scapegoat too. My family is dysfunctional and no one really has a relationship with one another. My whole life is literally alone and I have extremely poor self image and body image. And because of this I have social anxiety. Everything I do is really a challenge.

I have no clue how to make it in the real world, all the jobs I ever worked were shitty dead end jobs that were stressful and abusive. I never graduated high school, I got distracted and I was into drugs and hanging with the bad crowd. When to jail 3 times (all times I was innocent), but they were short stays. But they definitely contributed to some of my problems. I have been homeless before for about a year, and this also fucked me up too.

I never had any real friends, the only friends I had were pieces of shit. I have never had a girlfriend either, I mean I have had sex and kissed a few girls, but I never felt like anyone has liked me for me. Never felt loved by anyone.


But I don't hate myself, I used to. I felt i...

I have no friends

In the last 6 years I have lost both my parents. Both died within a year and a half of each other, both in early 50's and both without any illness or prior warning. My dad passed first and I dealt with this alright. After my Mum passed I was so busy making sure my younger brother was alright as he was the one who found her and still lived with her that I didn't realise myself losing control of my life.
I've not always had the easiest time in my life. I have always had issues with how I look. However, I have always coped pretty well with humour to not let it show to anyone. One of my earliest memories was a teacher in my school when I was 7 years old, We had an egg decorating competition for Easter and I won. she gave each kid a kiss on the cheek who came 3 rd and 2 nd place. When I had to go stand and collect whatever the prize was she said 'do I have to kiss you?' and from then on I always had a problem with how other people seen me. I had friends at school, mostly girls but I wasn't one of the popular kids.
I coped pretty well through school, after leaving High School when I was 17, I became friends with a few people who I wish i had never but It's all part of growing up in my eyes. I made some mistakes and I got myself in to some weird situations with people but I have always been a genuinely good person. My strong opinions and honesty has always been difficult for some people to understand but I like that side of me and have never felt that I had to change f...

Nice try... but no.

From an outside perspective I probably look like a normal person.

Trust me, I am anything but normal. Whatever goes on inside my head isn't really controlled by me; it takes all of my concentration to even monitor it.

But anyway, in the interest of appearing like a somewhat normal member of society,I am friendly, talkative, and I seem approachable.

The problem is people get bored with me very quickly for some reason. I have had friends, but never for more than a few months at a time. For whatever reason they all have stopped calling me, even though I continue to try to make plans. And if by some miracle we do make plans to hang out or socialize, they stand me up at the last minute.

So I have given up trying to make lasting fiendships with people and have settled with being that person you can call when you need to move your furniture around, but you won't call if there's a party.

I can't get anybody to be friends with me for over a year. I'm being used by the people who are forced to see me on a regular basis through circumstance. And I've given up; I no longer care what happens to me.

So I spend my nights alone reading, running errands, or at the gym. I spend my days working with minimal conversation. And the conversations I do have are shallow and easily forgotten.

I'm just alone with my thoughts, Few of which are happy.