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I'm condemned to endless loneliness

Posted by mr.screwup at May 31, 2012
Tags: Loneliness  2012 May

I'm a 43 year old male who is physically ugly,has o.c.d., depression, mental illness, and nightmares(for 21 years and still counting.) I'm stuck in a crappy job at a supermarket bagging groceries and cleaning filth and trash. Its a shithole. Girls and women ignore me and shun me, and I am forever lonely,day in, day out, year in, year out. What makes this situation especially gut wrenching and tragic is that I am partly to blame for this sad situation. As a teenager in grade school(from 1982 to 1987,) there were a few friendly, pretty girls who asked to date me or tried to be friends with me, but I stupidly refused, and these golden opportunities are gone forever. I'm angry at myself, to say the least. I refused and ignored these golden opportunities because I was 1) immature and mentally stunted. And 2) by the time I got to high school, mental illness, depression, hatred, anger, bitterness, and alienation developed within me, and I developed a hatred for girls, schoolmates, and teachers(I have had a prior and continuing history of being mistreated and ignored by so many of them since 8 years old,2nd grade,1977. So by the time I'm in high school, I am mentally wounded and mentally screwed up, and alienated, so full of hate that I couldn't think straight at the time. Because of the evil,nasty girls, I failed to connect with the good ones. Too fucking late for me now. In the last 25 years after leaving grade school in 1987, there has not been a single opportunity for me to get a date, even when I am the one who is doing the asking and initiating. Not in a zillion years am I going to get another opportunity. Why? Because I have personally and sadly discovered (too damn late), that girls and women outside grade school are a lot colder,more UNFRIENDLY, more impersonal, more aloof, more dehumanizing, more fragmented, more disconnected, more cruel, more evil than they are inside grade school. In other words, morally speaking, girls and women are WORSE outside of school than in it. If only I had known then what I know now, and if my mental state was normal during grade school, I would have made a girlfriend a long time ago. I believe some evil satanic force stopped me at the time, evil forces who thrive on hatred, misery, failure, hopelessness. This fucked up world of evil and suffering is being ruled by the Devil, as ALL of history sadly illustrates., and as my own sad life illustrates. Bleak and hopeless is the future, and we have a God who doesn't know how to help his creatures. Truly pitiful and embarrassing. I think I'll sign myself in a lunatic hospital, as this is a sick, screwed up, fucked up, sad sack, crap sack world. People are cruel, and nature is cruel to the umpteenth degree, and the end results are thousands to millions of years of evil,cruelty,suffering,death, and extinctions. History is like an endless horror novel or like an endless horror movie, and the devil is the author and director. I'm angry as shit. There's a lot to be angry about, and a lot to worry about. Intense, unrelieved loneliness fills my life, day in, day out, year in, year out, unhealthy for both my heart and my mind.


New Comment

By anonymous at 08,Jul,12 01:41

Like you said " not in a zillion years" you will not get a girl friend, you are old pathetic a scumbag looser, I am 17 young beautiful and I have many boyfriends, I am worried after reading all your posts you are some type of pedophile, "not in a zillion years you fat bag of useless flesh. You just leave me alone or else my friends will protect me, find out who you are and do something about it, you got that old looser, your so old I bet you can't get a hard- on anymore hahahahahahahahahahahaha
By anonymous at 13,Dec,12 20:41

Miss Just 17 Im no longer interested in getting a girlfriend. Most girls and women are unfriendly and cruel and as I point out in my post they are more unfriendly and worse outside school than in it. There arent any more friendly women left who can be my friend. There havent been any friendly women since May 1987 which is 25 1/2 years ago and even then they were extremely rare. I failed to take golden opportunities when I had them during grade school and not in a zillion years will I get another opportunity in this cruel screwed up world. Im forever going to be lonely. God forgot to give women a heart. Girls and women are unfriendly everywhere I go. They're evil.
By anonymous at 20,Mar,13 20:05

women can really be evil. but not all of them. there are a small number of women types that are really sweet and nice. although almost never are these women also attractive. their usually fairly unattractive and have to compensate for that.

By pretty woman at 08,Jul,12 23:21

By anonymous at 13,Dec,12 20:32

Pretty woman your evil.
By anonymous at 19,Dec,12 18:33

Pretty Woman you suck the shit from your mothers ass and you suck Big Tex 18 foot penis and you fuck him with your 18 foot cunt. You fucking lowlifes deserve eachother. You were born in a toilet and they neglected to flush you. Your an evil cruel degenerate motherfucking asshole from the lowest bowels of a sewer. Fuck off and fuck you.

By anonymous at 12,Dec,12 19:22

This gave me the best laugh I've had in a very long time. Grade A entertainment.
By anonymous at 12,Dec,12 20:15

Who are you laughing at? Are you laughing at me the post who is lonely and depressed? If thats the case then your cruel and sick. Evil people laugh at the suffering and misfortunes of others. There is nothing funny about my loneliness depression mental illness and anger at God. Your an example of why I hate people and why writing here was a big mistake.
By anonymous at 13,Dec,12 20:31

I notice that the comments are rearranged deleted and added from earlier posts. Im sorry to Just 17 and to Father Mcnally. Theres nothing more to say.

By anonymous at 01,Mar,13 23:07

Hello Mr. Screwup:

No you're not. I'm a sister of a wonderful man,he's 45. I miss him terribly. I so love him and I haven't seen him in a decade. So what does this have to do with you? You just remind me of him and I wanted to say "Hello" So long since last post. Not kind, some people on here. They don't know as we do how painful loniness is. My brother felt lonely all his life. He tried so hard to find friends, but as it turns out, he is just too good for this world. So sweet and

By anonymous at 01,Mar,13 23:20

considerate, always willing to help out. Would be the first to help you move, whatever it was. I remember needing his help moving, it was winter and the bus was delayed. He walked two miles to make it on time. When he arrived, I didn't even make him a coffee, too busy with the things I do. I think I lost my brother because of my own selfishness. My heart breaks for him everyday. I got mad at him, he didn't do want I wanted, he didn't have what I thought he should have, a house, the car, atleast a girlfriend...but not even that. I would trade all of my wants just for him. I would never want anything more than his company, just for five minutes. Maybe one day, he's homeless and I'm never going to stop looking... stay nice...don't loose faith in us. You know we're worth it and so are you. The human family loves you, tragedy's universal, not humour. I remember thinking, I'd rather we'd laugh and cry universally, but if I had to make a choice I do like what we have to offer. Maybe we'll never all laugh at the same things and maybe one day we will. But that we cry. So keep on trucking Mr. Beautiful Screwup! This poor fool, a sister, middle-aged has learnt her lesson...there's got to be some others who have learnt theirs. Find them. Hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By anonymous at 20,Mar,13 20:07

dude your not the only one that is going through stuff like this. I'm alot like you except i'm still pretty good looking. lmao except it didn't seem to help me out at all. i think you should work on just learning to be happy alone. you seem to care too much about having to be in a relationship. you can be just as miserable and in a relationship.

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