| | Posted by Noone at December 31, 2011 |
I was born June 3, 1988. I am now 23 years old. I was adopted by my family when I was six years old. My biological parents were killed in a store robbery. Life as far as I can remeber was great. I was cared for, and felt loved and happy. But then my sunny days darkened at the age of nine, I was raped by my dads best friend. I remeber crying alot, and not letting anyone touch me. Once my parents got tired of not getting through to me they took me to a child's doctor. I was never the same but the day came when I could hug my dad and not scream. I was eleven when things turned bad again. My parents were killed in a car accident, leaveing me and my brothers in foster care we were split up.
It wasnt but a few weeks until I was put into a foster familys house, where I was raped and molsted again and again and again. I hated my self and a few weeks before my 12th birthday, I took a stake knife and cut my arm all the way up. When I was found they bandaged my arm up, and I got beat for doing it. The kid at school who had always bullied me, grabbed my arm the next day, when the blood seeped through, he started holloering for the teacher, (guess he wasnt all bad).
I was put back into foster care, when I was 13 I was sent to a family, who said they wanted me. Life with them was ok, they were sweet and loving, but they were not my family, and by then I had figured out what a tragaty I was to people. Eight months before my 15th birthday I was raped again, this time by a man w... |
| | Posted by anonymous at December 26, 2011 |
I just lost my car. I can't fine employment. And, I am about to lose the roof over my head. I want to die. I have no one in my life. I've always been alone. Never had a true friend a never had a love in my life. Th e only time I had sex was from the ages of 5-11 when I was raped by someone very close to me. I'm now 27 and never had a boyfriend because I'm scared of men but I'm not sexually attracted to women to be a lesbian. I'm a hermit and a loner who is about to be homeless. I never wanted this for my life. Am I god's sick joke? I always hear on tv about others helping people, I just wish someone would help me. |
| | Posted by does it matter at December 24, 2011 |
I've been abused all my life. My mom tried to kill me a few times when I was growing up. I tried to commit suicide when I was 7, 12, and 24. I've only ever been molested or verbally abused. I've had two boyfriends, both relationships ended bad. One of them abused me. It took me an average of 3 years to get over them both. My sister says she doesn't care about me, and wouldn't mind if I died. I supposed I shouldn't be so weak but as I get older I get weaker. I keep holding thinking God will step in and change it all around but it's been over 20 years now...
I don't know how much longer I can sit and wait. My friends don't listen to me. they don't care at all and tell me to just have faith...but they've never had the relationships I've had and have great family members that loved them all their lives. I feel very alone and depressed everyday. |
| | Posted by dodo777 at December 19, 2011 |
I have always sufferd from bad nerves and stress because as a child my dad abused me violently.He would beat me just for breathing as he put it.Later on in life I got in trouble with police.I was aqngry and had these strange attacks were I would lose it.I was dianosed with post dramatic stress.Ithought when i was told that only people in war got this.Anyway as time went by I had a son who I love sooo much and wanted him to have the love I never had well it all turned out horrible now my son is like me keep to his self gets nasty very quick and have self harmed I feel so sad and gutted I give him what I can but I am sick.He smokes dope 24/7 and I cant keep giving I am freezing now while he is over his mums playing on the xbox all smoking dope and I am here under a quilt feeling I want to die.All my life I have been in shit street and I cant see anyway out of it.He blames me for having a crap life but he will not do any thing to help his self.I have always put him first but I think its starting to get me down to the point of suicide.The only thing that has kept me going these last few months is meditating.I know it sounds strange but it has given me a kind of peace that i never had before.I eat so much chocolate because that I have an eating problem and cant eat solids.I was also diagnosed with personality disorder which now makes sense as I have always had trouble in relationships.Only a small few people talk to me as i have such a bad rep.I would love to start over but do... |
| | Posted by Sad D at December 16, 2011 |
I was molested as a child by one of my mothers relatives every morning before I went to school. I remember falling asleep every night with the fear of having to go to the babysitters the next day. I would think of ways to avoid the abuse and pray to God for help but none of that helped. I think that's when I lost a piece of my soul and faith. The rest has been chipped away through the years. I have hated myself for 20 years and there hasnt been a day when I havent wished for death. I believe life can great but not for me because I am too damaged and jaded. I have no desire to see what the future holds and there is nothing in life I want or look forward to. In the last couple of years I have become bitter and angry, so angry at the world. I am filled with hate..hate towards those who have hurt me and hate towards those who laugh and enjoy life while I drown in silence. There isnt a day when I don't choke on my hate and anger and I am soooo exhausted. I wish for death because I cannot bear another day filled with such ugly feelings. |
| | Posted by EasyE at November 25, 2011 |
Does writing all this then re-reading it make any of you any happier?? Seriously guys the whole world sucks but it is what you make of it.....I had a kid at 16 and another at 21, I bought them both up alone, the second childs father became a heroin addict and tried to kill me. As a child I was sexually abused over a period of years and assaulted at aged 12. I could take the easy way out and believe me I have wanted to so badly but all that did was cause me more misery inseide. I have no job, my mortgage payments are 2 months overdue as is my loan payment. I could lose my home that I worked ( yes long hours bringing up my children alone, and i do mean alone...no family at all )so hard for, I could be in court due to unpaid bills etc, I already have had to have meters put in! And you know, through it all I just keep smiling and being the cheerful person I WANT to be. Life will only make me down if I let it, it's all material anyhow.....and if you can't be arsed to like yourself why the fuck should anyone else....seriously! So guys cheer the fuck up....oh did I forget to mention the crazy pyscho mother, excessive amounts of funerals to attend and the alcoholic violent ex??!! No 'cos they don't matter....all that matters is feeling good, being content with what you ghot, doesn't mean you can't aim for more but if you ain't happy then nothing wants to come near you xxx hope you guys all cheer the fuck up and get a grip on yourselves |
| | Posted by anonymous at November 22, 2011 |
My life sucks and it always has. I was molested repeatedly by my grandfather when I was a little girl. My stepfather tried to rape me when I was 15. ended up in the psych ward for 21 days because I was a danger to myself and others. That was a nightmare. Spent the next two years in and out of foster homes.I suffer from panic attacks, anxiety disorder and depression. even with the medication about once a week I want to run my car off a bridge. Even though I have people in my life that love me I am completely unable to love them back. I have no emotional connection to my children or my husband. I am in debt over 250,000. I feel like my life is a landslide being held up by one tiny rock. |
| | Posted by sarah at November 18, 2011 |
Reading the abuse stories I know there's much MUCH worse then what I'm about to say. But I feel disgusting and thought I may aswell voice it. I'm 16 years old and my cousin, who was living with us for a few years, raped me two months ago. It was the most horrifying experience of my life. On the kitchen floor. We were home alone for a little while. When I turned around he held me down, pinned me to the floor and cut my clothes off with a knife. I was a virgin before that and it hurt so much. I fought as hard as I could, but he threatened to burn me with boiling water that was bubbling on the stove. I would never reach in time. I cried for days afterwards. But thank God I wasn't pregnant. I told my mum and dad and they kicked him out. But for dad, I think it was the closest thing to a son he's ever had. Sometimes he'll accidentally mention him, then instead of looking angry he'll look sad. So I feel so guilty. I feel dirty. I have nightmares about him often, and I keep thinking of the things I could've done to escape. I'm ruined. |
| | Posted by anonymous at October 13, 2011 |
For the past 23 years of my young life, I have tried. Tried to be normal, tried to succeed tried to... just function in a world that seemingly will not have me.
As a young child, I suffered abuses, both verbal and physical (my most vivid recollection was of my father beating my head off of a brick chimney wall at six years old for being afraid of the dark; that or the times they followed me around with video cameras screaming at me because I had wet the bed (I would have been maybe 5-6?).
Well, being resilient and a trooper to the end (and not knowing what normality was ta that point) I continued along life's road. Only at the age of nine, to be repeatedly molested by my older cousin. Such, are the evil things in life.
At the age of eleven, my family had moved out into the country, to redo a house (one of my mother's hobbies), and then, lo and behold, it burned down (theorized by investigators as to have been caused by my kid's 'non flammable' chem set). Awesome, right?
Well, the teenage years did not improve, having been home-schooled until ninth grade, I had all the social prowess of a rock. Degrading into a state of constant panic and anxiety; I became crippled in my avoidance of that which I hated, and turned to many suicidal extremes (though it wasn't the first time I had tried to kill myself, I was five the first time). My parents then decided I needed therapy; not from a therapist though, but rather, from them. Their version of therapeutic, was... |
| | Posted by aj6743 at October 12, 2011 |
I hate my life. My man controls me. He lets other men use and abuse me. This Friday am getting taken to a swinging club because he knows there will be willing men there who will want to have sex with me. I feel so ashamed and unloved. I tell my man I don't want to do it but he just says that I always seem to enjoy it all and I will do it. Secretly I feel so violated. He says he loves me but he cant can he?. Am never ever gonna get out of this terrible situation. Apparently am selling my house next year so he can spend the equity on his house to build a Fucxxxx garage and a conservatory .My life will not be worth living,I know he will stop me from seeing my family. I'll end up with nothing. Mind you that's how he makes me feel Like I am nothing. He keeps me so down. He never ever has anything nice to say well except when I have had sex with other men I get called a good girl! (am 43yrs female by the way). I mean wheres my life now? Hes taken complete control of it. Sometimes I think I should just sell up and move away. But where? How? Ill need a job! I have no confidence no self esteem, socially I am detached, lost all my friends because of him. I am just trapped. My kids are all grown up now, they live with me but don't interfere or say anything anymore. Ive lost so much but feel I have nothing left, no strength inside. God what am I gonna do? Friday is coming!!! Hell go absolutely berserk if I back out. !!!! |
| | Posted by anonymous at September 17, 2011 |
i was still young when my older brother told me to play a game...i only realized it was sexual abuse when i turned 13. it happened around 10-15 times from what i remember. once, his friend also "played a game" with me. there was also this physically abusive dad, not only to me but also to my brother and mother. i couldn't complain...because i was just adopted. i felt so rejected, because of my real parents abandoning me. my brother wasn't adopted. my mom can't bear any more children after him. i love my mom. she was so kind and caring, and the reason i didn't leave was because of her.
i became a closet gay. i pretended to be straight, because i was traumatized by rejection. there were also the bullies at school and the sexists. i've even pretended to fall in love with women, but in fact i fell in love with some of my straight friends. i can't express my love to them, since they were straight and they'll become awkward and possibly not talk to me ever again. so, i hid all my feelings to myself. it was really painful, but it's my way of dealing with it. i just wish that i could meet someone out there who can be my special someone, the person who i will love and love me back. |
| | Posted by Glad you're not me at September 16, 2011 |
My story, molested when I was 3 by my mom's 1st exhusband. Never knew my real father until I was 10 then he molested and raped me several times at the age of 13 and 14. I tried to tell my mother, but no one believed me until I was 18 and he fathered 2 children with a different family member. My mom is a recovered drug addict in which I've witnessed her do everything from weed to coke. I've seen her go through a nervous breakdown and now is on lifelong medication. She left me with her side of the family to run after her men. I grew up not having a bed, lived out of a trash bag and slept on the floor for many years. No one would buy my basic necessities ( maxi pads, panties, bras, clothes) as a teenager because I was told that my mom should not be doing drugs and need to get her children. I've attended over 13 elementary schools, 3 junior high schools and 5 high schools (I'm not even a military brat) My younger brother was killed at the age of 15, I was only 17 (1992). Never regrouped from that. Was in a relationship with a man for 8 yrs in which I planned to marry only to find out he was a professional con artist. Another brother of mine was shot a killed in 2004 he wasn't even 30. I finally married and I am not happy at all. Lost my house, car and sent my eldest child to live with his father. I have had many jobs but no career. Because of who my mother is, I am not accepted by her side of the family. I do not know my fathers side of the family. I do not h... |
| | Posted by anonymous at September 14, 2011 |
My mum wanted to kill me when I was a baby. Grandma adopted me since then. Good times doesn't last too long before my grandma passed away when I was ten. Childhood was horrible. Abused by my mum an sisters. I though life would be better after married. No. He stopped talking to me since few months ago.... what have I done wrong? Life is too long for me! My best friend just passed away a week ago! I wish he can take me along. |
| | Posted by thelostsoul at September 12, 2011 |
at 5 i was sexualy abused by a man my mom left me with when she went to work by 10 i had been molested and screw with by a few people in my family and some kid from baby sitters.as i went into my teens i was sexualy assulted by two people and a friends dad.spent a few months in a mental hospital was on many meds till i was 16. i was pick on beaten in school kiddnaped ones and shot at.abandoned by family.dad isnt in my life treats like a out cast. moms in lala land and in another world. spent many years sense 12 trying to kill myself with drinking and drugs but couldnt really kill myself because i lost my grandpa and two uncles to suicide so i didnt want to do that to my mom all over again.then at 19 still trying to figure out who i was and what the hell to do i meet a girl who was 15 and we fell in love she was the first person i wanted to have sex with she was very experienced i wasnt her first. so we were together for a month and and someone turned me in for being with her and a cop picked me up and said that she had told them that i raped her and being the dumbass and very young minded i said i didnt rape her we are girlfriend and boyfriend and yes we had sex bam that was a confession so in my small ass town i lived in they decided to slaughter me they put my picture on the front page of the paper and lumped me with four other cases of sex offenders and make it look like a sex ring and so the life sentence began there. the judge said i would be charged with sex abuse ... |
| | Posted by Alone at August 29, 2011 |
my dad lately has become a right cunt, my mum will try her outright best to make him happy by making phone calls to him during work so he doesn't get bored etc but he throws it all back into her face, he constantly calls her a whore and if she ever mentions any male my dad will assume that shes slept with him, i believe this is some sort of reverse psychology and my dad is cheating on my mum he constantly goes off on his own when we go around town he sometimes says hes leaving us for ever and comes back the next day on holiday he'll constantly check his phone, im just fed up with it plus my mum can't leave him cause their in joint debt together im just sick and tired of seeing my mum who does everything for us from getting everything ready for school to sorting out documents and paying bills to even working part time too just to make my dads life that easier yet nothing good comes in return. it makes me feel awful seeing my mum getting knocked down like this where its come to the point that i see nothing in my dad anymore and don't even think of him as a dad ive even dreamt and wished for him to be killed so that my mm could be happier sometimes i feel as even a hitman is necessary just to split them up cause she can't do it herself. i don't know what to do anymore ive got a levels to do and this on my mind constantly as he has lashed out on us once with a knife threatening to kill us which he did end up in prison for a night for but we made him seem as if he was the good guy, this is my story and i just dont know what to do with life anymore. |
| | Posted by Aurora at August 28, 2011 |
I was forced to make a change to hopefully save my children from abuse. I was verbally abused by husband, no money, forced to take care of children at home....I told myself the emotional terror was ok if I could create a loving home for them then I saw my five year old looking at his dad with fear when he was saying something crazy to me and I realized I had leave not stay for my kids sake. It was rough. I was on welfare for a few years getting my teaching certificate but the book TheVERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP saved me. I started going to a good Methodist church because they are nit extreme and I slowly made friends and built a life. I read SEVEN HABITS OF EFFECTIVE PEOPLE and did all I could a little more at a time. I gained power over myself and worked at being happy. I still have challenges and my over all story with medical problems, big C, and depression of my child is as bad as anything you read here but what know is if you give in it stays the same! Help yourself, read self help books, dare to give your life up to the creator what it is and look for guidance. I had times when I was a Brat and wanted it the way I thought it should be. Now just being at peace and proud of doing a job that helps kids goes far toward being enough. Take control where you can .....that's how your ability to change yourself and your life grows!!! |
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| Posted by anonymous at August 28, 2011 |
I'm 24 all my life I've had physical abuse first from my mother .. She used to hit me till I bled ... Then she used to get a knife to me and threaten me .. She used to tell me that she will throw me under a bus.. Everything that was bad in her life is because of me..all this when I was only 6 or 7... My family hates me because I'm a girl.. Then my brother was born if he fell I was blamed I was hit.when we moved to a new country my dad began hitting me ... Strangling me..putting a pillow on my head so I would suffocate and die ... They both told me I'm useless I'm dumb ... I have nothing no money no degree one dead end job... My mother takes all my money for her debts ... I am sick of life ... My firt boyfriend in college my mother drove away... She would call him and say that I'm nothing and all I want is sex from him... Then my second serious boyfriend got me pregnant and I had to have an abortion ... He didn't even turn up and acted like as if it was nothing... I'm am so hurt ... I feel so alone and there is not one day that goes by that I dnt wish I was dead.. Why am I living... Just today my brother hit me and punched me .. Threw a chair at me... Then my mother blames me when I didnt even touch him. I hate my life I've isolated myself from everyone ... I can't even have a boyfriend because I don't want anyone to know how my family is... I wish I was never born.. |
| | Posted by Mywingsdontexsist at August 28, 2011 |
I have been on this Earth for 33 years. I have never really been happy. My dad told my mom that he didn't want be because I wasn't a boy. I have been molested too may times to count, raped, beat and told that I will never amount to shit buy many family members. My mom and dad divorced when I was 8, she remarried 5 months later to a man that she had been seeing for awhile. He liked to beat me. Then when I was 13 and my mom decided that she needed to go back to work, he decided it would be best if I played the part of "mom" when she wasn't around. From doing all the cooking and cleaning to getting up in the middle of the night when their new born child would cry. I also still had to get up and get 2 other children ready for school. Then he decided to rape and molest me. He told me that my mom would never believe me if I said anything to anyone. I decided to tell and he went to prison. MY MOM TOLD THE JUDGE THAT I SEDUCED HIM!!! She blames me to this day for sending him away. She let the state take me away and put me into foster care. The other children stayed with her. She visited him twice a month and never bothered to come see me. When he got out, she moved in with him and left my sister and 2 brothers with me. She never sent and money to help with anything. She was just worried about her. I had married at 18 to get my own place. He was in the Navy and was never around. Come to find out that he was sleeping with a bunch of other women. After 6 years of a messed up marriag... |
| | Posted by ned at August 21, 2011 |
My father beat me up constantly from the day I was born. I am afraid of everything. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. I would commit suicide but I am afraid to. |
| | Posted by Animas at August 18, 2011 |
My life sucks. I had a normal life growing up until I recently found out that i had repressed memories of my older brother beating me, abusing me, and attempting to kill me. He acts normal but lately at night I've getting my memories back and all of them are visions and sounds of my older brother doing things to me that I don't remember. I went to a therapist and he told me that I might have repressed memories of my older brother and that the anger and fear I have from him is because of the things he's done to me. So all of my emotions I feel towards my older brother and myself is from him. he's the one who makes me try and kill myself multiple times and he's the one who makes me want to kill him and anyone who acts like him. It's all his fault that I couldn't have a normal relationship with my family and friends and he's the reason I'm anti-social. My life sucks and I want to kill him and after that kill myself. |
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