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I just got abused

Posted by sarah at November 18, 2011
Tags: Abuse  2011 November  Violence

Reading the abuse stories I know there's much MUCH worse then what I'm about to say. But I feel disgusting and thought I may aswell voice it. I'm 16 years old and my cousin, who was living with us for a few years, raped me two months ago. It was the most horrifying experience of my life. On the kitchen floor. We were home alone for a little while. When I turned around he held me down, pinned me to the floor and cut my clothes off with a knife. I was a virgin before that and it hurt so much. I fought as hard as I could, but he threatened to burn me with boiling water that was bubbling on the stove. I would never reach in time. I cried for days afterwards. But thank God I wasn't pregnant. I told my mum and dad and they kicked him out. But for dad, I think it was the closest thing to a son he's ever had. Sometimes he'll accidentally mention him, then instead of looking angry he'll look sad. So I feel so guilty. I feel dirty. I have nightmares about him often, and I keep thinking of the things I could've done to escape. I'm ruined.

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Similar Entries:
really am I alone? NOPE February 3, 2011
will it ever get better? December 24, 2011
Miserable November 16, 2011
IŽll sum up your problems March 4, 2010
I am sad March 16, 2012


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Comments:
By anonymous at 24,Dec,11 16:36

I'm so sorry that happened to you! You have NO REASON to feel dirty, disgusting, or guilty-- this was not your fault at all and rape charges should be filed against your cousin! I had a similar experience when I was 16- I didn't get help and it's taken me nearly 30 years to come to terms with it. If you can get some therapy I think it would help you overcome all of the emotions and thoughts that will occur from this. Be gentle with yourself, if you can talk anonymously over the net to others who have been raped that may help you also. Be kind to yourself. let your body, mind, and heart heal.
By anonymous at 24,Dec,11 16:38

ps..I should say I didn't get help because I felt dirty, ashamed, and like it was my fault. Don't make the same mistake I did!


By Dakota Berry at 25,Dec,11 17:28

im sry, im 14 & imma guy. ik wat u mean my cousins mom sucked me off wen I was asleep. I was a virgin now im not, FML!!


By anonymous at 26,Dec,11 02:18

Your not ruined! Maybe your dads sad because he feels guilty? Ask if you don't know. You were strong enough to take the first step and report it. That was hard, now hold your head up! You are so strong and brave many woman would applaud you! It's not your fault


By anonymous at 26,Dec,11 11:32

Join a small church where everyone knows each other. Attend the events. There are people around who are nice. Maybe a cashier at a store nearby, maybe a neighbor. Go out and do some part time work to meet people. Having small conversations will make you feel much better. Just having contact with people outside your household can open the doors to connections that will help you find your place along the way. Where you live now is only temporary, you will need to know people. Don't cut yourself off from humanity because of what happened. Do not lose respect for yourself. Because someone took your virginity doesn't mean it's all over and you shouldn't respect yourself. That was not a real sexual experience. That is not what making love feels like. Your cousin will never know what that is because he is violent and perverted. I know you don't want to go to the cops. But you should have. Nevertheless he will go to prison one day and he will have to face the same things he's done to you. Because anyone of that nature does not and will not belong in society, his actions will catch up with him.


By anonymoudEANNA at 26,Dec,11 21:59

i WAS RAPED BY SOMEONE THAT i DID NOT KNOW. hE JUMPED IN MY CAR AND TOOK TO ANOTHER LCATION AND RAPED ME. i DID REPORT IT iF YOU GET THEAPY MAKE THAT THE PERSON KNOWS THAT YOU ARE WISE TO THEIRGAME THEY TRYTO MAKE YOU THINK i WAS YOUR FUAT WHEN IT IS CLEARLY NOT YOUR FUALT. i AM IN A SUPORT GROUP WITH OTHER WOMEN AND TEENAGE GIRLS WHO HAVE BEEN RAPED IT THE TEENAGE GIRLS TOSORIES MKE ME CRY BECUASE i THINK THE ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE RPAED. tH ESUPPORT HELPS i HAVE THIN THIS FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS AND WE ALSO HELP OTHERS GET THE HELP THEY NED TO GET CLOSURE AND JUSTICE. yOU ARE NOT RUINED JUST SURVIVOR OR RAPE AND NOTA JUST ANOTHER VIVTIM ASW WELL bE STRONG AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF.


By anonymous at 27,Dec,11 10:50

Yea ^^ the person above, lol.


By anonymous at 03,Jan,12 20:15

I cry for you. This should have happend to Support group Women We all cry for you.


By anonymous at 04,Jan,12 23:42

Think your life is bad,my dad raped me and then tryed to kill me by drowning me in the sink! 6 years later my mom died from being stabbed the death by a glass shard. I am 37 years old and im a fucking.virgin. I am addicted to meth and coccaine. I owe alot of money from drug dealers and they r after me. Ive hanged my self before and was seconds away from being killed. Also my right eye is blinded by being shot by a beebe gun.....


By anonymous at 16,Jan,12 00:40

look life sucks and when bad shit happens to me like when i got stabed or saw somone die in front of me i just pick up a bottle and say fuck the world because all u need in this world is yourself and dont trust people because they say 1 thing when they really mean another but all i can say is im sorry you got raped and i hope that fucker goes to hell and look the advice im giving you probley isnt the best but dont listen to other people do what you think is right


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By anonymous at 02,Apr,12 14:57

It happened to me too. I am 52. yrs old now. I never think about it, and didnt even think about it after it happened . It wasnt worth thinking about it, and I dont think of myself as having gone through hell, I just think of it as sex I did not enjoy. He was an assole, and that is his problem. I never give it a chance to colour my life. You will move on and you will leave it behind. Believe me. Just leave it there, in the past, where it will be nothing.


By Missy at 05,Apr,12 13:29

I was almost killed my clothes were ripped off and then he beat I had so many bruises fro the beating. I got mild brain damage but luckily there was a procedure that is suppose to corredt it but I recovering after surgery and I startin to remeber things. I had trouble rememoring things bu the surgery has helped to where I do rember thinhs and not bit peices. I rember every thing now and I alos sugestypu get theapy. Youa tre not ruined you are survivoior of rape and abuse. You are strong will young woman. May god bless you.


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