LIFE SUCKS

Being dead has to be easier than living- life really sucks!

My story, molested when I was 3 by my mom's 1st exhusband. Never knew my real father until I was 10 then he molested and raped me several times at the age of 13 and 14. I tried to tell my mother, but no one believed me until I was 18 and he fathered 2 children with a different family member. My mom is a recovered drug addict in which I've witnessed her do everything from weed to coke. I've seen her go through a nervous breakdown and now is on lifelong medication. She left me with her side of the family to run after her men. I grew up not having a bed, lived out of a trash bag and slept on the floor for many years. No one would buy my basic necessities ( maxi pads, panties, bras, clothes) as a teenager because I was told that my mom should not be doing drugs and need to get her children. I've attended over 13 elementary schools, 3 junior high schools and 5 high schools (I'm not even a military brat) My younger brother was killed at the age of 15, I was only 17 (1992). Never regrouped from that. Was in a relationship with a man for 8 yrs in which I planned to marry only to find out he was a professional con artist. Another brother of mine was shot a killed in 2004 he wasn't even 30. I finally married and I am not happy at all. Lost my house, car and sent my eldest child to live with his father. I have had many jobs but no career. Because of who my mother is, I am not accepted by her side of the family. I do not know my fathers side of the family. I do not have a relationship with my inlaws as I am not liked. I have no friends as I have not sat in a place long enough to meet any. I'm facing evictions as I do not have enough money to make ends meet. Every payday I am robbing Peter to pay Paul. I make to much money to qualify for any assistance, yet not enough to cover basic living expenses.

And I ask myself daily.. why have I been spared.... what have I done so wrong to be tortured life long.....I'm 36 and not quite sure if I will make it to 37!!!!

I'm at a point in my life where I just give up and no longer care. Whatever may come- just come.