my life sucks. I feel like i was cursed when I was born. I have never had a good year in my life and I am 39. I am suffering physically and mentally, from birthmarks and scares to physical pain to never having a female love me, I have had so many crushes and not one had a crush on me in m life time.
1. Had deformities on my face that I had anxiety from the day I can remember going into Kindergarden. This killed me, never to know what its like for someone you think is cute and they never think your cute. I never had a girlfriend in HS, never a kiss, was kinda of Popular, but I was athletic, that helped me with friends, but I was small and was picked on a lot, until my junior and senior year.
2. Awful at math, took 6 years to get out of a JC, and then I did graduate from college but not how I dreamed. I dreamed off going to a big university and meeting a lot off friends. that never happened.
3. When I searched for doctors thankfully lasers took off my deformities off my face at 27. I started lifting a lot at that time, within a year I was in major physical pain and have been in major physical pain ever since. No doctor can tell me why I have testicle pain, groin pain when I stand up, lower back pain, TMJ bad, Muscle pain. After several back surgeries, nothing has helped.
4. I have not water skied or wakeboarded or gone to ski in mountains, surf since I was 28, I am 29. I can run I am in so much physical pain, no doctor knows what it is. With tons of research I think I have a misaligned pelvis, which happened from too much weight lifting.
5. I lost my teaching and coaching job, two years ago for whistle blowing. I was right, another high school coach in my district was recruiting athletes, putting them in hotels, he was penalized, kept his job, my teaching job that I had for 5 years with a perfect record I lost, they said it was lay offs.
WHen the principal likes you talks to you treats you good until the article came out in the LA times frnt page, he then ignored me walked past me, not even look at me. Or he would call me in his office and grill me, make up lies, put on trial for something I did not do. I lost my teaching job, laid off saying I was not in class, straight lie.
6. My dream job I have never had. I wanted to be a GM of a baseball team, or a scout. If not I wanted to be a scout in basketball or a college coach.
7. I have been out of work for two years. I do not have a lot of friends, maybe three, I now have a stomach because I am in too much pain to exercise. I never could imagine me not being married with no kids at 39.
8. Like sucks, why can I not get a dream job that I feel I am very qualified for. Several times I have tried to be a scout in the NBA, but neputism or is not what you know its who you know.
9. No family. My father and I have no relationship and my little sister will not have anything to do with me. I have no family.
10.ALL I want is three things: To get a dream job in sports, get rid of physical pain and be able to exercise. 3. Fall in love and have kids. ALl three will never happen, why grow old and depressed? All alone and not having anything accomplished in life?
I am 39, no family, no job, in physical and mental pain, why live? Why am I on this earth? I have never been in love, no female has ever loved me. I think I spent 6 months off my life happy at 27, with my facial deformities gone, but then lifting weights ruined my life. Its like God wanted me to have something my whole life to have pain. WHen I got the laser surgery, then GOd said fine I will give you physical pain.