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why did God curse me?

Posted by depressed. why live at March 28, 2011
Tags: Health  Loneliness  2011 March  Meaninglessness

my life sucks. I feel like i was cursed when I was born. I have never had a good year in my life and I am 39. I am suffering physically and mentally, from birthmarks and scares to physical pain to never having a female love me, I have had so many crushes and not one had a crush on me in m life time.

1. Had deformities on my face that I had anxiety from the day I can remember going into Kindergarden. This killed me, never to know what its like for someone you think is cute and they never think your cute. I never had a girlfriend in HS, never a kiss, was kinda of Popular, but I was athletic, that helped me with friends, but I was small and was picked on a lot, until my junior and senior year.

2. Awful at math, took 6 years to get out of a JC, and then I did graduate from college but not how I dreamed. I dreamed off going to a big university and meeting a lot off friends. that never happened.

3. When I searched for doctors thankfully lasers took off my deformities off my face at 27. I started lifting a lot at that time, within a year I was in major physical pain and have been in major physical pain ever since. No doctor can tell me why I have testicle pain, groin pain when I stand up, lower back pain, TMJ bad, Muscle pain. After several back surgeries, nothing has helped.

4. I have not water skied or wakeboarded or gone to ski in mountains, surf since I was 28, I am 29. I can run I am in so much physical pain, no doctor knows what it is. With tons of research I think I have a misaligned pelvis, which happened from too much weight lifting.

5. I lost my teaching and coaching job, two years ago for whistle blowing. I was right, another high school coach in my district was recruiting athletes, putting them in hotels, he was penalized, kept his job, my teaching job that I had for 5 years with a perfect record I lost, they said it was lay offs.

WHen the principal likes you talks to you treats you good until the article came out in the LA times frnt page, he then ignored me walked past me, not even look at me. Or he would call me in his office and grill me, make up lies, put on trial for something I did not do. I lost my teaching job, laid off saying I was not in class, straight lie.

6. My dream job I have never had. I wanted to be a GM of a baseball team, or a scout. If not I wanted to be a scout in basketball or a college coach.

7. I have been out of work for two years. I do not have a lot of friends, maybe three, I now have a stomach because I am in too much pain to exercise. I never could imagine me not being married with no kids at 39.

8. Like sucks, why can I not get a dream job that I feel I am very qualified for. Several times I have tried to be a scout in the NBA, but neputism or is not what you know its who you know.

9. No family. My father and I have no relationship and my little sister will not have anything to do with me. I have no family.

10.ALL I want is three things: To get a dream job in sports, get rid of physical pain and be able to exercise. 3. Fall in love and have kids. ALl three will never happen, why grow old and depressed? All alone and not having anything accomplished in life?


I am 39, no family, no job, in physical and mental pain, why live? Why am I on this earth? I have never been in love, no female has ever loved me. I think I spent 6 months off my life happy at 27, with my facial deformities gone, but then lifting weights ruined my life. Its like God wanted me to have something my whole life to have pain. WHen I got the laser surgery, then GOd said fine I will give you physical pain.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Oh LOrdy, lordy- look what happens when you're 40! May 24, 2012
My Life. October 26, 2010
A curse? March 21, 2012
I hate me life September 26, 2011
is it life that sucks or me.i wonder!!!!  May 12, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 08,Apr,11 06:22

Kill yourself, death is the only way to peace.
By anonymous at 08,Apr,11 12:17

dont listen to this idiot. If he believed what he had to say he'd be dead already. I get pretty depressed myself and it can last for a while but for me I look to Jesus and he carries me through. Thats all I can really say. But ya, I know perhaps I dont have any right to say this but dont give up, as long as you're alive there is hope.
By anonymous at 15,Aug,12 08:54 Fold Up

evil lives inside you but i see it. your parents must be demons to have raised something like you. shame on your mother and father.
By anonymous at 30,Apr,13 19:22

And shame on the animals that raised a cursed THING like you. Your the worst you sick freak, leave this man alone, he's only a human being who wants help, but you....HAH your not even human!


By at 09,Apr,11 00:36

Please don't blame God for anything. I know it may not seem like it, but he cares. You can still see, hear, talk and have your right mind. God has not made you useless. Keep dreaming and aspiring to reach your dreams.

Giving up is not the way to go. Easier said than done I know, but keep trying. God has been with you all your life. Why not have a relationship with him. He will never leave you, lie to you, cheat you or dog you like some people will.

Change your thoughts to good ones. Keep hoping & trying
By anonymous at 18,Aug,11 16:45

God may care - ot may even hurt him to see what is going on but the fact of the matter is that he allows the devil to buffet people. I am one of them. I know he does a lot for people but he allows sufferring to a level that words can's explain. He is a master at making people at allowing pain to go to levels that are unimaginable. Give God the praise he deserves, count your blessings and leave the rest to him. I personally believe I will be miserable for ever and there is not a thing that can be done about it. Fasting, prayer, praise - will not make a difference. Just do what is right in life and wait until you breath your last breath and be at peace - that is all that can be said.
By anonymous at 22,Apr,13 22:02

wow! this sounds a lot like our middle son! i pray he does not go through this all his life!


By anonymous at 01,Jun,11 11:33

If the only way to heaven is by the blood of jesus christ, does that mean the rest of the world goes to hell, even the Jews (which are gods people)?
By anonymous at 11,Jun,12 22:31

almost all others will go to hell yes.
those prior to Christ will not be judged in the same manner.
Anyone who really never ever heard or read or knew anything about Jesus Christ and did not cause this lack of knowledge to come to be will be judged in the manner that is the same as those who were before Christ.
Every one else ever person who has heard of Christ and either refused him right off without learning or refused after learning or even after coming to belive but then fell away will go into the fires of hell. Yes that is a vast number of people of souls . The number of souls that end up in Hell is beyond humans ability to think of.
THIS IS THE TRUTH SORRY I DONT MAKE THE RULES I JUST KNOW THEM .
By anonymous at 30,Apr,13 19:15

No you don't, all you know is the man made rules made by man to scare people in beliviing christ so they can make it to the nicer half of the after life. It's words like these that Make Jesus cry, all he wanted was people to know that as long as they did what they liked so long as it harmed none, especially yourself, you'll make it to heaven, and that God love them no matter what. Jesus never said you'll burn in hell if you don't beilive in him, those words were from an angry, bitter person. Jesus only wanted to help people and make them feel comforted, but it's words like these that make his spirit cry. Also, you don't have to beilive in anything the bibial tells you, just beilive in what you want, do good, live freely and you'll definatly make it there.


By anonymous at 27,Jan,13 03:03

People on here are going to tell you "Kill yourself!" or "Find Jesus!" or many of the other things that people say. I feel for you, bro. There is nothing I can say or do that is going to make your life better.
Some suggestions? Move out of the town you are in, say "Fuck it", become an alcoholic, find God, be an angry mother-fucker, or better yet; Just live your life. My advice to you is do want you want to. Whatever it may be. Live your life, man. Does it suck? Yes, I'm in that position right now. Continue living? Absofuckinglutely. When you look at death don't try to think of it in terms of heaven or hell. Think of it as the great beyond. Your time here is limited. Hit on women shamelessly at the bar, get drunk, swim in the ocean, climb a mountain, read a fucking amazing book that changes your life, tell someone how you feel, just live according to YOU. Not to some book or how someone tells you, you should. Do you. Be free. That's all I got. Peace.


By Hersh at 03,Feb,13 17:14

Your life will change for the better. Call 700 club and tell them how u feel. They will pray for you. U need a miracle that will turn ur life around. I pray ur life gets much better!


By anonymous at 04,Feb,13 09:46

Please check out the show "700 club". That show will guide u into your healing... God bless you!


By rik at 10,Feb,13 03:57

God is just the universe. Its not a he/she or person with emotions. God is simply the missing piece . God is what you make of it. Some people blame God for bad events and some thank God for accomplishments -its the missing piece the x factor. God is the answer when you just don't know really.

The universe is made up of infinite power, energy, and resources. You are a part of it. All the things the universe is made of have positive and negative affects that you are a part of. Some people are born mentally retarded and some are born geniuses. Its just life my friend, YOU CAN BLAME GOD AS SPACE-THE UNIVERSE BUT DON'T BE CONFUSED AND BLAME GOD AS A HUMAN ENTITY BECAUSE (IT) GOD IS NOT.


By anonymous at 22,Mar,13 13:40

Hey I know what its like to suffer in fact I wouldn't be on this website reading your post if I hadn't typed in the question why did God curse me I did because I'm also searching for answer or reason to my own suffering I'm 27 years old and I dont even know what its like to go out on A date with A girl simply because I've never had the opportunity to meet one furthermore and you may not believe me but I have never had A car or A jobe ever that's right I'm 27 and never had A car or jobe and guess what I dont have my own house either I'm sitting in my mothers house right now its also the house I've been in my whole life and its not exactly the most luxurious house in the world and I hate it because I've felt trapped in it my whole life I still do this very moment but heres the thing this is the reason I'm posting this to say this now I'm christian I have been my whole and believe it or not there's been times in my life that I have been extremely angry and depressed and I would ask God why did you put me here in this worthless life I would get silents no answer from God like he didn't care or wouldn't talk to me because of my anger I dont know but I wanted to die I wanted to be out of this life another words suicide now you want to know what stopped me from killing myself? you might think because I believe I would go to hell if I did I cant say I didn't think about that because I did but that wasn't what really stopped me from suicide when I got to the point of anger and depression bad enough that it seemed like the only way out was death but than I thought THAT IF I KILL MYSELF IT MEANS THE WORLD BEAT ME IT MEANS I LOST AND IF I'ME DEAD I CAN NEVER TRY AGAIN I COULDN'T ACCEPT THAT I DONT CARE HOW MUCH THE WORLD BEATS ME DOWN I WILL NOT BE A FAILURE IF I DIE I WILL DIE FIGHTING AND FOREVER TRYNG and if you think about it maybe that's what God wants maybe we are sopposed to fight agenst the evil that wants us dead well I say NO! I dont care how hard the world fights to keep me down ill never stop trying than at least when I do die ill know I never gave up there for the world didn't break my will and I won so keep up the fight and never no matter what dont give up ever and some day I believe we will have everything we have ever wanted including that he or she that will be our eternal love


By anonymous at 30,Apr,13 19:32

Don't give up, just think of this like your in a dark tunnel and soon you'll find the light at the end of it, don't just give up now, or you'll never find true happiness. Keep fighting, keep living, do what you love doing, finds some freinds and spend time with them, you may not be able to find the perfect woman yet, maybe she's just not there yet, but someday you'll find true happiness in this life, don't give up keep living! I know you must feel hopeless and depressed and trust me in know what it's like to feel like this, but you can't just give up!! LIVE ON!! FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU LOVE! AND KEEP FIGHTING UNTIL YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR HANDS! And don't say that's easier said then done, cause it's easy to do, though it takes work, you'll find true happiness. Be grateful that your alive, that you can see a beautiful morning and a lovely and hear birds chirping and the music you love and talk and sing! Don't let your anxiety control you, i know how you feel i have an anxiety disorder, but you have to keep fighting and try to remeber the good things that have happened to you, don't pretened that you don't cause you do, remeber the good things in your life and just think this "I can create better memories right now!" You may not always get what you want, but if you try fighting for it and try harder and as a long as you have your life and never give up you can overcome these opsticles, and i know what i'm talking about, because i'm already getting so much better with my disorder, i finnally just got sick of crying and wanted to try, that's something you got to do, try, cause if you don't you'll never know if it'll work.

Be strong! Live your life to fullest so you have no regrets and keep trying, don't give up my freinds, keep fighting, and never give up!Also, once you have enough money, try adopting a kid who needs a home with a nice person like you. As i said stay strong!:)


By anonymous at 13,May,13 22:07

why is that i pray to god and i lost mine dad and then almost lost mine mom and mine ex broke up with me and mine other ex put a curse on me and i got no job no money no car icant drive iam scard to drive wish i had a job and wish womens would stop turning me down and wish girls would give me a chance to and wish ican drive with out being scard and crashing and or driving in to tree and wish i had a car that was made to drive it self with mine voice and to have a good job and everything else that i pray for and mine familys to and for mom to get health and god has not help me or mine familys with any thing me and mine familys has been sturggle with money bills and every thng else and i ask god to lift up us and help us now we been sturggle with money bills and healthy and etc please take away the curse we have in our familys god ty god bless amen


By anonymous at 02,Jun,13 05:02

www(DOT)youtube(DOT)com/watch?v=xeiLG-7k6dw

GOD WANTS US TO ASK FOR HEAVEN TO CLOTHE US WITH POWER HERE whole we live and not love the world or anything in it, desiring Him to come to us personally!!


By anonymous at 14,Aug,13 13:10

if there was a real God to begin with, we would not be on this rotten earth to suffer, especially with all the diseases and sicknesses now.


By anonymous at 15,Aug,13 09:51

well he certainly Cursed me by not giving me a good woman to share my life with, especially when i see so many Very Blessed men and women that have been very fortunate to have met one another and have a family just like i would have certainly wanted as well. what in the world made these people very special to begin with?, and i am very sure many of you will agree with me as well. i am no different than they are, and i hate very much to be alone as it is which is not fair at all. i would have never thought that God could be so very Rotten to many of us innocent people that would want to have a normal love life, and with so many very mean and nasty women out there nowadays that certainly adds to the problem as well. now that much more women are Gay, that really makes it much worse too.


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