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I haven't given up yet

Posted by BOA at January 1, 2011
Tags: 2010 December  Relationship  Sexuality

When I was 14 I was raped, by three boys, first orally then anally. I am male. I had no friends, and it seemed like while I was having sex with boys the boys liked me, so I continued. My parents divorced, in part because my dad found out I was having gay sex, and mom said it was okay, dad didn't want a queer son. All my life since, even though I had girl friends and sex with girls after I turned 18 .... when life was at the lowest, I turned to sex with males.

When I was 24 my younger brother age 22 died .... and it is possible that I helped cause his death ... not a criminal act, but it may have been caused in part by my actions.

More dating girls, and various roommates, and during lonely periods of my life, more sex with males.

I got married, fathered a son, and when she cut me off sexually, I began searching for a male lover, but before that happened she divorced me, and took my son away from me, (as well as her kids, who I was very fond of).

I gave up on women, having sex, with men, a relationship with a man, but I love women, so I met a girl who was open to sharing my bed with another guy. They ended up running off together. My dad died one year, then my step father died the next, then my mother died the following year, leaving me with only my son, who was 14 and visited on weekends.

I bought my ex out of our house, when we got divorced, having to refinance. Then after 19 years with a company, I got laid off, tried to start a business, failed, and had to refinance, then got fired from a company (truly was not my fault ) and had to refinance again. I owe 110k on my house, then assessed at over 260k.

The economy tanked, my house is now worth about 65k, my son got stupid and just got sentenced to four years in prison. I am 60 years old .... and the only thing I have going for me is a steady job, no lover, male or female, no prospect.

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Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 01:16

Wait... you're 60 and were raped when you were 14 by three boys? I didn't know they were doing that type of stuff back then.
By BOA at 20,Jan,11 03:30

rape has been done since man realized what his dick was there for. I only can assume the reason that I was made fun of, picked on, and picked to abuse was due to me having no body hair, and a very tiny penis, limp maybe an inch long, and extremely thin .... and I never got hard until I was almost eighteen years old.

They took my clothes and told me to suck them or they would make me walk home naked. Knowing my dick was tiny, I couldn't face that possibility so I agreed to have sex with them.
By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 04:16

Wow then that was easy squeazy, I mean even if I was in ur case (and I'm sure i would never be in ur case cuz i stay out of trouble, and I ain't gay ofc) if they naked me and told me to do whatever stuff or make me walk home naked, I would have walked home naked, there is nothing bad with it.
But you easily agreed on having sex with them, which totally means that wasn't quite a rape, for it was some sorta : sex for fun ?! I dunno what u gays call it, but it wasn't a rape
By anonymous at 20,Jan,11 11:41

lol ''aint gay ofc'' then why do you feel the need to even mention it.
By BOA at 22,Jan,11 01:27 Fold Up

picture yourself .... walking home naked, at age 14. About a mile, across a main road, and through several neighborhoods. After school so everyone is home, kids playing in their yards. You don't have a hair on your body .... not leg hair, not pubic hair. Your penis is 1" long at best, and has never gotten hard .... and as thin as your little finger.

You wouldn't avoid that, but sucking a dick? Sucking a dick, was no big deal, except that they wanted me to do it. So what? Suck a dick and avoid the humiliation of being seen naked by maybe hundreds of people? To me at that time, it was a no brainer.

When they approached me again, I got to my knees, thinking that maybe sucking dick was a rite of passage, not finding anything wrong with it ... they introduced me to anal sex instead. And that felt really nice .... the rest is history.
By Venom at 22,Jan,11 08:31

then you passe the test
Congrats, you're a homosexual
By anonymous at 22,Jan,11 11:42 Fold Up

then he really proved he wasn't raped
Great LoL
By anonymous at 23,Jan,11 17:48 Fold Up

What do you mean you don't know ithey were not doing that type of thing back then? Is there a specific time period for rape?
By anonymous at 19,Mar,11 12:19 Fold Up

oh you've got to be kidding.... "they didn't do that back then"? .... idiot....


By Venom at 20,Jan,11 13:04

Bisexual alert
By anonymous at 23,Jan,11 13:50

xD bi lvl60
By BOA at 23,Jan,11 22:31 Fold Up

There appears to be a lot of people in this forum that are focused on gay sex. I confess how shitty my life has been, and since (what I have always considered forced sex .... at age 14) explained that I am bi / gay .... everyone's focus is on that fact .... not that my life sucked, and I still have survived, and am even relatively happy, looking forward to brighter and better days.

Is it homophobia? Or are all of you bi or gay curious .... wishing to fulfill a role similar to the one I have lived and survived through?


By Sad-Person at 25,Jan,11 10:27

don't accuse others of raping you, you gave them yow ass as if you was selling your old stuff at a market.
Dude i'm not a fugly homophobe like the rest of those guys out there, but I still think you did something terribly wrong.
You was affraid of little kids, and ppl out there to see u naked, then how comes u were raped in front of all those ppl I mean it's unbelievable, there would be at least 1/10000 of those with a good heart and would have helped u. but that wasn't the case cause i think you went with them urself u didn't try to dodge them and you got r... nope, fucked.
U know nothin about rape, I know, I'm straight and was raped and it never looks like what u said, it was a terrible experience and I'm still hurting from it, while you mentioned above that you enjoyed your rape.
Rape isn't enjoyable in case you didn't know, it's the most horrible experience to a male, even if he's gay, nobody would have loved to lay their virginity off by someone they know nothing about.
By Venom at 28,Jan,11 08:06

True, that's what I said 8=)
By anonymous at 04,Feb,11 11:54

actually, you're both lacking something I'd like to call "intelligence". He was given a choice and chose the lesser of two evils. Just because the rape evolved into a sexual orientation doesn't mean he enjoyed the fact that he was forced to do it initially.
Get over yourselves. You're not him. You can't justify anything contrary to what he said.
By BOA at 09,Feb,11 15:30

you actually understand .... I call it rape, I was given a choice, and while maybe naive, at 14 I didn't see what the big deal was about sucking dick .... it seemed a lot better than having to walk home totally naked.

I liked it .... I liked how hot a dick felt in my mouth, liked that I had control over the dick in my mouth, and even liked the power of being able to get it to cum ... (though at the time I thought it was gooey pee).

I was told not to look at dicks in the shower, but after seeing dicks hard, and tasting dick, I couldn't stop looking, and so I was again given a choice. I liked sucking dick, so got to my knees expecting they were going to have me suck them again, and instead, they introduced me to anal.

That felt really good .... and I was hooked.

So saying I was raped might not be proper, but I was forced initially to suck dick, or to walk home naked, and having a small penis, sucking dick sounded like the best choice.
By Venom at 10,Feb,11 11:36

@Anonymous : Hear from the wise lol he said it himself
btw Boa, you're makin me sick, stop tellin us how lovely and how enjoyable was your "RAPE ?!!" and yea stop telling us how you picked up a sin over a choice, ow wait, you don't even know what a sin is... ow well!! forgot that lil point, you weren't given 2 choices, you were given a temptation + a choice, u picked up the temptation, well enjoyed it tho, then deal with it and stop tellin us u've been raped
and yea once again top comment was right
By anonymous at 18,Feb,12 11:56 Fold Up

wow i thought this was a place to vent about things we'er not happy about in our lives not to be ridiculed by other peoples thoughts about it.. so what if you dont think its rap guess what it isnt about you ! if he says its rape then thats what it is, & if you got a problem with that why dont you share a story about how much someone els thoughts on their life brothers you. i promise you, you will get a million "not really that bad"


By anonymous at 27,Jan,11 14:17

You lost it all? How's your wife feel? get off with yourself, life sucks1


By anonymous at 28,Jan,11 18:24

Honestly dude, if you are going to lie to us about this, lie convincingly. Blah blah blah raped in 1950's. Bullfucking shit.


By anonymous at 29,Jan,11 08:55

Sounds like some problems you caused yourself. Especially with your wife. That was low

Sometimes you just have to live with those things. But life was pretty shitty to you too!

Just the crap that comes with a modern world i guess.

But stop saying you turned to males at bad times in your life like you didnt want to. Then commenting saying that your bi/gay.
By Venom at 31,Jan,11 07:03

fo chizel xD that's what I was sayin all the way
By BOA at 09,Feb,11 15:37 Fold Up

How did I cause the problem with my wife? She cut me off .... no sex, and I wacked off for a while, but began to think about an affair .... though didn't have one, until after I was divorced, and then had my affair with a guy.

I never said at bad times in my life, I said in lonely parts of my life when I wasn't with a woman, I fell back to sex with men. Women were always the sex partner of choice, but being small in the pants, not a lot of women agree to having sex with me .... where guys could care less if I have a little dick, as long as I will suck them or open my back door.

I still call myself bi, as I love women, but due to my size, women aren't too quick to hop in the sack with me, so in the last ten years I haven't been with a woman .... only men. That isn't my preference but better to be with a man than no one. I think that qualifies me as gay .... but I still prefer women.
By Venom at 10,Feb,11 11:41

I'm not coming here again, you sound like one twisted old schysofrenic ass, I mean how can you give us details about gaysex, that's illegal... Ewww, and you're discusting
it's like someone describing when he threw up an orange juice with omlets, YOU SUCK, and I don't mean "SUCKIN DICKS" no, the other sense of the word : U SUCK BIGTIME, if I were you, I mean if I was a 60 years old twisted stupid fag, not to mention Gayest person on earth!! I'd have killed myself, no hesitations
I usually help real ppl out, in real problems, but yours doesn't sound like a problem, I mean one old psycho enjoying sex with males and still doesn't think he's gay ?! Kill yourself bro, don't wait till u die by cancer or sth else, kill yourself while u still have the time


By anonymous at 11,Apr,11 14:35

And you shouldn't. By the way admission essays can help you out here.


By jane at 11,Apr,11 17:18

I'm sorry you were raped at such a young age. I'm sorry the economy SUCKS!! Life does suck. but why don't you just accept yourself,if you are gay. It's no big deal now a days. Make a list of all the good things about yourself. I know that sounds so simple, maybe even stupid on my part, but do it anyway and keep that list on hand , read it often and keep adding to it. At least you are brave enough to TRY a business. you survived a rape, you have a job, you are articulate. So there are 4 things to start your list. I am sorry about your son, but I am almost positive he will not do the whole 3 years. Take Care


By Trevon at 15,Apr,11 23:29

Sunods great to me BWTHDIK


By anonymous at 12,Dec,11 07:18

@BOA where are u from?


By buy cheap oem software at 10,Feb,12 15:33

3XRlpY Cool:) I would say say it exploded my brain..!!


By anonymous at 18,Feb,12 11:56

wow i thought this was a place to vent about things we'er not happy about in our lives not to be ridiculed by other peoples thoughts about it.. so what if you dont think its rap guess what it isnt about you ! if he says its rape then thats what it is, & if you got a problem with that why dont you share a story about how much someone els thoughts on their life brothers you. i promise you, you will get a million "not really that bad"


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