LIFE SUCKS

Addiction

My twin sister was addicted to heroin for 3 years. Her boyfriend helped her detox and quit. She was clean for 2 years, but still smoked weed and drank and had her xanex for anxiety. She saw a therapist for a while. I love her. I would do anything for her.

I found out she relapsed last night. She invited me over to smoke a blunt. We had a good talk until she told me she was using again. I didn't know how to handle it. I tried not to make her mad. But then her other 2 friends got back and she disappeared for a while with one of them. I'm 99% sure she was snorting dope in the bedroom with that girl.

I cut myself sometimes and I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it has something to do with emotional release and the guilt I carry around with me. I have this huge secret and I don't know what to do with it. I don't know who to tell, or if I should tell. I feel disconnected from the rest of the world. I can't function sober. I need to smoke weed to feel even remotely normal or distracted from all this shit.

My sister and I are both seniors in college. She's going to be an engineer. I want to be a writer someday. She wants to start a family. She wanted 8 kids. All I can think about are the kids she wants to have and if they'll ever be able to live.