My childhood never happened as far as I'm concerned. Not because it sucked, at least it doesn't feel like it did. I don't remember it. I have not one fond memory from it, just little flashes here and there of faces...
I got addicted to drugs and now I'm insane. I see spiders crawling all over my walls, big hairy things.... My vision is obstructed by a tv static like overlay from my fried brain, and I have only nightmares when I go to sleep... Just to name a few. Nobody knows about this except for my counselor, whom could care less. I look high all the time, even though I never am anymore. Been clean for awhile now, don't remember how long. Hell I don't even remember what I had for dinner last night.
I want to get high, to escape from this... But I can't because I fucked up my body from all the chemicals. Heart doesn't work right, I had a heart attack a year ago. Enlarged prostate at age 20 and everytime I have alcohol it will help with my insanity, but it will leave me with chest pains and depression/ anxiety for 2 days after that is jut not worth the 45 minute drunk buzz.
To top it all off, I live on this shithole of a planet. That lacks any sort of humanity it once had, so I have to deal with assholes day in and day out that just make it all so much worse. I hate people, hate my siblings, hate god, hate everything for my own protection. If I was around people it would hurt me too much. So I spend my days alone, just existing...
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Phil
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