Before I start my sorry, let me tell you my English kinda sucks as it's not my native language.. Anyway that's not even the biggest issue. The real issue is the fact I have become the shawdow of the person I used to be.
I used to be a well liked guy, I was perceived as funny and cool to be with, rather not bad looking. Self confidence has always been a problem for me but it didn't show so I used to be able to could get away with it.
Then things started to change in 2005 when a physical (medical but not too serious) problem started to arise. Basically I started to sweat more than usual. I used all sort of over the counter medication but it always kinda failed.. Now it's alright I have sort of managed to control the issue but the psychological done is almost irreversible. I started to withdraw myself, called sick at work all the time because I couldn't face being around people, turned down friends invitations... Five years down the line, I am lonely, I feel trapped, too old to start a new career, and I feel like I can't do the job I was trained to do because how could I help people when I can't help myself!!!???
So basically I am almost 33 years old , I am broke because I have left my previous job, I can't face meeting new people and I feel I have developped a drink problem. Last Friday I drank so much and freaked out, I kinda wanna to kill myself. I called the equivalent of 991 to get advice coz I didn't know who to talk to. I didn't even give my name but within 5 minutes two ambulance crew and two cops turned at my door. It made things a lot worse.. They frog marched me to an ambulance.. How f** embarassing is that??
Anyway my life sucks and I am thinking about jumping off a bridge sometimes soon if things do not get better.