I have no friends. I have NO friends. I am fed up with facebook and the pretend friends that I had on it, so I started to delete anyone who I haven't had any interaction with in the past year, and it was ALL OF THEM! I cancelled my phone plan because no one calls me and I don't have anyone to call. I feel like such a loser. I applied for PA school but I got shot down. I am back in school as a post bach because I fucked up my undergrad (I have a low GPA, I'm stupid) and now I have to start all over if I want to try again with PA school. I'm surrounded by young college students who are full of life. I am dark inside, I feel like my heart is ebony. I moved over 3500 miles to attend the most gayest school. I moved to have a fresh start, to try make new friends, have new and better experiences but I hate this school, and I just tripled my school loans attending here. I haven't made any new friends. No one wants to talk to me or know who I am. I feel that I am the only asian person at the school! I think everyone here thinks that I don't understand english. Fuck all of them, I was born and raised in America bitches. And the ones who do talk to me can't believe that I'm 26 years old! Is that old?! I didn't feel or look old until they made comments about my age. I'm getting fat because I binge eat my emotions and I stopped exercising because the fucking weather is so damn cold!I go straight from class to the library and study my ass off. I want to get all A's to prove to everyone, including my family, that I am awesome and I am the best. But in reality, I suck and I hate the pressure to do well.I crumble to pressure and I easily get defeated I'm the fucking middle child and I am the only one going to school, yet I still get ignored and I get no props or good jobs/congrats, no I'm so proud. . I wish I had more support, I don't have any from my family or my boyfriend of two years.Did I mention that my boyfriend came with me. He insisted in coming, he was going to get a job and help out so that I can focus on school. Well, he's now super depressed that he's out here and can't stand it and wants to go back. How does that make me feel to know that I ruined another person's life too. I feel like shit and I hate my life even more. It makes me even more depressed and more angry! I'm busting my ass trying to better my life, I'm trying so hard and I don't see any results! I moved and tried to start a new life. I suck and I will always be a loser no matter where I go. I'm running out of money and now I have to have to get a job to pay for rent. Well, there goes my good grades and all of this time wasted in trying to do well and focus in school. I hope the world ends this year, at least it would be something to look forward to. Fuck my sad life | |
It sucks not having friends other than your bf, but I hope you don't feel you messed up his life. I'm sure your bf is glad to be part of yours otherwise he wouldn't have moved with you.
The fact that I want the world to end next week '21st December' makes me think I've lost the plot completly, but in all honesty why not!
Even though I have a lot of hate in me, I'm also very sensitive. I have more than most people but yet it still never seems enough, I take so much to please.
I wish hate on so many people including myself, most days I wish I was dead, however somedays I'm okay.
To sum it up life is what you make it, but unfortunately for some people like me you struggle to come to the true terms of life and appreciate it. It's unfortunate but you can't change can you? My answer to this is no, because if you change it's basically fake and who want to live that life!
If you are a loser you could always hope to die and maybe reborn to a have good new life.why do you want the world to end?
p.s. anyway i also want the world to end ;)
atleast you have a boyfriend.!
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