LIFE SUCKS : 2011 December

I Hate My Life

Where should i start? Well, I'm 19 years old my family is nothing like me, and they criticize me about everything i do in my life. I try so hard to be like them but im just not and my dad pretty much hates me most of the time so i stay at my friends house a lot. I have gotten into trouble recently from the cops because i stook up for a friend of mine. I feel like nothing i do is ever going to be good enough. i cant find a job and i lost my car over 8 months ago now. i got a desease from someone that didnt tell me he had it and now im stuck with it for life. I cant believe this is happening to me. I met someone and i really liked them and then they just decide im not good enough for them so they ignored me and then finally said i was pretty much a terrible person. I honestly feel like im worthless in this world and i keep trying to play it off that im ok to everyone around me but im hit a breaking point where i think im about to break down. I want to be on drugs or drunk all the time and its getting bad. I cant deal with reality anymore i hate it..... why does everything horrible happen to me.... my friends even fuck me over alot but im so stupid that i forgive them constantly because i fell like everyone deserves chances but how many damn chances does a person need to be a good friend for once.... all i want is to be happy but i feel like ill never find anyone to spend my life with and ill never be able to get a job and make my family proud....

I hate it.

Don't get me wrong, my life is pretty average, I've got a girlfriend who's loving and caring, but what makes life suck, is that everyone is expected to be something - the world has standards that they want us to meet and I can't seem to reach that standard, what I hate the most is all the Ignorant people, I can't stand them in any way, I've got a crazy ex who continues to turn people against me, heck she even turned my best friend against me by saying false things to him, he didn't even bother to see if it was true or not, even now (after 3 years) she seems to try and turn my girlfriend against me not just my girlfriend but everyone, I hate people and their stupidity.

Who am I?

In about 2 weeks I'll turn 25. That tells you my age.
I'm just your average white guy. That tells you my race and gender.
My job ended last Friday. That tells you about my work.
I volunteer at my church. That tells you what I do.
I have been fighting my college to get re-admitted to complete my degree. That tells you about my education.
I haven't heard from people from college in almost 2 years. That tells you about my supposed friends.
I have done nearly two years of therapy. That tells you about my mental state.
But what can I tell you about "Me".
Who am I? What do I tell this blinking cursor to put on the screen? How does someone define who they are? If I'm not defined by my age, race, gender, work, actions,education, friends, mental state... How do I define "I"?
How do I not have the answer to such a fundamental question?
Who a person is drives their motivations. Their motivations guide their decisions. Decisions lead how you do everyday things.
Real relationships are about knowing someone and being known. How can someone claim to know me, if I don't know me?
This page is no longer blank... by my heart is still heavy. This cursor still taunts me to tell it the answer to my endless questions. I have none to offer it.

alone again at christmas

Every year same arguement I got a car to get around were as before i get £300 a month because I cant walk far so then I could buy presants and so people were happy now I got the car so I warned every one that all my money goes on the car I did manage to get a couple of presants as I cant eat properly now so I saved a couple of hundred but my son still not happy and his mother put him up for a few days so wants more money off me and I havent got it.She has money in the bank inheritance so she isnt skint.She said to come over tomorrow butI now feel awkward same happend last year and I spent all day on my own.I really dont mind as I suffer from my nerves so being on my own I like but like I said It happens every year.When they both need a lift to hospital or other appointments I am there to take them but they are out for what they can get.The two of them came into money and I never seen a penny.I to am waiting for inheritance to go through and when it does I am seeing to myself no matter what.I am a generous person always have been but this time I have had a guts full.When i have a birthday my presant is out of pound land were I give £20 to £30.They also smoke skunk all day which is a dear drug to buy when smoking it all day.My son doesnt realize why I had breakdowns it was because his mother didnt love him when he was a child and I used to worry about him because she would have men in the house doing drugs and drinking not sending him to school and just mist...

will it ever get better?

I've been abused all my life. My mom tried to kill me a few times when I was growing up. I tried to commit suicide when I was 7, 12, and 24. I've only ever been molested or verbally abused. I've had two boyfriends, both relationships ended bad. One of them abused me. It took me an average of 3 years to get over them both. My sister says she doesn't care about me, and wouldn't mind if I died. I supposed I shouldn't be so weak but as I get older I get weaker. I keep holding thinking God will step in and change it all around but it's been over 20 years now...
I don't know how much longer I can sit and wait. My friends don't listen to me. they don't care at all and tell me to just have faith...but they've never had the relationships I've had and have great family members that loved them all their lives. I feel very alone and depressed everyday.

Just not feeling it.

I can't say I have a bad life but it isn't the best either. I have a good job when a lot of people are suffering and generally have a lot to be thankful for so I'm not sure why I feel the way I do. My childhood wasn't the greatest. My father died when I was very young, my mother remarried and divorced because my stepfather decided he liked men. Then came my little sister
s father. He was what I would call evil. He would do things that no man should do to a child. I would rather not be graphic it is a horrible thing to describe and relive. That went on from about the age of 7 till I was 10. I never told my mother because he would threaten to kill her. Yes, I believed he would do it. He once held a knife to my mothers throat and cut her. He recently died although I wanted to I did not celebrate out of love for my younger sister. Even though they were estranged he was still her father. I felt guilty my whole life about that even though I knew it was not my fault it just felt like it was. There is a huge gap in our ages and our life experience. We arent close although I have tried. I know some of it is she thinks I blame her for what I went through. I never did. Did I mention he was a supposed minister. Yeah he was one of those.
My mother's family disowned us about that time because he was black. They were really vocal about it even going as far as to harass us and threaten to kill us. I remeber answering the phone once and my Aunt saying " ...

failing over and over

28

no career

keep getting to about 6 months - 1 year in a relationship before girlfriends suddenly ask for long distance relationship but actually break up with me. It's cos I am a loser. Live with parents. Cant decide what i want to do. Smoke pot. I have worked heaps of crappy min wage jobs the last two years just to be in work but that doesnt seem to help with my image.

pathetic. she is as bad as me tho, this one. i thought it would be okay because she is also 28 and has no clue in life but all of a sudden she is above me and going to try... she lives in germany. if we break up this time i will definately end my life. i can not imagine her getting a fancy job and getting shagged rotten by some successful proper man. no way. i can not live again with that. i almost ended my life last time. its like exactly the same thing is happening again.

i can not bare to look people in the face. family, or collegues, friends. i am this pathetic label of someone who had the capacity to be something but just copped out because he was afraid. yet i am still capable or loving and trusting.. but you cant trust any girl with this stuff. they will all do the same thing eventually. all women just want stability and normality, no matter who it is with. its not even about love. its just about looking normal.

Am I alone?

Am I alone? I think of ending my life at least once a week, not in a bad way (laughs) but, I do not consider myself part of "that" sort because I love life. Yet, I love life and I am anquished to the a point of insanity because no one seems to understand me. It is like I am from another world.

So my wife MICHELLE MARACCINI wants to leave me, her reasons are "she is tired of me".

So my wife wants to take keep me from seeing my child, little Mia who is 1 now.

The worst I have ever done is stress over her selfish ways.

So my wife is bringing into a world of very scary thoughts.

And I must stress that every action has a reaction, and I am so close to setting the stage.

Meaningless

the only way i found to feel anything is to get high i dont matter to anyone i have no friends i stay bored to death there is absolutly nothin to do i do have a boyfriend who i cherish but wow thats no big thing i stay wherever cuz i lost everything if i died nobody would care and thats sad as fuck why am i even here it some sick joke

I hate people

As of lately, I seem to be loosing more and more friends. It seems like they only want to be where the party is. They say I work too hard and it makes me boring. But isn't school necessary to a happy life? Isn't it worth sacrificing the now for the later? I'v become extremely lonely. It's been about 4-5 months since my last relationship. Whenever I seem to be building on something, relationship wise, it always ends up in the same place. With nothing. I have an increasingly growing anger issue. I have never fought anyone because of it but i feel that i'm getting closer and closer to breaking. I don't know if i can deal with it much longer.

No lifi really really feel like shit as if life doesnt matte right now way too much problems and worries takin place to even begin when dors shit get better I try and try and try and get nowhere moved away from everything and everybody I kno to make a change for the better stepped away from who I am for things to get better changed tha way I talked walked and lived I try to work but childsupport is killin me I dont even kno this child but im given her 400 a month I have other kids that I kno 2kids at that fuck 1 & 2 &3 jobs aint gone cut it then I have another on the way and she has 2 of her own HOW THA FUCK AM I GONE MAKE WHERE IS THE CHANGE IN MY LIFE IT SEEM SIMPLE ENOUGH THATS AINT WORKIN 25 year old man 3 kids ~2 step kids && a baby on tha way aint been nowhere out of Texas my life is done

will anyone even bother to read this?

I am a 43 year old male who has a good job and is okay looking for someone this old. My wife i found out earlier this year was sleeping with my sons 22 year old tennis coach. we were childhood sweethearts and had been together for 24 years. she up and left several months ago and now is dating some 29 year old. We have two young kids aged 11 and 14. I feel so betryed by what she has done. My father died late last year and my mother is now in a nursing home. I have tried on three occasions to kill myself but have been unsuccesful. Twice I woke up in the hospital where I spent several days. I hate how i feel everyday and can't seem to move on. I still love my wife and it kills me to think of her with someone else. I know I dont own her or anything like that but i grieve for her everyday. She blames me for the break up saying that she never felt good enuf for me. I told her that was crap but I do acknowledge that I said things to her that made her feel that way. I am just so sad that after all these years together it had to end like this. Each day i feel like ending my life because I feel in such pain and it is overwhelming. I know people have it worse than me, i'm not stupid. But to me it feels like my life has ended. All the dreams and hopes I had were with her now its all gone and I feel so completely alone. I dont have close friends to turn to because over th ecourse of my marriage I focussed more on my family to the detriment of my friendships. I dont feel i have anything to offer anyone as a friend and have felt this for most of my life. My wife once called me boring. Admittidly she was drunk at the time but that comment has forever haunted me. If I am boring as she says, then what do I have to offer anyone? Is death the only thing that says to people I'm over feeling this way?

my life the worst

my life always was bad i grew up in the slums poor my mom is a junkie and i have no dad my whole life i sold drugs my mom abandon me when i was 9 and started a new family so i grew up in the streets by the time i was 12 i started selling drugs this acttullay gave me hope because i thought i can be rich and move out the slums all that happend was i became a thousandnaire and started getting in trouble with the police when i was 16 i made it out from the slums and moved away but the following year i got arrested by the F.B.I . they gave me 3years in prison and when i was about to be released they re-arrestd me and i had to do an extra year and a half they had me in the hoe for 6 moths and i caught a stomch disease i almost died in jail i did an extra year and a half for something i didnt do they never even said sorry they just realesd me when they found out they had the wrong guy now im back in the slums and i cant get a job because i have an illness that limts me and they aint give me dissibilaty yet so im stuck selling drugs for a living i had girlfriend that i thought loved me but as soon as i got sick again and ended up in the hospital she started seeing another guy and broke up with me a week after i got out the hospital then 2 moths later she wanted to get back with me. she also gave me herpis and never told me now i feel like killing somebody or my self i dont want to go back to jail but the anger is building up i dont no what to do no more she says she loves me and ...

unknown

I am 42 years old and have two great kids. I have a boyfriend for almost 4 year's but he is very immature and selfish. I hate my life and it sucks. My family do not even care about me they think I am a fucking joke. My sister stop talking to me my brother don't even care about me in fact he even denied my existence at one time I know of....pol
I feel that I don't even have any friends the ones that talk to me sometimes they just want me to listen to them. I am alone like an island in the middle of the ocean. My son is away in the service and my other kids is away with his dad,he wanted to be with him and I try so hard to keep him with me but I guess I am not good enough for my son. I miss him so much. His step mother is a Puta ... why I said that? Well she is the reason my son is in jail for kids..... I hate her with all my heart. I hate these life. I hate my boyfriend.I hate my exhusband.I hate my family.I hate everything. Why my life turned out to be an Enigma? I pick the wrong men for the past 21 years of my stupid life. I know life is not easy but damn these bull shit. I always think of ending these but I am not even brave to do it. :( is pathetic I know.

i feel for all you guys and i know how you feel,

my dad is a selfish, cheating prick who just spends all our money and treats my mum, sister and i like crap. Yeh i know he worked for us but for the past few years he hasnt and just plays golf and cheats on my mum. My mother and i both know this but we can't tell him that we know he cheats because he will leave us and mum will get half the money which is very little. If cheating isnt enough he still wants to give my poor mum more trash. He treats her like a slave and also talks to her like she has done something wrong. He just wants to show who is boss. He has no respect what-so-ever. For example: at 3am the night before my english exam he decided to wake up and blast music. I asked him to turn it off but he said f*** off i can do what i want when i want. If you don't like it leave (which i actually considered but where would i go?). This is just one of the many occasions he has done this.

In my sport I have choked in every possible situation known to man, like seriously just once can I do something right! I am a good sportsman in my eyes but I can never prove to others what I am capable of. I just keep choking and choking. I practice so hard but luck never falls my way. Then my father decided to coach my team and I actually thought about ending my life because of it. Now around my sport club everyone hates him and I can't act as myself around there because i know everyone hates me because of my dad. One t...

Love sucks

my bestfriend ( now ex best friend ) introduced me to a girl that he said was perfect for me becuz she was looking for love same as i was. little did we both know that she was shy as bug.even so i kept talking to her for a good while until i started to like her and she started to like me. when i found this out i was happy until she revealed to me that she liked 4 other guys, and that she would take a step towards not being shy and pick one of us to b with, i apparently was the last guy standing, and she STILL was ready. i tried everything to make her bold up, i started training with a friend and told her about it so she would get jealous and decide she wasnt going to let any other girl have me.
since i met her ive been tryin to get her to open up nd not be shy...i tried everything finally one thing worked but tht one thing meant i had to lose her....lose her long enuff for her to open up and b bold...bold enuff to want to hav sex with another guy, now i cant get d image of the both of them out of my mind....and it hurts like FUCK, adding to that, in the time i had to lose her,i fell in love with another girl who recently told me she liked me. This made me feel quite happy because i was trying to get her to like me for quite some time. So imagine im feeling all happy for christmas cuz im thinking that next year i could probably be with her but two days after that, she comes and tells me that she and her ex are getting close again and she wants to get with him again. si...

fuckng roomate

living in campus hostel with a fucking idiotic loser roomate.. every night before I sleep, my stupid fucking roomate is there reading some stupid novels and downloading stuff online.. before I woke up in the morning, the same asshole was already in front of his lappy, downloading stuff causing the internet line to be slow. worse is he tends to download several files at one time causing the line super damn slow.. damn fucker, only sleep for 3-4 hours a day and he does not socialize at all.. stays in the room the whole fucking day sitting in front of his lappy.. no wonder this guy doesnt have a friend and probably and surely will never get laid.. hate my fucking roomate and hate the stupid campus for giving me such a lousy idiotic roomate.. it's been nearly 6 months and the total amount of time I talk to him is less than the things I talk in a 15 minutes presentation... he only answers uh huh, ya, shake his stupid head and stare back at his laptop.. loser with a capital L.. fuck my school and hope the person sitting beside me get his ass fucked off asap from my life...

I have no future in sight...

Hello I'm 20 years old and struggling, it's taking me quite a bit to ask for help but by this point I'm rather worried. Basically, my girlfriend of three years split up with me after I found out she had been cheating on me for the past two weeks. For this I don't blame her as she wasn't feeling the same for me and felt a little trapped and didn't want me to do anything stupid, so naturally her feelings wandered. She isn't seeing him anymore now out of respect for me. This being the main problem certainly isn't the only one, the second being my mother. My girlfriend and I split just under two weeks ago and my Mum told me she didn't care and then I quote; "I don't have to be nice to you when your dad isn't around." This is something she said to me. I can't tell my Dad because it'll tear apart the family and my younger sister of 15 isn't the most stable minded individual as it is. I almost took my life a few days back, in the garage with an old tie as a noose around my neck. I stopped as I suddenly thought, "How can I do this to her..." Her being my ex-partner.
I still see her as often as I can as I feel better when I'm around her, but at some point she will move on and find another man... To which I don't think I can cope. We went out for a meager three months 4-5 years ago and the whole time before going back out(3 years back) I still had very strong feelings for her.
I know myself, despite what people will say that I will always have strong feelings for her. S...

Circling the Drain

When I was 17 my mom died of cancer and my father remarried. She tried playing nice with everyone at first but I didn't buy it. There was something...off about her. I didn't trust her. Things slowly got worse once we moved in together. Then when my dad went on a business trip and while he was gone she kicked me out for allegedly sneaking out and leaving the window open. but it wasn't me...my brother did it and him being younger I took the fall because I didn't want him in trouble. I don't know it would get me kicked out. I slept in my car for a while because I dint have a place to go. I had to drop out of college and work full time. I got in a accident and couldn't pay the bills because I was stuck in bed for 6 months. Now I have no place to go, no job,no degree, creditors calling me every day for money that I don't have. No medical insurance so I cant get the medicine I need. All my 'friends' are long gone. I haven't talked to my family in over a year and they like it that way. My dad never helped me when he has the means to even though he knew I needed it. That bitch he married quit her job so she could stay home and shop and then lie around all day waiting to get fucked. I had such a bright future that was planned out but I see no way out of this rut I'm in It just keeps getting deeper. I have court cost out the ass for the accident and spent some time in jail because I cant pay them. I'm facing up to a year in county jail if I don't pay my fine by next month. I only see one way out. Maybe I can see my mom again too. The only time I can find even a little joy is when I think of my childhood with her. One thing is certain. I will die before I go to county.

Someone please read...

So I guess, I should start... The story of me life... And how bad I think it is. To start with, I would like to introduce myself. Im 19 years old guy living in Europe,not far away from Sweden. My weight is only 50 kilograms,and I'm 1‘82 meters long,so I‘m very slim... And very weak... School was very hard for me,and I started going in it late... I have only two
friends, and my father and mother are divorced, mother has no job and lives with me at grandmothers house. Its not the house,its 3 room apartament... We live in it with my grandfather,mother,grandmother and our dog... Only grandfather has job,but he's very old,and i want to help him but can't. I tryed to find work,but no one needs weak guy,without any of studies accomplished. My face is full of zits,and teeth is yellow. I know i will never,have a girlfriend because i can't have sex, i know its probobly funny for you,but I'm guy without that thing.. And there is no medicine for that or even if there is something,i can't afford it,neither anyone of my family... I cry every day about this,and want to suicide, i tryed but. mother stoped me... My father is rich,and he's living with other woman,they have other kid.. He never cared me,he left us... I'm not smart,I'm basically dumb,and dream about having my own business one day,like running few banks,beeing CEO of them,but its just dream,I just want to leave something at this life after me,but can't,i cant have children,can't be loved,need to take care of mother,i don't know what to do,i just want everything to finnish... I think I'm to old to
become that person
i want,and don't know how to start and where to,i feel so alone, i want to be loved like other people,i want to have my own family,oh god... help me please,should i suicide or what....?? i think i am not needed for this life..... but I'm to weak to kill myself... I want to day with no pain...