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Posted by Sophianna at December 8, 2011
Tags: Anxiety  2011 December

I am 20 years old. I am blond and athletic, blue-eyed and pretty, or so I've been told. But I'm also crazy. I've never really been able to maintain any kind of friendship, and I feel so alone and isolated. I live 3,000 mi away from my parents, and it's horrible.

For years I suffered from impulsivity, violent mood swings, attention deficient and depression. I have Social Anxiety Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, an eating disorder, issue with cutting, and I have a form of bipolar that causes hyper emotionality (think being so sensitive it's the emotional equivalent of walking around with third degree burns all over your body). I trend sometimes toward suicidal depression.

I have had one boyfriend who cheated on me and abused me. His best friend raped me, and when I tried to bring charges against him through my school I lost. I don't think anyone will ever love me or that I'll ever be able to function enough to live a normal life. I am thinking it might be better to just kill myself so I don't have to to deal with this anymore. I really hate being alone.


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By anonymous at 10,Jan,12 11:36

Chin up, at least you're beautiful.
By at 10,Jan,12 19:17

agreed. tho sometimes beauty can make it worse. i know, just cause im a model dosent meen that makes my life good. keep going beautiful, you can go yet untill that moment you know that there is nothing left for you to complete in this life. scares tell storys, plus their pretty and add to your character.

By at 10,Jan,12 19:13

my gods. i excactly what you mean about the emoitional thing. its no fun. at all. and it not your fault. im just lucky ive got my dad and brother that are the same way. i wish i could hug you. your life sounds as bad as mine. my, what the fates have in store for you.

By anonymous at 11,Jan,12 06:44

Crazy or not,
you sound like a catch.
Ill be your boyfirend,
and i would treat you right.
Im crazy as well, so we'll be great toghether.
The only thing worse with me is; i still live
with my parents. Im 23, yes im definitely crazy.
But im the nicest guy you would ever find. Ask
anyone, thats just what theyd say: He's weird,
but he's the nicest guy. You wont be alone. If you are
beautiful you have so much to live for. If your smart with your looks too, you can get so far in this life.

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