|Posted by starstud76 at June 14, 2012
I'm 35, male, single.
HIV positive for 9 years.
I can't keep a stable relationship.
I can't keep money in my account, it usually ends up negative about $300 with in 3 days after pay-day.
My credit is ruined, its below 600.
I can't control my spending.
I smoke pot at night to help me sleep.
I haven't had any real contact with my family, who live about 16 hours away, in a very long time. They don't call or even try to check in on me.
My mother died when I was a sr in high school and my father was never around.
I don't know what to do or how to fix it.
I know I've made some bad decisions but I want a way out.
I don't wanna feel like this anymore.
|Posted by Wino joe at June 11, 2012
I had it all. Success, beautiful life, kids house cars. It all looked good from the outside perspective of an observer, but really I was going insane, the pressure my wife and the scrutiny drove me to the edge. My job started failing and was unable to keep paying the lifestyle of our family. I took 20000 out of my bank and bought a one way ticket to Waikiki in hawaii. I have since turned into a homeless wino, drinking the cheapest, highest alcohol bum wine there is. I have moved into a shanty tent town in a public part and have met a girl 15 years my junior she's geogous, I swim in the ocean and fall asleep to the sounds of the waves in my inebriated state. I collect bottles so I still have 15 g stashed in I need to get started. Like get an apt if I ever work again, the locals treat me like their broth and we eat a lot of spam on rice and drink from sun up to down. I think I am staying
|Posted by Al at June 10, 2012
I wrote myself off a wrong time ago. @ age 21 i'm still living at my moms house, i'm a highschool grad with no life, and $1200 to my name.I'm planning to move about 350 kilometers (215 miles) in the next couple of months; to find a fresh start in a new city and begin searching for a job. I have no recent job experience, no references, very low self esteem/confidence. I'm worried about being judged poorly/disliked, it's the same reason why I seldom leave this house ever in life. That and because I have behaved like someone who is mentally ill, there is no other way to explain it.
I guess what worries me is that I wont be able to function normally like any healthy person would. Like i'll show up to work tweaking or i'll get drunk and start arguing furiously about religion. or I will make a bad impression in some other way and inevitably become an object of disdain to many if not all those who encounter me on a professional level day to day.
but just say perhaps I can hold down a job reasonably comfortably without being completely inept and stressed out, then I still worry about being a social failure. I don't know how to treat people, I'm lonely. thats about it for now.
I kind of feel like im i'n over my head, that I'm just a ignorant boy and I dont know things I aught to know, that I'm going to make some terrible mistake and really fuck up my mind and or my life.
|Posted by anonymous at June 2, 2012
So many of these stories are written by people whose lives suck, but they are usually younger and still have time to turn things around - which I don't I don't think.
I'm 53, no SO, no children, no job, no career. I have several psych diagnoses and the depression I deal with overwhelms me (I guess I'm bipolar 1 depressive). I have been stalked for months now and was forced out of my nice home due to the stalkers being new next door neighbors, and in a panic I bought a mobile home in a park. The realtor lied to me about the average age here (which is 70) and about activities which don't take place. My friends (the few I had or more like two and one was constantly putting me down) just deserted me due to the stalking. They didn't believe me and my one "friend" of 37 years sided with the stalker, even though he tried to kill my dogs four times. Well, he or they have followed me here now.
My mother is over 90 and fell so I have to go out of state to take care of her so I worry about the stalking (as they vandalized my last house when it was vacant) and what they might do to this place. My dog has Valley Fever and is moving in the wrong direction. The stress from the trip could make it even worse, yet I feel I have no choice but to drive there (oh, and I have a driving phobia so swell).
I was involved with a lying, cheating, deceptive narcissist on and off for six years who just accused me of being delusional about the stalking and wrote me o...
|Posted by Loco4u at May 30, 2012
Ok so I was doing ok with my wife for 5 years till I decided to cheat on her and ruin my relationship while she was 3months pregnant with my son who is now two years old one week later after she left the house I moved the other person I was having an affair with in with me we lived togeather for about 1 year while this time i was drinking alot and didnt realy care for any thing drugs an alchohol were an avery day thing till we split up now I'm living at my parents I think I'm an alcoholic and this situation has ruined me financialy before I was doing ok had three cars my own business and now two weeks ago I filed for bankruptcy I only have 20$ to my name as I write this I have a car but is in my mothers name I do have a job but I work for my dad my social life is a wreck I drink a lot but mostly to escape the reality of my situation that I my self put me in although I don't completely fault cheating on my wife the cause of al this I think its just a bad sequence of events I do see my son three days out of the week wich brings me something to look forward to look for I don't have a one single fried that I can text to or talk to I have a face book account with 70 friends wich are complete strangers when I drink it's usually at a bar but I'm always with my self the corner stull I'm 30 years old and most mornings I wake up wishing I hadn't I closed all my bank accounts I think I'm under paid for running my dads business wich has grown significantly after I took over it al though he still sees me as a fuck up who don't know shit i don't know how to deal with this any more
|Posted by anonymous at May 29, 2012
yesterday... i stole my sisters atm card and drew 60 dollars off it. a friend and i went and bought some pump it and did a couple of nice issues, got pretty faded. we invited some girls over to my house to get drunk and i nearly fucked one of them, i would have done it but i couldnt get it up. we had gotten them drunk and high on spice, and they stayed the night while my sister, who is supporting me, stayed the night at work after spending the day in the hospital with her boyfriend who had just been in a bad car accident. this morning i sent the girls home, and cleaned up the house real good just before my sis came home. she had no idea anything had happened.
i am in my late 20's, unemployed, and a meth addict. i am a father of three kids who were put into foster care while i was in jail. i went to jail for felony resisting arrest, and old misdemeanor drug charges. i spent 4 months in jail, it could have been more. while i was in jail, my girlfriend broke up with me for some dike. then she delved deeper into her addiction, and practically abandoned my kids so she could run amuck and get spun. a month before i get out of jail, she gets arrested at the place she was staying. she had warrants, but the cops were called there on suspicion of burglary. when she went to jail, child welfare services took our kids into custody, and put them in a foster home. i get out of jail a month later, and they want to adopt my kids, and terminate my parental rights. so now i am doing an ...
|Posted by jhyia at May 28, 2012
I don't why I'm posting this, maybe i should get a diary. I have no friends. Live with mom, single female. Almost 40. Loser. Pathetic isn't it. People my age are married and have kids. Not still stuck at home. Life going no where. I get happy with little stuff, not big stuff, focused on the negative stuff, not too much positive stuff, don't want it to go in my head. It's like I can't be happy too long. Ok so this guy pissed me off today on my way to walmart. Coming out of a yeild, wasn't much traffic, thought i cleared all the cars. Merged into to the left lane, than i noticed a car along side me and it went in front, then the jerk says " I know you saw us, should have let you fucking hit us". That was it, didn't respond, he turned off to Target. Didn't make eye contact with him, felt scared. Angry, didn't really see him. If i did I won't have merged. Wouldnt' have nearly hit him. Just got a new SUV, don't really want an accident, too much crap that goes with it. But you know, people are so angry, what I'm angry about is that i didn't do anything. Let's say our cars did hit. Even if we went to court and it really wasn't my fault, i would think it's my fault. See that's my problem. Something happens, i make it bigger than what it is, i beat myself up, i call myself a loser. Lot of self hatred. I imagine myself shutting down, like being those people who never come out of their house. Afraid of the outdoors. Is it the outdoors that they're really afraid of or i...
|Posted by n.r at May 25, 2012
I am 46 and never married . All of my life I longed finding my soulmate , a good and logical man , but simply I was not lucky enough .I have tried to work and be indipendant .
But I live in a country that the quality is not important .
I lost my father . Then I lost my job . And as it was not enough I was victim of a fraud by someone who pretend that had some romantic feeling toward me and made me pay all of my saving to him . I can never forgive myself . I have been so fool
Now I am jobless , pennyless and alone .
Is anyone know a way for countinuing life ?
I know that I will never give up , I will try to find a well paid job and I should pay my debts . I owe it to my good friends who helped me through that hard time that I need money .
But I do not know How I can find a Good job for a travel agent abroad and How I can get work visa ?
Is there any one know it ???
|Posted by dargor at May 24, 2012
I'm 20 years old and for the most part had a great childhood. I got straight A's and was known as the smartest kid in school. I was also a talented violinist. That all changed when I was around 14. My parents went through a bitter divorce, after my dad found out my mom cheated. I was tossed back and forth between them, and basically being used as a pawn. I developed severe depression and anxiety disorders, but since the psychiatrists in this area are so incompetent, they never came up with a diagnosis. They just had me committed to a mental hospital 4 times during my adolescence and early adulthood. During one of the stays they forced me to take a controversial drug which caused me permanent nerve damage. Since then I have flunked out of college, been fired from 3 different jobs, and failed at every relationship I've ever had. I moved 300 miles away from home to be with a guy and right after the move, found out he was cheating and only wanted me for sex. No one will hire me, school is so expensive I can't go back, and I can't even enjoy playing the violin anymore because my nerves are so damaged, I can't even hold the bow. I wish I could hold it just steady enough to play myself a sad song... I never ever dreamed my life would turn out this way.
|Posted by anon at May 23, 2012
Since as early as I can remember I had been picked on daily through my school life. It started when a couple kids decided to throw sand in my face in pre-school. Yes I can remember that far back. From there it was a daily routine right through primary school and secondary school of physical and mental torture. Had even been hospitalised several times because of it.
Finishing school with a score so low I was unable to enter any classes at university I wanted, I went out looking for a job. I had got a few very ordinary low paying jobs but it was a start. Moved into different cities to find better work however I was too unqualified to get anything good.
Fast forward to today. I am 32 years old, live with my parents. Don't earn enough to live by myself. Had 3 distant relationships with girls that only lasted a couple months. Had sex only once with a prositute. Watching all my friends around me grow up, buy houses, have families and move on with their lives. Im stuck going no where. I have been looking but women these days want someone successful. For more than 10 years I have wanted someone to hold me and love me but to me now, it is all a fantasy. I have even tried dating sites. Sent out 100's of contacts to women and have got ZERO replies. Not even just to be friends.
Depression, anxiety, stress through the roof on a daily basis.
Even my psycologist said my life was setup for failure.
Can't afford to live by myself.
No girl friend.
Feel like I am a waste of space.
What is the point.
Next time my parents go away for the weekend. I plan on going to the beach, try and swim out as far as I can until I am exhausted and drown. Should be easy considering I am also not a very good swimmer.
|Posted by Voice at May 21, 2012
Just ten years ago, I had money, good looks, fame, fun, friends, ambition, women. Now I'm broke, unemployed, in debt, can't get a job in a field I used to rule...hell I can't get a job period. Living with family. I have a girlfriend who has no time for me. I'm on unemployment. I'm just so confused and forgotten, So angry at those who took my career away. Fuck all this.
|Posted by anonymous at May 19, 2012
I'm a 19 year old college student living in a shit hole house with my shameless, lazy, cigarette smoking, welfare collecting mother, my sister, and their shedding, shitting, and pissing machines they call cats. My parents have been divorced for years; I haven't spoken to my father in over 6 months because he's a megalomaniacal, one track minded asshole. I don't even bother trying to contact him anymore.
I work a shit minimum wage job with people I care about but can't get close to, because I come off as an over-intelligent, pompous asshole when I'm really just trying to be insightful and friendly. I'm also in love with one of my co-workers; I've told her how I feel and she just wants to stay friends. Despite this, I can't seem to accept it and fucking move on.
I feel like a fucking outcast because of the way I think.
I constantly have to bring myself down to the thought level of a child just to communicate with possible friends and girlfriends.
I get turned down for high paying jobs I qualify for because of my age.
I feel that my opinion doesn't matter to anyone.
I'm the best at everything I do, but too humble to show off.
I'm fucking sick of competing in this god forsaken money rat race.
I want to try and better the world before I die, but I'm conflicted with my conditioned hatred for my own species.
And aside from this little post, I never bitch to anyone. I keep this shit inside because I like playing the part of the all-accepting, ever-loving, good guy of my circle. Everyone can just suck my dick. I'm a fucking closet misanthrope who just wants to have one thing in his life go the way he wants it. But alas, even when I forcefully take the things I want, they just blow up in my face.
Fuck the world.
|Posted by anonymous at May 19, 2012
Im 25, live with my parents. No money, no degree, no friends. I hate my job. No one ever wants to hang out with me. I usually just stay at home on the weekends. To top it off, I am fat and ugly. I hate my life.
|Posted by Barbara at May 13, 2012
I can't believe that there are so many people out there who feel like I do. I have never googled anything about hating life before and when I did I found all of this, which in some strange way has been of comfort. I really do hate myself and feel a total waste of space on this earth. I have eyed off the rafter in my shed and the rope and in some weird way feel comforted that it's there when things get too much. Today it feels too much but I am so tired that I can't be bothered going outside. I don't know whether that is a cop out or not, but that's how it is. I only ever try to help people or do someone a good turn yet I seem to get abused all of the time. My pot is empty and I have nothing to give anymore, so no point being here really. I have a couple of pets and they are both 15 years old, so as soon as they have gone, I am out of here. I am have held a management job and worked in Govt for nearly 40 years, was sexually assaulted by my boss over a long period of time, felt dirty and worthless. I have no family and my mother died 2 years ago, so hung around for her. I spent my whole life caring for my parents, being criticised by my siblins who have all cut me out of their lives due to me protecting assests after our father died. I had to do that as Executor and I had the responsibility to realise my mother's assests. Not according to them. I no longer work due to having a heart attack about 4 years ago, which was due to my high pressure job and no support to do a 4FTE position, then I became depressed and had a breakdown I guess. I couldn't work again, so here I sit in total misery, not knowing where to from here. I spend my life in bed hoping that I don't wake up.
|Posted by anonymous at May 13, 2012
Two years ago I lost my fiance to some two-bit whore he met at a restaurant. We were living together at the time, and he decided to break up with me slowly, first starting with the "we should take a break" speech, then the "we should start seeing other people" speech, and finally "I'm breaking up with you." He was cheating on me with two of my friends most of the time we were together; I don't count it because he had asked and received my permission to screw around with both of them, though one he asked be about after the fact and I didn't find out until later. He justified breaking up with me as "I don't want to use you and walk all over you, and I don't see myself improving any time soon." This story has changed each and every time it's mentioned, by the way. Stupidly, I'm still in love with him, and he is a great guy. He's improved a great deal since I met him--since he broke up with me, even! We're best friends now, and while that relationship is wonderful in and of itself, I want so much more out of it that I know I'm never going to get. So that's the suck.
Anyway, I was living on my own in the one-bedroom apartment we used to share working a shitty job as a customer service agent for a major telephone company. Every day was hell. I was screamed at by people because policies that I have no control over changed, I was called a fucking idiot for doing my job, a worthless cunt for reporting fraud (the guy doing the fraud called me a cunt, not the person I report...
|Posted by NGAF at May 8, 2012
I'm single, the place I live is a complete shit hole. The people I've been close with died or moved on. everybody seems the same to me. I have no job,no car and no money. I have a low self esteem. I don't like anything about myself. I have no life. I can't go anywhere. I seriously can't lol. I dream too much and i think about death alot.
|Posted by anonymous at May 6, 2012
I'm a complete failure. I lived from house to house with my 3 year old. I can't afford to house, feed, or clothed my kid. I stay with almost everyone I knew and half of them treated me like shit because they knew I needed some place to stay. I'm out in the streets with a kid because my boyfriends which are the father of my child kicked us out, including the kid. Every since then I been living in some shelter. The people there helped me found a job until I get back on my feet. Well I end up getting a job at a fast food restaurant, got back with my boyfriend like an idiot and move back in with him again. Kept the job for 3 months and got fired because my boyfriend came to my job a lot starting fights with me. After I lost my job, he then throw me and my baby back out and that's when we start living anywhere I could lay our heads and just to eat. I stay with a friend and she started treating me any kind of way and always screamed that I needed her. She throw me out, yes, once again I'm back on the streets, this time I stayed in a abandon house for 3 weeks until someone told child welfare and they found me and took my kid. I started to think about suicide and even tried it. Now I'm living with my mom and have my kid back, but life still hard when you keep going through the same shit. My mom isn't any better from the rest, so I just tolerate anything she say or does to not go through been kicked out by anyone again. Why, why is this shit keeps happening, life for me doesn't live here anymore.
|Posted by Loser at May 2, 2012
I am.now 21, I.have.no boyfriend, and no extraordinary academic achievement. I am not a nerd and.neither.am I.one of them cool girls.
I am not.an only.child, worst am the less preferred twin in my.house. am a loser at.home,.no.matter how.hard I try.my.parents still.see.me.as a devil and.my.twin as an angel.
At college.am a complete.loser, no friends.no grades, no life.
I sit all. Day and.eat and spend.money on vain.things trying.to.buy happiness but the fact.is.I am a sad big fat loser and am so.good at it.that am a loser.at every possible thing.
Needless to.say.my life sucks and I seldom wonder when will.it end.
|Posted by anonymous at April 29, 2012
33 years old, addicted to drugs, no friends, always broke, and I live with my mother who is sick and an alcoholic. Was engaged, life started to get better, lived with her and she cheated on me several times. So I have nothing except and drug habit that I cannot get rid of. I have a horrible fecal impaction that I cannot get out. So it keeps me in constant pain. I went to the ER for it and they did nothing, treated me like a drug addict who was there for a fix, ha, imagine that. So when you complain about ohhh I am gay, nobody gets me... yeah right, there are tons of people like you. It could be way worse for you, you could be just like me........
|Posted by tim at April 26, 2012
I have never really ever been good ay anything. Was never smart, athletically inclined, rich, etc.
I joined the Army 18, was sent overseas where my superiors mentally and physically abused me. I reported this and all I was told to 'suck it up' . I deployed overseas, came back and got a job as a Police Officer. Sound good right?
Think again, I wasn't really good as a Police Officer and was threatened to be fired nearly everyday. My girlfriend found out I cheated on her, accused me of physical abuse. I lose my Police Officer job and can never re-gain employment as a Police, Law Enforcement or any other job like that ever again. I tried to get into corrections, but again can't have a job like this because of my employment history.
So now I sit in my apartment, living on my life savings, abusing RX drugs and getting fat. I could go to college on the GI bill, but it won't pay for everything and I'll just end up working in a factory.