|Posted by ....... at June 1, 2012
I look back and all I see is me sitting alone somewhere feeling sad and alone.
I listen to normal people and their stories and it's painfully obvious that somewhere...somehome I got misplaced. No friends or a genuine relationship. I just never developed. Sure..I had crazy parents and sure I had to move to a foreign country, but plenty of other people did and are just fine now. I can only blame this on my own cowardice.
I can't reach out even now..when everything is so easy for me. It's too late. I am not brave enough. I am not even sure I care.
|Posted by anonymous at June 1, 2012
I can't stand my life...
My family is a complete disaster. My parents and older brother always fight, my twin brother is the biggest douche in the world to me, and my little brother and sister can't go one day without whining, bitching, making a mess, or just completely drive everyone in my family insane. They also feel the need to have to CONSTANTLY ask random unnecessary questions to my parents, at the worst times. I remember my dad was on the phone, late at night, with his boss, trying to see if he could get promoted, and earn some more money, because my family can barely pay bills. The whole situation was life or death. And of course, my little sister walks up to him, at midnight, to get some water. She keeps begging, and whining to him, because he's trying his best to ignore her. My dad got furious, and yelled at her. The first thing we hear in the morning is he didn't get promoted. I can't say I was too shocked. I know that in a few months, we won't be with running water, or electricity. It blows my mind that my parents even decided to have this many children...
In addition, I'm also forced to go to a private catholic school, and I'm an atheist... I HAVE to take a class on religion. (one that I don't believe in, because at this point, I lost all hope in any source of a higher power.) I don't even see the point of why we HAVE to. How does studying the life of Jesus and God, have anything to do with me, wanting to be an engineer when I grow up? (Ass...
|Posted by anonymous at May 31, 2012
My brother once told me a story about "The law of diminishing return". Meaning that one can only do something so many times before it becomes old and redundant..Like If someone were to give you an icecream sandwich..over and over again..Eventually, you won't want anymore fucking icecream..It fascinates me..because, time and time again it has been proven true in my life..and it applies to everything..
I miss the days when I felt Happiness and security..but, the older I get, the more these things go away..the more I realize it's all childhood fantasy..
Life keeps going by so fast..and my head is filled with nothing but memories of when life sort of made sense..when things were simple and carefree..I'm only 29..about to turn 30 this year..but I feel old..drownded..because now it seems like the boring and even the darkest times of my past, turned out to be the brightest parts of my life so far..and I don't see how that's going to change...so i'm just supposed to accept it..as it slowly rips me apart inside.
These days I hate everything about myself..but then again I always have..It's hard to grow up that way..but I remember I used to ENJOY and look forward to things..Now it all just seems like a means to pass time..
I admit, I suck with people..I never know what to say..and I get the feeling they think i'm crazy because I look mad all the time..but not intentionally.
all I want is to feel like I belong to something..yet, somehow I can...
|Posted by anonymous at May 31, 2012
this is basically the first thing i say every morning when i wake up.. i hate my life and i wish that someone would kill me because i dont have the balls to kill myself... i suffer from major depression.. it started when my ex broke up with me.. and it got better for a bit but has come back with a vengeance.. im stuck at a dead end job and i have no idea what i want to do with my life. every single person i know is in a successful and fulfilling career while i have been going nowhere for the past 10 years.. my life has no direction and i hate seeing other peoples success.. it makes me crazy jealous and i hate feeling like that.. i just want to find something that makes me happy and i have no idea where to look.. im about to declare bankruptcy and on top of all of this i am being sued for millions of dollars and if i lose my parents will lose everything and it will be my fault..
|Posted by anonymous at May 31, 2012
I dunno why I'm writing this....but i think i must be too much depressed today..
I'm 28 suffered from depression for almost 10yrs,now working.living with my mom..my father is an alcohol addict,he always abuses me always tries to hurt me,always makes me cry and he stays awake whole night and he keeps on shouting and cursing us,abuses my mom...since childhood I have nt seen my dad as a normal human being... I was always alone and still I am..
Hez now in rehab and tomorrow they are giving him discharge hez gonna come back Im afraid what me and mom will have to face again..
my relationship failed,I hv no friends..but still trying to survive and want to overcome all the obstacles of my life,Now I really dont want anything from the god,my hobbies,my likes dislikes I dnt remember anything,just doing my job to earn money.........thts the only thing I can do!!!
|Posted by confused at May 31, 2012
I'm fucking tired of working. I haven't worked a lot. It's been 10 months since I've graduated and have been working 9 months of it and I'm fucking tired of it. What can I tell you, I am lazy. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to file a paper, I don't want to analyze shit. I don't want to report to my boss. In short I don't want to do anything. I just want to lock myself in my room away from everyone and get out once every 3 months or so. I don't want anyone to disturb me or anyone to want anything from me. Is that too much to ask? I don't know why people work and I don't yet understand why people "should" work. Who said we should work the first 8-10 hours of the day, come home beat up, eat something and go to bed to repeat the same bullshit all over again. If this is what life is, I don't want to be a part of it. The root of all this evil is that people need money in this fucked up society to live. I don't mind that there is money in the world, just the fact that we have to trade our lives for money, and for what? So that when we're 65 years old, when we're old, semi-dead, mentally disturbed from being exposed to all the bullshit of the world, up to our necks with medications so the we can simply function, "then" we will be able to retire. What an epic life.
This is what I am looking forward to for the rest of my life and I am sick of it. I am sabotaging myself so that I get fired so I can maybe start my own business. Anything is better than working like...
|Posted by mr.screwup at May 31, 2012
I'm a 43 year old male who is physically ugly,has o.c.d., depression, mental illness, and nightmares(for 21 years and still counting.) I'm stuck in a crappy job at a supermarket bagging groceries and cleaning filth and trash. Its a shithole. Girls and women ignore me and shun me, and I am forever lonely,day in, day out, year in, year out. What makes this situation especially gut wrenching and tragic is that I am partly to blame for this sad situation. As a teenager in grade school(from 1982 to 1987,) there were a few friendly, pretty girls who asked to date me or tried to be friends with me, but I stupidly refused, and these golden opportunities are gone forever. I'm angry at myself, to say the least. I refused and ignored these golden opportunities because I was 1) immature and mentally stunted. And 2) by the time I got to high school, mental illness, depression, hatred, anger, bitterness, and alienation developed within me, and I developed a hatred for girls, schoolmates, and teachers(I have had a prior and continuing history of being mistreated and ignored by so many of them since 8 years old,2nd grade,1977. So by the time I'm in high school, I am mentally wounded and mentally screwed up, and alienated, so full of hate that I couldn't think straight at the time. Because of the evil,nasty girls, I failed to connect with the good ones. Too fucking late for me now. In the last 25 years after leaving grade school in 1987, there has not been a single opportunity for me to ...
|Posted by Sara at May 31, 2012
I am a mother for 3 kids .I am an imgration .I came to US 5 years ago with no english .I have been learning from that time till now ,but i am still do not speake fluntly .I cannot get along with people .most of them laughing on me when i speak because of my accent.I am doing very good at School ,but with chating with people I feel so stupied. Teachers at School do not take care of my kids because i do not speak with them all the time so my kids statred feeling boared and ignored.I feel i am worthless ,helpless. I am working now at a good place ,but i am feeling everybody talks about me and making fun of me because of my fraction English .I am very very kind person .I love people and always ready to help .
|Posted by cygnusmom at May 31, 2012
Losing someone to suicide is the most horrible, complicated kind of loss I have been through. When a loved one dies in an accident or by cancer--you aren't left agonizing over what you had missed, how you could have saved them, why didn't they care about you enough to stick around. If you kill yourself, I can tell you, you will leave the most terrible form of grief for those around you to live with, a grief that they will likely never get over, but possibly may learn to live with. I urge you--no matter how dark of a place you are in-please, seek out treatment-serious treatment-meaning if you are serious about suicide, call 911 right now. I don't believe that people kill themselves out of selfishness, but I do think that most are very sensitive human beings that would not want to leave so much sorrow in their wake if they knew the impact that killing themselves has on those left behind. People I would never imagine, were so hurt, so saddened, so depressed, when my son took his life. I have to be on medication and work strenuously every day to stay out of an abysmal sorrow that will take me away from the ones I love that are still here and need me as a result.
|Posted by Al at May 31, 2012
4 years ago i decided to retire. it was a big mistake. im 84 and enjoy working with people. then my wide came down with altimers disease. i am very depressed by it. have been married for 62 years and never thought any thing like this would happen. on top of that i lost my balance 1 and haf yearss ana d brke my hip. at that time i wanted to kill myself.very unhappy with life.
|Posted by Just a number at May 30, 2012
I live in an area of the U.S. that has a very poor job market. I have to stay here to mind for my elderly mother. I am broke and getting more so everyday. I graduated college 12 years ago and I'm yet to find a job that pays ok and is enjoyable at the same time. My current job pays ok but the job itself sucks monkey balls. This situation has cost me friendships and relationships. I am sad every single day and its because of my job.
|Posted by Dead&Gone at May 30, 2012
All my life I've wondered what this life would be like without me. Some say that they need me, but is the really true. Do you really need me? Or am I just here as a benefit for you? No one really understand my pain or why I do the things I do. So what if I cut or take more medicattion then I need to. It's all my fault that I am like this. I'm taking hte blame. Suicide is never the opinion but sometimes I feel like that is the only way to exscape this bullshit that everyone is putting me through. No sees me for the person that I really am. All I want is to be happy, why can't anyone see that? I'm just a 14 year old girl who is different and handles her problems a different way. And since when did you ever have the right to judge me. You don't care, you're just reading this to judge me. I'm a person, better yet I'm a monster that no one can stop. I put myself almost into comas from drinking energy drinks, its who I am. I've never been happy, its all an act to show that you don't have to worry about me. But since when did you care? You're an act just as well as I am. My smiles aren't real. I cut to make the pain go away, but yet then I realize that the pain is still there when its gone. The words I hear and the things I see affect me. The music I listen to I can relate to all of it. Fricking YOLO. Its just a saying that doesn't mean anything to me. life means nothing to me. I should've done it when I had the chance.
|Posted by bery at May 30, 2012
Started getting sick in the first grade, have been sick every day (24/7) for 61 years.
Pains that cause me to double over at the mid section, leading to depression fear and isolation.
Known as food tolerances, if you eat you get sick.
|Posted by Loco4u at May 30, 2012
Ok so I was doing ok with my wife for 5 years till I decided to cheat on her and ruin my relationship while she was 3months pregnant with my son who is now two years old one week later after she left the house I moved the other person I was having an affair with in with me we lived togeather for about 1 year while this time i was drinking alot and didnt realy care for any thing drugs an alchohol were an avery day thing till we split up now I'm living at my parents I think I'm an alcoholic and this situation has ruined me financialy before I was doing ok had three cars my own business and now two weeks ago I filed for bankruptcy I only have 20$ to my name as I write this I have a car but is in my mothers name I do have a job but I work for my dad my social life is a wreck I drink a lot but mostly to escape the reality of my situation that I my self put me in although I don't completely fault cheating on my wife the cause of al this I think its just a bad sequence of events I do see my son three days out of the week wich brings me something to look forward to look for I don't have a one single fried that I can text to or talk to I have a face book account with 70 friends wich are complete strangers when I drink it's usually at a bar but I'm always with my self the corner stull I'm 30 years old and most mornings I wake up wishing I hadn't I closed all my bank accounts I think I'm under paid for running my dads business wich has grown significantly after I took over it al though he still sees me as a fuck up who don't know shit i don't know how to deal with this any more
|Posted by anonymous at May 30, 2012
I am almost 31 years old. I have never had a relationship that lasted over a year and a half. I have been dogged out by men over the years so much. It hurts because all I want is someone to love me just as much as I love them. My past experiences keep me from being able to trust anyone. Its hard to stay in a relationship because I get so paranoid thinking that the person I'm with will just end up treating me like the rest did. I suffer from PTSD and I have two children who have autism. Life is very hard for me. When I was younger I was abused by my aunt and both my parents were on drugs. I ended up in state custody, living in shelters and foster homes. I always look for love in the wrong places. I have made a lot of choices that I regret and am ashamed of. Everyday is a struggle...I smoke weed to help me forget about my loneliness sometimes but I know that is not the right thing to do. I am so emotional and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I just want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with....it seems like that will never happen. After all of my failed relationships I feel like giving up. I have a lot of issues that I am dealing with. I know my story is not as bad as most of the stories I have read but I know someone out there can identify with what I am feeling. I don't have any friends...I am in the house all day everyday because I am always so anxious. I really do not know what to do. I have stopped caring about my appearance as much as I used to. My family does not understand me so I cannot go to them without them judging me. I look all around and see all of these couples who seem to be so happy an in love. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me? Maybe it's because I am flat chested and do not have a big butt. That seems to be what everyone likes. I have heard that I am beautiful or pretty but I do not feel it. I am in tears now...I just don't know what do do anymore.
|Posted by anonymous at May 30, 2012
Yes, life sucks.
Life is NOT at all like a box of chocolates.
and the older you grow the more it sucks.
What else are we supposed to do?
It's easier said than done when people say, "stop sitting around depressed; If you hate your life so much, change it!"
they don't understand a damn thing.
they don't understand how you feel.
All I have to say to them is, "Shut up!"
People say I'm just a moody teenager.
How would they know?
They don't know EVERYTHING that's happened under my roof.
They haven't been through the lies and abuse and the drama.
They don't know how it feels.
But when I'm older, I'm going to try my best to change it.
|Posted by anonymous at May 29, 2012
I live each day through a haze. I don't think i am depressed i am just fed up with life. I tried anti-depressants, therapy -the lot.Tablets make me like a zombie -no feelings,no emotions. I tried therapy- its just made me sad and angry.How can i not be sad if my mother has no feelings towards me. There was never any warmth or kindness.The only tears i see from her are at the airport when i am leaving but to me they are the tears of relief. When i was a kid my father used to drink a lot and he would shout at my mother, call her names.I used to stick up for her, sometimes it would get quite physical me and my dad hitting each other. But after the fight my parents would reconcile and they would say that i have got such a difficult character!? I was young then and i believed them. Its only then i went to therapy i could actually see that my mother used me like a shield and my feelings were never her concern.I am 36 now, I got married at 24 to a man i did not love or liked.I just wanted to get away from a family home. I thought i can build my own life but i am struggling. I got hurt so many times i don't feel anything any more. I got rid of all so-called friends who used me to make themselves feel better. I limited the contact with my parents,I still talk to them but i keep it brief. I cannot take from them another story of someone's daughter doing this and that and earning so much. I tried to talk to them, especially my mother so many times and tell her how i feel. She listens but says nothing. What more can i do? If my own mother don't care who will?
|Posted by forgotten at May 29, 2012
i was born in reading on the 19/02/1993 when i was 3 my father left home and left my mother with £3000 of debt. in turn my mother tured into acouiholic and develept mentle health problems due to the drinking problems all i ever remember from my childhood. by five i was live with my grandparents happyest days of my life my mother had been sectioned in the DOP clinic, (witch helps people with drinking problems) when she left she seemed to be happy for a little while anyway. my mother later decided to move to southampton and i followed we moved to a cuncil astate and over time life just detireted i remember one night sat indoors with my mother she had takin pills and was fitting in the sofa i at 7 ran next door to get help the nighbers rang an amberlance and the police my mother was takin to hospital me i was put in cear.
on another night my mother had been drinking heaverly this coursed a mentel break down the police were called she left the house screeming there were bugs in her hair i again was put into care. my mother again left and i again was left in her care. all i remember after that were teenagers coming around and smashing the windows every night screeming abouse larghing they had heard about my mother and her break down.
i had to do somthing i had to get us out of there at 8 years old i decided to set fire to the house i get my mother out police amberlinces and fire egines were called. luckly they didnt find out the corse of the fire.
|Posted by anonymous at May 29, 2012
I'm Andrew a young adult and living with my girlfriend, but probably is about to get broken up with. I know the reasons why and I can't change myself for that because u are who u are. My mom died when I was only thirteen, my dad is an alcoholic drunk who never sees me and doesn't t really know me. And I was sexually abused by my brother when I was a child. First off Ive seen and heard many sad story's and I have wondered if there is really a god. Why does he let people suffer,get raped,killings,famines misfortune? Is it a show? I dont understand why he won't save the dying and help the evil people to be free of their sins and evil. I have been called fat at times. Ugly, but the truth is I'm not even that bad looking. Life is hard and I dont like it. I have friends but its not enough. nothing ever feels enough in this world. The world can be good at times, but the truth is it never lasts, just like love, it fades, your happy at times then it fades. I Could have everything but I don't want any of it. I wish I was just a kid again not having to worry about living on my own paying for rent or spending any money. my stress levels are so bad I'm loosing hair and gaining weight. I should end it all here I dont like living in this world where there is so much pain to see, there is too many people suffering I hope god comes to a realization and comes and end our pain for us... Before I step in and do him a favor
|Posted by anonymous at May 29, 2012
since i was small my mom had dementia i watched her turn into a person that cant go to the bathroom alone i watched her as she forgot my name we dont have much money and after my mom got sick it got alot worse because she used to work now she needs someome to feed her and wear a diaper and its not because she is old but because her brain has deformed to the point that she cant do anything.8 years i saw her getting stupider making mistakes forgeting how to write,pissing in her pants then trying to hide her pants,breaking stuff and forgeting where she put things.now this is sad very sad whats worse is that i am not the only one like this.life is horrible there is no fairness to justice no GOOD.after my life turned to shit i became the class clown because i needed to feel not alone later my life was turned into gaming then i became a world of warcraft addict which really helped to distract me from the fact that my life is shit but now my internet company has problems and i cant play wow anymore which made my life even worse i was done with school a year ago.my dad now doesnt even have enough money to send me to collage because of all the spending done on my mom to stay alive all those expensive pills doctor visits that never cured her and never will.never had a date not because i am not attractive but because i dont have finacial capabilty to handle a girlfriend i cant even invite her to my home because its a mess thanks to my mom dont get me wrong i love my mother i love her so much but i really wished she died instead just her brain dieying slowly.that way at least it would have been quick.