Do I deserve this? | Posted by anonymous at May 16, 2012 | Tags: Health 2012 May |
I had a normal child hood until age 9 when I was diagnosed with dyslexia. My mother pulled me out of school to be home schooled. As a result I felt stupid & lost all my friends(I begged to go back to school until the day I graduated). When I was 13 my older brothers friend raped me in my basement while my family slept. I was raped at a camp fire a year later by a boy I was crushing on. I never told anyone about the rapes because I was ashamed & frustrated because I had so much taken away from me. Then in college a close friend (my best friends boyfriend) raped me by force. (My friend blamed me & never talked to me again) Even writing this makes me want to hide away forever. It must be my fault that this happened so many times. I never asked for this abuse but for some reason it happened. HOW CAN I LEARN TO FEEL THIS ISNT MY FAULT? I can't convince myself. Besides the sexual abuse I was in an emotionally abusive relationship from age 16-20. It turned into physical abuse near the end & almost killed me. When I ended the relationship my ex cocked his shot gun & threatened to kill himself. He turned the gun on me. I ran outside & called 911, & after heard a single shot but he didn't shoot himself, just a show for me. After everything, he never had any consequences for what he did. (no one ever got punished for the pain they caused me.) He now beats his new girl friend & I can't help feeling partly responsible for that. Now it has been almost 3 years since the end of the relationship & I have improved. I am still trying to cope with PTSD but I get better every day. I just can't help hating him for making me this way. I suck at relationships. I am supper sensitive & guarded. I don't like to let anyone in because I'm scared to get hurt again. I expect the worst from everyone. I hate my past & I think its embarrassing. But its hard for me to move on & trust someone new. I put up walls & I don't know how to take them down. I just want to have a normal life. HOW CAN I PUT MY PAST BEHIND ME & FOCUS ON TODAY? HOW CAN I LET OTHERS KNOW I CARE FOR THEM & BE CARED FOR IN RETURN WHEN IM SO FUCKED UP INSIDE? | |
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I'm a 17 year old boy who was sad so came here. Love yourself. It's important
Ehh... I just want to know where the fuck do you live where teenage boys rape little girls in their own houses so I can stay the fuck away from that god forsaken place...
It is not your fault. Men FUCKING SUCK! SEX IS ON THE BRAIN 24/7. They can't help themselves. What you need to do is find a therapist- to talk about the rape trauma. Next it's high time that you quit being the "victim". Go to the local FIRE ARMS RANGE and learn how to SHOOT A GUN! Sign up for some kick-boxing/karate classes. Arm yourself for ASSAULT. It's a dog-eat dog world out there sister. Women need to fucking wake up and smell the coffee! Time to quit being the helpless, whiny, inferior stereo-type that men love to place on us! TIME to learn how to KICK SOME ASS! Go and sign up for a class on self-defense- immediately! No more. Look at you?! You've got spunk. You're strong. You can do it! Time to turn the tables!
Cursed
i manage to save myself by being a bitch
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