|Posted by Alyssa at July 1, 2012
I feel so alone. I am sick of this feeling. I wake up everyday feeling positive then by the end of the day, I feel hopeless. I can't stand the word love. It's tossed around too much by people who don't care to act on it. I'm tired of meeting asshole after asshole who's only goal is to get in my pants then run. I'm tired of being emotionally abused and felt like I am not good enough. I hate this feeling of hopelessness, unworthiness and not beautiful. Sometimes I just want to die. I can't though because now I'm pregnant, but still alone.
|Posted by anonymous at July 1, 2012
All my life I have been of a somewhat good kid. I never did drugs, I've never had teen sex, and when my siblings needed my help I was there. Now that I'm eighteen and a new adult, I've gotten to know the real truth of what people thing of me. A lot of my family members don't think I'm gonna be anything in life. And they're right. I have no car, no job, no boyfriend, and can't think of anything to do. I've joined the army and asked my older sister to believe in me and she told me,"How can I believe in someone as unreliable as you?" It hurt me to hear that, but it's true. I've never did anything for myself. My whole life I've been like a babysitter for people and my dad has always sheltered me from real life like actually getting a job or needing to go to places to get stuff for myself. I've never been totally independent and I'm scared. I feel like if this army thing doesn't work then people wouldn't even question my existence giving me a reason to kill myself. I want to matter, but so much doubt floats around my everyday life. My older sister telling me everyday that I'm gonna live a VERY hard life. People thinking I won't make it in the army. My own mom denies me and my dad thinks I'm so stupid. I want to make it for my younger siblings. And show people that my life won't suck.
|Posted by anonymous at July 1, 2012
I'm in piece I'm torn apart like shredded paper my life is the worse to humankind I hate being a mother I have no job my car broke down I was abused as a child no father my mother hated me my brothers are full of shit and if death came I won't flinch! I'd rather be 6foot deep only my son would miss me yet still I'm shit at that I'm not worthy of blood or organs some1 else should have them I hate my life!!!!!!!!!
|Posted by That one at June 30, 2012
I'm 16, and I find interaction with people impossible. I often can't even start a stupid conversation. I have no friends and I've been bullied for almost all of my life. My parents divorced and I find it difficult to talk to either of them about things that worry me, and I can't relate to any of my brothers or sisters. Sometimes I like to pinch or kick myself because it makes me feel real. I often get stressed about little things like room changes. I often feel that I shouldn't be feeling this way because there are many people out there who are worse off than I am. People are often complimentary, but they shouldn't be because I am a selfish, horrible cow who deserves all it gets.
|Posted by jennyfromtheblock at June 29, 2012
Drugs have caused the ultimate ruin of my life. but long before they came along i was miserable , afflicted with terrible low self esteem validated by my peers through out school into college...i am too trusting and nice everyone takes advantage of me. i can't stand up for myself and that lead to my first failed marriage a husband who beat me everyday and told me how stuipid i was and disgusting...marriage number 2 got me a lazy slacker who stole everything i had , my home my credit my job and introduced me to drugs which stole my soul...i lost my career and ended up in rehab meeting a guy who stole every last bit of anything financially , spirtuially and any hope i had left...i have no friends because i just let eveyone walk all over me and am always sad no body want to be around me. i have to call a suicide hotline just to talk to someone alive. my family is disgusted with my drug use and that has driven them away. I have nobody and nothing. i can barely make myself shower i'm so sad and strung out. i feel disgusting and un lovable and that i will never be anything...my ship has sailed theres no hope for me, my career is ruined i have just lies holding me up all of which are about to unfold. i hate myself and have never learned to not be scared of being alone and that has lead me to settle for crappy friends and men. i 'lll never get it im just a lost cause. i don't wash or brush my teeth i donot care anymore i don't like anything in life i just am miserable. nothing tastes good nothing feels good nothing looks good. its fucking awful to be me. i am full of regret and resentment to others and myself.
|Posted by Emily at June 29, 2012
I was born into a completely dysfunctional poor family, my mother a violent schizophrenic and my father an disinterested narcissist.
I never felt safe at home , and was was not aloud to leave my mothers site. At school I was teased for being small and feminine. Around 13 puberty struck, I began to hate the changes in my body and my life and sister attempted suicide due to the stress of our shit home life.
I suffer depression and anxiety, which often leaves me unable to leave my room. I used drugs and was high every waking minute during this period to distract myself from the ongoing memories of traumatic incidents and my self hatred. I have since kicked all my addictions.
A year ago I decided to try and accept that I am transgender, acknowledging that society has the problem with not allowing people to freely choose gender and live as a woman, as I should have been doing my whole life.
Now I have another set of problems; trying to accept that I am misunderstood by the majority of people, being treated differently when people find out I was not born a woman, my body and mind will never match no matter what operations I could have, I am afraid of intimacy, never had nor will never have a relationship. Besides one time when I was sexually assaulted I haven't even had my first kiss... I'm 29 :(
My memory is shattered from drug use and I think I'm ugly.
I hate my past, am scared of the present and have little hope for the future.
|Posted by chris at June 29, 2012
don't know why i'm doing this, but as i'm sitting here crying i guess i'll tell my story. i'm 37 living at home (my parents) with my wife and dog. i've only been with one woman, my wife, and we haven't had sex in over 2 years. she's never been really touchy feely, which is what i want just as much as the sex. we've been together for about 13 years and only the first year or so did we ever have sex and that was only a few times a year as we dated 3000 miles apart!
because i've pretty much given up dealing with the situation i have now irreversibly become a drug addict (to escape my feelings) that i have to live with for the rest of my life and have to be on a daily maintenance pill which costs me $100 a month or i will go into withdrawal. the sad part is that it's not enough medicine for me, so every single day i feel sick but i can't afford to take anymore medicine.
every time i feel something strongly i can't stop crying for hours. my wife won't let me get mad at her, she'll turn it around so that i feel guilty, so everything now comes out in tears.
i'm just so tired of crying and feeling like shit, and feeling unloved, but i'm too scared to do anything, and i don't want to hurt her, she's already been hurt so much in life. if i died tomorrow, oh glory day...
|Posted by anonymous at June 28, 2012
i have a ton of allergies and i react with hives and eczema every single day. sometimes i don't even know what caused it. i have eczema and it's go goddamn painful. i can't even laugh without my skin hurting. my skin is always itchy and i can never get a good night's sleep. my sister has good skin and she can do whatever the fuck she wants and nothing happens to her skin. i can't even use lotion without getting irritated. apparently my dad never had eczema all his life but his brother and his sister had it. so you're telling me their kids don't have eczema yet me with my dad who never ever had eczema has it? are you fucking kidding me -__- i have so many allergies i don't even know what to eat. i pretty much eat the same shit everyday because there are so many things i'm allergic to. i just want a normal looking face. i tell my mom and she doesn't understand me. she says i blow every small little problem out of proportion. it's not a small problem! i can't sleep like a nomral person, i can't eat like a normal person, i can't even enjoy summer like a normal person! everyone is having fun and hanging out everyday and i'm stuck at home applying lotion to my skin every hour. it's not that i'm being depressed all the time, i really CANT. heat worsens my eczema, the sun and the wind makes me feel soo uncomfortable. why can't i just be a normal person? i feel so self conscious about my skin, especially at gym when i'm changing. every girl is normal and i'm just stuck staring at them wondering why i can't have normal skin like that. i wanna wear all the fashionable clothes but i can't because i have to cover up all the damn freaking time. it sucks so much!
|Posted by anonymous at June 28, 2012
i just turned 22 yrs old... i still think like a drug addict, but i havent used hard drugs in about a yr. my boyfriend is soo nice at times but for the most part he is a fuckin ass hole, but i dont leave him cuz then id be really alone. i thot i had one good friend until she completly ditched me on my birthday and did what we had planed just without me, witch makes me wanna go off the deep end and back to my junkie friends who atlest pretended to give a shit. drugs have brought me lots of places, but yet i have nothing. my dad says iv probly done more drugs then the new york yankies. plus my addiction to crack made me look like chuckys bride. soo good luck finding another boyfriend. i had a younger sister that mad me strive to be better ... for her and for me. about 2 1/2 years ago she died from a rare cancer. now i live back at home all my sisters and brothers have moved out and on with there life, exept me.
|Posted by anonymous at June 27, 2012
NO job,pregnant with a bastard child,hopefully i can get some money to afford an abortion,ppl who claim to be my friends really aren't!!! they always say,well we got our own problems,too!! what type of fuckin friend is that!!!! so i have to cut em off,and the dude that knocked me up already has two kids of his own and well,that would ruin everything for the bastard,wouldn't it. cus he already said he aint tryna have no more!! he's a whore,anyway!!! and before someone wants to say somethin,he's the only person iv'e slept with and i was on birth control,problem is the fuckin bc's were bad,i was not tryin to get knocked up by this sonofabitch!!! anyway so no money,my last job sucked and i think they personally tried to get me to quit cus the bitches did'nt want me to get unemployement!! eversince the bastard that knocked me up wanted to get promoted,and his boss wanted me out cus he was tired of hearin his boss complain about me all the time!!! i feel like you shoulda fuckin fired me three years ago,bitch!!! and now,with no monwy i'm on the verge of bein homeless!!!! so ,yeah,my life rightnow,pretty FUCKIN SUCKS!!!!!!
|Posted by anonymous at June 27, 2012
I'm 15 years old.My life wasn't so bad when i was younger, but is horrible now. My mother is going through a divorce with my father. FIrst of all she actually left my father who used to abuse us all the time, just to make up with him again.Then she realised she wanted to leave him again.My life is like a rollercoaster. As soon as i get some sort of hope it turns into deep despair.At present she doesnt even want to continue with her divorce so i am stuck in a run down neighbourhood and i want to move back to my old home but i can't. I keep telling her to start, that i will help her with some things but half of the year is gone and she has not started yet while my father is out there having a good time womanizing and having a great life without us. I just want to move on. Is that so hard to ask? I have friends but i feel if i tell them they would stop talking to me. I have been recently diagnosed with mild OCD and am going mad with it. I used to be such a good student when i was younger, always beating everyone and coming first, now my grades are slipping and my mother doesn't even care. She works all day and when she comes home and i ask her about the divorce, she lashes out at me, telling me she pays the bills in the house and she is tired and when she gets to it, she'll get to it.The only close person i have is my sister and i thank god for that. She talks to me when i am depressed and makes me feel a little better about myself but she is hardly around. Oh yes and i'm gr...
|Posted by anonymous at June 27, 2012
i hate my life. please someone give me advice or just write back to me. i am 22 years old and i am really unhappy. ive been unhappy for a while now. these are the reasons why i hate my life and rather be dead than live another day. 1) i have no friends. the two or three friends i have, have their own perfect little lives and dont talk to me much anymore. whenever i attepmt to have a conversation with them they ignore me or seem disinterested. i had this one best friend since i was 13 and we did everything together and always went out but now we have drifted apart and no longer talk much because she met this guy and always spends her time with him and doesnt talk to me or want to do anything with me. we go for weeks without even talking. 2) ive done really bad in uni this year due to other distractions in my life which have made my grades really poor and im worried i may have failed my year at uni. i find out in a couple days if i have or havent. 3) i am not allowed out of my house and stay home every single day in my room. when i try going out i get asked so many question which then makes me feel like not going out. so i just dont bother. theres been times where i havent left the house for over a week. i cant take it and just rather die. 4) i had a massive argument with my mum no one understands me i dont have no one to talk to plus im the only girl. and lastly in the past i have been emotionally and physically abused a family member which has had a major impact on my life and i cannot seem to move on from it. please help someone.
|Posted by mylifeiscrap at June 27, 2012
My life is so fucking stupid. I have been in this rut ever since we moved to this bummed out, secluded, worthless town 2 years ago. I live in the middle of fucking nowhere. I havn't seen any of my friends for 2 years now. I am stuck in the house. No job will hire me and I applied at over 200 jobs within the past 2 years. My moms a bitch and won't teach my how to drive. I stay in the house all freaking day with no one to talk to and just watch tv. There is no where to go, no one around and nothing to do. I gained about 17 lbs that won't come off no matter what I do. I am broke and have no mony. no friends. I am 18 and out of school and wasting my life away. When my mom told me we were moving to is sad excuse for a town, I hated her and hate her more now for the fact that she lied and told me since it's far out she would drive me places when I needed. I began to hate her. I have nothing and nobody. If God saves me one day out of this mess, I will never return and not have any contact with her for partially making my life crap.
|Posted by anonymous at June 27, 2012
Im 26 years old iv been married for seven years and just found out my wife cheated on me,I don't know what to do I feel like hell,i can't eat can't sleep and every time I think of her with him I get sick,Im not the best looking guy and I am over weight and this guy was way better looking then me now I'm so insecure about my self I can't even be in my boxers around her... She was my best friend and my whole world but now it's different I just want to end it and not have to be here any more
|Posted by anonymous at June 26, 2012
I am 23 years old, female
I have no close friends.
I have never had a boyfriend, never been kissed.
I am unemployed.
I have applied for several jobs and have not been successful for each one, even those specialized programs which assist those who are long term unemployed.
I have no money and because I am still living with my parents and at college I am not eligible for unemployment benefits (my family is not rich and I have to hear them complain about working hard for the dollar).
I recently had an interview and I was so sure that I was going to get the job because I was only one other applicant who applied and I still did not get it.
I have an exam tomorrow which I have not studied for weighing 75%
I am in so much debt with college fees
I have rat(s) living in my room
All I do is play video games all day
I am extremely neurotic and psychotic but I do not qualify for any mental illness.
I was labelled an 'at risk student' back in high school and put in special education due to my lack of cognitive ability but I do not qualify for an intellectual disability.
I am a lazy slob.
I have poor self esteem.
I have very poor social skills and am wasting time and money studying human resources because my transcript shows fails for every other subject I do.
I do not see a future for myself.
I hate my life. I am forever alone.
|Posted by mommy at June 24, 2012
My husband is losing his mind. Yesterday our daughter first hand saw her dad in action by him lower the boom on her. Hey, girl, welcome to my world. I had only been trying to tell her for two years now that her father was "losing it".
She broke down and cried hugging her father after he verbally abused her. She shared with him how much she loved him and how concerned she was for his mental well being.
Then SMACK to hit me with all she had telling me how I needed to help him. Be supportive of him ....do anything I could for him. I ask her "what about me"? I have been living this hell for two years now and feel I can't deal with it by myself.
She told me that it wasn't her problem and how cruel it was of her parents to put her through all of this.
Not only do I have to be a tough wife...but a tough mama! Where's the love and support for people like me? Sure could use some help by taking this crazy man out for an hour or two and give me a break!
|Posted by anonymous at June 24, 2012
I am married to a narcissist 45 years now. Financially tied to him. So tired of the anger, moods, lying and other women. I am so tired of being married to what the world views at "Mr. Wonderful", a "hottie".....such a nice guy. When the front door closes the REAL beast raises his ugly horns. Oh, he can "charm the birds right out of the trees". Unfortunately, once his entertainment with them fades, he takes pleasure in a heavy stomp to their very being.
I am mentally exhausted, numb and realize to late that I should have left this relationship years ago. To old, to tired to start over...
|Posted by anonymous at June 24, 2012
I've always had issues.
When I was a child I was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia, ADD (which no longer exists) which had to be changed to ADHD even though I wasn't hyperactive. Later in life, bipolar, anxiety disorder were added to the list. In my current stage of life, I'm experiencing this horrible constant pain in my stomach. Me and my doctor havent been able to figure out what it is yet. It just hurts so bad I can never get enough relief. I've never been entirely sure whats wrong with me. Why I suck so bad at making and keeping friends. I used to think everyone hated me because I'm fat and slow. Its just humiliating when you're already the most hated kid on the playground, but then they want to transfer you to special ed too? Even at that age I knew I couldn't allow it or people would just make fun of me more. In grade school. Yes, it was already that fucking bad that early in my life. The few friends I did have used to tell me they felt like my stepdad liked my brother more than me. I didn't believe them at the time cuz I was the most horribly naive child and I believed everything my parents said, even if it didn't make sense to me, I would just accept it. They told me both of them loved me and my brother equally, so I knew it must be true and my friends were mistaken, More on that later.
Things ran that same old course til I was about 12 and my mom announced we'd be moving from Oregon to New Mexico. I thought it sounded like a great idea til it actually ...
|Posted by kasper at June 24, 2012
Long.. I don't know what to do with my life. I have no interests, passion or zest for anything really. I have now accepted the fact that I'm having a major identity crisis and had so much potential to be someone important but I blew it. I come from a small town and a family that works hard. I'm weirdly quiet for some odd reason and have grown into a hermit all my life. I quit so many things in life, sports, jobs. I hate myself because I look back and wish I because I fear that I will never be good at what I do. I have a job where I work silently in the back of a very popular co. but I think they might fire me because I have a hard time communicating and selling to customers.
On top of everything else I ruined my reputation when I was 16. I was set up and almost gang raped but a bunch of guys who now tells the whole neighborhood how much of a slut I am saying I got trained on by those guys when it fact only one guy managed to have sex with me. I can't even defend myself because its of course my word against there's. It's my fault anyway for even trusting the guy. It's like all my morals I learned jus went out the window. I then fell into a really deep depression and shut myself away from the world. Last year I rekindled a friendship I had with someone in the past and then we started going out. couple months later, one of his cousins who heard of the story of me from four years ago told him while disrespecting the shyt out of me in front of him. I know he was embarrass...
|Posted by Ihatemylife at June 24, 2012
my life sucks like today, its my sister birthday and we were gonna go to six flags and my sister had her cousin over and i got mad at my sister and she yelled at me. My dad is abusive so after she screamedi got really nervous. A couple seconds later i get yelled at and hit. Now i have to stay home with him. i cant dtand this. im crying now