|Posted by Jim at December 1, 2011
i have been depressed since ive been 14 years old. before that, i never thought about how shitty responsibilites are. i dont understand why anybody would want to work there ass off in school, just to work and make little money. i do not have any mental disabilities, but i do have eczema. on top of that, i cannot get a job, and i have no way of making money. any money i get, goes to pot because it eases the pain. i littlerally make 5 bucks every 2 weeks. i always feel like everybody acts as my friend, but when i turn away, they laugh at how im such a nobody. people are assholes, and everything i say means nothing, to anybody.
|Posted by granny58 at November 30, 2011
I have been turned down for disability a lot i owe the lawyer cant draw death benfits from husband for 2 yrs need money for place to live back home need uhaul
|Posted by qwerkyperson1471 at November 30, 2011
For the longest time I have felt as if I am drowning in the blackest mire. No way out, just the darkness closing in.
But to explain to someone- ANYONE- well telling the truth takes more strength than I think I possess. You see, people believe, because I let them, that my childhood was decent enough. Few have ever seen me even mildly miserable- heaven forbid I should let them see the extent of my depression! I wear a face for the world and another in private... But the truth is my father was, and still is, an abusive shit. Such that I have exiled myself from my home and am studying too far away to visit. Just today I decided it would be too painful to return for the winter- I would rather stay here, alone, in the holidays than have to endure THAT house for even a day, let alone three weeks. I cannot face it anymore.
Yet even though I can logically trace the course of my depression and the deterioration of my sanity it still becomes increasingly difficult to cope. Small things become a chore. I shun human company. My studies are suffering. Some days I sleep too much; others I am too anxious to sleep at all. I do not want to feel like this anymore- I look out the window, see that it is a pleasant day, and want to end it.
Now I find myself increasingly turning to alcohol. And that has consequences of its own. I find that it loosens my tongue, and I admit things I never would sober. Then I do stupid things... And in the morning, when I wake, all I am left with is guilt and a massive hangover.
|Posted by Myworld49 at November 30, 2011
Hi i was having this problem sense i was born that this you want end life not over. I've was growing up finding that people was picking on me i had friends watch over me or none then i got bigger handle my life with people that bug me, sense i was in high school lost someone special wanted end life that had to find way move on, sense i left school years ago to find a life was a mes finding a job working long hours and drinking had to leave my job, that never got my life back working and finding money, bills been single too long and loosing people 14 times that pass away in life. and that health problem got to you that started years ago is not the answer. On the way i was meeting people that bug me in school when i was growing up and got talking to them lets start fresh and go for a drink or lunch and lets work are problem out. My good friend said to him one day why i want to end my life is over did not suspected to go on too live i revised that God that wasn't not around to help as much and my good friend told me why i hated life cause problems and who brought me here to live a life was my parents, that cared to take life as it comes. what i learned over my life is moving forward that what makes you stand out. If said thank you very much for your time and said have a nice day for yourself, you see the respect that comes back later. Do you believe that life is not over always a second chance to start fresh with everyone. Even you been spoiled rotten or have no money and problems of drinking, taking pills and smoking, that felt life was the end don't let it get to you enjoy what life gave you is go see the respect is taking another day as it comes. someone here that cares to see you achieve something that your tired that what makes you live on.
|Posted by anonymous at November 30, 2011
Why is it so impossible to make it in modern America?
I hear all these baby boomers calling my generation lazy. I don't understand what they expect us to do.
I work very hard, working two jobs while trying to complete an engineering degree. I want to succeed, but I don't see a feasible pathway to the middle class.
If you're 18 years old in this country, what are you supposed to do when you graduate high school?
1.) You can follow your dreams and go to college, but that will almost certainly make you a debt slave for 10-20 years. And when you graduate the likelyhood of getting a job is small at best.
2.) Join the military that is now so full it is competitive to get into.
3.) Go work a series of minimum wage jobs that give no health benefits, and no chance of promotion without a college degree.
It must have been nice to go to college for a sixth of the cost, to have almost instant opportunity upon graduation.
It must have been nice to pay into social security and expect to receive it yourself.
It must have been nice to quit your job and migrate to San Francisco, sit out in the grass, smoke pot, and listen to music for a week straight, to burn your draft card and take acid everyday.
It seems to me that of all the people who can critize my generation, the baby boomers should be the last to open their mouths.
|Posted by tiredoflife at November 30, 2011
I've lived in and out of 3 different countries but right now am in england where i dont fit in and i've thought about suicide everyday for 2 years but am writing on here because some months ago i went a step further and tied a knot from my percolator wire before i dropped the whole idea, i dont know if it was because of cowardice or i thought i still had a glimmer of hope. My life is shit, actually thats wrong because i have no life at all. And even though i know whats precisely wrong with me, i cant do anything becasue i have no intrest left, i have no desire to fight on and i've lost all ambition
I remember from the first day of kindergarten the kids made it clear what they thought of me and my skin colour, from then on i've been unsuccessfully trying to fit in for 24 years. I've always thought if someone made a movie of my life it'd sell out, coz i've been one large series of disasters. my early education was largely okay though i was always trying to hang out with the cool kids and since as a kid you dont think about image i scarcely worried about that and i managed to stick with 4 cool friends who i considered the coolest people, i dont know if you guys have read Harry potter but i was like wormtail in james' gang, my friends were all from rich families and the coolest latest shit and i was always just trying to rub off on whatever they attracted. i later left that school went to a boarding school and then became so stuck up because i considered everyone there be...
|Posted by anonymous at November 30, 2011
I hate my fucking life!
First of all, Due to being unemployed for roughly half a year, I have to live with my psycho mother. Thats right, Im nearly 30 years old and I had to move in with mom again because the economy is fucked beyond belief. There are practically no damn jobs hiring. What makes it worse, is she currently lives in a two bedroom apartment, 1 room is hers, the other is occupied by my bitch sister. So I am stuck in the living room with ZERO privacy. They both constantly talk down to me like I am a loser, when they cant get their shit together themselves. Damn hypocrites.
But thats not even the worst of it!! My mom is a compulsive hoarder. Have you ever seen that show "Hoarders?" Guess what, thats the same problem my mom has! So I have to sleep on a couch around piles & MOUNTAINS of useless junk that she collects. She refuses to throw any of it away. I cant even walk around in the apartment. I cant throw her stuff away because she will freak out on me and kick me out. She wants all the useless crap around, she obviously has mental problems.
What makes matters worse is I am in extreme debt with Student loans because (years ago) after I graduated, the jobs in my field went away due to the fucked up economy. Awesome timing huh? I graduate and then the economy gets fucked. Now there are no jobs worth a shit. So for the last several years the only job I could get, was for a shitty company that barely paid anything. They finally laid m...
|Posted by MAJ at November 30, 2011
I'm sad. I am an 18 year old gay man who things just aren't going right for lately. The job sucks right now, school's not going as good as it could, people suck and especially, men suck. I've been through about 10 relationships and every time these guys either have to cheat, hit or do something fucked up every time!!Ever since the last one ended in september, I haven't been hit on once!! Just very frustrating! I was sexually and verbally abused as a kid and teenager and my whole group of friends from childhood stopped talking to me when I told them I was gay. I grew up in what many people would call "the hood". I've also been through many people who I would consider "best friend", but I end up losing all of them for foolish reasons that are not even my fault!!! Right now I have one and it'll hopefully last. Highschool drama never seemed to end for me, even in college!!! I have never been happy for more than a day in my life, so far, and i'm just fed up with all this child's play i'm surrounded with. I just started a new job and my supervisor is a bitch. She doesn't even have the fucking courtesy to help me without bitching about it, when I haven't even been fully trained yet! Figuring things out on my own is something i'm really good at but sometimes you just need help and it's your boss' job to help you!! Especially when she's not doing anything but sitting there eating Mcdonalds with her coworker!!! Right now I just feel invisible and lonely and it's times like this tha...
|Posted by anonymous at November 30, 2011
I grew up an air force brat, moving from base to base. Friends were few and far between. At 7 my mother died and my father started drinking. 5 marriages later and he kicked me out at 16 because his wife said "It's me or your son.". I was thrown around sub-par foster homes and had no social life. I split from the program a few months before my 17th birthday and ran away to washington state. I learned to weld and worked at various fabrication shops. I decided to pursue a degree in chemical engineering to make something of myself. I earned a A.S in Mechanical engineering technology after my GED before I transfered to a 4-year university. Graduated summa cum laude and was a phi theta kappa member. Footed the bill myself to boot.
I Transfered to a four year university after advisors of all kinds guarunteed an academic full ride with rooom and board. They lied, I got screwed. I work 40-52 hours a week at FedEx to make ends meet and pay for school because "I'm inelligible for financial aid" and I don't get selected for merit scholarships. I go to school for 15 credit hours a semester. I now struggle to make a 2.0 Average. No one wants to hire that. I have virtually no friends and people only come around me when they want something or help with labs. I'm lucky if I sleep 4 hours a night anymore. Profs don't understand the concept and typically make asinine comments if I pass out in class. I've wondered if college is suppossed to be like this, but it appears that I'm su...
|Posted by anonymous at November 30, 2011
I caught my husband in bed with my best friend after moving 3000 miles away from my friends and family and new to a new state. I then naturally tried to kill him by stabbing him in the hand with a fork (barely piercing the skin) and I was arrested he pressed charges. They took away my kids and gave them to him I'm allowed supervised visitation for one hour a week. I wasn't allowed to return home which left me completely homeless had to wear a monitor around my ankle lost my job have a felony conviction so no one will even consider hiring me i'm broke got .15 cents in pennies to my name homeless because i don't know anybody and when i did meet somebody he kindly took me in but ended up beating the shit out of me on a daily basis until my probation officer said he was gonna put me back in jail for staying with him yep thats right i was going to get a VOP (violation of probation) charge for getting my ass beat and not reporting it because i wanted a roof over my head. So being homeless is better than county jail where i previously spent 71 days for that assault charge they are now sending me to court because i can't pay mt court fines and ill probably go to jail again for a lot longer because im poor. I have never so much as had a speeding ticket and was married for 10 yrs and in one just one incident my life is ruined and everybody is doing everything they can to kick me while i'm down so here i am cold hungry sad alone and broken yeah life really fkn sucks. Soon ill be in jail getting treated like shit by the correction officers but they dont understand they are just one bad mistake away from being me.
|Posted by Jayson at November 30, 2011
I don't know where to start. My life sucks. At seventeen I had the worst break-up of my life, and as a result of that I had decided to enlist in the military. However, a pre-existing heart condition started to become prominent during PT. I had minor heart surgery. I was kept in a limbo for two years without being fully integrated in a unit, only to be randomly discharged one morning without benefits at the age of 19.
I went to college for two years without any direction, trying various majors and finding nothing that really fit me. But since high school I've always wanted to be an artist; I like sculpting and I think it would be cool to do studio make-up and monster costumes. However, friends have peer-pressured me into an EMS academy and I'm doing that now. I can't just tell my friends to go away; they're the closest thing I have to society even though they know next to nothing about me- my bisexuality, my ideologies, etc. I don't have my own car, I don't have a job, I live with parents, and I made the mistake of spending my money on a shitty school that I never wanted to go to in the first place just to make sure my friends don't feel like they're sort of hanging. So I do my art on the side while I go to this EMS academy, but I really am not as skilled of an artist as I'd like to be and I have no formal training. If I ever complete a project, I'd gleefully show it to one of my conservative friends or family just to get something along the lines of a monotone "Uh that's nice". I just want to go to an art school and have a fun life.
But I'm a failed artist, I'm a military has-been, I have a heart defect, I'm so socially awkward that I can't get a girlfriend or boyfriend, I live with parents, I don't have a job, and to top it all off my genitalia is small.
|Posted by Ky at November 29, 2011
So here it goes. I am 16 year old girl. I've always been very introverted. I am terrible at talking to people and terrible at making friends. I am too shy and everyone thinks that's weird. My boyfriend of 7 months just broke up with me for no reason. Now he hates me and has turned everyone against me. I have no friends. I sit alone in the library at lunch because I have no one else to be with. I am always sitting alone in my classes and no one talks to me. I am being bullied by two guys at my school and they keep calling me ugly and bitch and stuff. My mom is never home, and even when she is, I can't talk to her about my problems because she doesn't ever understand. I am so stressed out and so depressed. I am failing almost all of my classes. Sometimes I really just want to drop out of school. I hate my life.
|Posted by Stupid! at November 29, 2011
I am 40 and really cant explain why I make the decisions I make. My husband of 20 years says the nastiest of things to me and yet I am still with him - I dont know why. Almost 2 years ago I made the move of finally leaving him but I still do not understand why I came back - he didnt even have to beg me to come back. Now we are back to square one - we have no assets and I am sooo unhappy with him - leaving now is not an option as I am out of a job and absolutely penniless. When I left before, I went back to my parents and now going back again will be so humiliating.... What do I do now. The only reason why I havnt ended it yet is because I do not want to hurt my parents - they think that I am soooo happy.....
|Posted by Forked at November 29, 2011
Sick of working for the rich.Worked 60+ hours all my life.Everytime i lose my job iam bak 2 scratch again.All i ever want to do is support myself.Been lied to all my life.Work hard & u can have anything...BS!Pray to god 4 help..BS!Goverment r 4 the people...BS!The only way to fix climate change is to tax..BS!
I can see the rich laughing saying.This god thing is great the poor think they will be looked after when they die.LOL! In the mean time they can help me enjoy my life.Climate problems?haha i dont have 2 change my ways i can aford it.If these people really believe in god they wouldnt be rich they would be helping the poor.Well i dont want help from the MF greed merchants.I want the wealth shared more evenly.I dont resent any1 making more money than me.Though when some1 i no is making over my yearly wage in a week they can get Forked.
|Posted by babette at November 29, 2011
Oh goody I soooo need to vent. This started all six yrs ago, and I would just love to let it go but SHE won't let me forget.
I had just gotten back in touch with an old flame ("C"). We had been in like/love for a long time, since junior high, but we had always been too shy to take it much further than friends. Two years later I came home on break from college and we met again like it was the first time, only so much better! We talked for hours, he said he had been dating S. (a mutual friend of ours, her mother was our school principal and C. was working as a teacher) and had broken up with her a month earlier. He finally asked me out. We spent two months together. He said he'd never been so happy. We couldn't stand to be away from each other for more than a minute. We were kids again.
The summer ends, and I'm supposed to be back at college. He begs me not to go. I get a job at a little place in town, decide to stay with my parents for a semester while we see where this goes.
Then the Friggin Horibble Day. S's mother comes to my workplace. Says her daughter is pregnant by C and that I need to back off because now they're going to get married. I am shocked - we had just spent the night together 2 days before this. I ask S's mother when this all happened, she said "The plans were made last night". Then she says, "Call your aunt (the town florist)" so I do and sure enough, my aunt is baffled and tells me that S. and C. are in her bos...
|Posted by O at November 29, 2011
I am 17 years old and writing this, even though I switch from the past tense as if I were writing it in reflection a few years from now. I feel like I must get my feelings out of my system and really feel them to accept my pain, so for all the world to see, here is my confession: It is about a girl who will always have a special place in my heart, until the day I die. Even though I've only seen her though a web cam, I love her dearly..
Ever since I was seventeen, I wondered through every day and though much of every night, whether I'd find a girl as beautiful, smart, or as strong-willed as you.
There is no doubt that I indulged visions of you in my dreams too. How happy I would be to be eternally lost and forgotten to the realm of dream, where I could forever hold your hand. As I reflect on the past five years, I see many struggles through which I have endured. None were as utterly soul crushing as the struggle and torment I now face everyday--and especially at night. I try constantly to find some meaning in my suffering the loss of your affection, but I cannot--and fear I will not--find such meaning. Maybe the reason behind this suffering is to develop a numbed heart; to not feel the pain of losing you anymore. If this were the purpose of my suffering, then why do I not indulge in drugs and alcohol as a means to kill this pain? I am too strong for that, and I still have hope. Hope that I might one day be given another chance to have you. But if not hope for that, then hope for myself and my future; that I may again find love someday. Will it even be possible for my future love to exist? Will I not be too caught up in memories of you to see the opportunities in front of me? For now, it is impossible to navigate this maze of torment, pain, and depression, for I am lost with you...
|Posted by kush at November 29, 2011
6 month back when I finally decided to get married to the girl through arrange marriage. I had never imagine life would be that bad. She shared her professional commitment and hence I approve her to peruse her career keeping our marriage on back seat. She moved to US and I stayed back in India.
Everyone was against my decision but I always console myself that she want to peruse her career so let her do it. Suddenly long distance started taking toll on relationship. with time we realized so many difference between us. Marriage was not on her priority list. We never had any intimate moment.During our communication she insisted to stay abroad for little longer as she thought this will boost her career.
To realized her dream and end long distance issue I decided to move to US too. I left my job back home and wind up my home by selling all household. The moment I landed US. I thought things would take positive turn but nothing such things happens. Getting intimate was still an issue with her. Later she started ignoring me in this alien country . I have no one to talk , nothing to do..on L2 and EAD pending things started looking more gloomy.
I was never so helpless. what else we want in life ..when there is no love nothing else really matters. God only know where my life is heading. I'm lonely depressed and without work. Going back this soon didn't look like an option to me. With no one around US look so dead to me.
|Posted by anonymous at November 29, 2011
(In general note)For all of you i believe that we have a really fuckd up life my friends.I´m almost 19.More and more i find my self thinking, whatever i do to improve my life a little bit everything seams to go down the shit every time i do something good or something right.No results, no winning no price and specially no recognition for what i´ve done what so ever. I know i should not even talk about this but my life sucks in a most normal way is possible.I tell you why,i´m not ugly,not pour, not unemployed,not stupid,not unfortunate and specially i´m not the every person you meet on the street.So,in that manner you might ask "So whats wrong with you Michael?" dear ladies and gentlemen i tell you why.As more i like this world as more i love life and respect it.I just cant stand the lack of luck my life has been and life of many other that have REAL problems.I ask God many times as always the answer is ......?
Yeah Bingo! nothing.Zip,zero,nada.Of curse i could star with the hole crap about positive view of being a happy person and start to having a positive lock at the world and seeing rainbows every where, but i might tell you this.Life is a major plan big plan design to fuck you in the ass in the least moment you expect it.IT fucked you in the first second you were born.It fuck you in high school, it fucks you at the job, in the house,while you are watch tv,when you pay your taxes,hell it even fucks you after life. And it keeps fucking you until you reach the best moments in your life and then rapes you again.It´s like a viscous cycle that has no end to it.Problems seem never go away and i tired of it.It´s like we are never enough for nothing,not god looking, not rich enough not the best enough not better enough even for our self's and that pisses me of.i wish people around me stooped being so ignorant and star to be who their were born to be normal and not dicks.I think that would help a lot in the world for stars.
|Posted by anonymous at November 29, 2011
Lets see for the past 10 yrs life has been going down hill. My husband is dying, we are in financial ruin and my childen suffer from having a father who is barely there because his is ill. Life does suck, I cry out to the Lord and hear nothing.
|Posted by anonymous at November 28, 2011
I weigh almost 200 lbs and only 14 years old, no one notices me, my family makes fun of me all the time, i never feel welcome anywhere. Don't have any friends except Mabye 2, no one talks to me because I'm fat, ugly, and a total loser. I lock my self in my room every day and burst out into tears everyday. I haven't told anyone how I feel and why I cry, nobody knows, nobody cares. I need to talk to someone about how I feel, but don't have anyone to talk to because no one cares.