I am bulimic. I eat mass amounts of food and puke it up into the toilet. Thousands of dollars a year I waste on food that doesn't even make it far enough to nourish my body. I am still fat. FUCKING FAT. I am disgusting. I'm half asian and half white. Therefore I got chubby asian features but a caucasion build. I am a fat asian girl. It's so disgusting it's almost comical. I am a failure at college and a failure at the job I thought I loved. My parents raised me with the best intentions and I fucking failed them too. My life was set up perfectly for my success and I spat in my own life's face. I fucking shit in my own bed and now I'm too covered in shit to get out of it. My life doesn't even really suck because this is my fucking fault. It's not my life, it's me! I am defective. When I think about God making people I see body parts going by on a conveyor belt and God carefully choosing which parts go to what people. I see him making little pieces of carefully put together art. While he carefully picks out pieces of people some pieces fall on the floor. At the end of a productive day he sweeps them up into a dust pan. For reasons I will never understand and perhaps because I am just a stupid human thing, he poured these leftover pieces of shit and thought "Hey lets make a person out of these leftover pieces". BAM. Those pieces made me. Here I am. Made up of the shit that was on the floor of God's workshop. LOL I should have been aborted. Isn't that what happens to defective fetuses? Well they somehow missed me and I turned into a defective person. | |
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Now bournlippy you are a very creative person I'll give you that. A lot of wording in this I would not of ever thought of using it in that sense. Bulimia isn't the solution to losing weight. You need to find something in your life that is therapeutic for you. Something that makes you proud of being you.
Realize that you are just as good as everyone else, that what you look like and does not make up "you" as a whole. put your chin up and pick one thing that you feel is fucked up, and work to fix it. Bulimia isn't the answer. Focus your efforts elsewhere. Watch one thing come together only to have many others follow suit!
All the best :)
You should google images of women like Marilyn Monroe, and other women from around those times - back when the ideal women had a normal body with actual meat on their bones, and not just a thin layer of skin.
You are not a defective person, but until you work up the conviction that you are worth the effort, there isn't much anyone else can do. its up to you mate
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