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my 19 years in this world.

Posted by bigfish at June 6, 2012
Tags: Abuse  Childhood  2012 June

My earliest memory.. My uncle tearing me open when i was 5. Im still left with scar tissue from when he raped me. over and over. I was raped again when i was 8 by a different man. all i remember from my childhood is being scared that someone would hurt me again. being scared of any men. At 9 years old i started developing very severe mental disorders. depression, anxiety, dissasociative disorders and early phsycosis. All i wanted was to die. i tried to die regularly. I would watch movies with women being raped and beaten over and over because i related to it so well.
At 12 my mental disorders had worsened by miles. i tried drowning myself before school everyday because everyday at school a girl would abuse me in every way. in class she would cut me with a compass or scissors she would make me miss class so she could get her friends to hold me down so she could beat me or abuse me sexually.
Once again i was raped by an older boy at school. One day i went into a full blown phsycotic episode. I took a knife to school so she couldnt hurt me that day. i wanted to cut her open the way she had done it to me every day for 2 years. Of course i was arrested and she was known as the victem ever since.
I was put in a mental ward for months and months.
Im on more medication than i could poke a stick at just so i can function these days. Life isnt much better in the past 5 years ive been severly beaten and burned by multiple men. ex lovers. of course i had never learned that being hurt isnt acceptable so i would just put up with it.
Im just waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.
My advice for men/women/teenagers/kids in distress.. dont tollerate it. no one deserves to live through hell like i have. stand up for yourself.
Stay strong everyone!


New Comment

By anonymous at 10,Jun,12 12:31

Sounds like a made up story.
By broken at 10,Jun,12 15:51

Yes, a work of fiction and a not a very good one either....

I hardly got turned on at all.
By Owned at 11,Jun,12 04:05

You are the sorriest waste of bandwidth I've ever had the astonishment of experiencing. Do you know that professionals who deal with mental instability visit this site often to observe behaviour. Do you know that all these individuals who put their thoughts are being more honest then most judicial participants. We have found that those who can be honest benefit with the ability to find a solution to a problem they, as can be seen, are fully aware of.

You however are different, You don't realise you have a problem and so will not search for a way to remedy your problem. lucky for you the disgust that most people feel when you are around is enough to classify you as the lowest form trash that had the benefit of existing as nobody on the internet. Luckily if a natural disaster had to happen in your area and you happened to die then that would one less saddening aspect of the said disaster. If hell exist it awaits you and if it doesn't I'm pretty sure you'll live you soon.

So toughen the fuck up and get ready for a world of hate which is ten times worse the the she-man who slapped you and fucked like the disposable human you are.

or else you could just apologise and from now on realise that most of these people don't care much for your crap attempt at trolling. Apologise and make your life mean more then condom still stuck in your ass. Help people out. be nice. be human. Your negative comments are the most impact you may have on this world. and the worse they are the less we feel for you. Actually your just a piece of shit... I give you 7 days.

BTW. professionals have been observing your comments and you might have a self destructive personality disorder. If I gave you the true term for the disorder then you'd probably find the correct medication for it? You only deserve what I give... 7 Days
By Anna at 11,Jun,12 12:45

Thank you for putting this person somewhat in their place. The more people that stand up for others I can only hope will somewhat at least counteract the other walking leaches devoid of any humanity.
By anonymous at 12,Jun,12 08:41 Fold Up

well im diagnosed with bipolar 1 and scizophrenia and a rather nasty general anxiety disorder. im on mood stablizers antianxiety meds and antidepressants but thank you for your concern. have a nice day
By anonymous at 19,Sep,12 20:01 Fold Up

Ur a fanny for saying its a made up story how fucking dare u

By anonymous at 10,Jun,12 13:02

why all these stories about rape and shit, sounds like at least 50 peole shbould be in jail and why you always getting raped? dont you call the police or do you keep doing it?
By anonymous at 10,Jun,12 13:27

My thoughts exactly.
By anonymous at 12,Jun,12 08:39 Fold Up

you see its always different people doing it.. search me as to why.. if it was one person then yes id simple call the cops and have them arrested but its not that simple unfortunatly.

By anonymous at 10,Jun,12 16:45

I don't know yall, it's sound pretty much real to me. But if it are, I suffered the same way as a child. I was abused by other children at school. I will teased everyday and jumped on. Now that I'm a fully grown woman, I have low self esteem, I still worry that I don't have any friends, I'll do anything for anyone even if it's mean that its wrong or get me in some kind of trouble, I'll do it just so they wouldn't get mad at me. I have a hard time saying no, even to a kid and I have 2 so they pretty much runs things. Those are the things that effects people when they had a abused childhood.

By anonymous at 11,Jun,12 06:56

The only people saying it isn't true are very flat minded. If you think it's not real. don't comment. There is a chance it could be real- a very good chance. Decide to be an actual person who gives a fuck and care about someone. I'm sorry for your pain and I hope one day you can overcome this. You've been dealt a shitty card and if you can over come it you will be stronger than most...
By anonymous at 11,Jun,12 11:26

I wished this had a like button, because I really like that and it's true.
By Anna at 11,Jun,12 12:50 Fold Up

Exactly!! Just becauase something this horrible hasn't happened to them the bubble it creates in their small perspective is that hell cannot be real in the world and it must all be make beleif. The poor people who have actually had to endure real hell don't even have the validation to cope with every day survivial. I also think maybe some who need ot troll every post, could be some of the guilty who have carried out simular hells on others... just a thought.. becuase why else would they feel the need to continue to crush someoen in that scenerio?

By anonymous at 11,Jun,12 17:18

BigFish huh...I bet you pussy smells like bigfish, fishy odor. Your story is fiction and you are a lying bastard.
By anonymous at 12,Jun,12 08:36

:/ im sorry if you lot dont believe me or if my history is too much for your tiny brain to handle.
By anonymous at 13,Jun,12 10:18 Fold Up

Bigfish means bigfag, lol
By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 02:21

i love other women :) so yes i like that one. thank you for the idea

By anonymous at 11,Jun,12 22:02

Man you have been through so much that no one else shhould go through. You also stay strong


By anonymous at 13,Jun,12 10:51

I see someone had learned how to break their way out of the institution. As of why you walking around here lose, I sure hope you doesn't live near me.
By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 02:18

im sorry please use correct english so i can understand :/ i have no clue what language your speaking but its not english..

By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 10:51


By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 17:23

Omg sorry perdon
That's horrible but those bitches will never be ok even wen they die they go to hell for Shure
Stay strong girl:)

You hv a friend here

By anonymous at 17,Jun,12 10:43

my name is miss sandal,i saw your profile at and interested
in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an
email tomy email address ( or you send me yours
email address so that i will send you my pictures and tell you more about me,
Rememberthe distance, color or language does not matter but love matters a lot
in life

By anonymous at 23,Jun,12 19:32

I DONT KNOW WHO WROTE THIS but i am seventeen and am a man. i would love to talk to whoever this is. i've had a very bad life also(i wasn't raped but both of my older sisters we're).
if u are open to talk my email is

By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 14:28

How do you idiots know this story isn't true? You sound just like the author making up things for people to listen to you.

By anonymous at 08,Jul,12 15:29

i agree, this could be made up bur so could everyother story on this site. we dont know and we cant prove thats its teue or not. wat if this persons story is true?? u could be really hurting them worse by saying "this is made up sh**" u cant prove it. thi could be where she goes to vent and all ur doing is putting the rocks back into her back pack for her to carry around for the rest of her life. give her a break

By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 08:53

and my final comment to all you dirtbags who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

By anonymous at 16,Oct,12 00:21

I would rape you

By Dep at 05,May,13 06:55

Christmas Cookie Walk at Agape Church of the BrethrenDon’t have time to make homemade ceokios or candy for the holidays? Don’t like to bake? Have a last minute get-together and need dessert? We have the solution for YOU! Come to the “Christmas Cookie Walk” at Agape Church of the Brethren, 11610 Lima Rd. (between Carroll and Dupont Roads) on Saturday, December 8, from 9:00 A.M. to 12:00 noon. We will have many different varieties to tempt your taste buds. Some of the ceokios featured will be: holiday cut-outs, buckeyes, peanut butter blossoms, monster ceokios, and many more. We will also have a limited number of homemade Chocolate Covered Caramel Apples decorated for Christmas. Mark your calendars and get there early for best selection of these yummy treats at only $6.00/lb. Proceeds will be used for Women’s Fellowship projects and Outreach Ministries.In addition, holiday and gift items, handmade by Agape craftpersons, will be sold. A variety of wooden, quilted, knitted, crocheted, and “crafty” specialties are available with proceeds going to the Agape Women's Fellowship projects. AND the youth group will be selling HUGE jelly beans as a fund raiser for their activities.Lots will be happening – hope you can join us! For more information call the church office at 260-489-6908.

By Herre Adidas Porsche Design Spor at 09,Jan,15 11:05

Aku kemudiannya mengunci basikal kesayanganku. Cinta yang sentiasa membawa kebahagiaan kepada hati, =).no thank you! kata hayati yang dipanggil ?? apa yang akan si kecil ini teriakkan padaku disaat ia perlukanku.ibu mak ummi mama suamiku hanya tersenyum melihat gelagatku sambil memberi ciuman kasih didahikulamunanku menjadi semakin indah hari demi hariku usap perutku setiap waktuku bisikkan kata-kata indah pada bayiku teramat sayang padamu wahai anakku.sebelum jenazah anakku disemadikan sempat kusisipkan photo aku bersama suami di balutan putih tubuh kecil anakku.sempat jua ku ambil bekas-bekas kain putih itu yang dipotong untuk kusimpan sebagai pengubat rindu

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