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my life

Posted by anonymous at April 30, 2011
Tags: 2011 April  Attitude  Failure  Money  Philosophical

In short.. this is my situation: Im a 21 year old student who just found out that he failed University... after two years. I know right? Two years of my life wasted in the library, in lectures, in classes, listening to theory that nobody ever applies in real life. 20.000$ debt, and worst of all.. I have nothing to show for. I have no job prospect.. I dont even know what I should do now. I still need to tell my parents about it, and even though I know they won't be mad at me, they will be dissappointed. And that cuts deep... This isn't even the main issue though. The main issue is that I just don't know what to do with my life. Im average in all criterias in life.. I have nothing what I stand out for. Im a bad student(obviously lulz), I cant play an instrument, I don't do any sports, I look average, I had only two serious gf's in my life, and both those relationships caused nothing but pain... I have no motivation, I don't have a lively personality, I can't laugh at much, Im not funny. Ive learnt that one must focus on their good qualities, but i seriously have none. My best friend moved to Europe, and we barely ever speak. That dude was my right hand man (no homo)Loved him, and he accepted everything about me. Everyday I get angry... angry at all these idiots that i speak to every day. I get angry at these girls I know I can't get, angry at me not being able to do anything productive, angry of being enslaved into this backwards society full of judgement, angry at douchebags, angry at fake people that act really nice to you, but when it gets to it, wouldn't do anything for you... We live in this sick world of competition. Of people wanting to see you fail. I hate watching news because it depresses me. I dont know anymore... I seriously have NO clue what i need to do... I hate education systems, I hate grocery stores, I hate the DMV, I hate all these man-made institutes and objects in life that turns Humans into mindless drones that follow the herd. I hate government systems, I hate legal systems... Im just so sick of this materialistic world that creates more issues than answers. I really like the thought of how native americans used to live. Hunt for your food, spend time with your friends and familie without tv, videogames etc. Having natural endorfines flow through your brain from the result of natural processes in your body. Because following an education, and sitting in an office 8 hours a day is not natural. It goes against anything thats natural. I think one finds complete happyness when living an instinct-based life. A life where one eats, excersises, loves on the basis of what the body tells the mind to do. That, in my opinion, would lead to perfect happyness... But ofcourse that would never happen in this day and age. A person working in a factory everyday for a minimum wage, is no differrent than a high class lawyer or banker that contributes to the denaturalization of our world. Or think if it this way: How can it be, that out of all animal species, depression only occurs in the Human species, and only in other species when their surrounding is affected by Humans. And I know people will say "Because we have different intellectual capacity, abilities etc." but thats completely irrelevant since other species have different intellects and abilities from us. Birds can fly, Dolphins can do math. Who else knows what they can do, but what they don't do is make eachother miserable like the Human species. Anyway, those are my 2 cents. I know nobody really cares, and since I will probably never tell this to anybody in the real, its probably the biggest waist (well.. not really since I wasted two years of my life at a University, that was suppost to give me a piece of paper saying i know a bunch of theory, which I can use to proove to other people that I know it... its absurd). People.. I believe that the root of depression for most people lies in the simple fact that this world is so complicated and un-natural. And future generations will only suffer more under this, except for the narrow-minded, naive, oblivious fools that feel that this is how its supposed to be. I wish I could start changing this... but I can't. Im not the type of person to stand up and speak his mind. I need to think of things to do that make me happy real quick before i loose my mind. Im lonely... not in the sense that Im looking for a gf, but lonely in the sense that this world is so backwards.


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By anonymous at 09,May,11 17:30

What did you study? Science? It sounds like you have a curious mind, so take up science. I have a lot of the same opinions about modern society, I often wonder how the (human) world got so friggin complicated. The only solace I find is in doing my research for my PhD. Sure I sit at a desk (or go out in the field) for most of the day, but I'm studying things I want to find answers for, so thats how I find purpose in life. I try to ignore or the seemingly unnecessary complexities of modern life.
By anonymous at 15,May,11 18:45

I find it very honourable what you do... and thats not a compliment, its a fact. Its people like you that make changes in the world. I studied Biology; which u probably noticed from my story. Anyway, I really respect your persuit of passion, and I hope it will make a significant impact on the world. what's your PhD title?

By anonymous at 09,May,11 17:34

if you want to do more natural work, maybe you should look for a job as a farmhand somewhere. or at the least, doing some landscaping. these jobs aren't usually all that glamorous and may not pay supergreat, but they are outside, physical, and not in an office. and they pay enough that you can get by. remember how the dude in office space decided to go become a construction worker?

As for your debt, keep in mind that if at some point it seems to be holding you prisoner, you can always declare bankruptcy. sounds like terrible advice, and shouldn't be your first choice, but why spend your one life being a prisoner to money which isn't even real anyway. money can't make you a prisoner unless you let it.

and btw, you may be able to take the credits you have from college, transfer them to a community college, and at least come out with an associate's degree. so you'll have something to show for that money at least.

By anonymous at 09,May,11 17:58

You are a good writer! It was almost poetic, the way you express yourself. My perspective is that all of our lives suck in different ways. I just look for those few times of happiness in between the parts that suck.
By anonymous at 14,May,11 17:59

Thanks... makes me feel better :)

By at 10,May,11 01:15

Animals (apes and even dogs) have been shown to suffer from depression; there have been even studies linking stress to trees

Life sucks, period. Human beings are an evolution of an already broken system, and survival of the fittest is not a new concept. Even the native americans had problems, otherwise how could they have a host of superstitions and witch doctors whose role is to combat evil spirits, etc.?

The only thing you can do is accept reality, instead of fighting it, and then try to find some sort of solution for yourself. I left school for almost three years after taking a medical leave, so I know it's always possible to come back. Hell, my father failed out of his first college, made up his grades, then got into an even better one. You just need to take things one at a time and stop worrying about comparing yourself or your timeline to other people. Go at your own pace.
By anonymous at 10,Aug,11 18:34


By anonymous at 10,May,11 16:46

F***ing true! Why is life so complicated?
By anonymous at 14,May,11 18:01

Its complicated because of Money, jealousy, conflicting ideals, pressure, and generally, like i said in my story, Un-natural Human behavior. And it will never change :/
By anonymous at 04,Aug,11 17:16 Fold Up

Exactly!!!! Why does it have to be that way?

By anonymous at 22,May,11 01:20

BUT SERIOUSLY. Who fucking cares about anyone? I don't... no one else does... I think that people only care about each other so they don't end up rotting by themselves. The irony is that they eventually rot by themselves anyway. A faceless skull in dirt... What the fuck does it matter?

By anonymous at 28,May,11 01:00

you are what i consider someone normal.21 years old is not supposed to be your defining era of your life.It is supposed to be your experimental age of your life.Try playing a role of someone else someone who you want to be and see what happens.We are not stuck in being ourselves until we have kids.Do you have kads?If not play a little you might be suprised at the results.

By anonymous at 07,Aug,11 03:46

i live 2 years in thailand, got job there, and it s the opposite of the USA. people think about others, they help eachover unlike EU or US. go there, tourist, ang go around the country, u will meet wonderful ladies....

By anonymous at 17,Aug,11 18:00

Read the book Small is Beautiful by E. F. Schumacher

By anonymous at 22,Sep,11 17:50

wow i didnt know there was anyone ells who feels identical about how messed up society is. Every time i mention it to anyone they cower in fear.

By anonymous at 10,Nov,11 12:52

sounds like you would empathize with karl marx and ernesto "che" guevara. i feel the same way as you do about many of these problems; most of them are rooted in the economic system that dominates us.

you should really give these great minds a read. che was called "the most complete human being of our age" by jean paul sartreI; further, he gave his life fighting to overthrow the system that institutionalizes the problems you have pointed out.

and, ironically and depressingly, the system has made a profit on his death—che t-shirts are sold for a profit by the very people he despised.

By anonymous at 25,Nov,11 01:17

Honestly this was so beautiful, you speak the truth and opened my mind to a new perspective on things. I think majoring in philosohy would work well with you. Goodluck :)

By anonymous at 27,Nov,11 01:15


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