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I don't understand why I was born

Posted by Very bitter at April 13, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Failure

Well I am pushing 50 this year and I am still a virgin and no friends. And not by choice either. I still today am being treated as if I was worse than Freddy Kruger (in the looks department). I'm still living with my almost 80 year old mother because I can't be seen in public. I will never have a child of my own which I had always wanted since I played with dolls in the 60's and 70's and I am now going through menopause. God most especially hates me. I started realizing it during my 20's in the 80's. I was still young enough so I tried to hang on. Even in my 30's during the 90's, I still tried to hang on and as well during the 2000 decade during most of my 40's. But now with me turning 50 this year? That is it. I had enough. I am tired, angry, bitter, disgusted. I still break down in tears which I mostly always only did before. But now I don't even care anymore. I'm feeling more hatred now because I am getting too old and it is too late for me. So now being half a damn century old and I am still in the same situation? What is the point of me being alive in the first place. Nothing. There is plenty more to say but with that so far I have mentioned, pretty much sums up right now how I feel.


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By anonymous at 13,Apr,12 18:02

Male or Female? you are never to old for love ever. Maintain good hygeine and look as best you can and try your best to make the most out of every situation. I wish you the best regards and be truly thankful you have your mother because one day you won't and then you really won't have it all. Best regards.
By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 00:07

she said shes goin thru menopause so i assume female

By anonymous at 13,Apr,12 18:09 hey i no exactly how you in my 40s and ive never had so many problems in my life. i hav always been called stupid especially when i was younger. i grew up had 2 kids and recently hurt myself on the job which has made things extremly worse. i never have realized what my goal was in life. i mean im not talented in any way shape or form. the best thing i have are my kids but i always wanted to make them proud and i feel like that wil never happen. good things dont happen to people like so sory about what your going threw u seem very nice i hope the lord helps u. God bless...

By anonymous at 13,Apr,12 22:50

oh, well.
yes, it does suck.
I am 52 now and I have no family here.
my parents are gone and I feel no need to exist.
I have talent, well. so I was told since I have a ph.D
in physics. yet I see no meaning of this lie.
By anonymous at 12,May,12 01:01

Math is no better. Ph.D is meaningless. I feel your pain.

By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 00:06

u should be thankful for what u do have life isnt all that bad u could always adopt ur still young life expectancy is better try a pet if u are not sure about adoption u could volunteer takin care of otheres always cheers me up im only 21 so u may say screw u young person but in my short life i have survived what many will not have to go thru in their entire lifetime sexual abuse 3 different rapes beaten as a child told i was worthless im a single mom my daughter a result of date rape but i thank god she is a blessin either way ppl used to call me a slut for havin a baby so young without knowin the whole story i look years older because of the stress of takin care of a child the right way when i was treated worse than a dog so keep tryin dont give up

By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 04:25

I have a trick you can play that may make you feel better. To the people who you think are good looking whilst you think you are not, make their life as miserable as you think yours is. Redirect your disgust into hurting them. I'm not talking about the good looking people who are nice and respectful to you and who do want you to have a good life and I'm sure there are some of these. I'm talking about the ones who think they are God's gift to women/men, that the sun shines out of their backside, who succeed in everything they do generally by stepping all over other people to get where they are rather than using their own real merits, which they probably don't have any. By telling them off horridly when it's deserved and when you feel like droppings, embarrasing them in front of their 'mates' and doing whatever you can to get at them (as long as it's legal), you could get some satisfaction and be a more confident person. You'll bring them down a couple of levels. Be as nasty and as vindictive (remember legal only) as you can be to them but stand your ground as you do it and 'wallah' in a few momnets they'll be kissing your backside to be their friend. These type of people really are stupid so it should work. Try it out and let me know how it goes. Bring on the revolution!
By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 12:15

Sounds funny but too late for her to do that. She's in her 50 and doesn't give a shit anymore. Works for younger people. The lady needs a more comforting words rather than some revolutionary advice.

By Very bitter at 14,Apr,12 14:07

Thanks for the comments. It helps a little but what I would really like is to be able to fit in society. Pretty much the last 30 years, I have literally lived in my homes with my parents (now only my mother since my father passed away in 2003). I blame myself that he is not here anymore, He died having complications of diabetes which I have right now. So actually I am not that well physically either. But it is extreme loneliness and depression that is continuing for me that if something doesn't change and happen soon, I may actually go through with suicide. Thanks again.
By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 16:13

It will get better. And i want you to know that i care. Sounds weird but you're just like my mom in a funny way. Hang in there. :)

By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 15:55

Issue is looks, but who you are down inside is more important, by age 80 most of us will look pretty rough on the outside, those who only had their looks to get by one will find that they really do having nothing left in their lives.

This might sound a bit humorous or demeaning, depending upon your state of mind at the time of reading. How about a someone who is blind? Think about it they are less likely to be swayed by your outward appearances and more interested in who you are on the inside.

By Truth at 14,Apr,12 19:22

The thing about god is that his kit for creating people is kind of like a Mr. Potato Head, you know where all the stuff for making Mr. Potato Head is shoved up his ass in the back? Well..God's is like that too, only a lot bigger.

So, from time to time God gets his gin on, and then remember back when you used to get stoned and put Mr. Potato Head's ear in the nose hole, and used the lips that were waaay too big and put the hand in the head hole? Well..God does that shit too. It doesn't happen often, but in your case, well, that's what happened. So, there's not much you can do about it.

Your poor mom must have it rough though. Her old biddy friends try to set up their ugly sons who are not married and they always ask, "What's she look like mom?" , and then she's like, "Well...she's a great dancer" .." I KNOW MOM, BUT WHAT'S SHE LOOK LIKE??!!" , "Well son, she is one of the most interesting people I've ever spoken with!" you see the disconnect here? There's all these uggers out there for you but the moms can't seem to get it right. And the bad thing is there's no way to really get it wrong. They could lie and say you're more beautiful than cleopatra as played by Elizabeth Taylor, and then your dance card would be full, and they'd get there and you'd be butt ugly, but then they'd be like "Well...I'm tired of playing the meatwhistle, and she does have a pussy...soooo..." and then you'd be getting it all the time. Or, they could tell the truth, like I would and say , "Oh, she's as ugly as a bag full of assholes" , and then their son would be like "Well...I'm tired of playing the meatwhistle, and nothing could be uglier than a bag full of assholes, so I'll go on the date and unload in her"

...either way you'd be getting some, and I've heard of people in their late 50's having little assmonkies, so you still got time to have your own ugly little child.

see?? Happy happy joy joy!!!

You're welcome, anus face!

By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 22:55

pretty much the same with me. I spent childhood in a way my parents and church seniors showed me. Never had girlfriend, never had any intimacy with girls because I was taught that sexual relationship before marriage is sin. I was thinking that I am being faithful and living a life that pleases God. meanwhile I was trying to develop a career for me but all of sudden I became almost 40 years old. I have no friend because my way of life is different from theirs... most of the times people misunderstand me and as the result loneliness is killing me .I can not even concentrate on what I do.. the best way could be to have a wife but I don't even know how to start relationship because I was raised believing that God is the one who gives a life partner. I am so lonely in a terrible way and even feel that i am betrayed. so for me it is like living in a hell. I really feel my life has to end. I can not take it anymore
By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 23:58

how about others who believe as you do ? if the loneliness is killing you, that should compel you to go out & look for others who share your beliefs and whom you can befriend. God isn't going to drop a wife from the sky into your lap. You got to go out and find her ! Maybe God will direct you to the right person ? But that ain't going to happen if you don't go out and mingle.

By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 23:49

i believe that you're looking at it the wrong way - focus on what you can do, not on what you don't have - otherwise you'll never get off the self pity merry-go-round. Get a pet - dogs & cats don't care what you look/smell like -- they'll still view you as their human and give you their affection/loyalty. How about volunteer work ? There are people out there who do need your help - if you're willing to give it.
You may very well never have a boyfriend/husband -- but since thinking about it is making you miserable, it probably be a good idea to redirect your thoughts to something else ?
By Very bitter at 15,Apr,12 08:12

The problem is I can not be around anybody. Even in church, I don't belong anywhere near. As soon as my mother is in care of her niece (which happens in about a week), I'm seriously considering suicide. We already lost one cat because of me, I will not destroy my mothers new cat by breathing the same air. Too many people die around me. I destroyed my sisters marriage 15 years ago by being around her family too much. So much so that she became an alcoholic, lost her kids to her ex husband. Much more about that but that is an example. And it isn't just me saying this about myself. I was called a disease that should be eliminated.
By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 23:01

Seriously what are you some type of demon? You couldn't be so ugly that you actually kill people, could you? I mean that is ugly.
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 01:35 Fold Up

Did you act in the Goonies movie. "Hey you guys!" If you look like Sloth your fucked.

By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 03:25

I think this will be in a few years pushing 30 myself and it kind of scares me. At least the never meeting someone part but I think maybe you can find someone. I don't believe anyone could be so horrible that they couldn't be around anyone. Volunteering sounds like a good option you might meet someone there. I know physically you might not be able to do a lot but there has to be something you can do! Maybe at a hospital or assisted living anything. Also maybe you should talk to the 40 yr old guy on here lol

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