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Miserable Life

Posted by unhappy at December 13, 2011
Tags: 2011 December  Unemployment

I got laid off from my job in December 2009. I have a B.A. degree in Psychology and I just completed a Masters degree in Accounting a few months ago. To this day, I have not been able to find a job. My unemployment benefits just ran out a few weeks ago. I have been diligently searching for a job for two years and have not had any luck at all. I've put in application everywhere but to no avail. It seems as though an education is worthless nowdays in this piss poor economy. I am 34 years old, broke, and live with my mother and autistic 32 year old brother. I assist my mother in caring for my brother as he cannot bathe or toilet on his own. We have to bathe him and wipe his butt for him. He is like a big baby. This is very challenging situtation for us. Our father was a truck driver and got killed in an accident when I was 11. I feel like the biggest failure and screw-up that has ever been. I am jobless, broke and fat I love my mother but she can be an extremely difficult person to get along with. She is condescending and looks for every opportunity to put someone down. It seems as though her gift is making a person feel like crap. No one can do it better than her. She loves to fuss and raise hell. I did not ask to be broke and unemployed. I did not ask for this messed up situation. This is very depressing. I feel like a worthless piece of crap. Sometimes I think I would be better off dead, but I fear I will go to hell if I commit suicide. I do believe in God and I try to live a Christian life, but I am not perfect and I do fall short. It is very hard to live this life. For about 10 years of my life, I was an alcoholic. I got drunk almost everyday. I loved that bottle more than I loved my own life. My father was an alcoholic when he was living. God delivered me from alcoholism and I went about five years and did not drink. Having to deal with being laid off and not being able to find work hascaused my desire for the bottle to come back. I have messed up a few times this year and gotten drunk. Everyday now, I have to fight the urge to go and get a fifth of vodka and devour the entire bottle. Seems like nothing I try to do comes out right. Stuff has definitely got to get better.


Similar Entries:
Fuck my life March 12, 2011
I hate my F***ing Life! December 2, 2011
Ruined my life... December 29, 2011
Miserable inside June 3, 2010

New Comment

By anonymous at 14,Jan,12 14:40

try nd try nd fyn day ul succeed

By anonymous at 14,Jan,12 23:06

Keep your head up! I'm in the same situation about finding a job. You would think that going to school and having a degree means a good chance of getting a job but in this damn economy, even with degree you can't get shit!! So sick of it!!

By anonymous at 15,Jan,12 13:50

sux big time! In some ways your masters degree just makes it worse since you expect more. Instead all you have is just more debt. Get a low skill entry level job preferably at a small company (not some big corporate chain). Just getting you out of your hell hole for a few hours will make a big difference in your mental well being. Your mom needs you and your brother to be broken to feel important. She has succeeded. Once she adjusts to you and your new worthless job you'll need to move out as soon as you can afford it (just rent a room anywhere else). Once that happens things will get better immediately since you can now support your self. You will then have the energy you need to be able to give back to your brother and his wrecked situation. If all else fails call Dr. Laura.

By at 15,Jan,12 22:14

God doesn't exist.

By at 14,Feb,12 23:33

My younger brother is autistic as well. And it's hard. But I love him so much and think about your brother. Do you love him? I've had thoughts of suicide but then think about my family. I love them so much, especially my brother. He is like my son. I took care of him ever since he was born and I know no one would be there to take care of him were I gone. My parents are old and unfortunately will not be around forever. I don't want something bad to happen to my brother. G-d will reward you for taking care of your special needs brother.

Have you really applied everywhere? Even places that are beneath you and your education.

By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 16:12

Times are tuff right now and there is a lesson in this for all of us. Have you ever been to AA? They talk about being of service to others all the time. The world we live in is so much about "what's in it for me." It doesn't always have to be about us. Makes me think of the 3rd Step Prayer -

"God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

It's as if God is calling all of us to be of service. Things for the past 30 years or so have been so much about self absorption, self centeredness, greed. Maybe God's will is for you to be of service to your brother and mom.

By Marnie at 25,May,16 00:14

Plinaesg to find someone who can think like that

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