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will it ever get better?

Posted by does it matter at December 24, 2011
Tags: Abuse  Attitude  2011 December  Loneliness

I've been abused all my life. My mom tried to kill me a few times when I was growing up. I tried to commit suicide when I was 7, 12, and 24. I've only ever been molested or verbally abused. I've had two boyfriends, both relationships ended bad. One of them abused me. It took me an average of 3 years to get over them both. My sister says she doesn't care about me, and wouldn't mind if I died. I supposed I shouldn't be so weak but as I get older I get weaker. I keep holding thinking God will step in and change it all around but it's been over 20 years now...
I don't know how much longer I can sit and wait. My friends don't listen to me. they don't care at all and tell me to just have faith...but they've never had the relationships I've had and have great family members that loved them all their lives. I feel very alone and depressed everyday.


New Comment

By anonymous at 24,Jan,12 17:34

I feel your pain, girl. I grew up abused in about every way you can imagine, and because of that I tend to pick abusive relationships (mostly emotionaly abusive) and I can't seem to break that cycle. Not to mention I have received death threats from my sister, her husband, and my mother. In addition there is the crushing weight of poverty. So there's that. But your friends that tell you to "snap out of it" or "have faith" will never understand your mental state because they can't even fathom the life you've led and the numerous scars that it has left on you. Frankly, you're best bet is to seek counseling as it will be the only way to break this cycle and find a better path for yourself. Of course, I realize there is difficulty in just trying to do this as therapists are expensive as fuck, and I personally cannot afford them. But whatever you can do that gives you some semblence of peace will drastically improve your mental well being.

By anonymous at 25,Jan,12 02:51

Really sorry to hear that. :(

By anonymous at 25,Jan,12 20:32

I don't know where you live, but if your mother had trouble with alchohol or drugs, there are organisations like Al anon or Nar anon that run programs for the families of people who have issues with alchohol or drugs. They run group therapy sessions which might help you a bit, and they can possibly help get you in touch with other organisations that can offer you support. You are not alone, but you do need someone to help you, so please reach out to these organisations - try googling. Blessings and love.

By at 27,Mar,12 06:35

Money is certainly a big issue in agirrmae. However, I feel being one, unified in Christ, means one account for checking and one account for savings. We are both on these accounts. I would not have it any other way. I trust my wife (Proverbs 31:10 comes to mind). She will never have to ask me for money. We respect each other enough to discuss major spending but trust each other enough not to make this a requirement.

By anonymous at 28,Apr,12 07:26

I love you

By anonymous at 06,Nov,12 18:31

Visit an old person who is lonely, hold the door for someone who can barely walk,stay up late with a friend and tell him or her you are thankful for the moment with them. and last look every day at the beauty the clouds have to offer....sorry this sounds pale, but I have monkeys on my back as well.

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