LIFE SUCKS : 2011 December

Cant beat this !

I'm a good person. I try but.... Just found my estranged sexually abusive father's obit from last year.
I have no feelings over it. He prevented me from seeing my mother for twenty plus years. My beautiful son is in the mental hospital for the 23rd time. He is also out on bail for attempted bank robbery which he is innocent of because he was not in his right state of mind - due to a serious brain infection. My older son won't talk to me because I "coddle" this needy son. Divorcing my husband
because we have sex twice a year due to his porn addiction. This - a minister's son, I guess that's why. He exposed my brain infected son by accident to this disgusting stuff and now my son hates himself and has horrible thoughts he can't get out of his head. I want to jump off a cliff. Life sucks.
Spent the day in bed eating chocolate chip cookies because I don't want to deal with this anymore.
It's that or find that cliff.....

I am so alone

I am in my thirties and have been married for almost four years.I have been with my husband for 9 years, about 8 months ago my husband told me he is gay, and wants a divorce. Proceeding to tell me he is in a relationship ith someone else already! Seriously? That relationship didnt pan out, and needless to say we are still married because we cant afford a divorce. I have nowhere to go so now I get to sit around while he is texting men and having sexting relationships with them or whatever. Then he wants to know.. why cant we have an open marriage? Why so you an screw whoo you want and I can help you pay the bills. I really hatemy life right now...

my life

i'm 22 years old after graduating high school i joined the navy where i excelled at every task put infront of me i made rank quickly but i started to develop this fear of every thing i cant enjoy any of my accomplishments and worst off i think i forgot how to communicate with people. at fist i enjoyed saying mest up things to people for shock laughs but it has slow consumed my life and the way i think now.. i'm about to get out with no communications skills and for the past four years i believed that i was to busy to have a girl friend. so every time i talk to people i feel exhausted. i don't know what to expect in the coming months but for the first time in my life i feel scared not the kinda of scared as if you where walking in a haunted house but a sense of hopelessness i used to be a strong christian but now i don't believe in any thing some thing happened i changed some where for the worst. i feel i've spent so much time telling my self "i'm serving my country there is no time for any thing else" that i never got to enjoy it or learn how to spell. i truly feel i haven't matured i feel i'm still making the same mistakes i have always have i always thought i would be refined and be better off. but now i feel lost i'm terrified.

Unluck of the Draw

I am stricken time and time again with agonizingly painful sicknesses, I have been since I was just 9 years old. Becoming crippled from a tumor, being able to regain all function in my lower body. And due to my spine crushing my lungs, I will most likely have a surgery done that will reverse it all and put me back in that blasted chair. I have looked for hope in everything possible, family, God/religion. But the pain never goes away, even with my loving family beside me. A strong part of me wishes for my body to just give out already so I do not have to endure such agony. But I must fight to live so my family doesn't suffer when I pass. I long for death so much, perhaps the Christians are right and I may be able to gain access to this heaven, if they are wrong then maybe I may find peace somehow, or somewhere.

No matter what I decide, I will lose. Either I let my body destroy itself, as I have been doing for some time, and bring great sadness to my family. Or I fight for life, and live my life bound to a chair once again. I am not sure I can emotionally handle losing my ability to walk and feel my legs, for the second time.

This is why life sucks for me, and everyone I meet gains a share of my pain. Anyone I become close to and begins to care for me, also burdens my pain as well. I feel like I am just a living plague, one day my life will cease, no matter what. And on that day, I shall find that which I have been looking for as long as I can remember, true peace.

For additional information, I have been going through this for 7 years, and will be until the day I die. Fact is, I can never escape this pain.

sucks.

i am 21 years old. i lost my mom when i was 8, and my little sister got taken away when i was 9. we've been seperated the whole time. i grew up in 3 different "stable" homes. i was in alot more foster homes. my father is a piece of shit who molested me and my little sister. but thats not really why my life sucks considering i dont remember it. my life sucks because im now an adult, trying to prove wrong all those who said i will fail. truth is, its harder than it seems. see, im trying to go to school, but they didnt tell me that if i took the pell grant in the summer i wouldnt get it in the spring. so now i have to come up with 675 dollars before i can go to school. and thats bare minimum. i am by myself, no mommy and daddy to ask for help. i got married at 18 to a man i knew for 2 months, and turns out he's a real ass hole. he works, gets tired of work, and quits. i am out of food, gas, and ciggarettes. i dont know if i can go to work in the morning. oh yeah, and because i married a stranger and quit the army....my whole "sort of family" dissowned me. all my old friends stopped talking to me. they think i have like, 9 kids, when in fact i have 2 dogs. thats it. i have no one to talk to. i really just wanna dissapear. glad i found this website to vent on. thats the one thing that doesnt suck.

Why is it so wrong to want to end your life?

I just lost my car. I can't fine employment. And, I am about to lose the roof over my head. I want to die. I have no one in my life. I've always been alone. Never had a true friend a never had a love in my life. Th e only time I had sex was from the ages of 5-11 when I was raped by someone very close to me. I'm now 27 and never had a boyfriend because I'm scared of men but I'm not sexually attracted to women to be a lesbian. I'm a hermit and a loner who is about to be homeless. I never wanted this for my life. Am I god's sick joke? I always hear on tv about others helping people, I just wish someone would help me.

Sophia

I lost my baby. Nine months of berfect pregnancy, and just before labour, she wasn`t moving inside me anymore. No one knows why, it just happened. And i still had to go through all the labour pain and the labour, for nothing. And now i`m scared shitless, will i be able to have another baby, will it be ok. But nothing really matters, i lost MY BABY. I lost Sophia...

MY dad died when i was four. My mom raised me the best she could but was working most of the time to try and give me and my brother a good life. I got fat with no one ever telling me (as a young child) waht lack of exercise and bad diet would do to me. now everyone i love just kind of tolerates me because theyfeel bad for the fat kid that no one likes. then my mom died when i was 14. now i found a girl that is exactly like me. same interests, hobbies, everything, but she doesn't let me get close to her and just kind of tolerates me like everyone else. she's so damn pretty and nice... i just want to spend time with her, i honestly don't want anything other than to be around her, but for some reason she won't grant me that.. :( i really hate myself and don't enjoy much about life. it sucks. it's hard. and no one ever fucking helps. fml.

generally a very unplesant ride...

i am a child of a very ugly divorce. my mum thought she had found the right guy as they both practiced the same buddhism and wanted to have a "fortune baby" as they called it in the Nichiren Buddhism they practiced. my father was a cocky self absorbed asshole with no education and very low paying jobs. we lived in a danky one bedroom apartment in Los Angeles and they constantly were fighting. He would come home drunk most nights and i was so pure beautiful and innocent i loved my life and had no idea of this major dysfunction that was going on around me. They eventually got divorced, and me and my mum stayed in the danky apartment. As I started to get older my mother constantly layed her frusterations and anger on me about my father. my mom had lost her job and then found one and then lost it and then found one and then lost it. By this time my father was given visitation rights and in the very beginning i was permitted to have sleepover visits with him. during the sleepover visits while i was 5 going on 6 he would play very disturbing games with me, as i thought they were games being so young and naieve. hed wrap me up in the polyester blanket he had and would suffocate me until i screamed and cried. this went on for years. as i had no idea that it was very very wrong. later in life i remembered and its really brought me down. They have a title for it and its called "rebirth sessions" many children have died from this form of torture and it is a very very Old fashioned w...

fall of freedom

My life was never great I spent majority of my teen years contemplating suicide. I had a gf who loved very much and she was pregnant, we were both 17. She died in a car accident with my unborn child, I was devasted and didn't have the balls to kill myself so I thought up the best plan I could to die, I joined the army and became an infantry soldier, sadly god wanted me to suffer despite being shot twice I lived and with barely a scratch 1 in the shoulder and the other only grazed me, 9 months I did in Iraq and as soon as I got back home I tried to go to Afghanistan, however due to my wounds I had to wait 8 months, in that time I fell in love how naive I was I even proposed to her thought I had a second chance of happiness. I left for afghanistan wanting to come back to my beautiful feonce. I came back after 14 months to find her dating my best friend. Betrayed by my only friend I now had nothing, but I tried once more went to therapist and all that to try and get better. My therapist had me come over her house for dinner and that's when it happened. I saw her daughter an angel if there ever was one and it was love at first sight for me we talked for awhile and dated once but my brother died and I shut the world out for a two weeks, my best friend knew my therapist daughter ashley he knew how I felt about her and yet when I went to see her she said she found someone else. I was sad and well needed someone to talk to my bestfriend nay have stolen my feonce but he was all I ...

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Well it's boxing day here in Australia and I'm in my grandmothers spare bed because like usual, well why the f in hell would I spend time with my "family" all they do is talk about how great my cousin is, and how successful she will be.
It annoys me so much, she's the biggest hypocrite ill ever know, she would say oh amber you always smoke bongs you smoke cigarets blah blah, when ive never touched a drug or cigarete in mu life! but she actually goes to "pipe dreams" to buy flavored tobacco and new bongs and she constantly smokes weed now that her mother works away, oh and she's like "bisexual" now.
Uhh then the rest of my family goes on about how I love our little shitty night club we have in town called liquids, and that Iive on maccas.
They just constantly put me down about everything.
Oh and I found out on the 23rd after doing a preg test that I am pregnant, to my ex boyfriend which we have dated on and off three years, but he's alway picked his friends over me, i haven't told anyone in pregnant yet besides him, but it looks like im going to have to form out money myself to have an abortion even though ill feel like complete shit.
I left school in the beginning of yr 11 so I have no career or even a goal in life, I would much rather be 6 feet under than to have to walk the earth full of these people.

Life sucks

I have lost all if my friends because I have turned to drugs but in the process realized that nobody has ever really been there for me except for one girl. I feel unloved by my family and see my life heading down hill but don't plan on changing it (but really who cares because I have one friend). My whole family is fucked up, and the rumors about me don't stop. I have stopped caring about my morals and have recently lost my virginity to someone who I barely even knew. One of my best friend chooses popularity over me and all my friends like her more, so she decided to steal them all away from me. I cannot see anything in a positive way anymore and worry about losing my one friend and being completely alone. I am also dropping everyone else just to spend time with my one friend so I don't have to deal with people I don't hate. I do drugs and drink to forget you. Life sucks and everybody is a piece of shit. There is no point in life besides dying and friendships and loved ones mean nothing in the end. FUCK LIFE.

No Food, No Money on Christmas Day

I had to use the roll of quarters I use to do laundry to go buy food on Christmas Eve. A roll of quarters is $10.00. I used that to buy yogurt, celery, a candy bar and 2 ounces of feta cheese. So that was my Christmas Eve dinner. There was still some celery and yogurt left so that is what I ate for Christmas Day. I won't get my Social Security benefits until January 3rd and there is no food left in the house. I have no idea how I will eat for the next 8 days. I already went to the food bank 2 weeks ago and they only let folks get donated food once a month. It is very depressing.

I get $1114 a month from Social Security. My rent is $600 a month for a one room studio, which is always the first thing I pay. That leaves $514.00 left. A monthly bus pass is $100 a month - which leaves $414 for utilities and food. It is always the same story every month - there is never enough money for my food budget, since utilities are about $100 a month - $314 to buy food for one month is not enough to survive on. I use to get $16 a month in Food Stamps but that is going to be completely eliminated because I'm going to get a 3.6% COLA increase in Social Security benefits.

I don't turn on the heat very much in the winter and just bundle up with blankets, socks and a sweater most of the time. I have a $44 utility bill I cannot pay and my power will be turned off soon unless money falls out of the sky.

I realized

I finally realized that there is no one in the world that would choose me first to spend the day with .... I am not first on anyone's list. My kids would rather be with their friends or boyfriends. I have no real friends. My so-called work friends have their families and friends to be with. I am all alone.

Here is it Christmas Day and I sit alone. Everyone out with people and no one invited me. I even thought about going to the movies alone. How pathetic is that. Going to the movies alone on Christmas Day!

I do not know how I lived this long (nearly 5 decades) and have no one. And I dont know how to meet anyone. I work, (in a crap job), then come home and sit here alone. Nigt after night.

Dont say get out and do something because 1) have no money 2) have nothing to do. I am a pitiful pathetic loser.

3 time loser

Where to begin? I've been married three times and this last time was the biggest mistake ever. I met her living with my brother in one of those low rent apartment buildings. We partied and I thought this was cool and fun, plus she was pretty, not small but she looked good. we used to go places and do things but now two years later she has gained over fifty pounds and is mega bipolar, and i mean mega. my life is hell here and i can't get out, i've moved numourous times and each time i come back cause I'm worried about her and i'm right back into this crap.
I want out so bad that i'm looking for an affair just to take me away for awhile. sometimes I pray for death just to get out of this life. there's no escape i know.
today is Christmas and I had no tree, no family, (no one comes around me cause of her) no meal, and no gifts except for the one i bought for her. there was no thanksgiving meal either. we were going to go out but she changed her mind because all of a sudden she didn't feel good.
believe me there is more but that would take too much time..

I suck at relationships

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Here I am living the life I never wanted for myself. I’m 36 years old not married and living the reality of another failed relationship. I give up. It’s me not them. Maybe I have too much baggage passed down from my parents, maybe I’m toxic and give off the vibe that I cannot be loved for the long term but whatever the reason I am a failure when it comes to relationships.

I just want to give up at this point and throw in the towel. I can’t make a relationship work. Once I get into a relationship I move from two different extremes…obsessiveness to cold bitch.

I can never express myself in a way that is healthy. I even go into relationships thinking that I am not good enough so I pick people with baggage that I feel I can be with. That is my pattern. That is what I cannot for the life of me figure out how to end.

Why can’t I just be happy being by myself? Why do I need to conform to what people think I should be doing in having a relationship? I want to break free of that. I want to get to the place where I don’t care what people think.

If I were at a place where I wasn’t trying to put on a show for the world I would never have stayed in that relationship for fear of losing the man that said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me even though I knew that was a lie. I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of being with broken people with issues…Lord please help me to love myself enough to be alone.

I hate my life I have a 3 month daughter well she's not mine but I met my ex when she was pregnant but she didn't know who the dad was so I said id be dad but it weren't as easy as that what gets me is everything is geared toward the mother but what about the father hey no one gives a fuck do they I've got post natal depression ok I moved out back to my parents as I tried talking to the mum but she didn't listen I felt I couldn't cope any way I went and sought help from my gp who was wonderful I feel more balanced and sorted now to cope but my ex hasn't let me see my daughter Xmas day or boxing day so I've slipped back into depression I wanna end it I hate my miserable life

Is this as good as it gets?

I worked hard to get what I have, a single mom, I worked my butt off to finally move up in the corporate world, buy a house, take our first family vacation. To get cancer and have everything thrown away. Now I may lose my home, and no one to help, no person,county or organization. I have two part time jobs that suck, and it doesn't pay the bills, and I'm a student. My brother got leukemia and I was his caregiver until he died watching as his wife didn't visit him in the hospital and started seeing someone else. Then my dog died, and I thought how can I keep the Christmas spirit? So I tried and went to my moms, where all of us siblings gather. The topic of my brothers widow came up from my other brother.( who is friends with her) and I said sarcastically she is a hoe. He got mad and defended her, a woman who won't let anyone see my brothers kids. He called me a bitch in front of my grandson. I finally decided I'm not pretending anymore. I lost it , started crying and told him all I wanted was for Him to be a brother, since I had already lost one. Even though years ago this brother told me that he didn't love me or my sister or care about us. I still tried. My mom, step dad, sister and brother just sat and stared at me not saying a word. I sat and cried, not one I'm sorry, or hug, anything. My family has always been dysfunctional, we are supposed to pretend everything is fine and don't make anyone Mad. so by expressing my feelings, I have defied the family ...

Why 2011

This year has been the worst at the beginning if this year I lost my son when he was only six days old turns out a nurse over fed him and burst his intestines, a few months later I lost my mother in law from an accidental overdose my husband went crazy with grief and we had to move in with his grandfather cause we lost our house. A few more months went by and everything started looking up and I started getting sick all the time I was in and out if the hospital from my heart messing up and I was fainting from any amount of stress. I was fired from my jib of two years so they could replace me with my managers neice...... its now Christmas and it sucks even worst I miss my son and everyone keeps sending me shit about babies and happy this and happy that screw it all

Think you got it bad

Married a very pretty girl last December. Found out 3 months later that she was a huge slut and slept with a very large number of gross guys, most of them I know. 6 months later we find out she has genital herpes. A week after we find outage has herpes, we find out she is pregnant. She says I'm an asshole for wanting to talk about her past and get some sort of closure. So there ou have it, married to a former slut who has herpes!! I hate my life.