Before I was born my "mom" tried to get an abortion and failed, idk how but she did. When I was born she refused to touch or look at me and said "get that piece of shit away from me, I need a drink and some meth." I was eventualy taken, not even adopted, by my grandparents. I am apparently bipolar, depressed, have insomnia, and am the worst mistake ever. My grandparents have sent me to juvy 3 times for the following reasons... 1. When my grandpa got mad at me for talking back to him he threw me through the sliding glass door so i got up and tackled him to the ground when I saw him reaching for a belt... I had taken enough of his shit. I was arrested for assault. 2.After cleaning the same dam floor probably 10 fucking times and i could use it as a mirrior my mom continued telling me it was dirty without even looking at it, this way i couldnt go do something she wouldnt know about. I eventualy stood up and tossed the windex bottle on the ground and the top broke off resulting in pouring of windex onto the tile. I was arrested for destruction of property. 3. when I my mom was sitting in my room for 4 hours straight telling me how much of a fuck up I was and refused to let me even block her out I told her to shut up, so she grounded me for a month, didnt let me eat for 2 days, and then threw my bed in the garage for a week. a month later she was talking shit again so i punched a hole in the wall and told her to get the fuck out of my room. I was arrested for malicious mischief, destruction of property, and threathing to harm my grandma. Recently I have been cycling between anger, hyper, and depression. somtimes i will beat the living shit out of some kid because hell be talking crap and refusing to stop, saying he would kick my ass any day. other days i will go and try to be normal and play football or something and be ridiculed non stop... Being told im fat and just a fuck since before i was born and that i dont belong with the rest of society.And on other days i have to do all i can to not cry during classes cuz i just cant take everything.Im now a freshman in highschool and to this day have never drank, done drugs, or smoked... hoping that one day i might change and be better... but knowing I never will. I have 1 realy great friend that is always their for me and in fact... if it wasnt for him I would of killed my self... but he found me trying to OD myself and called the cops, my parents thought I would be fine and that it would teach me a lesson if they just left me there.I have only had 1 girlfriend in my life and that was when i was stating to genuinely be happy in life. but like everything else in my life it was a lie and fucked up. I talked to her everyday while she kinda blew me off. I found out 6 months after we broke up that she was pregnant... she had been for 8... she was cheating on me like i should of figured... no on can care about me right? Eventhough all this has gone on im actualy realy smart, in fact in 7th grade i knew more then most sophmores in my city. But no matter how much i know, i will never be a success. This isnt even a little bit of my life but i doubt anyone will read this anyways. So now im just sitting here pissed... wondering what to do, will i finaly stop being afraid and just kill myself? or should i deal with it and stop being a pussy. If i would stop trying to lie to myself and just drink and do drugs like everyone else... would i be happier? IDK what to do, but whatever i cant make mistake thats for sure... cuz everything i do is bad, its imposible for me to do something right. | |
- from the simulator
There's no need to take drugs or alcohol this may get you in worse troubles.
You said you are in high school, so all your life is in front of you, life starts now, every day you can make a new start and with a little patience you can achieve everything you long for. There's no need to be hard with yourself, there are plenty of ways you can find help and support, on the internet, from your teachers your friends but you have to take the responsibility of yoursef and search everything on your own.
For some people life is harder but these people have more chances to succeed than enayone else because they are fighters.
it's up to you what you will do in your life, past is done you can't change that so get over it and loive your life now.
You can find psychological help or anything else you may need easily and for free, everyone goes through ups and downs especially now with this economic crisis. I believe that you can succeed.
''get that piece of shit away from me, I need a drink and some meth''
you gotta love white trash :D
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