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| Posted by Bud at June 20, 2012 |
today, i worked for one hour. blew off everything else. slept from 12 to 2, 14 hours, go home, went back to bed. depression/ medication, disease, what ever thecause nothing makes it better and i am only getting worse. i do not know what the right thing to do. im so tired. every month i have one or two good days and then i sleep for three or four days. im so tired of everything. |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012 |
I hate my self, or at least most things about myself. Even as i write this down, I hate felling sorry for myself. Feel like I should be happy, i have more in my life than many people. i even have wonderful family and friends and a man who loves me very much, he loves me enough to even marry me. But each day of my life, i see my self as a looser. I feel like no matter how hard I try to be good at my job i mess it up. I say stupid stuff, all the time. nothing mean just mindless, pointless things. sometime i think if i said nothing or made my self basically invisible to others, they might like me more. how pathetic right. I feel like i have no purpose in this world. i never told anyone how i feel, not even my fiancé. i embarrassed of myself and the dark thoughts that i have. i try to see how i could be a better person, but maybe i just someone that will never fit in or make friends easily. i try to be respectful of people, to be nice to them. maybe i just no good at life. i wish i just didn't care. i hope one day i can be proud of myself. |
| | Posted by Walkingdead at June 19, 2012 |
I am actually past the point of caring whether how my story "rates." Bottom line is it's the worst I've experienced up to this point. My story started out with a lot of promise. I was born into a suburban, middle-class family. My early years were rainbows and butterflies. All good things must come to an end I guess. The turning point would be when my two older brothers starting molesting me. It started at about 7 and continued on until I was about 11. I never felt like I could tell my mother because she experienced something similar and I was afraid of how hard she would take it. I just wanted to keep the peace. At age 10 my Dad was paralyzed in a car accident and the family dynamic changed dramatically. Things stayed the same as always between my dad and I. Most of our conversations are awkward and impersonal, and if they do get personal it leads to argument. My mother has taken care of my for roughly 20 years minus one week. She is trying to cope with debilitating depression. The kind where you don't leave the house, don't answer the phone, only want to sleep, etc. etc. I battled with depression with some remissions here and there. I hit 15 and things were looking up. I was in night school because I was ostracized in school in conjunction with being horribly insecure and socially awkward. Ended up dropping out because I was going to be failed due to the fact I didn't have a computer to complete my final essay for my class. Failure was easy at this point because it's all... |
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| Posted by Holly at June 19, 2012 |
I'd like to start by saying I'm a woman over 30 year of age. I am currently unemployed due to the economy and have been desperately searching for a job for almost a year now. I receive no compensations because I do not qualify. Sometimes, I stay with my boyfriend for support. Other times, I stay with my brother and his family. I have very little money, no friends, and no social life. I feel so useless and helpless. To make matters worse, my boyfriend has been gone far away for a month now because of work and won't come back for a long while. Though I live with my family for the time being I don't ever disclose my feelings to them. I go on day by day pretending to be normal and try to do normal things, but I really feel as if all livelihood has been sucked out of me. Other than my boyfriend I wish I could share these feelings with other people but I've never been one to do that--not with any of my family members. I want to be optimistic and often tell myself that jobs will come eventually if I don't stop looking.
I guess the toughest thing for me is having my boyfriend go all the way across the country for months at a time just to make enough to support us. We speak with each other for 5 minutes a day, sometimes every other day. It always feels like we don't really have much to talk about other than our daily routines, and there isn't much to say either, not on my part, at least. My boyfriend is one of those manly-men who isn't very verbal and doesn't share his f... |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012 |
Well, I got here by typing out 'I hate my life' in google. It's always strangely comforting to see other people who are unhappy. Of course, things could always be worse but that still does not change my outlook.
I'm 26, balding, single with loose skin left over from massive weight loss. I am physically unattractive and not a single girl in my life has ever shown any interest in me. Everyone I know are in great, stable relationships with great jobs, good looks and buckets of confidence. I have never kissed a girl and have only had sex because of a trip to Thailand I took where I could not resist the incredible easy sex trade.
I have absolutely no drive. I am lazy and never seek out ways to make my life better, instead of waking up every morning, dragging myself out of bed to go to a job which I hate and does not pay me enough. I have no confidence in myself and often avoid social events because I feel I do not have as much worth as other, normal people. My parents are amazing and I love them so much but I am so horrible to them which leaves me with so much guilt.
I don't know what I am going to do with myself, especially when they are gone. My life prospects terrify me because I just don't think I have it in me to make it. I have no dreams, passions or goals. I am empty. |
| | Posted by confused at June 19, 2012 |
I hate my life so much. I don't hate myself though. I think that I am an intelligent worthwhile person. I just fucking hate my job which takes most my time so I can safely say I hate my life.
I want to quit so bad but I don't know what will happen if I do. I am completely stunned. I don't want to work because the boss is confusing me to death. I can't move without wondering "Will I get shit for doing this?". I do something and I get shit for it and am told to do it another way. When I do it the other way I still get shit for it and am told to do it the first way. I am going out of my mind here. I am simply doing nothing right now unless I have to. Now I think I'm gonna get fired because I have stopped working as much as I should. Now I have anxiety. Fuck this. This is too much. Yet, I still don't know if quitting is the right option because I don't have another job lined up.
I'm gonna ask my boss to be transferred to another department, I think she will agree. I do like my boss and have learned a lot from her but this is going out of hand. I don't know what to do. I don't want to sit at home for 6 months looking for another job. That is demoralizing.My heart rate has elevated from the stress. I am averaging 90 beats per minute 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for months now. My job is harming my health. It's good I'm young or else i would have a heart attack right now.
Wish me luck. Fuck! |
| | Posted by josh at June 19, 2012 |
First things first, I am 19 years old..Entry level discharged from the Marine Corps because of my hearing loss...All my life I wanted to be a Marine...in fact from the farthest I can remember I always did...all my friends looked up to me ...I made decent grades in high school...had lots of friends...i was in the delayed entry program all through my senior year in high school...passed all the requentrants at meps..I was sent to bootcamp..and then the shit hit the fan...the docs on parris island told me I had hearing loss...my dreams were literally crushed right in front of me..I still have nightmares of my DI's telling me that I am worthless...and I will never go anywhere in life..it's been 1 year since I was discharged...I tried joining other branches ...considerd college...but I'm stuck working at McDonald's...hearing aids won't make a difference...it's very hard to keep relationships..I feel like I'm going to be stuck at my sucky ass job for the rest of my life...I live every day hoping that one day I will find a better calling...a future...maybe even someone that I can love and make me forget about how shitty my life has become...my life sucks.. |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012 |
Hello, I'm Chewy (not my real name) and for the past 5 years I feel like I've been going through hell and returned with my life in pieces that are duct taped back together. I just want to hear what you guys have to say about my story, so here goes...
First there are some things you need to know:
1. My parents have been divorced ever since I was 4 years old. (This isn't a big issue for me.)
2. I have an older sister and a younger half-brother
3. I'm a guy.
Okay, so I'm twelve. I ran away from my Dad's home; I felt like he was neglecting me and my sister severely. There was barely any food in the house, we wore rags for clothes, and we were living in a shack of an apartment with a shackmate. So, I had come to live with my Mom, my little half-brother, my drugged-out uncle (he's not really important to the story; he lived in the garage), and three of my cousins at my Grandma's cockroach-infested, 2-bedroom house (bad decision). My relationship with all of them was very strained but it wasn't always like that. Not until my Mom stirred s### up with my Aunt (mother of 3 cousins). Frankly, I don't even remember what it was all about, I think it might've had something to do with a washing machine. Anyway, there I was. My Grandma's house is packed full of tension. No friends in my area. I don't have anywhere to go other than the public library. F###ing ingredients for a s###-cake, right? Not to mention, on top of all of this, my Mom pawne... |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012 |
A-weep weep weep. A-weep weep weep. A-weep weep weep. Snushh.
Canst thou see? Canst thou see that I am the noble butt of every jocular statement. Or joke, to simplify. Perhaps nobody wants to insult me. But maybe they insult me by ignorance. Maybe I make myself ignorant. But canst thou see? Canst thou see this deadly grip I am placed in. Aye, the way I live is no way to live. Merely existing is not life. An atom exists, a brick exists but do they live? I am sentient sure but why must I suffer so? Oh canst thou see?
This is foul and pestilent and as hideous as myself. Why must my uncontrollable appearance be my life. You don’t understand do you? It is horrid and vile and any other filthy word that would please you to use. I am as my life is; one of those filthy words. So why? Why canst thou see? This is no way for me to be. I disapprove of the filthy filthiness as much as the next person and yet since despite disapproving of my filthy filthiness other people still find me filthy filthy! I suffer twice O friend. But you are no friend of mine- I have no friends. Nobody cares but for the filthies of me. I am the one which you are lucky not to be. Bravo O friend you. Bravo O fiend you. Thou canst see. Thou won’t see.
Lucky for thou. Lucky for thou to place my problem, my issues, in the box of the HEE HAW HEE- that is not me. And a lovely box that is, O fiend you, however thou won’t see. Will thou? No.
Thought not.
And I am tire... |
| | Posted by Bud at June 19, 2012 |
sometimes i think i was not meant for this world. i dont fit in. i spend my days taking care of what others need and apparently i am very good at it. i actually make a living at it. i like who i am. i am proud of what i do, but there is no one that sees me for who i am. i need someone to care about what i need. i need someone who wants to make me happy. i gave/give pieces of myself away and i have nothing left. i can spend days sleeping. no one can hurt me when i am sleeping. people like to compete with me and challange me. can't we just be happy for each other and enjoy each other. why do people have to be so mean and how is it that i can love so deeply and completely and be alone. why am i so sad and alone. i know mean people who have been happily married for 20 years. would i be happier if i were meaner? i want to give up. were it not for my last kittie, i would consider it, but she is so old (17) and sll she wants is my company. she makes me feel blessed, but i know she will die soon. i made a committment to take the best care of her that i could and leaving her would be hard for her at this age. i try so hard to be the kind of person that i can be proud of and i do ok, but my choices have left me alone and wasted. i am so sick of myself. |
| | Posted by soup at June 19, 2012 |
so um...i hate fathers day 'cause my mom tries so hard to make my dad have a great day and stuff, but he just treats her like shit and yells at me just 'cause he doesn't have anyone else to blame. and so that pretty much sums that up. plus my parents fight like all the time and the other day i actually cried like a whole lot...and it was weird. plus i broke up with my boyfriend...kinda..but the fucky part is, is that right now he's in the hospital 'cause he had surgery and it went well...but now he's not waking up and the doctors don't know what to do so i'm really worried. and other shit...plus alotta my friends just decided to leave me. so that really sux 'cause i've been friends with them for 5 years and yeahh...plus there is a bunch of other shit and i might not even go to the same school next year because my parents are stupid. and i really don't know what to do, 'cause shit is just happening and the only thing really keeping me alive right now is a guy I'm kinda dating. I've attempted suicide too many times and it never works. I have a cutting addiction and and i'm losing faith in alotta people and my bestfriend hates me right now for no apparent reason, and IF people really must know, life sucks, period. School sucks, Mornings suck, Drugs suck, God sucks, Telivision sucks, Music sucks, sports suck, siblings suck, parents suck. Fridays SUCK. In conclusion you can make you life worth while with all of its suckiness, or you can sit at home all day in deep depression and think about dying. plus today was just kinda really weird and...i think i'm going crazy..like literally crazy...plus alotta my friends r worrying me because like they're going through shit too but i cant do anything about it so i feel usless. plus people are being jerks to me and i'm sick of it. and my girlfriend who i loved died like 2 years ago but i'm still really upset about it and I have been kicked around by so many people in life idk who to trust and all this other stuff...so yeah. |
| | Posted by Chickensoup at June 19, 2012 |
I'm 29, married with a daughter. If u ever meet or know me you'll see me as a happy loving caring person. You would even see my life as perfect. When in reality I'm a miserable unhappy person. Who tends to hurt the people she loves the most which are my husband and daughter. I'm not saying I beat them or torture them or mark them from the outside. I hurt them from the inside. My jealousy and insecurities get the best of me. I've notice I have always been this way all my life. I never had a real relationship until I was 18 which I needed up pregnant from at age 20. I had one relationship after I separated from my first boyfriend and later got married to a man who was abusive to me and my daughter. I divorced him after a year of marriage now I'married to a wonderful man who is younger than me by 3 1/2 years. He's like a prince charming a women's mr. Wonderful. I just happen to get so insure for the fact he seems to good to be true. I tend to always hurt him my bringing up his past. He mentioned to me once he'd always love his ex girlfriend for the simple fact shes the first girl he ever lived with. He was engaged to her and she walked out on him. It had been 3 years since they had been broken up. So I found it kinda weird he still talked about her. After dating for about a Month he proposed to me and we got married within 3 months of beening together. We bought a home and well I still dwell on what he once told me. I feel he rused with me to stop missing her. I'd what to feel or think sometimes. |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012 |
I am single, and bored. I am 28 years old and tired of being single living with my parents. I don't get along with my mom. I can't believe that I'm 28 and still living with parents! If I was married, I could move out, but I'm only attracted to White men but not a lot of white men are open to dating Black men. So maybe I should just force myself to date Black men because apparently it's not "normal" to be in an interracial relationship. I don't like my family, and wish I could be someone else. I'm not sure when God will open the door to blessings but at least I am still alive, right? |
| | Posted by wishinitwasnt at June 18, 2012 |
Im 23 now and cant even recall any good moments from the past 7 years. I hate my face and because of that I retreated into solitude leaving all my friends behind. Yesterday I met a few of them after 7 long years and they all were getting women, attractive and outgoing like they use to be. I dont even have the confidence to be in public and cant even feign being outgoing because I feel that it would just be calling attention to my fucking hideous face. Still a virgin, havent even held a girl's hand. |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 18, 2012 |
I'm basically am so lonely, all my other siblings leave me out and i feel like the odd one out always have. They don't speak to me only when they want something they do. I'm sick of being second best, i fell in love with some boy i knew but he never loved me like everyone else. My mum gave up on me when i was 7, she suffers with depression and says she doesn't want to see me anymore. I wish i could speak to someone but i'm scared of what they think and why i get upset. It's weird but i get scared if people forget me, i try not to fuck up things and my dad thinks i'm a right failer. Everyone gets sick of me and forgets me. I'm tired of being lonely and i'm only 16. I think i don't know how to love and care for people but how can i when nobody can be asked with me. I started drinking a lot just to make myself happy for an hour or two but then i break down all my so called friends call me an emotional drunk but i'm simply just lacking happiness, they don't care. I tried killing myself but it didn't work, i've been this for too long now
I'm not sure why i can't just do it and work |
| | Posted by bark at the moon dingo at June 18, 2012 |
but no one trusts me anymore. i had explosive fits of rage in years gone by..with may times resulting in alienation of friends and family...and co-workers filing grievances..but that was at least in 1995 or96...cripes..when will these people let it go? its not like i murdered anyone?..they all seem to act like its any minute now im going to bust up and start smashing things again....my stupid co-workers will purposely try to aggravate me...and then cower together and say ohoh--he's gonna blow his top...like they enjoy seeing people meltdown which by the way stopped completely years ago..and instigate problems like i was supposed to do like dennis leary did in the movie with dr dre and ed lover.a cops movie...too bad you dolts you probably will never see me perform badly like i used to...because if i had the same damn temper as i used to then i would have already ripped your heads off and **** down your ?@#$% necks...so for the love of God..give me a chance to change..and stop egging on the petty and grand mal annoyances and let me live the remaining balance of my life in peace and harmony......a leopard may not change its spots...but my testosterone level is much lower than in my teens and twenties... so im less likely to have those stupid flare-ups... if there is anything that would make me furious..its people only remembering the past..and not giving me the benefit of any doubt...its almost like they have a sick sense of wanting to see peoples evil side... it i... |
| | Posted by bark at the moon dingo at June 18, 2012 |
every day it just gets worse... rent was overdue because money order didnt arrive in time and landlord charges interest..insurance payment was late because i dropped it off only 2 days earlier, so insurance lapsed/..first crash in 20 years occurs next day.before insurance kicks in..so no coverage for that other car..which so happened to me a new 2012 camry..only minutes off the new car lot...and now the fine is way more than the original insurance payment was... company wont pay claim...now coverage is in full effect but for 24 hours it wasnt...thatwindow of-gee i shoulda stayed my butt home !!! my car is totaled and i have no way of going..and i have full coverage/which by the way... wasnt in effect for that same 24 hours...i still owe 5700 dollars on the note...job cut hours increased workload..and the guy i was carpooling with just quit to start another job...work is 15 miles away...stupid boss doesnt want to hear it...gotta find a way back and forth...bicycle? perhaps...but mine was stolen 2 weeks ago...someone cut the chain on my 200 dollar cruizer. im sitting here online and i should be at work this minute...boss is on the phone and im not answering..landlord is mad..and is outside pulling up in his truck..looks like he's holding some sort of papers and..well... i feel like im trapped here...i cant let him know in home..or there will be some drama..he is kinda snappy, and i dont know if i will remain civil if he calls me a deadbeat like he does every other ten... |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 18, 2012 |
I feel like the past 6 years God has been using me like bath tissue to wipe his ass crack. Why? What did I do wrong? I try to be a good person. I treat people well, keep my head up when shit comes my way, and keep my eyes on the prize when people try to push me down. People from who knows where come along and give me shit like I did something to them. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it's just too much. I just keep moving forwards, putting one foot in front of the other, hoping things may turn for the better. But the facts of my life remain the same.
People tell me things will get better. People tell me that I'll get this and that and something great will happen, but shit never happens. I wish people would just shut the hell up with their smug advice and empty words. I am so sick of hearing about it. And no I can't be thankful or joyful for what I already have. About the only thing I have to be thankful for is that I'm not homeless. Yes I do recognize that things could be worse, but my life seems like a ticking time bomb, not something to be joyful about. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I do realize that when bad things happen it doesn't mean I caused them. Okay, but being kept down like this for so long is frustrating. What is this all about? I don't get it, God. As far as I can see, the rest of my life isn't going to be great anyway, but could you at least allow me to function normally like everyone else? Why do you keep giving me this shit? |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 18, 2012 |
Im gonna be 21. I feel depressed for a couple of reasons. Most recently because I feel betrayed and lied to. The one person who was supposed to always have my back and protect me.. Lied to me. I have had one boyfriend in my life and to me he was amazing. I never thought anyone would ever love me. I have been passed up my whole life, I have never felt good enough for anyone. there was always someone who came before me.well we have been together for almost 3 years and I just found out he was talking to some girl online! He had a cyber relationship going on. It killed me because I dont trust easily and this man shattered what he had with me in two seconds.i cant trust anything he says and I feel so low that some faceless person could be easier to talk to and better company than I. idk what to do |
| | Posted by anonymous at June 18, 2012 |
So i am 20 now. 2 parents, 2 sis, 1 brother. Let's start back then in school. Bad choice of friends. I only had one, and was manipulative. I was weak and simply wanted to have someone to rely on, you know, an actual friend, but he simply wouldn't care about me, and i would cry about that. The hell i passed was not a thing a kid should suffer. Psychologists, having no friends, being laughted upon every day. Imagine having to sit alone during brakes because no one likes you. Praying that the teacher wouldn't ask to get in pairs for a work, all this for years and years. It may sound not that bad, but i would come home and lock myself in the bathroom to cry for hours.
Fast forward to highschool. I went to a different school, so new faces, new teachers. I REALLY tryed to get friends, i really did. It's not i'm ugly or dumb or whatever. I just don't like the same stuff others do. So i would shut up during conversations about football or tv stuff, as i didn't have a tv.
So actually, 6 more years of solitude. Day and night. No friends, just me. Parents worked till night, brothers and sisters were with their friends. I just played by myself. At least there was no mocking this time.
Now i graduated, got to college. No friends, bad marks, all alone again. After 2 years i still haven't passed my first semester...
I know there are worse stories than this one, but being all alone. Oh god, it's a battle everyday. I don't kill myself for the pain my family would feel. But shit, someday i'm gonna lose it, i know it's close, and i am crying while i write this. If you have a nice life or friends, cherish them. I would give anything to have at least one. |
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