my life.. 17 years old and since i remember my family has been screwed up by alcohol/divorce/drugs. As a young child I've done stupid stuff like sell drugs at school via peer pressure from sister and her boy-friend. Been abused by mother under the age of 10 (verbally and physically), nearly had boiling water down my back side. Been heartbroken as a girl was never going to be mine due to the cliche scene of boys and how "relationships work" and probably the messy place I'm living in. Real father died when i was about 15 from cancer, alcoholic and never really wanted me to begin with (same with mother). Step father treats me like a child yet supports me. As the years gone by I'm only growing up to a world in which i don't care about anymore, a life of values that seem vague now due to society. I've felt sad for years and just couldn't care about anything these days to which i feel like i don't belong and just wish it could all go away with death.. start new.. or even at all. Been to three different schools due to bullying and following my "dreams" (which are the values i mentioned). So never really have made any strong friendships if any at all, everyone doesn't like the way i look or something, cause they don't talk to me for some reason. No one really cares and I've learned that i shouldn't care either. I don't find much pleasure in life anymore and I'm sick of hiding my depression behind a mask. I have a lethargic mindset now and full of negativity that I'm worthless etc, i think about death a fair bit but haven't tried. The pressures along with year 12 is killing me to "do well" when i just find everything not worthwhile, guess I'm doing it out of angst but i just feel mentally beaten and weak and can't stand it. I hate everything, everyone and life. | |
Stick in there, youll find your place & be happy one day. Don't let them break you.
You're not worthless. Nobody is. Sounds to me like you need to get your hands on an anti-depressant. You're too young to be so depressed. You're 17- just a babe! My heart goes out to you about being abused. It makes me so angry that people treat their children poorly. You need a license or a permit for just about everything in this world- except when it comes to being a parent. You will be free from your parents at 18, but the scars of abuse will follow you forever-
Hopefully, when the time comes for you to be a parent, the cycle of abuse will not continue? My other two cent advice would be to seek counseling. If you can confide in a professional, it will clear your head, and offer comfort. Try to be positive- after all that you've been through, I know that's probably asking a lot- but it will help you through the tough "bumps" in life- because inevitably, more strife will find you. And you need to find a coping mechanism that will help you deal with those tough times..
Find solace in the fact that you are young, and that you're wise to what you "don't" want in your life- drinking & drugging. There are support groups for children of alcoholics: Al-Anon, and Alateen. You are feeling the way you feel, because alcoholism is destroying your family. It's no wonder that you feel beaten and weak.
Please seek help.
You deserve to live a happy life-
We are rootin for you kid- be strong:)
Cursed
Also, you need to get some new dreams....blowing sailors for donuts down by the docks is NOT a good dream to follow. I wish that something good would happen to you though, like if you were kicking a ball around outside and this truck was coming down the road and he blew a tire and the rubber ring came off and hit you so hard your eyes change color and then the paramedics come and they have to take your clothes off to treat you and they find out you have the worlds smallest penis and one of them is a chick and she starts laughing so hard that milk comes out of her nose..
..and you start crying...
bridgie hart
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