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life sucks for me at 40

Posted by anonymous at April 12, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Job

I'm 40 with a wife and a 10 years old girl.
I was laid off 2 weeks ago after spending 3 years in a company making just ok salary to get by.
This is the second time I got laid off. I was laid off 3 years prior from another job. It took me 3 months to find my last job. My wife is a demanding woman and not very considerate at all. She works but only makes minimum pay. She really hates her job and wants to quit all the time (she still does). Naturally she turns to me for complaints all the time. That kills our marriage. I found she doesn't love me anymore. We sleep in separate bedrooms (we still do) and sex is pretty much nonexistent. I remember I suffered a very bad case of depression during that 3 months period.
Since that time I have been having a major mid life crisis. I feel insecure and become very conscious that time is running out for me. I achieved nothing in life (compare to my friends) and still hasn't made a mark in the world.
I don't know what went through my head but I somehow got myself a girlfriend on the side about a year ago (from my part-time job) I think it was the thrill of being irresponsible. My gf costed me money of course and I ended up being in debt (cannot let my wife knows) My gf is a prostitute by profession by the way. In the beginning this fact drove me nuts but recently I came to accept it. I just stopped picturing her with other men in my head. I wouldn't have believed it if you ask me a year ago. There had been many episodes of fighting and crying because of what she does. In the end I guess she is not my wife that kind of draw the line for me in my head. I didn't meet her by being her customer though. I didn't know what the does in the beginning. She is married too.. It is funny her husband seems to know about me but doesn't seem to care. He is another big time loser I guess.

All I know right now is that finding my next job should be the most important thing on my agenda. I will get more and more nervous as time goes by. Both women are giving me pressure everyday too. But the thing is I don't know why but I'm not motivated at this point in time.

what is going on with me?


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 12,Apr,12 21:06

Find God. The affair you are having shows a lack of respect for your wife and for yourself. It's the same reason you can't motivate yourself to find a suitable, good paying job. You hate yourself. But, you only hate yourself because of what you've done, which is forgivable. Ask God for forgiveness, strength, wisdom, hope and courage,
By anonymous at 13,Apr,12 02:15

I appreciated your insight. Believe it or not but I was a Christian once ... Or at least i tried to be but somewhere along the line I abandoned god altogether. I don't know how I came to what I'm now. Your comment started me thinking. I never thought I hated myself. But may be you are right. I always know that I'm looking for something to fill a certain void of mine.
In my head i justify my affair with the fact that my wife doesn't love me anymore. We only stay together because of our kid.
40 yr old loser


By anonymous at 01,May,12 02:21

hey I found a new job today
it pays better than my last one
my wife has been more supportive this time I got laid off
my gf has been very understanding as well
she didn't leave me knowing I am broke
she still practices her trade. But that is something we got to work out over time. I'm constantly worried about her health and safety. Only if she would listen to me...


By anonymous at 01,May,12 02:32

I know having an affair is wrong. And having one with a prostitute is the dumbest thing you can do.
but I do sincerely love her. Sometime you cannot reason it.
I only wish she would stop.


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