I'm a 30 year old mother of 3. I've been married for 12 years. We have always had problems in our relationship. He is a former alcoholic and drug abuser. We moved about 5 years ago to live near his family and to try and get a fresh start in our relationship. He no longer drinks or abuses drugs but he has been unfaithful. I stay because of the children. I can't bring myself to break there little hearts of not having a complete family. They adore there daddy. I feel stuck in my life. Since we have lived here I have made no friends. The only people I know are my husbands family. At one point I bonded with a couple of family members but these relationships were not genuine. They only called me when they wanted money, needed a babysitter, wanted to be nosey about my situation. But I accepted the relationships for what they were because I felt so desperately lonley. These so called friendships fizzled because I just didn't like the way they made me feel. Like sloppy seconds, like I was only good enough to talk to as a last resort. My husband works 3 hours away and is gone at work every other week. We only have one car so I'm stuck athome alone with my kids the majority of the time. I feel like my life is wasting away. Stuck in my house feels like a prison. If I want to go to the store to pick up something as simple as the news paper I can't. Well I guess I could but I would have to call my mother in law and ask her to borrow her car, but then I owe her a favor. I am used to being a very self sufficient person but since moving I'm completely dependant on my husband and his family. I hate it. I don't know where to go from here. I'm lost. With no one to vent to. I feel so desperately alone.. | |
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Sounds to me like you need a good dose of autonomy! Of course you feel isolated, lonely, and depressed. You need wheels girl! First of all, it isn't SAFE, for you not to have a vehicle. What if there was an emergency? With three children, you should have a way to transport yourself and them in case something were to happen. Get a car. Get car seats for the kids, and find some independence!
Your husband should understand your need for a vehicle. There are plenty of cars out there reasonably priced. If you had freedom to travel, you could bring the kids to fun places. Occupy your time. Make friends with other mothers. Right now you are isolated, which is contributing to your boredom and loneliness. It's only going to get worse, as the kids get older...
In any case, you're completely justified in feeling "stuck" because that is exactly what you are....
Be strong, and stand up for you and your kids!
Cursed
One great thing is is the time with your kids. Nothing is more important than the time you spend with your children and the relationships you can build with them. I try to find solice in that.
They have really helped me keep my chin up. I do this by creatively asking their advice using their language, characters or people or situations they are thinking about that resemble my issue. Besides that, I feel as hopeless as you do.
Whatever you do don't overreact or overcompensate like I did. That just makes things worse. Try to keep an even keel. Watch out for real emotional issues too, ya know, like those feelings that are beyond the range of normal. Depression almost killed me.
I usually feel like you do; that is my typical state despite all the therapy, psychiatric drugs, and stupid shit like these others say to do here on the comment page. I just tell myself, "this too shall pass" (a famous phrase) and I wait for the next good day. G
Look sweetie pie, I don't know what planet you come from, but around these parts- freedom=car. Period. Their is no "public transpoor-tation. So, a car is your freedom. You can live in your car. Get away from abuse with a car. Seriously, before you start to "play" know it all- and diss other's post's- they may not resemble you're own "luxuries". Like transportation. Riding a bike with three kids? Safe? Not really. Walking alongside a road with three kids in tow because you don't have a car...
Geee
G.
Cursed
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