LIFE SUCKS

Weighing My Options

I am a 22 yr old female and I absolutely hate my life. I have only one friend and though we text everyday and work together she doesn't really hang out with me anymore. I was physically and sexually abused by 8 different people for 16 years and as a result I have severe PTSD and other mental issues. I have an eating disorder and I am a cutter. I've attempted suicide 12 times and the last time I tried I was in a comma for 6 days. Why am I telling you this? Because it explains why I am the way I am. But no one ever understands me and they eventually leave me because they don't know how to handle me. I am a very emotional person but hard at the same time.
I hate my life because I have no friends really. I have no one to talk to or hang out with. My life consists of going to work and coming home to an empty apartment. I hate being alone. I hate being in my own head. I hate myself. I pray everyday that God would just let me come home to Him. I don't care how I die... I don't care if I am brutually murdered or just pass in my sleep. I don't want to be here anymore. The other night I was driving home from work and I had to drive over a really big bridge so I closed my eyes and let go of the steering wheel. Nothing happened because a car honked their horn and swereved to avoid me hitting them. But I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling. There is no point for me to be here. All I do is hurt myself and disappoint others.
I have so much that runs through my mind and I can't slow it down. I have flashbacks and anxiety attacks everyday. I have Fibromyalgia along with some other medical issues that are non-curable. I spent 4 years in A.A. because of a drug problem I had but they were a bunch of hypocritical backstabbers. My "best friend" always makes plans to hang with me but then she cancels them because she is "tired" or her boy toy is comin over. That really makes me feel like I don't matter. I don't mean anything to anyone. My own mother doesn't answer my calls most of the time. My dad is a P.O.S. and my brothers and sisters never call or text me. I am worthless and useless. I might as well be invisible.
I do have a boyfriend that I love very much and I know he loves me but I can't talk to him because he doesn't understand. I know I am a good person. I would give my life for a complete stranger but when people find that out they take advantage of me. I'm tired. I'm tired of living. Tired of hurting. Tired of thinking. Tired of trying to please everyone including myself. I'm tired of everything. I WANT TO DIE. The only thing that keeps me alive is my boyfriend but I don't know how long that'll last.