I am a 31 year old single mother of two. I was raised in a very abusive household and ended up on my own at the age of 16. I myself have stayed out of trouble and learned to keep to myself. I have worked from the age of 15. I graduated High school and continued to work at a dead end job. I became a mother at 21. I tried to make things work with the father for years. Ended up with child again. I am not complaing about my children. I love them to no end. They are my life and mean everything to me. I finally grew some courage and left their abusive father. I never recieved a dime in child support, and although we have been poor, I was always able to make ends meet. I worked full time and provided for my children. I have recieved little to no help from my family members. My mother, if you can call her that, decieved me and took me for a lot of money at income tax time. She got me good on that deal. I gave her my entire refund to save her house and lost mine in the process. I was still okay though. Alone and providing for my children. I became so sick and tired of everyone expecting so much help from me yet never offering any. I pretended to be what everyone else wanted to keep the peace and avoid insults. I lost sight of who I was. I had an chance to relocate for my work. From Ohio to Texas where I could start over and be myself. Raise my children the way I chose not the way everyone else wanted. So I did. My company was bought out and I was let go. Left with no money, no home, and two children in tow. Back to Ohio I go and hear how bad I screwed up. How I failed. When that finally stopped I constantly hear about how good everyone else is doing. How much they accomplish...like I have done nothing. I am out of work living with my dad who couldn't care less about us, and I am depressed. I ended up getting mixed up in a situation where a crime occured..which i had nothing to do with but I did make the poor choice of not reporting the theft. Well they had to make an example and charged me with 2 felonies of complicity. I couldn't find work because the economy being so bad so I went to college on my own dime. Talked in detail of my charges and was told it would not be a problem to get employment after graduation. Liars. I can not work in the health field until I get my record expunged.(3 more years) I have my own place but with help of welfare. I am drowning and nothing is going right. My children fight all of the time. Not physical but constant bickering and it drives me crazy. I can't even find a job at a McDonalds. My car is falling apart. I feel so trapped. I can honestly say that if I were childless...I would have long ago ended my suffering. I can't leave my children. I can't have them thinking that nobody loves them. Because that is the only thing I know that I have done right. I just have no fight left in me. I can't breathe and the only people that care...they are my children and I am supposed to be the adult. But I am just not sure how anymore. I just want to sleep and fade away. | |
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