I am a "survivor" of suicide. My son, the love of my life, ended his close to 9 months ago. The irony of this is painful. 9 months is the gestation period that I had before having him. I loved him so very much. He made me want to be a better person. I wasn't always a better person, but I loved him and tried in every way that I knew how, to let him know, that I'd love him no matter what, that I'd support him, regardless of whatever decisions he made for his life, e.g., profession, etc. He is gone. My heart is forever broken. I question every move I have ever made as a parent. I feel failure and shame and despair and guilt. I want more than anything to go back in time and stop him from destroying himself. But I cannot do that. It is too late. I don't know if I can feel joy again. If you are considering suicide, please think about those that you will leave behind. Not only am I, my poor, incredibly saddened husband, and many friends and family impacted with incredible sorrow and questions (what did I miss?!), and guilt...I have witnessed people that my boy had no clue he'd impact, crumble, topple over an edge they were on already, and fall into a sad abyss, as a result as his loss. I had a neighbor who watched my child grow up...he was not close to my son, but tended toward depression, and the tragic nature of my son's loss, prompted him towards more depression, dismay, confusion, questioning the whole goddamned universe, etc. Us "survivors", if you can call the state of our existence "surviving", is terrible..we can't move forward in our loss, we keep retracing our steps to see what we missed, how we might have prevented the tragedy, and we hate ourselves for any minute item that we find, in retrospect, that we may have missed, that may have saved our loved one. If you are considering suicide...and you care about anyone in this whole fucking universe...I implore you to instead seek help for whatever is making you feel this desperate. Because if you do not and decide to end your life, you will pass your pain on tenfold, at LEAST, to the people left behind. Is that what you want?