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can't even kill myself

Posted by depressed loser at January 30, 2012
Tags: Health  2012 January

It wasn't the same earlier.But after investing about five years in engineering, there's no hope of getting any result.Lost all money and confidence.Got depressed during college coz of my inability to study properly.Took antidepressants and slept 24X7 because of prozac.Quit cold turkey and got permanently impotent at twenty one.Add to that ssri induced rapid cycling bipolar disorder and panic attacks.All I can do is abuse god, then cry to show repentance, then sleep for two hours, then wake up and think of killing others in order to make 'something' out of my life and after making elaborate plans, forget them suddenly and again begin to cry.This happens in a single day.And the fucking cycle continues.I have fallen so ill that I can't even control my thoughts.It seems God has forsaken me and doesn't even want to give me one last chance.Can neither complete nor abandon my education.No scope of any job after working hard for so many years.Everyone looks at me with disgust.Juniors crack jokes over my uselessness.Got no friend obviously.No one wants to be known as 'friend of the loser'.My face has become thoroughly ugly.I have lost all appetite.Cannot go to my home as brothers and sisters are the biggest bastards in my life.They continually despise me.My parents think I shouldn't have been born(and so do I).I think I will become a drug addict in a couple of years.I don't even have the courage to kill myself.I fear I might get used to this treatment by others.wtf


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Comments:
By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 00:15

why wait? become a drug addict now. I followed your story up until you started blaming "god" for your issues and talking about killing others to make your life worth something. You are an idiot. not because of your failures but because you blame others and....damn you sure are stupid just sayin
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 05:01

Wow, are you trying to push him over the edge?


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 00:34

testing this


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 00:40

This is only a moment in your life.... we go through good & bad. God has not forsaken you. He loves you. He died for you. Do not hurt yourself or any others in Jesus Name! Keep on seeking after Jesus. Go to a church, get involved somehow at a church. You have to do something. Read the bible please. Pray to God. He is with you through all of this. Everything is going to be ok. It will. I have to tell myself the same thing, so don't think I have it ALL figured out ( I mean shoot! How do you think I found this site?? cuz I was happy... lol.. no), but I know enough to know you are hurting & in pain. God knows your pain as if it were his own. He loves you. He also forgives.. don't forget that. Please go to a church & reach out to people there. and remember you are going to be ok, this will pass, if you let it. God Bless You In Jesus Name.


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 07:21

Go fucking kill yourself again you pathetic attention-seeking fuck.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 19:06

You first.
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 05:05 Fold Up

You are more troubled than this person. You need some serious help. Your post was cruel. Is that how you really want to treat people? You're obviously hurting too. Why do you want to create more pain? When people hurt others because they are in pain themselves, I'd say that THAT is pathetic. Being honest and telling your story seeking help is the brave thing to do. I feel sorry for you. I really hope that you will realize that being mean is wrong and get help for your own self.


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 09:14

read a book called "Life Stinks, Deads worse" I can't hurt & maybe it'll help ya. It made me look at all my misery in a different way.


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 17:57

Hey man, sounds like you really need some help. Get some before you hurt yourself.


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 18:16

Just die it is easier. As you die your brain will release all its endorphins and it will be euphoric. I think that is the only way you will be happy.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 19:06

Try it for yourself and let us know if it works.
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 05:07

That's not funny. You should be ashamed. You could be the one a**hole who pushes a person to actually kill themselves. And why would you be here if you are not feeling the same way?


By at 14,Feb,12 18:59

Please rethink 'god' and if there really is any evidence of one (or more). Trust me, the judeo-Christian god does not exist.

If anything, the universe is god. But let's call a universe, a universe, ok?

Break your chains, shed your skin. Life sucks, but that is no reason to believe in a indemonstrable fictional deity.

Trust me, atheism will give you critical thinking skills, and reasoned logic. This makes life a lot easier, as you have no 'god' to blame; your actions are determined by you, and you alone.

But what's the point anyway. Atheism just makes this world even colder. But I know it's the truth, so I face it as such.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 19:07

You know jack sht because you like the rest of us either never died or can't remember it.


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 22:54

Im sorry to hear about all the hardships you've endured. Its not over, heres some good news.

God uses the weak, the powerless, the hurt, the poor, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
As that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.

God is the true master craftsman. He is a potter who is making something beautiful out of every life. He will take the old ugly mistakes and sins and make them into something completely new!

When you truly know God, you can live victoriously! So whatever the ugliness is in your life, be assured that through the blood of Christ, God molds you and makes you into something beautiful! Many people can testify to how God has changed them. Ive never heard of anyone regretting putting their faith in jesus.

Are you saved? God can turn the worst of situations into good! Joeseph was left for dead and put into slavery by his brothers, he was abandonded, afraid, probably thought his life was over. But he trusted God, he then eventually became second in command of Egypt. Without looking into the future it can be hard to be optimistic. If you put your faith with jesus he wont abandon you, he will love you and give you a new life. All you have to do is accept jesus as your lord and savior and ask for forgiveness of your sin, he will wash away all your sin (everyone has sin, i'm not judging you by what I say).


Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you, so that we can have eternal life in heaven. All we have to do is accept him as our lord and savior and ask for forgiveness for our sin. Jesus loves you with love that cant be compared, he loves you so much that he died for you. He can change you. He changes people every single day. You can say that one of his job descriptions is "Life Changer". He knows your trouble, he cares for you, and he wants you to know him. He will comfort us when there seems to be no comfort available. He is our friend when everyone else seems to not care, he provides for us when we are without, and he gives us strength when we are weak. He washes away all our sin when we have lived sinfilled lives. He is offering the gift of everlasting life in heaven free of charge, its your choice whether you accept his offer.


By Lais at 12,May,12 21:50

I relate and i feel for you. I had childhood depression and it never went away. I did become a drug addict and i can't get clean. When ever I am clean the depression is intolerable and i use again. And also even when I use there are not enough drugs in the world to make it all seem better, not after the first few months. I HATE one of the posts that calls you a 'loser' for blaming others. i blame others, I try so hard not too but it's just so hard that I can't just say 'look, this is who I really, and I am not coping..' and have people still be their. I lost my friends. My Mum and Dad, especially my Dad is really compassionate he doesn't get how i feel and he admits that. This year my little dog died and a few people i know killed themselves, and i think I really want to get well so i can help people, but i don't know if i can. I feel like this is hell, the reason i haven't killed myself is my family told me it would ruin them but i see what it's like for them while i'm here. Also I am scared I'd go to hell. Even though i don't believe in conventional hell, i wouldn't mind fire as i'm often cold, but I beleive in hell as a feeling. It 3 am, I am sobbing so i posted on the net, i have never done it before. To anyone that wants to be cruel, don't post anything cruel to me.. If you WANT TO SAY MEAN THING YOU DON'T DO IT TO SOMEONE WHO IS ILL, for a million reasons.
By anonymous at 07,Jun,12 21:01

I really want to be mean now, Its not illness its self perpetuated psychosis, the world is as it always is you are the experiencing body, life means nothing except to you and you alone, power comes from within our fears can be powerful just as our strength, a man can take a bullet and live the same bullet can kill self determination is what drives us for all we have is our self's, others merely perpetuate our existence. Life is hell life is heaven, scripture a means of control written by men as a guide adopted by rulers for subservience why would god want you to fear him i would say respect. Truth lie's in every drug you just forget and wish to remember please do before its too late, peace.
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 05:16 Fold Up

You're not a loser. I personally think those with addictions are more attune to life and find it too painful to tolerate. After all, life is painful. Buddhists say that pain is the point because otherwise how would you learn? It's like school, if everyday were recess all day long you'd never learn anything. It has to be hard. But for people like us it is TOO hard. We are being tested to our limits of tolerance and I think at times the tests seem to go beyond our tolerance. And sometimes, I think that there is no test, no point, no "god" just stupid stupid life. If I could resolve that question once and for all I'd either make a commitment to see it through or I'd kill myself. One f***ing but important question holds me here in pain. Woe to those who would hurt you further!


By indian at 27,Dec,16 19:32

I feel the same way about being married. i feel like its only aptropriape to hang out with other married couples, and because the hubs is in law school there aren't too many couples to choose from!


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