since i met my boyfriend-now husband- i never felt really happy n safe again. in the beginning he was really nice n interesting n very good looking. a perfect husband material. comes from a good n wealthy family, he's also well educated n highly intellectual. when he said he loved me n wanted to marry me, i was flattered n couldn't think of any reason to doubt, that my life would be perfect.
it turned out that he suffered from OCD, a mental illness that causes him to ask for reassurance for hundred of times n always makes me sad because he seems can't trust me at all. he's possessive, very insecure, has negative thoughts about me, and only thinks about himself. he doesn't care about my feelings, never tried to understand me at all. every time he'll get mad n throwing tantrum, if i refuse to answer his repeated questions. we fight all the time. he has threatened to kill himself, even risked my own safety n said some awful things to hurt me, because he thinks i don't give him what he wants.
i don't know if i love him anymore, or ever loved him. i can't leave him because that would ruin my family. i've always pretended that everything was fine n no one in my family knows what's going on in my life. everyday i feel like being trapped. i don't know what to do or what i want anymore. it's almost like i don't exist because this is not the life i want to life. | |
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