I have had severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder my entire life, depression since grade 6, ADHD, and anorexia nervosa off and on since grade 6. My parents are both extremely mentally unstable and I have been raising them emotionally my entire life, as well as being abused by them. I never got a chance to be a kid. On top of all that, I am the absolute ugliest person in the entire world. (But who cares?! Absolutely no one, obviously.) I know I'm shit, and you know what? Feel better, because at least you're not the most unlucky, ugly fucked up person in the world. I'm also incredibly stupid, most likely the stupidest person you'll ever meet.
But here's the story. I have been saving money up on the side for over a year to dye my hair, as a 'treat' if I recovered from substance abuse, my eating disorder and self harm. I've remained recovered for over a month, so I went to the salon, and asked for a bleached blonde hair do. I was very excited about it, and almost cried of joy that I wouldn't be as ugly and person might actually like me. But I nearly burst into tears when I saw my reflection in the mirror. My hair was a bunch of colors that one might see in vomit. My hair is vomit colored. Worst thing of all? I wasted ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO DOLLARS ON VOMIT COLORED HAIR. I CAN'T WASTE THAT KIND OF F*CKING MONEY. As soon as I walked out of the salon I burst into tears. When I got home, I had the worst meltdown I've ever had in my life. The sobs were uncontrolable and loud. The neighbours must've been scared. I haven't eaten since and don't plan to ever again. THANKS FOR THE FUCKING RELAPSE SALON, YOU ARE ABSOLUTE SHIT AND I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH. THE PAIN JUST WILL NEVER FUCKING GO AWAY. I HATE MYSELF.
I just don't know why nothing goes right for me. NOTHING.
Nobody will ever even read this, so what the fuck is the point? | |
getscooped@hotmail.com
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