Never been a spoiled child, no brothers or sisters, since i can remember, ive always been a puppet, told to go to school, dont go anywhere but school, weekends are for studying, what your career will be, what university you'll go, any party or something social like that was a waste of time...hell even in holidays i was with a math book in my hand , my parents separated when i was 8, father was an aggressive bipolar commie and my mother a careless pacifist party animal (father once told me i almost drown in a pool cause she was supposed to look for me and she fell asleep while a just learned to run kid was playing around the pool), you may think opposites attract... well they don't. After the divorce, there was like a competition whether who i loved more... by giving me lots and lots of gifts (remember kids, stuff=love). I ended up (ask my retard 8 year old self what i was thinking) living with my dad, since i remember, living with him was the "good studying to be a doctor way" or the "back of the belt in the face way". Since i got as much social skills as a brick, i was rapidly turned into a bullying target in school, beaten up by students much older than me and being laughed at by kids the same age, i can still remember that time when i was in fifth grade and a kid from twelfth grade and his 2 friends beat me up, then put a switchblade in my neck just to scare the hell out of me. Love life?.....pfffff what a joke, still a virgin and always ending up in the friendzone and/or being played like a fiddle getting them THAT fcuking thing they were looking for their whole life and if lucky hear a "thanks".
Finally made it to med school......i hate it, its just not my career, but i have been "trained" to end up here and now that i am here......i dont know what to do, i hate it, i dont like the idea of being a doctor but if i dropped out... what can i do? i didnt develop career interest for anything else... all those interests dissappeared by the powers of a black leather belt.
and know im here.... in med school.... still alone...poking a corpse in anatomy class that in my vision looks much happier than me, the class ends, good score in the test of the day, go back home, keep studying, go to bed, turn off lights, look at the roof for 30 minutes and fall asleep for another day to come.... |
In addiction to hours, there is the political side of it which the med school doesn't prepare you for. On top of the politics, when you are working hard for others lifes dealing with sick and stupid people everyday, you are watching all the fat cat executives do little everyday and get paid more than you do for breaking your feet and getting your hand dirty.
I heard the cosmetic surgery has more to offer, I heard the boobs enchanger get to surgery on flat tits women all the time, and I heard that doctors who work at laboratories have easier time. I heard that dentist earn way more and can take weekend off.
Doctors in hospital right after med school? D&D Desperation and Disappiontment.
It's so hard. Sometimes i feel like my life has no sense at all. It makes me so sad thinking about all the things I haven't lived yet and that i'll probablly never live.
I don't know what i have to do , but i have to find something , because living like this make me crazy XD
Get a membership for a gym....do some excersising....it helps relieve boatloads of stress....beleive me.
And if your intimidated by the ALL MIGHTY GYM....dont be, i know there are tons of guys there that think they are the shit....well maybe dont start with the weights man, start with the cardio. Just so that you dont feel PRESSURE of having to know anything about working out. Dont worry about no one....do this for YOU. Besides youll learn alot of HANDS on practical stuff from working out...You will be able to see how people react in a eqaully akward environment aswell.....you can perhaps pinpoint people who might need a little motivational push, and maybe you can be the guy to do it, thus making someones day.
Dont WORRY about the past...i was bullied to in school.....But after getting through it, think about how it makes you that much more of and understanding and hopefully more compassionate person. And as for the guys who bullied you, know that they DO have there issues....And ultimatly Karmas a bitch.
Maybe you needed to get bullied in school in order to help you in areas you cannot even understand, and maybe never will. But you said how your parents where socially....well seeing as you are not like either one of them......Maybe bullieing for you was a blessing in disquise. Somthing to think about anyways.....
Remember that there is a God....And despite what many people say about God......God wants to help everyone....but we have to innitiate it.....prayer goes up, blessings come down.
I think maybe at least stick with the Doctor life...or at LEAST at LEAST until somthing else of interest comes your way.....
You might end up being a jack of all trades.....but hey man, your life will be more interesting because of it. and youll be able to help MORE people as a result.
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