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Posted by robbie at March 19, 2010
Tags: Juvenile problems  Loneliness  2010 March

I am tired of sitting home alone EVERY SINGLE fucking day. I just want something to do. All I ever do is watch movies or read or sit at the computer. And lately reading has lost its thrill for me. If I do it in my spare time I like it, but all I have is spare time. I have no friends. I don't have anything in common with anyone in my family. I am so bored. I hate sleeping all day every day. And sure someone is going to say, 'GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE". That is a crock of shit. I can't just go to Meijers or Walmart and ask someone to be my friend. Sure there are a few groups around my house, but I don't have any money to go a restraurant and eat with people. (whish is what they do) Plus I have no motivation to do anything because it has been so long since I did anything. I think that I am afrid to leave the house also. Everywhere that I might be able to meet someone makes me nervous and then sad then mad and then I feel like crying. I would also like to have a girlfriend. But I can't get one until 'I can be happy with myself first', which is a fucking stupid circle because I hate my life so therefore no girl. And then the people who say you don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend. You are right ,I should just fight human nature to what to be close to someone that I consider special. That is a crock of shit also. And I am sure someone will say ' you don't have it as bad as ______', FUCK you. With that comparison, no one in the world should ever be sad or miserable because there is always someone who has it worse. I don't fucking care if someone else has it worse than me. (i do feel bad for other people, i am not cold hearted) I hate my life and I did not ask to be born. Just a product of all the other parents in the world who wanted to make 'a miracle' or have someone to love them or just could not use protection. I think about death all the time. I just wish that I was not a chicken about it and would go through with it. About nine family members would attend the funeral and that would be it. Maybe a guy from work. Oh, wait I can't do that because it might hurt someone in my family if I wasn't here. Like I fucking care. I should have to be miserable so that they can know someone that they only talk to because we are a blood relation. If not for being blood, I would never talk to any of them, because I don't have anything in common with them or I just flat out don't like them!!!!!


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Mar,10 00:13

Treat your depression, stop the cursing, it really doesn't
enhance any qualities that you may have. Fix this problem.


By anonymous at 20,Mar,10 03:48

your a loser


By anonymous at 20,Mar,10 03:54

just go out and live life man. then you'll learn when and how to deal with real problems. take chances cause you never know what will come from them.


By anonymous at 20,Mar,10 19:50

There have been many days when I felt very similar to what you have described. All I can tell you is what helped me through this.

Life can really suck, and you're obviously stuck and in a bad way, but the critical thing right now for you to do is to just take a step back, relax, breathe, forget everyone else, take the time to reflect on what it is you think you are, and then find something that's yours, that one thing out of all of those things that you're willing to stand up for and channel all your energy into.

You're gonna die one way or another, so fuck it man, just find something you're willing to live for and go for it with all the energy you can gather. If you fail, that's ok. Don't fear failure, don't fear looking stupid. What does it matter anyway if you're at the point that you don't even want to live? What on earth do you have to lose? Anyone that ever achieved any kind of real and meaningful fulfillment in their life had to conquer countless failures, doubts, the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness, and countless other demons.

Put away the TV, the computer, UNPLUG. Go for a walk, don't worry about what other people are doing or what they think, just be with yourself and relax in a nice calm place. You're miserable anyway, it can't hurt. Try tuning out all the distractions and static of life as much as you possibly can for a week, no matter how much you want to turn on the TV or go on the internet, or any other distractions which take you away from being with yourself (not BY yourself, there's a big difference). If you feel no difference at all after honestly and fully trying that, then call it how you see it.

Good luck : )

BTW, if you want to read a book in between the silence, may I suggest:

http://www.amazon.com/Total-Freedom-Essential-Krishnamurti-Jiddu/dp/0060648805/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269128894&sr=1-4

Peace
By robbie at 20,Mar,10 20:38

thank you, You are right. I know that you are. I will try. I can't guarantee anything, but I will try. I just wish(everyone is allowed to wish and dream) that I had a friend or someone I knew that could help me along that I trusted and wanted to be around. Thank you for not making fun of me like some people do on this site. It is just really hard and sometimes I get so sad. Even though I don't know you, I feel alittle better. THANKYOU. And I am a good person. I don't usually swear either. I just feel like I am at the end sometimes. I always drive 2 miles below the speed limit and I get upset when people don't buckle up there children. I am a good person. I use to feel just alone, which did not bug me too much. But know I feel lonely also and that makes me sad. Just typing makes me cry. I hate it!
By anonymous at 20,Mar,10 22:05

You're welcome, but there is nothing to thank me for. Imagine it's like "The Matrix". In this example, I'm just Morpheus showing you the door. It is you who have to walk through it ; )

It's not about guaranteeing anything to anyone. Remember, it is you and only you that you are dealing with. No one else is there to help you when it really counts, in those moments when you must decide whether to commit to your life and your path with clear intent and true will, or not. We all have our guides and our sources of wisdom that help us through our dark times, but they are all empty shells if we don't follow through with action.

Compassion is a sign of an open and truthful heart, if you are the person you describe then you have a very good chance of finding your way if you allow yourself to do so. Like I said, try your best to do what I suggested. Even better, I'll give you another movie reference, this time from Star Wars and Yoda's wise words:

"Do or do not. There is no try."

May the Force be with you. : )


By anonymous at 21,Mar,10 00:57

Treat your depression with hard facts ,learn the world this battleground that is only there when you really seek knowledge ,take the high road (art of war)
do it ,know it and become it...
By anonymous at 21,Mar,10 02:51

You know Sun-Tzu? Facts? Show and prove. We're waiting.


By anonymous at 24,Mar,10 10:45

I am not sure of your age, But I'll guess you are 18-20? Are their people you can hang out with from work? Sometimes clubs like through a church or the park district are a good idea. Maybe use Facebook to find old friends or try online dating sites to meet girls. Some people like bars, but I never really found them a good way to meet people. It can be easy to get down on life but try to be positive and have a good sence of humor it attracts other that are the same way and they are more likely to be fun to be around. Your life is valuable please do not do anything to harm yourself, life is full of ups and downs it never ends nothing is worth suicide.


By feelingsick at 25,Mar,10 06:58

i guess i kind of know what you feel like. i hope stuff brightens up for you somehow.


By anonymous at 30,Mar,10 11:39

Life sucks, but I hope you will feel happier soon~


By anonymous at 10,Apr,10 12:27

u r not alone,i can totally understand what u feel cause im also experiencing the exact thing ur going through.i just wish life will be better one of these days.... :'(


By Zyah at 15,Apr,11 22:05

Kewl you should come up with that. Excelelnt!


By anonymous at 30,Sep,11 02:16

You say u have lotsof time...... Go volunteer


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