I am tired of sitting home alone EVERY SINGLE fucking day. I just want something to do. All I ever do is watch movies or read or sit at the computer. And lately reading has lost its thrill for me. If I do it in my spare time I like it, but all I have is spare time. I have no friends. I don't have anything in common with anyone in my family. I am so bored. I hate sleeping all day every day. And sure someone is going to say, 'GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE". That is a crock of shit. I can't just go to Meijers or Walmart and ask someone to be my friend. Sure there are a few groups around my house, but I don't have any money to go a restraurant and eat with people. (whish is what they do) Plus I have no motivation to do anything because it has been so long since I did anything. I think that I am afrid to leave the house also. Everywhere that I might be able to meet someone makes me nervous and then sad then mad and then I feel like crying. I would also like to have a girlfriend. But I can't get one until 'I can be happy with myself first', which is a fucking stupid circle because I hate my life so therefore no girl. And then the people who say you don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend. You are right ,I should just fight human nature to what to be close to someone that I consider special. That is a crock of shit also. And I am sure someone will say ' you don't have it as bad as ______', FUCK you. With that comparison, no one in the world should ever be sad or miserable because there is always someone who has it worse. I don't fucking care if someone else has it worse than me. (i do feel bad for other people, i am not cold hearted) I hate my life and I did not ask to be born. Just a product of all the other parents in the world who wanted to make 'a miracle' or have someone to love them or just could not use protection. I think about death all the time. I just wish that I was not a chicken about it and would go through with it. About nine family members would attend the funeral and that would be it. Maybe a guy from work. Oh, wait I can't do that because it might hurt someone in my family if I wasn't here. Like I fucking care. I should have to be miserable so that they can know someone that they only talk to because we are a blood relation. If not for being blood, I would never talk to any of them, because I don't have anything in common with them or I just flat out don't like them!!!!!