LIFE SUCKS

FUCK MY LIFE

I'm 23 years old. I'm very pretty, so I'm told, and everyone always ask me why I'm single. I waited till I was 20 to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend. Less than 6 months later i got pregnant, despite being on the pill, and I had an abortion. I had it because I thought he would love me and stay with me if I had it since he was the one forcing me to get it, but he broke up with me a few weeks later. I felt so guilty and so sad. It took me almost two years to get over him and not keeping the baby. I moved to a different state to finish my degree. I've been working towards my bachelors degree for almost 6 years now. I was hoping a fresh start was what I needed. This past summer I was working delivering blood to labs from hospitals and I got really sick. It started out being terrible headaches, then turned into foggy thinking, shaking hands, pain in all my extremities, and now blurry vision. I was hoping it would pass, but it hasn't. I've been to so many doctors and taken so many blood tests and yet nothing wrong can be found. Upon going to my last doctor she suspected I might have multiple sclerosis. She said that I am very young to get it, but it is not uncommon. That life will be hard with it, but manageable; That I will have to tolerate life, like some chore. I saw my ex this past weekend and he's become such a loser. He got sick and I had to take care of him the whole weekend. He didn't have one positive thing to say to me. I cooked him dinner, made him tea, tried so hard to make him happy, but he treated me like shit. The whole time I was in constant pain, on barbiturates to calm my headaches, and yet I was more positive then him. I didn't even want to bring up what was going on with me to him. When he was sleeping I went in the other room and cried for an hour, out of pain, sadness, a feeling of impeding doom for my life never taking off. I'm afraid no one will ever love me. I spent so much time focusing on this one guy, recovering from the pain he left me with, and now I'm almost handicapped. People say I'm pretty, they say I'm lucky. Looks aren't everything.