I'm a 13 years old girl , I am not that beautiful or cool :/ I spent my life alone in my dark room , ppl around me calls me the "weird emo girl" , I never felt that I have friends although there were many ppl around me I still feel so lonely , I never had these feelings be4 cuz I didn't really care bout what others think bout me?cuz I had a friend who made me feel better but then I discovered that she was just using me & she was talking shit bout me behind my back , all my classmates haves boyfriends except me cuz I'm not sexy as well , I tried 2 have online friends but this is just not enough 4 me cuz Internet is not the real world , I just wish if I could meet my Internet friends in real life but this may never happen cuz of distances , I always cry myself 2 sleep & wish I could sleep 4 ever , recently I started 2 cut my wrists everyday when I come back from school , once I tried cutting my wrists while I was at school in the bathroom but 1 of my classmates saw me at first I wished if she would saw something like "no don't do that we luv u" but no she asked me "why do u do cuttings while there r faster ways 4 suiciding?!" , even my parents doesn't care bout me in fact they hate me cuz they wished that I had been a boy instead of a girl , every night I hear my dad praying god 2 take me away! , once I asked my mam "would u be sad if I died?" she replied me "go 2 hell I don't care!" , I don't c my relatives cuz I'm not living in my home land which makes things harder 4 me , my only which in life is 2 find out who am I?
In the end I wrote this with my eyes full of tears & I know that nobody may bother reading this but I just hope that some1 will & may give me an advise cuz I'm so tired of hiding all this pain behind fake smiles…plz help me :'( | |
May I also suggest trying some hobbies suchs as writing, or painting, or art in general, so you could express yourself in a different way. Or learn an instrument (maybe you can get that at school)
and just for consideration, it will be a good idea for you to seek help. Know it will be difficult at your age, but try asking your school conselor.
And if I may add about the music? Like TRANCE? give it a listen if you could, maybe even start learning to hadstyle or "Melbourne suffle" lol.. Google/YouTube that.. Give it a try..
Goodluck.
Sncerely, someone out there.
I understand how rough can it be , life can be hard , but maybe if it gets hard , it can get easy , all I know is , finding true friend makes life so easy , makes life wonderful , cute & beautiful ^^
And I understand that maybe you cut yourself , 'cause you feel some sort of emptiness within you , and so on , you feel lonley ..
But it's okay , we all feel like that sometimes , because we are humans
So maybe finding a true friend , will make you achive your goal , which is finding who you are ^-^
And as I was reading your post , I was really crying , and I know the pain you are in , I know how much it hurts and burns from inside , not to have someone to love and be loved by , and not having 'parents' who care , I understand all these hurtful things .
As for friends , wether they were 'online' friends or not ...it does not matter , wether you can see them in person or not it does not matter either...what matters is , you feel there love from their souls , even if they were physically away , love is not by bodies , it's by the warmth of souls ... You already have parents and other people who are with you (Physically) , but do you feel them in soul ? Do you feel their love ? Do you feel their souls when they hug you or hold you or shake your hands or even if they talk to you or at least just look at you ? ... I guess if you did , then you wouldn't be here .
But also remember to cry , when you cry , your soul can breath.
And , you're bueatiful and cute , why do you ask me ? 'cause you are a human with a heart , that's enough ,actully more than enough , to make anyone look beautiful and cute and wonderful from within , and from outside
I hope you understood what I said , and keep looking for that friend , someone who will never betray you , who will make you happy , and ease your pain , make you smile , make you feel safe... Online friend or school friend or whatever ... You don't to see them physclly ... You just need to feel their warmth coming towards you , that's filled with love
If you need anything , let me know ^_^
Thanks
I hope I didn't hurt you or crossed my line
Mark
You need to know you are loved and GOD loves you !!
Please understand this ...
You are here on this earth for a reason a purpose !!
God dose not make junk or mistakes ok .
You must put your love and faith in God and not depend on people to save you .
God is at your door waiting for you to let him in as Jesus into your life and ask God to show you the way and he will !!
I am not going to tell you life is going to be easy walking with God but what I can tell you is he gives you hope to get up everyday and he gives you the strength that comes inside your soul .
Read the holy bible and find a good bible teaching church and give your life to God he will be your rock .
My suggestion is to learn how to be your own best friend, find things that give you satisfaction, learn how to entertain yourself,getting close to nature is always good, find someone to actually talk to in person, or at least by phone,like a helpline and if you can find a televised program through your cable provider called "Shepard's Chapel", give it a try. It is the only thing that keeps me from jumping off a bridge.
I have a best friend named Kristine who did self-harm because she said she hated herself. Nobody, not even me and my other best friend Jessica, could stop her from cutting. She really scarred herself, her wrists, using sharp materials and a blade. I had no choice to but to watch her pain herself. :(
Anyway, I'm always here for you. I'm watching you with open arms. You can confide to me, I promise I won't judge. I'm only twelve but I had cut my wrists twice. I had probably ten cuts in my left wrist, on which I hate myself for. But now, I'd promised to God that I won't ever cut myself again.
If you forget that you have friends, or if you think you don't really have any, think about us. Yeah, we may be from the Internet, or the "unreal world," as you so precisely put it, but friends are always there for you, no matter how long or how far the space between you two is.
If you ever feel lonely again, just PRAY. I swear it's the best thing ever. God will help you. He'll answer you, but not in the meantime because He will test you if you have patience. Just pray, okay? Go to church. Be closer with God. He's the best Father there ever is. If you ever feel lonely, think about Him. He's always beside you, even if you don't see him. He's in your heart, heck He's everywhere. Just ignore the stares, the laughs, the gossips, just... just ignore them.
And if your family hates you, just.. just give them patience, too. They'll probably come around to like you, heck they'll possibly love you like their child. Make them happy. Do great stuff. Just, please, don't ever cut yourself. Don't think about suicide, about self-harm, about cutting. Just think about God.
Don't forget where you belong, love. And, no, don't ever call yourself an "emo girl." Just because people in your school call you an "emo girl" doesn't mean you ARE one. You're not. You're a perfectly normal human being, and they don't have the rights to judge you.
Just don't let your walls break. Don't call life a piece of shit, because it's not. Life's too precious to be ruined by hate. Just pray, okay? It's possibly the best solution there is.
Don't forget that I love you! :) -Sophia, age 12
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