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Posted by Life can always be worse... at September 12, 2011
Tags: Death  2011 September  Tragic Events

Im 31 years old this coming month. Im a Marine Corps combat vet, and a former Deputy Sheriff among a few of my lifes adventures and an empty shattered broken shell of the person I once was. Its not that I hate life its just that my entire life ive done everything that im supposed to do and acheived much. What Ive learned that life can always get worse, and just when you think your ahead it always finds a way to kick you in the head while your down then grab your nuts twist and spit in your face while your still trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
My wife of 11 years decided to kill herself in May, on her birthday no less. She had it all planned out it seems. Waited till myself and our 2 year old were out of town and then got all fucked up on sleeping pills and booze. She then tied a bag around her head and filled it with helium in leathal dose.
Oh ya, did I mention she was terminally ill too?....We had been fighting it for a couple of years but she just gave up. Now Im alone again with our child who I have to explain this too someday. Like I havnt been through enough hell on this earth enough already I have to do it alone now without the one person I loved and trusted. Whats worse is If I didnt have my daughter I would join her.
I long for death and release from this life, I hate it and all; its trivial bullshit and all the stupid fucking people that take everything for granted. Oh ya I had the whole fucked up childhood just like everyone else but as shitty as that is people it comes down to choices. You always have a choice no matter what the circumstances.
I guess what I want to know is "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS???.
Oh and just remember if your fucking cursed like me "Life can always get worse so lose heart and dont depend on anyone to help you there are no happy endings in this life just suffering...


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By anonymous at 06,Nov,11 05:05

hey , good morning from the uk , i just read your status , but i have to say your looking at all the negatives here , and not thinking of the posatives , your wife obviousley loved you and your child so much and found it hard knowing she was ill , and she believed she did the right thing when she did it , i believe she wanted you to move on with your life and your childs , and not have to be held back by her and her illness ,so Sir , pick yourself up and make her proud ,show the world your a good dad , and stop dwelling on the negatives , my very best regards to you Rob


By anonymous at 08,Nov,11 02:02

sorry dude


By anonymous at 08,Nov,11 21:59

you will find happiness i promisee


By anonymous at 10,Nov,11 16:00

first off I want to thank you for your service to this country.

Second, the man is right it doesnt get any better, and getting older doesnt bring more excitement or anything like that it just brings getting older, stuff breaking down, old age, illness and death. A quick death if your lucky.

No matter what positive spin you want to put on it, everything he has said is true.


By anonymous at 13,Nov,11 13:30

feel the same way. you give your all and get fucked up for it.


By anonymous at 22,Dec,11 16:06

Man life sucks big time. Here I was thinking I had it bad since I'm 31 and never had love before. Underemployed, living off the charity of people who will lend me a place to lay my head or food to eat. Nothing compairs to what you have gone through. I remember getting molested as a kid then physically beaten on a daily basis. Still even that does not compare to the suffering you must be going through. I was covered in zits that left horrible scars on my genetically deformed lopsided face, and must hang my head while women sneer at me if they catch me looking at them, but even that does not compair to the suffering you are going through. You are a great and wonderful person. You know I write this to you because I see someone who is suffering far greater than myself. You are a good person who is going through suffering of which there is no comparison. Keep punching back at this shit existence. Dominate it with kindness to others and your little child. Crush your grief by never giving up. Every morning I have work I chock back the sobs of dispair and grief at my ruined face and twisted body, that I know will be the subject of ridicule that day, throw a few jokes in to hold back the tears that come from the loanliness and hunger pains. And think, "At least there will be something on the breakfast trays! I get to eat today!!! Rock on!" I'll say a few for your wife. Maybe there is something out there that cares.
By anonymous at 26,Mar,12 14:06

Thank you, I was just going through these old posts and found one I had writen. I read your resoponse and was thankfull someone out there cared enough to respond. thank you it helped. And im still here.


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