LIFE SUCKS

Zero Sex

Now where should I start?
How about 20 something years ago. That sounds good.
20 something years ago I got married and I still am but I don't really know why. Everything was good; I mean we had our arguments but nothing too serious. But things started to change, slowly. It's the slow changes you have to worry about. We had a sex life, not as much as I wanted but it was a life. I would usually initiate and my wife was receptive. I not sure when it started but she would started to say "no". She has that right and I would wait and try again after a day or two. Maybe we would and maybe another no. The more "no"s I got in a row the longer between the times I would try. I would try to warm things up in different ways, different times and different locations and most of the time it would be "no". Then one day she just said "I hate it when you grope me don't touch me!" and the funny thing was I had not even touched her. See, I could never pick the right time, placed or way. The other funny thing is that when she was in the mood, it was foreplay, when she was not it was groping. So she got her wish, I stopped touching her. It went on like this for 16 months, during that time we had numerous discussions about this and in 3 of the discussions I had mentioned what she had said. She never she misspoke or didn't mean what she had said. Yet the last time she said I over reacted to her groping statement. If I had, why did she not say that earlier? So maybe I did over react initially but why did she not try to straighten me out and that is what I asked her. She never really gave me and answer. Think about this, I worked night security for 5 years and went to college during the day to make a better life for my family. In that five years I would come home from work, take the kids to school, we had the house to ourselves and nothing. I would go to bed after dinner to get a couple more hours sleep, after the kids were put to bed would she wake me up a little early for work so we could knock boot. NO!!! now do the math 1 out of 20 time I tried I would get some - 4 weeks, 28 day, 20 days I was working, that leaves 8 days. Of the 8, at least 2, sometimes 4 it was the wrong time of the month. We will go for 5 days left. 20 divided by 5 is 4, so if I was lucky I would be making love to my wife one day every 4 months. I was not that lucky, trust me. Continuing on. After the 16 months, we were intimate again. Well this lasted about 10 day (2.5 times). The point 5 was for the last time. It was like work rather than fun. I was getting no real reaction from my wife for about 20 minutes; I felt it was like "Well I am his wife I guess I should do something". I wanted to make love not just get my rocks off!!! So I told her and rolled off and she never denied it. Well that was January. In July, rather than saying that I could never pick the right time, placed or way, I told her that she is always willing to tell me when I can’t touch her but she never tells me when I can. I said she needed to tell my when I it was okay to touch her. She came back with “If I do will we do anything” and I said that I did not know. It has been 2 more months and still nothing. Here are some more things we said to each other. I asked her in that 16 months had she ever wanted to do anything she said yes. I asked her why she didn't initiate. She told me that she had thought of something I had done that ticketed her off so she was no longer in the mood. It's not that I did something while she was in the mood, she just thought of something I had done and like most husbands we are always doing something our wife’s don't like, so I figured I would never be getting any again. Yes I did ask her what I had done and she could not tell me. Go figure. She tells me that she thinks I am cheating but in the same breath she tells me I am a good husband. First, if I am a good husband than why are we not making love? Second, if I am cheating it is not a case of who I am cheating with, it is a case of why am I cheating. By the way I have never cheated on my wife. Another thing I can't figure out. I am not into sports so my wife is not a sports widow. I don't go to bars or strip clubs. I don't have any real hobbies that take away from her and the family - now I may be in the middle of something that I don't want to stop and I might be 5 of 10 minutes late for dinner once a month but I tell the family to start without me and I will be there in a few. There are guys out there that cheat on their wives on their wedding night. There are guys out there that the first time their wife says no they are at the bar. I know a guy that his wife has never said no to him and he fathered a child by someone else and there are guys out there that just plan cheat. I just want someone that wants to jump on me as much as I want to jump on her, and yes, I told my wife that. I told her since I can seem to pick the right time, place or how, she needed to and still nothing. What do I do???